Time to Act
"Seul-ho, sir!!!!!"
Whoa. That startled me.
Along with a deafening shout, a woman I'd never met came charging at me out of nowhere. Not a trace of hesitation, just sheer headlong momentum — it jolted me so badly that my whole body flinched before I could stop it.
"So nice to meet you!! Finally, finally!!!"
"Ah, yes. Hello…."
The dazed voice that slipped out of me was not by my own will.
Even at my idiotic display, the woman was undeterred; she just burst out laughing. "You're even more handsome in person! Seriously, so glad to meet you!"
The woman laughing so heartily was Lee Seul-gi — the host of Wise Hot & Cold Baths, the show I'd be filming today, and a variety personality whose popularity with the younger crowd had been skyrocketing lately. I'd binged several episodes of her show last night for research, and it took no time at all to see why she was so well-loved: the way she genuinely listened when people spoke, the witty remarks that lifted the mood, the unpretentious, easygoing air about her. There was no reason not to like her, and I'd decided it would be smart to leave a good impression myself.
I'd planned to greet her politely when we met on set….
Never expected her to come barreling at me like this.
She was standing well inside any reasonable personal space, and the sheer delight on her face at seeing me left me puzzled.
Why is she this happy to see Yoo Seul-ho?
In all the time since I'd landed in this body, this was the first time anyone had greeted me with such unguarded warmth. Just as I was racking my brain for what I might have missed, the woman supplied the answer herself.
"Miranda has told me sooooo much about you, Seul-ho, sir! I've been wanting to meet you anyway, and when I heard you'd be on our show, I couldn't even sleep last night from the excitement."
"…Miranda?"
"Oh, Ran. Choi Ran!"
Lee Seul-gi declared that this friend of hers was the closest she had in the world, then showered me with an avalanche of unprompted praise — no one in the industry had their head on straight like Ran did.
"Miran — sorry, Ran — yeah, she can be a little snippy when she talks, but that's all self-defense, you know? She's had to put up with so much, and honestly she's got a heart of gold."
"Right. Of course."
"Well, I'm sure you know all that already, Seul-ho, sir — you've worked with her a while. Oh, and you're coming to the after-party tonight, right, Oppa? Ran and I are planning to grab drinks after."
"I… probably will, yeah?"
At some point I'd been upgraded to Oppa.
I lost the thread entirely, swept along by a conversation with no visible destination.
This is chaos.
I was still standing there dumbfounded, managing little more than nods, when Choi Ran arrived. She climbed out of her car at a languid pace, spotted me and Lee Seul-gi, and delivered her very first greeting of the day:
"What is this."
"…Ran, is that any way to say hello? Honestly."
"Isn't this your first time meeting? What could you two possibly have to talk about already."
Lee Seul-gi sighed in long-suffering exasperation, but Choi Ran just blinked her trademark sulky expression back and forth between the two of us.
"Oppa, what's with your face?"
"What's wrong with my face?"
"I don't know… a student getting called into the principal's office? A groom-to-be meeting his future father-in-law for the first time? Either way, you look like a man cornered."
An actress indeed — even her metaphors were absurdly specific.
When I gave an awkward grimace, Lee Seul-gi jumped as if struck by lightning. "Oh no, I'm so sorry, Oppa. Did I act too much like Choi Ran just now? I wasn't trying to come off like a lunatic, I swear — I just got carried away."
"Hey. Do I look like a lunatic to you?"
"Shush. Oppa and I are talking here. Why are you butting in?"
"Unbelievable."
They really are like a pair of schoolgirls.
Choi Ran and Lee Seul-gi were already giggling and shoving at each other in their own little world, and honestly, they looked exactly their age. Seeing no opening for me to squeeze in, I quietly drifted aside — and who should appear but Woo Jun-seo, wearing the face of a man who hadn't slept in a week.
"Ugh, I just want ten more minutes of sleep…."
"You look wiped."
"Don't even. We shot until three in the morning. Ha — is this right? We barely have time to film the drama, and now we're shooting variety on top of it? Next one's pre-produced, no exceptions."
And he started whining the moment he walked in.
Maybe because I'd grown used to it, I soothed Woo Jun-seo with practiced ease as he complained, louder and more often than he used to. "Let's wrap today's shoot fast and get some rest. Oh — did you say hi to Seul-gi yet?"
"I should, but I'll do it later. Can't you see I'm talking to Ran right now? I don't even want to look at her face."
"Come on, why again? Why are the male lead and female lead fighting like this?"
"Because she's got a screwed-up personality, that's why! We fought like crazy on set again yesterday. Ha. She's an actual psycho."
Woo Jun-seo scrunched his face with what looked like genuine disgust.
It was honestly fascinating, in a way — how were two people who despised each other this much going to film a romance together?
"Oh my, Jun-seo, sir."
Right on cue, Lee Seul-gi spotted Woo Jun-seo and came gliding over.
And Woo Jun-seo — who'd been clinging to my shoulder whining seconds earlier — switched his face like flipping a page.
"Hello, Seul-gi. Lovely to see you."
"We ran into each other once off-camera before, remember? Such a brief encounter, though."
"Of course I remember. I thought so then, but seeing you today confirmed it — you have such an elegant presence."
"Oh my, flirting already? How bold of you."
"Ha ha."
Woo Jun-seo flashed a grin designed to look effortlessly charming.
Whether it was the sheer oiliness of it or what, Choi Ran gagged — an actual theatrical retching noise — and I had to physically throw myself between the two before they went at each other's throats again.
"I've been hearing a lot about you lately, Seul-gi. Everyone talks about you."
Fortunately, perhaps, Woo Jun-seo was far too busy turning on the charm for Lee Seul-gi to spare Choi Ran a single glance.
"You're quite popular, I hear? When word got out I'd be meeting you today, all my friends were green with envy."
"How flattering."
Lee Seul-gi's smiling face was astonishingly, perfectly businesslike. The schoolgirl energy from moments ago had vanished without a trace; what remained was a courteous, measured politeness that kept Woo Jun-seo at arm's length. It was genuinely impressive to watch.
"Shall we all have a little talk before we start filming properly?"
Having deflected several of Woo Jun-seo's plays with practiced ease, Lee Seul-gi turned and swept her gaze over the three of us.
"Talk about what?"
"You're all here to promote the drama, right? So today's variety shoot should serve that purpose. Now, guests who come on for romance dramas usually focus on showing off their chemistry."
Lee Seul-gi explained that the key was for the two leads to act close enough that viewers caught themselves thinking, wait, are they actually dating?
According to her, the gold standard was making the audience think, they have to be together — no, they have to get married!
"You know the term — delusional-shipper lens. With romance dramas, the content isn't just the scenes on screen; it's viewers getting fluttery over the actors' private moments too. Some couples even fake dating for the promo. But Jun-seo, sir and Ran here…."
"We'll have to find a different approach, then."
I cut through her trailing sentence with a crisp answer.
"Yes. I think that's for the best."
Lee Seul-gi beamed at me and said she already had a direction in mind.
"You're here today anyway, Seul-ho, Oppa, and all three of you are around the same age. So rather than forcing a romance angle, I say we play it as three close friends. Viewers get the drama romance and the real-life friendship chemistry — best of both worlds."
"Sounds good to me."
"Which means you two can't show each other a single hostile bone on camera. Quietly snapping at each other off-mic? Also banned. On the drama set, maybe — but the variety cams catch everything. We don't have the editing time to clean up after you frame by frame, so I need both of you at your absolute best. Understood?"
The crisp authority of it had Choi Ran and Woo Jun-seo nodding along, however grudgingly.
When a manager's summons pulled Woo Jun-seo away for a moment, the nagging only intensified.
"Ran. You. No special treatment — I mean, no different treatment for Seul-ho, Oppa versus Jun-seo, sir."
"I'm not treating anyone differently."
"If rumors start flying that the male lead got replaced because of you, are you going to take responsibility for that? Don't make trouble for either of them. Even if it's only while the cameras roll — mind yourself."
"What difference have I even made?"
"All of it. Every last bit. Your entire existence is differential treatment. And? Call him Oppa. Consistently. That's how you shut the gossip down before it starts."
Choi Ran stuck out her lips and grumbled under her breath. "You call him something different too, and I'm the only one getting lectured…."
Patting the sulking girl's back in consolation, I turned to Lee Seul-gi. "Seul-gi, what should I be doing, then?"
"You, Oppa…."
She glanced at me sideways, then flashed a grin.
"Just keep being you."
Wise Hot & Cold Baths — the hottest YouXTube variety show of the moment — was a talk show set inside an actual jjimjilbang, a Korean bathhouse sauna complex. Rather than a sterile studio, they rented out a real working jjimjilbang for the shoot, and that gave the whole production a wonderfully relaxed atmosphere.
"Is this what I wear?"
"Yep! The men's and women's designs are identical."
Host and guests alike changed into the matching uniforms handed out at the entrance. I appreciated that being a celebrity didn't earn anyone special wardrobe treatment.
"Hot or cold! Hello everyone, I'm Lee Seul-gi of Wise Hot & Cold Baths! First, let me introduce today's wonderful guests!"
"I'm actor Woo Jun-seo."
"I'm Choi Ran."
With the staff, the host, and the guests all dressed identically, the whole thing felt refreshingly un-stiff. So this is where the show's famously candid atmosphere comes from — such small, thoughtful touches — and with that thought, I stepped up for my own introduction.
"I'm Yoo Seul-ho. Looking forward to today."
"Wonderful, welcome! For viewers new to our show, let me explain the rules."
Lee Seul-gi laid it out: we'd move through four rooms in total, and the hotter the room, the spicier the topics.
"At 50 degrees, we do light small talk — career updates, that sort of thing. At 70 degrees, we dig into your past love lives. And at 90 degrees, we open up about your most embarrassing history. Survive all three rooms, and you earn promo time for your drama in the ice room!"
"Wait — so if we tap out early, we don't get to promote at all?"
"Of course not. And your screen time vanishes with you."
Under the playful command of a grinning Lee Seul-gi, the talk show began.
Perhaps because it was a dry sauna, the high temperatures weren't actually that hard to endure. Between segments we played mini-games to win sikhye rice punch and boiled eggs, and took turns enjoying the karaoke machines and massage chairs scattered through the jjimjilbang's nooks and crannies.
This place is really well stocked.
Figured — the places kids hang out these days were on another level. For a moment I even caught myself thinking the boys back at the Heungsinso would love it here.
"Oppa."
I felt my sleeve being tugged and turned my head to find Choi Ran clutching my side.
Hours had passed since filming began, and her body was radiating a toasty warmth like a freshly boiled bun.
"I want a hot dog."
"Yeah?"
Watching the perpetually sour-faced girl wear an expression of pure melted bliss was hilarious. I was just about to snort with laughter when Woo Jun-seo threw an arm around my shoulder from the other side.
"Seul-ho, popcorn. Want some? We'll split it fifty-fifty."
"I asked first."
"Asked what? I was talking to Seul-ho."
With both of them glaring daggers, I jumped in fast. "Enough. I'll buy for both of you. Popcorn first — let's go order."
"I asked first, though."
"And I'll get your hot dog right now too. Gotta take care of Oppa first, right? Hm?"
"…Fine."
Choi Ran's face snapped back into its usual scowl. She thrust out her lips in mutinous protest, and I hurriedly shoved a hot dog into her mouth to head off the rebellion.
God, this is exhausting.
To their credit, Choi Ran and Woo Jun-seo were professionals — they never let their mutual loathing show outright. But neither seemed willing to actually converse either, so they simply kept wedging me between them like a human buffer.
"And what would you like, Seul-gi?"
"Hmm, let me think…."
Lee Seul-gi, who'd been watching the three of us with evident amusement, sauntered over at her own leisurely pace. Then, unseen by either Woo Jun-seo or Choi Ran, she shot me a look.
—Wink.
That signal told me everything. The moment had arrived.
Time to act.