What an Ideal Type Means to an Idol
Having finally stopped his groaning, Jongwoo gave Rembrary one last piece of advice.
"Okay, fine, that's how you talk in front of me. But not in front of a camera. Don't say that stuff on camera."
"Understood."
"I mean it. If someone asks you something like, 'Why do you think Wild Animal's results have been so poor until now?' — no matter how much it stings, you say it's your fault. Even if you're pretty sure it isn't, you say it's your fault."
"Understood."
"Hoo..."
"And the reverse?"
"What?"
"If someone asks why Wild Animal's results are good, what then?"
"They'd only ask that if the results were good. We don't have any results yet, so no one's going to ask."
"Still, what if someone does? That situation could happen, couldn't it?"
"Then I say it's thanks to the members. If that situation comes, it's thanks to the others, no question."
"Good."
Why did that answer leave such a bad taste in his mouth? Jongwoo shot Rembrary a sidelong glance and warned him once more.
"Seriously. Credit everything to everyone else."
Rembrary had, in a moment of unguarded honesty, posted a vent disguised as gratitude:
"Wow, what an absolute son of a—"
Jongwoo, who had been reading a small article tucked away at the bottom of his feed, was fuming. Rembrary, in the middle of rehearsing for the next round with Hye-gyeol, paused at the cursing.
"What's the matter?"
When Rembrary asked, wiping the sweat from his brow, Jongwoo ground his teeth and scrolled furiously up his phone screen.
"A few of the cast from the script reading flat-out trashed you. Said you can't act, out in the open, no shame at all."
"And how would they know whether I can act or not?"
"Exactly! All because of four lines of dialogue!"
Jongwoo clearly couldn't stand to look at it any longer; he shut the screen off and lowered the phone. Rembrary had expected talk of one kind or another to surface eventually — but he'd assumed it would come after things kicked off, not from a single script reading. He hadn't imagined the other cast members would spill this much this fast.
Irritated, Jongwoo waved Rembrary back to practice.
"Forget it. Don't let it get to you — just practice. Putting together a good stage will pay off later when the album drops, too."
Rembrary nodded and threw himself back into rehearsal.
Hye-gyeol resumed his acrobatics as well.
A "lip-sync stage" generally put the emphasis on performance, and since performance was Rembrary's weak point, Hye-gyeol had been brought in to shore up exactly that weakness. Hye-gyeol, for his part, had every reason to commit: Rembrary had once cleared his name of false rumors, and getting his face on television would help him regardless. So he threw himself into preparing for the contest alongside him.
They had been at it for a while when, this time, a phone ringtone blared through the practice room. Jongwoo again. He mumbled an apology, snatched up his phone, and hurried outside.
Barely five minutes later, he came rushing back in and shouted:
"Yeon-woo! You've got a variety show shoot tomorrow!"
Rembrary stopped mid-stretch. "What?"
He'd heard they would all appear on variety programs together to promote the album once it came out — but suddenly, alone, tomorrow? That was news to him.
Jongwoo, buzzing with excitement, explained.
"It's a show called Daily Rail. Sometimes it leans toward games, but mostly it's an athletic variety program. Shouldn't be too much for you."
"Athletic?"
"You draw a card from a card box, and it's got a mission on it like 'Do XXX with someone who is XXX.' Then the cast has to find the person matching the 'XXX' part, pair up with them, and complete the mission. The person who was supposed to appear apparently hurt their leg. The recording's tomorrow, so they asked us to fill in on short notice."
"Short notice..."
When Rembrary made a face of pure disbelief, Jongwoo clapped him on the back. "Come on, how about it?"
"Remember how you imitated a sloth on the music show? They loved that. Worked out great!"
It seemed Rembrary had no say in the matter whatsoever.
Friday. Sa Gam-jae stayed behind at the agency with the other members, while Rembrary set off with Jongwoo to the designated meeting point to record Daily Rail.
"I'm not bad at exercise, mind you — merely not particularly skilled at it. I know not whether that will do."
Before stepping out of the car, Rembrary clicked his tongue at the sight of the staff already swarming the lot.
"You'll be fine. On shows like this, being bad at exercise is its own kind of entertainment."
Jongwoo beamed and patted him on the shoulder. Since this was a variety program that ran on physicality more than talking, he seemed noticeably less anxious than usual.
Rembrary nodded his assent. Well, if Jongwoo was that confident, then he might as well take it easy.
Fortunately, the mood stayed pleasant as he got out of the car and greeted the staff and fellow cast members. The MC and the PD in particular, grateful that Rembrary had agreed to appear on such short notice, treated him with every courtesy. The other cast members all greeted him with smiles as well, and the atmosphere stayed cheerful throughout.
When word came that today's filming location was an amusement park, everyone lit up like children on a school picnic.
Jongwoo allowed himself to relax.
But inside the van heading to the amusement park, calamity struck Jongwoo square across the face.
"Yeon-woo, I hear you're in that new drama, Dear God?"
It was a question from the sub-MC, asked with a smile.
The question itself was harmless. Ideally, nothing about the drama would come up until after it aired — but a few cast members had already plastered their own social media with every manner of gossip about Yeon-woo's acting. The variety show writers, too, would have scrambled to gather information on him, and recent issues would have been their priority. A question like this was entirely to be expected, and Jongwoo had braced himself for it.
"Yes."
The problem was the follow-up.
"Aren't you scared? There are a lot of people just waiting for Dear God to flop so they can pin it all on you, you know?"
Jongwoo flinched and stared at the sub-MC.
The man was smiling, but there was nothing friendly in the question. It was hostile — whether out of dislike for Yeon-woo, or deliberately stoked for the sake of buzz.
Yet contrary to Jongwoo's dread, Rembrary answered with perfect composure.
It wasn't a difficult answer at all. Hadn't Jongwoo handed him the correct response just two days prior?
"Of course. If the drama does well, it'll be thanks to the other actors. If it fails, it'll be my fault."
"!"
Jongwoo closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, as if he'd heard nothing at all.
It was Rembrary's first time at a place called an amusement park.
AAAAAAAHHHHH!
The very first thing Rembrary felt upon arriving was fear. Terrified screams rang out from every direction.
The other cast members, however, seemed utterly delighted by the place, chattering happily — about how they hadn't been in years, about the shoot they'd come for just last month, about how the roller coasters abroad were absolutely insane...
Rembrary stood gaping at the contraptions that soared into the sky only to vanish again, and it was not until the MC called him over that he truly focused on the filming.
The details differed, but in broad strokes much of it resembled Sing Survival, so adapting wasn't difficult.
First, the MC bantered with one of the cast members to liven up the mood. Then that cast member reached into a box, drew a card, and handed it back to the MC. The MC read it aloud, and the cast member reacted with delight or dismay at its contents. After that, they had five minutes to find a partner to complete the mission on the card with.
"Luwi, let's see... 'Visit the haunted house with the man from a group of four women and one man!'"
"Kyaaah! That's so hard!"
"Oh come on, look carefully and he'll turn up. Your five minutes starts now!"
"Aaah, what do I do, what do I do?!"
"Ready — go!"
"Aaack!"
When one contestant took off screaming and promptly tripped over herself in a tangled heap, the other cast members dissolved into giggles. With thirty seconds left on the clock, she barely managed to drag back a grandfather willing to partner with her — a man who'd come to the park with his four granddaughters. The old gentleman turned out to be wonderfully game, plunging the contestants into waves of laughter in an instant. But the moment he learned he'd have to enter the haunted house, he bolted in horror, setting off yet another round of howling laughter.
Rembrary's turn came directly after that contestant's.
Because the previous contestant had whipped the atmosphere up so thoroughly, Jongwoo watched Rembrary with his heart in his throat. Not causing an incident mattered, of course — but stumbling out of his first solo variety appearance and getting labeled boring wouldn't sit well either.
Rembrary, however, walked calmly up beside the MC. He was in an exceptionally good mood, for among the citizens crowded around the makeshift set to watch the filming, he had spotted a familiar face.
The night before, on a hunch, Jongwoo had posted on Wild Animal's social media that Rembrary would be appearing on Daily Rail — and one of Rembrary's believers had come out to see him because of it.
The MC cracked a few jokes at Rembrary to warm up the crowd just as he had with the others, and Rembrary stepped forward and plunged his hand into the box. Only a few cards remained; there wasn't much to choose from.
He fished out the card at the very bottom and handed it to the MC.
"You took your sweet time. What'd you draw, a roller coaster or a Gyro Drop?"
The MC teased him with a snicker, but when Rembrary — who had never heard of either a roller coaster or a Gyro Drop — failed to react, the MC awkwardly flipped the card over and read it aloud.
"Yeon-woo, your mission is... 'Sing a love song! While riding the Viking! With the person closest to your ideal type!'"
A delighted uproar erupted among the contestants.
Jongwoo's expression turned grave. Ideal type. There was no topic on earth more treacherous for an idol. Worse, Jongwoo was rock-solid certain that Rembrary harbored a knee fetish, which made it all the more worrying.
But that was a manager's concern. From the MC's side of things, there was no topic easier to draw a guest out on than their ideal type.
The sub-MC — who had already tried and failed to needle Rembrary once that day — snickered and pressed the question.
"A love song with your ideal type, how nice. So what's your ideal type like, Yeon-woo?"
Jongwoo stared at Rembrary's mouth, breath held.
This time, even Rembrary found himself at a loss. For a priest, not only marriage but romance itself was forbidden. He had never once spared the opposite sex a second thought; he had no ideal type.
"I don't have one."
Rembrary answered honestly, but the sub-MC wouldn't let it go.
"Aw, come on, no way. Not even a little, huh? Come on, give us a hint at least, huh?"
Rembrary furrowed his brow, but the sub-MC showed no sign of backing down. In the end, Rembrary solemnly set about auditing his own ideal type.
As her devoted priest, he loved the goddess Redrin above all things — but one could hardly presume to name a goddess's very existence as one's ideal type. Then what would his second ideal type be?
"..."
Rembrary searched his memory for the woman who had most recently set his heart racing.
Fortunately, there was a scene he recalled with some clarity.
Six years ago, was it? It had been a perilous day. A demon, coveting Rembrary's power, had led a host of demon beasts in a surprise assault, and the holy knights had ringed themselves around Rembrary to hold the line.
One knight among them had been extraordinary.
Astride an enormous crimson horse, she had wheeled a great spear with effortless mastery, cleaving the heads from demon beasts again and again.
A fond, familiar smile crept across Rembrary's lips.
Come to think of it, the game Hye-gyeol had been glued to all day yesterday featured someone who looked strikingly like that knight. Her name was...
"Guan Yu."
"Sorry?"
"My ideal type is a woman like Guan Yu."
"Uh... personality-wise?"
"No. The sight of her, as I beheld her with mine own eyes."
"!"