The Nape
"……Yes……."
"So every mistake you made in front of me was that kind of thing. When was the one you thought I wouldn't catch?"
"……At the freshmen's orientation……."
"Ah. That. I didn't think you'd go that far, not even with a senior that far above you. What else?"
"……At the coding competition, too……."
"When you talked back because the proctor was nitpicking. Don't tell me there's more."
"……The day of the club retreat, too……."
"……That too? The extra zero on the drinks order? That was you?"
"Yes……. Y-you didn't know?"
"Right. We never did find the culprit. Not that anyone minded. They were too busy eating and drinking."
"……Yes……."
"……So this whole time you were nothing but a walking disaster?"
"……Ah……."
At my words, Seo Eunchae only swallowed hard and clutched the denim over her thigh tighter still. Learning her secret was all well and good, but if she caused trouble at the gym now, just as the place was finding its feet, that would be a problem.
"You didn't pull this in grad school?"
"……They just... didn't scold me……. The professors only ever praised me."
Someone like her would earn that, of course, but graduate school isn't the easy stroll people imagine. I knew enough to know it wasn't a place a fresh bachelor could simply walk into and survive. Which left only one possibility.
"There's no way. You just didn't feel it, did you?"
"……No……."
"Do I have to spell it out again? Do you really not understand a word I'm saying?"
"……Ah, from now on I'll be truly honest……."
"So that's why you gritted your teeth and pushed through grad school."
"Yes……."
"Then why didn't you stop at a master's?"
"The professor kept coming all the way to my house……."
Of course they wouldn't have wanted to let go of Seo Eunchae, who was practically an all-purpose instrument. Even I had thought of her as someone who never made mistakes, so the fact that she had been running schemes like this behind that image was nothing short of astonishing.
"So you clenched your jaw and got through it anyway."
"……Yes."
"And the moment you heard about me from Changsu, you came running. That was because you got turned on, wasn't it?"
"T-turned— that's not—"
"It's not?"
"……."
I only looked at her. She bit her lip and dropped her head. What I had just said was closer to degradation than pressure, and she was stirred by it all the same. Watching her, I sank into thought without a word.
Not a complete masochist. If she were, she wouldn't have held out this long. So it's the pressure itself, or the fact of being put down.
The shell had cracked, and I still couldn't tell whether a chick or a quail was going to come out of it. She didn't even know her own tendencies, and it was fair to say she had no interest at all in actual play. A quick search would have turned that up. There were movies, too. All she had realized was that pressure aroused her, and so did being belittled. Getting worked up out of impatience—I had been like that when I was younger, so I understood. This, though, was new even to me. As I lifted my coffee, Seo Eunchae spoke, unease plain on her face.
"Hyung— no, Oppa……. I-I didn't do it on purpose……."
"Wait."
I cut her off. I had done it on purpose. I had meant to settle my weight into the moment and put a little force behind the words.
"……I-I won't do that at the gym. I really won't. I'll work hard. So……."
"You do love showing how clever you are. You don't understand the word wait?"
"……Hk……."
The moment our eyes met, she swallowed her breath and lowered her gaze. She offered me the crown of her head the way she always had when I scolded her, but the situation, and the feeling of it, had already changed.
"Make me two promises."
"Yes. Anything……."
"This gym is only just getting started. And the female trainer you saw earlier, and the director here—I'm seeing all of them. There are two more besides."
Seo Eunchae's head snapped up, her face full of urgency. She already seemed to understand that I was a Multimale, and that urgency was probably the fear that her place in line might slip.
"I'll do well. I'll work hard, and I can still compete. I can bring trophies to the gym. Give me a little time and I'm confident."
"Are you out of your mind? You think I'd waste talent like yours on nothing but training? Do that on your own time, as a hobby. What I'm telling you is not to interfere with how this place is run. I won't bend on that."
"I can do it. I'll work hard. And, I mean……."
"And I have no intention of filling your sex drive like some toy you get yourself off with."
She started to object to toy, then flushed and bit her lip. What I meant, though, was a little different from what she was thinking.
"Fill mine, too."
"……Huh?"
"You can make a face like that?"
Seo Eunchae, blank, stared at me as if she had heard something she could not even have imagined, and then color flooded her face all at once. A laugh escaped me before I could stop it. Not her. Embarrassment, joy, and a shock edged with disbelief chased one another across her expression—faces I was seeing for the first time.
"……R-really……?"
"Yeah. Once I put my hands on someone, I don't feel right until they're mine."
"……Ah……."
"And unlike you, words aren't enough to settle me."
"……."
The slack in her face drew tight. She pressed her lips into a hard line and swallowed. Her breath shivered on the way out, so her feelings were clearly shaken, and as if to prove it, another Heat Haze had already begun to rise.
"If you heard me, answer."
"……Yes……."
"And. You went through a lot, hiding it and holding it in all this time."
I murmured it as I lifted my coffee, and heat burned in the eyes fixed on me. She didn't look like someone about to cry, but another Heat Haze popped softly into bloom, and I nearly laughed. She didn't live on pressure alone. Even a few words offered like comfort got a reaction. So in the end, was it the words? She felt this only toward me, which meant those moments that had stirred her back then must have imprinted on her. Could a person really be conditioned like that?
"……Yes."
"Anyway. Were you that desperate? Did you finish clearing out the lab?"
"I finished yesterday."
"You really are fast."
Her ability to act, at least, was still worth acknowledging. She had been watching me raise the cup, and now she called to me in a voice gone slightly hoarse.
"……Oppa."
"Yeah?"
"……If I, back when we were in school……. If I had told you honestly……. Would it have been... sooner……?"
I looked at her and met her eyes. A small tension lived there, and regret, and worry. I watched her for a moment, then shook my head.
"No. I hadn't sorted myself out back then either."
"……May I ask what you mean by sorted out?"
"No. You don't need to know anymore. I'm fine now. Drop it."
If anything, that was what I wanted to ask. Why didn't you say something sooner? Campus life would've been ridiculously sweet. Of course, I had been nothing but wounds back then, so it wouldn't have been a good relationship. I had no intention of explaining all of that now. It was in the past.
It's nice that she's smart enough to make talking easy. Still harder, though.
For a man who made his living running his mouth, the hardest kind of partner was one more intellectual than he was. Even so, now that I had the lead, maybe things would actually get easier from here.
"Think only about what comes next. And your proclivities. You don't seem to understand them very well yourself yet. Let's take a look."
"……Yes……."
"Later, put what you've imagined in order and tell me."
"……All right……."
She answered in a voice that curled in on itself, face red, and I caught myself thinking she was cute. To feel that about this Seo Eunchae. And as if the answer had been a signal flare, a knock sounded at the office door at once. I watched her expression, and it changed in an instant. The shift was so clean it felt like a kind of talent. When I let out a short laugh, her face collapsed for a moment, then slid right back into place.
……And here I thought I was good at reading people.
Arrogance really was something to avoid.
After Rahee and Yewon came back to the office, everything that followed went smoothly. I still couldn't tell whether it was because of what I had said or because the two of them were her employers, but Eunchae talked with them as if they got along quite well. I wasn't ignorant of the particular way women converse, so I figured I could take my time sorting out what was real.
"Hah... hah..."
After lunch I kept training until Changsu returned. Moving my body had started to get fun, and I was growing interested in the weights creeping upward, and in what my own body could do. Working hard made the changes a little extreme, but doing it sloppily out of boredom would have been a waste of time. And I had no intention of half-assing it just because I was alone.
"Hyung."
Changsu, back at the gym, called me with a bright grin. I got up off the machine, wiped the sweat from my face, and waved as he came over.
"Oh, you're back? How's the car?"
"Better than I expected. Want to see it?"
"Let's."
Outside, a cool wind dried the sweat on me. The sunlight was gathering strength. Spring was spring, I supposed. I nodded at the yellow van in front of us and spoke to Changsu.
"They turned it around fast."
"They said the design came from another taekwondo gym, so I only asked them to change the font."
"And that's allowed?"
"Well, what can you do. It's not like anyone patented it. The copyright on the design belongs to the wrap shop anyway."
"I guess. Anyway, it suits us. The van's cute, too."
It wasn't too childish, which was good, and it didn't feel as if it were trying too hard to look cool. I especially liked that no mascot had been drawn on it. I checked that the cat-ear lights on the roof and the stop sign by the driver's seat both worked, then got out. Just as Changsu had said, the interior was surprisingly upscale.
"Nice inside, right? And this was only about four thousand dollars."
"They said the mileage was the problem, but almost two hundred thousand miles is a lot."
"Come on. Cars don't just fall apart that easily. A few months of use and we're already ahead."
"That's true. You did well. Oh, and the professor— no. Eunchae's here."
"Oh, yeah? But... Eunchae?"
He was giving me a look. I patted his shoulder.
"Not yet, so don't look at me like that."
"So it is a not-yet?"
"……It ended up that way."
"Didn't I say that girl Eunchae was a fox?"
In a way, maybe he was right. Given how her face changed depending on who she was with, she probably hadn't had much choice.
"You didn't go saying anything unnecessary, did you?"
"Of course not. I only found out the day before yesterday myself. Just that you were here. That was it."
I nodded. Changsu ran his mouth, but he knew where the line was.
"Anyway, let's do today's pickups together. I want to see the route."
"Sure. It's easier than you'd think. This neighborhood is laid out in blocks, like Europe."
"Didn't that make it more confusing?"
"It got better after I drove the loop a few times. There are still some apartment complexes whose names I don't know."
We talked a while longer. I took the keys and headed back up to the gym. Changsu must not have gotten a workout in either, busy as he had been, because he went straight to the treadmill. I listened to Rahee and Eunchae talking in front of the ring and started in on another machine myself.
"I never thought this would be Director Go's gym."
"Oh, you know the director?"
"Yes. The coach who used to teach me was Director Go's student."
"Was she."
"Um, and also."
"Yes?"
"……Haven't we met somewhere before?"
"……I was thinking you looked a little familiar, too……."
The two of them sank into thought in the exact same pose, fingers at their chins, and a laugh slipped out of me before I could stop it. Seo Eunchae clapped and turned to Rahee.
"Ah! At that tournament. You don't remember me? We met with Director Go. We even ate together."
"Ah, you're that unni from back then. Right, I remember. We had black-bean noodles together after the tournament."
"That's right. Goodness, you've gotten so pretty I didn't recognize you."
"You too, unni. How did I not know you? You're still beautiful."
"I know. The world's too small."
"It really is. I'm so glad to see you."
"……I didn't even know Director Go had passed."
"Because of COVID, we had no choice but to contact only people close to her and see her off quietly."
"I see. But why did you quit boxing?"
"As you know, Director Go believed you had to learn boxing before you could do kickboxing."
Rahee nodded, as if confirming the memory for herself, and turned the question back around.
"True. I remember her saying that even while we were eating. What about you, unni?"
"I had more talent somewhere other than sports."
"Goodness, but didn't you win back then?"
"I did, but, well. My mom was terribly intense about it."
"I see. Do you live with your mother?"
"Yes."
The conversation was flowing easily enough that I figured I didn't need to worry. The problem came after that. And it was mine.
"Then shall we get started?"
"Ah, I'll watch with you. I want to see how it's done these days."
"You'd know better than I would, unni. Then shall we take a look at Shinwoo together?"
"Yes. This works out perfectly."
The two of them came toward me with their eyes burning bright. I let out a quiet sigh and simply offered up the nape of my neck.