The Broker
"No. I mean—forget it. Just stay the way you are, Shinwoo."
"What? Why the sudden change?"
I set the pour-over down into the glass of ice and reached for the syrup, and Bae Jihyun shook her head.
"It's refreshing, actually. Everyone else walks around with likes, comments, and subs stuck in their mouths, and you're so detached it's almost offensive. I start wondering if you even want to do YouTube at all—but instead of getting annoyed, I get this weird urge to beg you to do it. Everything you're doing right now is Shorts material, minimum. Burning through innocence like this would be a waste."
"Is that a compliment, or what?"
She let out a dry, incredulous laugh, stared at me for a long moment, then flushed and scratched at her cheek.
"I'm not telling you."
"What? Why not?"
"Ugh, anyway. Just keep living the way you have been. If you find the time, film something like a day-in-the-life vlog and send it over. You need the practice, too. You know how to send it, right?"
Hmm. Fair enough. I did remember hearing somewhere that you had to put up at least one or two videos a week just to stay afloat. Was I really going to have to ask someone to film me? It would mostly be the gym or the café. I ought to try asking.
"You said you've got a NAS. I just upload it there?"
"Yes. I'll send you the IP, so just drop the files in your folder. And from here on, don't worry about any of it. Just send me a copy of your bankbook and your ID. A photo is fine."
"All right."
"...Other people will do anything and everything to grow a channel."
"Has it not occurred to you that I'm leaving it all to you because I trust you?"
Jihyun, suddenly flustered, squinted at me and muttered.
"...You just dropped Soo-jung's name. And you said you'd get pissed if I met other men."
"Same difference. You or Soo-jung. I do know editors handle the channel, you know."
"...I guess. This is the first time I've seen a case like yours, too. It's not like I know everything. I've just got a little more experience than most."
She looked ready to go on, then stopped. Was this something I actually needed to worry about?
"It's not serious, is it?"
"No. It's a good thing. Honestly, it might even be better for you to go on not knowing. You'd just stress yourself out for nothing."
"I appreciate the concern, but—"
"You don't really get what five million views means, do you?"
"There's a meaning to it?"
"Strictly speaking, the algorithm does the analyzing for you, but you haven't looked. And that number isn't some absolute answer, either. It's basically a whip. It isn't just the figure—it's one of those invisible walls people actually working in this feel."
She held the straw between her lips, choosing her words, then went on.
"Here's my conclusion. If only teens and people in their twenties watched it, you'd never hit that view count. Not even if you throw in people in their thirties."
"...Is that so?"
"Yes. No matter how high we fly, somewhere out there is a YouTuber with millions of subscribers we've never even heard of. Everyone's interests and tastes are different. A video an entire age bracket has watched? Unless it's one of those endless work-playlist things."
"Ah, those. I've seen them too. And that much I obviously know."
"But even so—me, and everyone around me who keeps saying big company this, big company that—there's still a wall none of us can get over."
"And that's five million?"
"It isn't exactly the number I'm talking about. It's the viewers. Teens through people in their fifties. Older than that, even. That's who's watching."
"Ah. I get what you mean. No chance it was just most of the younger viewers, then?"
"...Setting taste aside, sitting through a two-hour video—or even an edited hour—straight through isn't easy. And because of the algorithm, if you don't already watch something like my streams, it never gets shown to you in the first place."
"That tracks."
"In the end you only get numbers like that by catching eyes across a wide range of viewers, all the way into middle age... And as you know, even among people in their twenties and thirties, my audience skews pretty niche. So this is new inflow, plain and simple. An eight-year streamer pulling in brand-new viewers off a single appearance by you..."
"So what you're saying is, even the older crowd watched with interest?"
"...I'm telling you, it isn't that simple."
"So what? If I overthink it, does an answer magically appear?"
"...Well. No, I guess not."
I got the gist. Jihyun seemed more worked up than usual, too. Still, she hadn't been broadcasting for a day or two—I trusted she'd keep herself in check.
"We just do what we've been doing. No need to get too excited."
"...You can actually do that? Even I'm nervous right now."
"Then you just freeze up. You stop being able to do what you want. What if I get hated, is this too much—you tie yourself in knots worrying all on your own, even when nobody's said a word."
"...I know that perfectly well. It's just stranger that you know it."
"You think office life is any different? Get your ability recognized, catch a little attention, start running wild, and the second you slip, the same people who praised you come running with knives. It's all the same. Just a difference of scale. We pace ourselves and only do what we can."
I was open to being scolded for playing it too safe, but right now I was sure of it. Going all out only hurt me, and office life had taught me to leave enough stamina and slack to clean up if I made a mistake while giving it everything.
"...I see. I've never worked at a company."
"Well, it's similar. People live everywhere. I'm not trying to show off—that's just how I see it. And this'll blow over. They're only interested because I'm new for a minute. Once time passes and the attention cools, I'll be the one sitting alone stressing over what I did wrong, won't I?"
"You're right. I was like that once, too. I'd forgotten."
"See?"
"...At times like this, you really seem like an adult."
"Don't hype me up when we're aging at the same rate. Hurry up and go do your service."
"...There you go, making me depressed again."
I watched her lips work the straw, her face gone sullen, and a mischievous impulse rose. I lowered my voice.
"But what happens if you get pregnant?"
"Pfft—wh-what?"
"I mean, I know you have to enlist by thirty. But training while pregnant would be dangerous, right? A miscarriage would be serious."
"...They postpone it... Until I give birth and recover..."
"And after that? You leave the kid and go to boot camp?"
"I go into a facility and do two years of alternative service."
"Then what if you have another one in the meantime? I heard two kids gets you an exemption."
"...They discharge you. But discharge is just a word—staying at the facility to raise the kids can actually be the better deal... O-of course I could send them somewhere private. I've saved up a bit."
"Hmm. Seemed like you lost it all in stocks."
"I did not! Hurting people again... Hiss..."
"All right, all right."
"...N-not all of it. Just some. Really. Want me to show you the account?"
"Some. How much?"
"...You really want to see?"
Watching Jihyun on the verge of tears, I snorted a laugh. She'd clearly put in quite a lot; this was a good place to stop. It felt oddly like I'd turned into a broker for getting out of service, but whatever.
"No. Come on. I was just teasing."
"You're seriously too much..."
She tacked it on like an excuse, then glared at me for laughing. After that I folded my fingers down one by one, the count exaggerated enough that she couldn't miss it.
"So there's still time before an exemption, then?"
"...Th-there is, but... Having two in a row would wreck my body..."
"Then I'll take that as a no."
"I-it's not that I don't want to!"
"Then you do want to?"
"...I-I mean..."
Whatever she said, from where she stood it was bound to be nothing but humiliating. I sat there smiling, savoring that troubled face, until Jihyun squeezed her eyes shut and answered.
"...I-I want to..."
"Want to what?"
"Oh, come on..."
"I won't know unless you say exactly what you want."
At my prodding, the glare she'd been giving me melted into a face red as an apple. She swallowed hard, clutched the hem of her miniskirt, and answered.
"...I w-want to have your baby, Shinwoo..."
"Didn't you say you didn't want two?"
"...I-it's not that I don't... I never even let myself hope... I'm already getting older, and if my figure went to ruin on top of that, then never again..."
"Never again?"
"...You'd never look at me again..."
"Did I come off as that much of a bastard?"
"N-no, that's not it... It's me, on my own..."
"I know."
And as Jihyun looked at me with those yearning eyes, I held her gaze and whispered.
"We'll see how you do."
"...Ah..."
"You know getting pregnant isn't easy, right?"
"I-I know... But I'm still healthy..."
"All right. If we count out your ovulation and stay together for a few days straight, it'll probably take."
"...Sh-Shinwoo..."
"I said it last time, too. I really hate the idea of our business being used as broadcast material."
"Of course. Why would I do that..."
I studied her eyes. That desperate look seemed sincere, but I hadn't forgotten that until not long ago she'd lied without a second thought.
"Until I Want to Date Too is over, try earning my trust."
"...It's still not enough?"
"Yeah. Let's be straight about it. If you were me, would you trust you? One word from you and my image could go straight to hell."
"Wh-what hell? If anything, everyone would like it even more... Multimales almost never show their private lives. And I have no reason to make you hate me..."
Ah. Right. What would a Multimale lack that would make him put his life on display? Not unless he specifically wanted to make it on YouTube. So that was why Jihyun had said filming vlogs alone would be enough. I didn't mind that she hadn't explained it properly. She'd probably assumed I already knew.
"It isn't because of me. I don't particularly care. I don't see myself changing, anyway. If I like someone from here on, I'll keep meeting them. And I have no reason to meet anyone who doesn't want me."
"...Then what?"
"It's because of the other people I'm seeing."
"Ah..."
"Say things go well between us, and you become my woman too."
"...Y-your woman..."
In that instant a single wisp of heat haze bloomed from Jihyun's lips with a soft pop. I nearly laughed and broke the mood I'd only just caught.
"If I met someone else without any consideration for you, would you feel good about it? Would you like it if the man you trusted started wrecking your everyday life? People would come hunting down your streams to bother you. Some of them would turn hostile. And everyone would be so busy watching my mood and walking on eggshells that they couldn't even blame me properly. Misunderstandings piled up like that blow eventually. I absolutely cannot accept that."
"...I understand..."
When I held her gaze, Jihyun seemed to take in what I meant, and she gave a small nod. Then she looked at me as if I were something rare, and murmured.
"...I-I didn't think you'd take it that seriously..."
"It's obvious to me, so you adapt."
"...Yes. I knew you were impressive, but..."
"What. Falling for me again?"
"...Yes... Then... you'll think of me that way too...?"
"I told you. I'll be watching through the run of I Want to Date Too."
"...Okay."
I watched resolve seep into her eyes as she answered, then scratched at my cheek. Had I only just now gotten through to her? And we hadn't even reached the actual point.
"Anyway. Let's get to work. There's an owner hiding in that storeroom right now because she's too busy reading the room to come out. Oh—and I'm seeing her, too."
A crash rang out from the storeroom, and I couldn't help a snort of laughter. At the sound, Jihyun let out a long, shaky breath and opened her mouth.
"...The broadcast schedule and location have been released."
"Oh, yeah?"
She pulled a file from her handbag. For once it wasn't a tablet—a stack of A4 sheets.
"You could've just emailed it."
"Even so. Without an excuse like this, when would I ever get to see you?"
"What, you've decided to just floor it straight at me now?"
"Yes. My gut is telling me that if I hesitate now, I'll genuinely be too late."
There was a strange impatience in it, a urgency. All I'd done was give her one more bit of certainty so she wouldn't stew alone from here on. The impatience wasn't huge, granted. I'd already done what I could, so I filed it away and moved on.
"Maybe. Anyway, hand it over."
When I took the file, two neat stacks of five A4 pages each came out, and I turned through them one sheet at a time. What had been set aside at the back was my contract. I'd already signed it; I could look at that later.
"Yes. We gather in Yeosu by Monday morning the week after next, and we disband at the shoot location the following Monday morning. It looks like they're having people join in sequence on the first day, on purpose, so everyone meets slowly. We're the last to join. The location is..."
"What? It's not coming and going—we're there the entire week?"
"Yes. I did tell you that..."
Damn. I'd had it wrong. I'd assumed everyone had their own broadcast schedules, so we'd be in and out during filming the way terrestrial variety shows worked. At this rate I'd be away from the gym for a whole week.