A Walk
"Mm…… Wait, just a second. I'll be right there……."
"Take your time. It's all gone cold by now anyway."
"……Sorry……."
"Sorry for what? I told you, I liked it."
"……sniff. Yeah……."
She wet her eyes all over again, sniffed, and shuffled her way into her pants. They were soaked through with her arousal, but I watched the slow retreat of Ju Hayeong's lush hips, then pulled my gaze away and went to stand by the café door.
"……I'm late, aren't I?"
"Not at all."
Once the food was laid out, Ju Hayeong came from the office having traded her pants for a skirt, smiling softly as she sat down beside me. It made eating a little awkward, but I liked it better this way.
"So, what had you prepared for today?"
"……It was a whip……."
"Doesn't that hurt?"
"N-no……. It's leather. Your palm is……. If that's a blunt weapon, this one feels exactly like being pricked with a needle……."
"You like that better than my hand?"
Ju Hayeong flinched and shook her head hard.
"N-no! I like your hand better……. Especially today, it was so…… good……. My whole body is still tingling……."
"I see. Then we can save that for later."
"……Okay. I'm sorry……."
"For what?"
"For, for ruining the mood……."
I pushed a spoonful of stew into my mouth, then smiled quietly and leaned in to whisper.
"Keep putting it in my head and you're going to regret it. Want to close up shop for the day?"
"N-no……. I really just meant I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it. You know that."
"……I was afraid, just in case……."
"I'm not bothered. And I don't even believe that line about me being your first love."
"……Why? Men…… they all say they have to be your first."
"Is that what he told you?"
"……Yeah."
My own thinking ran a little differently. Love, to me, was a lot like family, or like health. You don't know how precious it is until it's gone. I pushed another spoonful of stew into my mouth, swallowed, and whispered to her again, slower this time.
"You have to know love, and you have to know what it is to fail at a first love, before you can understand how precious a moment like this is. Shouldn't you at least be able to tell whether something is good or not?"
"……I think I know what you mean."
"Someone whose first love worked out might be perfectly happy too, for all I know. But I think you need the experience of failing, if only so you can recognize the worth of the person you're with now."
"Were you like that, Shinwoo?"
"Mine was when I was far too young."
Come to think of it, I'd said something like this to Go Yewon once. A story I never bothered to remember, and one that meant little enough to me—and yet I'd had a lot of occasions to tell it lately.
"When?"
"Middle school. I didn't even know her name. I just liked her, and that was the end of it."
"……Kind of like me."
"Was it?"
"Yeah. I knew his name, though. A friend of mine was in his fan club……."
Ju Hayeong watched my face for a reaction, but I only smiled gently and nodded. Earlier, all I'd really needed was an excuse.
"I tagged along, and before I knew it……. I was right in the middle of puberty."
"Sure. Back then, hormones you can hardly put into words hit like a storm."
"……Doesn't that sound awfully bleak?"
"It's just the facts. So then?"
"S-so……. We'd pool money in the fan club and buy him presents. The older girls would collect separately and send gifts of their own."
"Sounds almost like he was a celebrity."
"Pretty much. He was genuinely something else. Boys get put on a pedestal like that from the time they're little."
"If you're going to tell it, could you at least say he was a decent person?"
"Ah—ah, sorry……."
"I'm joking. If you keep apologizing, that hurts more."
"Y-yeah……. Sor— no. Okay……."
I stroked her hair, and Ju Hayeong smiled softly, twisting her head against my hand.
"I get it now. And here I was, starting to think the world was nothing but creeps."
"Didn't you have friends like that around you, Shinwoo?"
"No. A male friend…… the only one I've got is a junior I met in college."
"Figures. There are so many people like that……."
"Still, if you're going to fan over someone, isn't a celebrity better?"
"Celebrities live on TV, but Multimales are real. It feels like they're closer. Right beside you."
"Was he a Multimale too?"
"No. I mean, it was only for a little while back then. After I started high school I don't know a thing about him. Really."
"Hm. I've decided."
"On what?"
"I'm going to post on the Band that I'd rather not take teenagers."
"That's a good idea. It's dangerous. They're even more impulsive……."
"This neighborhood is full of office workers, so it never even crossed my mind."
We talked our way through the rest of the meal, one thing and another, and once we'd finished we started on the cleanup. Ju Hayeong insisted she'd do it. I tried to help anyway, but she begged me to stay in my seat, so I scratched my head and, before I could forget, put up a request on the Band.
They've already posted.
The photo of the café mocha I'd made already had over a hundred comments. I figured I ought to write a thank-you first, though I still wasn't sure I should be accepting something like that at all. I went up to the counter, opened the watch box, and lifted out a watch with a glittering black bezel, quietly fastening it around my wrist.
……It does look good, though.
A luxury watch, of all things. I really ought to have worn one at least once. I didn't even bother with a smartwatch, so I doubted I'd wear this one often either. I took a quiet photo of it, posted the picture, and then put up a second note saying I'd rather not accept teenage members. I didn't say it outright, of course. I wrote around it. The comments, though, came racing in far faster than I'd expected, and they were nothing but warm.
I read them as they stacked up, left a few replies thanking people and asking them not to do anything that expensive again, and closed my phone. Another sigh slipped out of me. I wondered if I ought to meditate, but the sway of Ju Hayeong's hips in front of me left me feeling healed before I knew it.
"The skirt suits you, too."
"Do you like it?"
She straightened up from clearing a table and cutely lifted the hem. It was a long pleated skirt that fell all the way to her ankles, and it suited her remarkably well. When she took both sides in her hands and raised them, even the ankles that showed were cute.
"Yeah. I didn't get a proper look earlier."
"Hm?"
"Show me your panties."
"……Ah……. Okay……."
Color rose quietly in her face. She swallowed, then slowly gathered the pleated skirt in her fingers and lifted it. There was no hesitation in the motion, but her face had gone bright red, and that embarrassed look was perfect too. Pale legs, knees, thighs came into view by degrees, and then a triangle of purple, and a pleased smile rose on my face.
"You like it that much……?"
"Yes. It's pretty. It suits you."
"……I bought a few pairs. Next time I'll wear a different one……."
"I'll look forward to it."
"Mm. It makes me so happy that you like it……."
I looked at her bright, open smile and nodded. The skirt dropped with a soft sound. She smoothed it down and sent me another shy little smile.
"Then I'll make the coffee."
"Ah, I'll do it……."
"I know your coffee tastes better, Hayeong, but you already did the cleaning."
"Even so……."
"Sit."
This time I had no intention of giving in. However often she called herself a slave, that was play and nothing more. I didn't need an actual slave. It was only a kind of relationship, a kind of name. Watching her sink into the chair with a sulky face, I couldn't help a short laugh.
"Keep that up and I'll get spoiled."
"……It's all right if you get a little spoiled……. But aren't you busy today?"
"Why? Would you rather I left?"
"Th-there's no way……. I just like it too much……."
"I'm skipping the gym today. I've got somewhere to be this evening."
"Where?"
"I told you you'd seen her before, right? The friend with the long hair. Her name's Lee Hyunji."
"Ah, that really pretty friend. She used to come by now and then."
"That's her. She has a performance. She's been working hard for two weeks. I ought to cheer my girl up a little."
"……Like you do with me?"
"Mm. Something like that."
Seated at the table with both hands cupped beneath her chin like a flower's calyx, Ju Hayeong watched me and smiled, thoroughly content.
"……You really are a good person……."
"Good? Hardly. Lately I feel like I'm being too much of a lech, and I wonder if I ought to hold back."
The want I'd caught off that girl named Kim Hanna on the bus, especially, came with something like guilt. I found myself wondering what I'd done to someone who was only twenty-one. But Ju Hayeong only smiled quietly and shook her head.
"I don't think so. I wish you'd be even more of one. I want you to touch me again……. I want you to ask me to show you again. Your face then is too cute. If you just look at me and smile the way you are now, I feel like I could do anything for you."
"You don't have to. I feel the same way."
"……I'm so happy."
"So am I."
I carried two cups over to her, and of course I drew her into my arms, and of course she came. Her hands wandered over my chest and stomach, and I stroked her body just as gently in return.
"Is the flower shop next door open?"
"Yeah. I think so. Ah—are you taking a bouquet?"
"Yes. They'll probably have some at the venue, but……."
"Let's go now. If you don't reserve, they might not be able to put together what you want."
"Ah, really?"
"Yeah. At times like this you seem like a man again. You're so cute today……."
She smiled softly and stroked my cheek, and I felt embarrassed before I knew it. Aside from graduation ceremonies, I'd never given anyone a bouquet. Flower delivery was another matter—back when I worked at a company I'd sent more wreaths than I could stand—but that was only placing an order, never actually seeing the flowers.
"Come on. The owner might be able to ask the shops nearby, but delivery takes time."
"All right. Then I should ask her a favor. I can't tell one flower from another."
Ju Hayeong set a finger to her chin, thought for a moment, and shook her head.
"Mm, I'm a little different. If a man gives you a bouquet, I think one with his own taste in it would be more moving."
"You think so?"
"Yeah. Trust me on this one."
"All right."
And the timing was good. There was about an hour left before the break ended, and I figured I might as well take Ju Hayeong on a light little date. I'd felt bad, the two of us always shut up in the café.
"And let's take a walk."
"……A-a walk……?"
"Yes. We ought to go on a date at least once, don't you think?"
"……Ah……."
As if she'd heard something she had never once expected, her eyes went round, and tears gathered at their corners again. Lately I couldn't understand why everyone kept crying.
"You like it that much?"
"……Yeah……. This is going to be so fun……."
"It's only a walk. Want to go to the park over that way? The buds were swelling. The flowers are about to open."
"I'd love that. I'd really love that. Wait—let's take this coffee with us."
Smiling brightly, her whole face full of anticipation, she hurried to gather my cup and hers, humming as she poured them into takeout cups. I took off my apron, left it in the office, pulled on my coat, and came back out. When I brought her coat and bag with me, she startled hard and came running, snatching both out of my hands.
"D-don't carry things like this. All right? I hate it when a man carries a woman's bag."
"It's just the two of us."
"Even so. I'm not going to let you hold anything."
"……It sounds nice. But it isn't even heavy."
"……Even so."
I looked at the face tipped up toward mine and kissed her, quiet. She rose onto her toes to meet me, then smiled softly. There wasn't a trace of the Ailment Shadow left on her face. Knowing I'd done that felt pretty good. Still, I meant to keep an eye on her today. One story about a man, and she'd felt so terribly sorry.
"Shall we go, then?"
"Mm……. I-is it okay if we hold hands?"
"Of course."
"Ah……."
Before the words had even finished leaving her, I quietly took her hand. It was a little cold—she must have washed up while she was making the coffee—but the slender fingers that fidgeted their way between mine soon grew warm.