Start of Semester (7)
Start of Semester (7)
'I'm so fucking embarrassed. Shit...'
If there were a mouse hole, I would have wanted to dive into it right then and there. An Indian joke. Even though it came out of my own mouth, it was so ridiculous that I was on the verge of laughing hollowly.
But whether Ga-young knew how I felt or not, she rested her chin on her hand and said with a smirk.
"Anyway, I'm doing this because I want to get close to you guys. We're classmates in the same department. Don't feel too pressured."
"...Uh. Right."
I replied mechanically while keeping my gaze fixed on empty space. Don't feel pressured. Those words are the most pressuring of all.
Looking to my side, Hyun-woo was already becoming one with his desk. He was only rolling his eyes, constantly checking my reaction.
'Hey, Park Hyun-woo. Please, open your mouth.'
I poked his thigh under the desk. If we don't ventilate this suffocating air right now, you're going to become an acute enteritis patient again in three minutes and sprint down the hallway.
It was then.
Drrrk.
The back door opened, and a group of female students came swarming in. There were those who seemed close to Ga-young, and others who were just classmates from the same department. As soon as they entered, they naturally scanned the lecture hall.
And then, their eyes fixed on the best spot in the furthest corner—the seats where we were sitting.
"Oh? Shin Ga-young! You're here early?"
A female student who looked like a friend approached while waving happily. Then, she discovered me and Hyun-woo tucked away next to Ga-young by the wall, and her eyes widened.
"Oh? Jin-hyuk and Hyun-woo are here too?"
Just as they were naturally about to take the empty seats near us, Shin Ga-young, who was sitting on the aisle side, turned her head to look at them.
"Oh, you're here? But what should we do? The seats are full here."
Ga-young casually placed her bag in that tiny gap between my desk and hers.
It meant there was physically no space to sit, but it also looked like she was strangely drawing a line.
"......"
The friends stood there blankly for a moment, then narrowed their eyes as they looked back and forth between Ga-young and me. It seemed like they were exchanging some kind of look among themselves.
"Ah... really? Okay."
"We'll take the hint and go to the front. Good luck~"
They chuckled and made a fuss before coolly turning toward the front section. Even as they walked away, they kept glancing back at me and whispering to each other.
On the other hand, the other classmates who weren't very close to Ga-young looked a bit more regretful.
"Ah, I guess there are no seats."
"Jin-hyuk-ah, hi! See you later!"
They backed off, licking their lips. Their waving was bright, but for some reason, it seemed like they couldn't quite pull their feet away.
"...Uh, hi."
I nodded my head reflexively.
'Haa...'
My stomach feels queasy. This is the most painful moment for an introvert.
I know absolutely nothing about them. I don't know their names or their personalities. My internal intimacy level converges to zero.
Yet, the other person is already approaching me as if I'm a ten-year friend, or even more. They're hitting the max level of internal intimacy all by themselves.
I have no idea what they're thinking. Why are they greeting me? Why are they laughing while exchanging those looks? Were we even that close?
Enduring this unknown temperature difference was a hundred times harder than listening to a lecture.
Just then, the front door opened and the professor walked in. Graying hair and horn-rimmed glasses. He was the quintessential engineering professor style.
'Please... end it early today too.'
I prayed fervently inside. I hoped he would be cool like the 'Sex and Love' professor yesterday and finish in a 20-minute cut.
In the first week of the semester, and starting from the very first class, going through the curriculum is a violation of business ethics. That's just not polite to the students.
"I will take attendance."
A dry voice filled the lecture hall. My name was called, and there were gazes that habitually gravitated toward me, but I tried my best to ignore them. By now, I just figured that's how it is.
The professor, closing the attendance book, adjusted the microphone.
"Nice to meet you. I am Choi Young-soo, and I will be in charge of the Discrete Mathematics lecture this semester."
The professor stood in front of the chalkboard. Now is the timing for the line, "Since it's the first day, we'll finish early." I shifted my hips, getting ready to pack my bag.
However.
Tak, tak.
Without hesitation, the professor picked up a piece of chalk and began writing in large letters on the board.
[ Chapter 1. Logic and Propositions ]
"......?"
"Discrete Mathematics is the foundation and core of Computer Engineering. The amount we have to cover in one semester is vast."
The professor calmly delivered a very cruel sentence.
"Therefore, we will skip the orientation and go straight into the curriculum. Everyone, open your textbooks to page 12."
"......Ah."
A groan escaped my mouth involuntarily. Looking around, Hyun-woo, Shin Ga-young, and the other students were all rummaging through their things to take out their books. Everyone had an expression that said they expected this, or one of resignation.
As expected, major courses have no mercy. I re-zipped my bag with a hollow heart. Today is going to be a pretty long day.
How much time had passed like that? The professor's voice began to sound like a lullaby. The formulas and symbols filling the chalkboard were like an alien language.
'...The white is paper, and the black is writing.'
They call it Discrete Mathematics, but this feels more like philosophy than math. Logic, propositions, whatever—I can't even logically explain my own sanity right now.
It's harder than I thought. No, it's much harder. This is the level for the first semester of freshman year?
I rotated my stiff neck and glanced sideways at both sides.
On my left, Shin Ga-young. With her back straight, she was tapping away at her laptop with the momentum of someone who wouldn't miss a single word the professor said. Her eyes staring at the board were piercing.
Well, she is the class rep who broke through that cutthroat competition and entered fairly based on her skills. Her brain structure must be different from a case like mine, who entered bloodlessly through the Male Admission Track benefits.
On my right, Park Hyun-woo. This guy was no pushover either. His usual timid appearance was nowhere to be seen, and he was busy taking notes with his nose buried in the textbook.
Is it because his dream of making a 3D FPS game is so firm? His academic passion is no joke.
"......"
From both sides, the sounds of taka-taka and scratch-scratch echoed in stereo. And there I was, just blankly resting my chin on my hand in between them.
'...Am I the only piece of trash here?'
A strange sense of self-loathing washed over me. Others are living so fiercely for their dreams or for success. While I was here thinking about how to coast through my timetable.
'Let's get it together.'
I adjusted my posture and gripped my mechanical pencil. Whether I understand it or not, I should at least mimic them. That way, I'll at least stay in the middle.
But my firm resolve collapsed helplessly before the drowsiness that poured in five minutes later.
.
.
.
"Jin-hyuk-ah... class is over."
Someone gently shook my shoulder. I forced my consciousness up from the swamp of deep sleep.
"Ueegh..."
I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth and lifted my head. My vision was blurry. Brown hair fluttered before my eyes.
It was Shin Ga-young. She was resting her chin on her hand, staring down at me.
"You must have been really sleepy? You were sleeping like the world had ended."
"......"
I'm screwed. I only meant to close my eyes for a second, but I ended up passing out until the class ended.
I definitely went to bed early yesterday. I slept for 8 hours. Unless the subject of Discrete Mathematics itself is a hypnotic gas, there's no way I could sleep this soundly.
"Ah... I'm doomed."
I looked at my empty notebook in despair. It was a blank sheet. Looking to the right, Hyun-woo had already packed his bag and was waiting for me.
Ga-young smirked and spoke.
"You couldn't take a single note, right? I'll show you what I organized later."
"Huh? Really?"
"Yeah. But not for free."
She shook her phone and naturally made her move.
"If you're up for it, do you want to go to a cafe now? I can show it to you there. I'll buy the coffee."
"......"
For a moment, my brain stalled. A cafe? With the class rep? Just the two of us? Ah, this is a bit tough.
Let's look at this coldly. As for the notes... I can just open the textbook and bash my head against it until it works out somehow.
If it really doesn't work, I can just search the internet and self-study. There's no need to endure an uncomfortable situation just for this one thing.
But this isn't a matter of studying... it's a matter of social life.
Let's admit it. Seol Jin-hyuk, you are currently a friendless loner. From the moment you gave a nonsense quiz during OT and ran away, your image has already crossed the River Styx, and the only person you know is the pooper next to you.
It's only the second day since coming to school, but to survive the next four years, building at least a minimum network, a shoulder to lean on, is what social life is about. Let's think of it as taking out insurance. Insurance.
"...Let's go. I'll buy the coffee."
"Oh, really? Great."
I rummaged through my things, packed my bag, and stood up.
From the side, Hyun-woo stared at me with wide eyes.
'Are you really going? I was just thinking of going home and resting?'
He's cursing me with his eyes...
He had the expression of an office worker who was already drained of energy, pale-faced and longing only to clock out. Even if I forced him to come along, it was obvious he'd be a burden rather than a shield.
'...Fine. At least you should live.'
I tapped him on the shoulder.
"You go on ahead. You look tired."
"Huh? Is that okay?"
"Yeah. I'll get the notes and share them with you."
"Wow... Jin-hyuk-ah, thank you! Really, thanks!"
Hyun-woo bolted without even looking back. Wow, look at the speed that bastard packs his bag. Faster than light.
I was left alone. And Shin Ga-young was blocking my path.
"Oh? Hyun-woo isn't going? It would've been nice if we all went together."
"He says he's tired. He's going home to rest."
"Aww... that's too bad. I was going to buy him something delicious."
Ga-young had a look of genuine regret. Seeing her lick her lips, it seemed like she might actually mean it.
"Then it can't be helped. Let's go, just us."
She quickly changed her expression and smiled brightly. Her footsteps as she led the way with her bag on were light.
We left the lecture hall and stepped into the hallway. But as we walked, something felt strange.
'...Why is it so quiet?'
Just yesterday, as soon as it ended, people swarmed like a pack of zombies, making a fuss with "Excuse me" and "Can I have your number." Today, everyone is just glancing, and no one even comes near me.
'Is it because of her...'
Since the class rep is standing right there, is everyone too intimidated to approach? It almost feels like she's subtly marking her territory.
Or is it because I carried my 'sudden-poop-guy' friend and ran away yesterday, so they're avoiding me because it's gross? I don't know the reason.
Whatever it is, it's comfortable and good for me.
"Where should we go? There's a newly opened cafe near the main gate..."
Ga-young tried to lead naturally. But if we go to a hot place near the main gate, it's obvious this current peace will be shattered. Moreover, this time it's one man and one woman. It's a perfect picture to draw concentrated fire.
I quickly made a preemptive strike.
"No. I know a place."
"Huh? Where?"
"A place that's quiet and has good coffee. Let's go there."
"Oh... you even know a cafe? That's unexpected."
Ga-young sent an interested look my way. I walked ahead without answering.
The destination was already decided. A place where the owner has zero interest in men and a corner seat is guaranteed—a proven safe zone.
We're going to 'Old Bean'. It'll be less tiring there, even if it's just the two of us.