The End of Celibacy

It's a yandere romance fantasy.

By the time I realized I'd gotten the genre completely wrong, it was already far too late.

When a twenty-three-year-old college student gets hit by a truck, getting yeeted into another world is just common sense, right? There was a time I genuinely believed the rules I'd learned from Japanese anime and every isekai story ever written would apply here too.

"Ah—no! My modern conveniences!!"

When I first opened my eyes, I was devastated. Terrified, even. I didn't even have time to process that I was dead.

But humans are adaptable creatures, or so they say.

Time heals all wounds.

My memories of the modern world gradually faded into a blur.

Between the monsters, the magic, and every non-human race imaginable thrashing around this world, just looking around was hard enough.

Who wouldn't go insane?

I went insane.

I crushed a household plotting treason, became the Imperial Princess's academy bodyguard, and rose to the rank of Sword Saint.

Long story short.

To summarize: for the sake of my safe and comfortable retirement, I set out to slay the colossal Demon King threatening the continent.

And against all odds, I succeeded in taking down that Archdemon!

"Mikhail, it's all thanks to you!"

"Congratulations!"

"Oh, oppa, thank you so much. You did so well!"

"It was nothing. Let's head back, everyone."

After wringing the Demon King's neck, a warm, full-bodied happiness flooded my mouth—finally, I get to enjoy this fantasy life!

Ding—

"Huh?"

That was when every last modern memory snapped back into crystal clarity. The appetite I'd just worked up for wild boar barbecue curdled on the spot.

"Oh, fuck."

Because this world was a four-drone dark yandere dating sim outsourced by MetaCraft Co., Ltd.—in other words, Novelpia.

A dark yandere sim.

Regret. Ruin. Obsession.

Just looking at the genre tags told you everything: beautiful girls waging blood feuds over one man. And that man—me—getting destroyed in the process. I cast my mind back.

"Yesss yesss yesss!! A whole roster of absolute freaks!!"

That game—the one I'd dropped a full fifty-six thousand won on, obliterating my solemn vow of abstinence, packed to the brim with unhinged women! I'd been crossing the street when the ad image caught my eye… aaah, and that was how I died looking like a complete degenerate.

I pressed both hands to my head and tried to rev a brain that put an RTX 58000 to shame.

What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?!

In short: I was completely screwed.

If things kept going like this?

"I'm pregnant."

"Me too."

"……And who the hell are you, you bitch?!"

"Eh?"

"Heavenly Demon Death Beam!!"

"Kyaaaaagh! Wait, please—!!"

What waited for me was a victory lap of grateful, crushing sex from whichever heroine clawed her way to the position of legitimate wife. My father had always said it:

"Play with your dick wrong, and your dick gets played."

But this world had let me play however I wanted. After all, I'd snitched on my own parents—for high treason—and become an SSS+ grade GOAT. There was no way I'd received any proper home education.

Home education?

Self-teaching, for me, had been homicide.

In the end, I had exactly one option left!

Don't fight it—run!

They say there's no paradise waiting where you flee from your problems, but at least it's better than the hell you're currently sitting in, right?

"Mikhail. What are you doing right now?"

"Ah—nothing at all."

"Hmm~?"

During the afterparty, a black-haired, crimson-eyed woman dropped into the seat beside me. Thoroughly drunk.

Arlea Kiessen—the heroine I'd manhandled and teased without restraint, the single most difficult capture target in the entire game. I couldn't bring myself to stop her as she nestled against me like a cat, side by side.

"Mikhail…… really, thank you so much. Haa. You smell so good."

She was the Third Imperial Princess!

One of the most powerful people on the entire continent.

And if I think about the route currently in progress…… she'll become the Iron-Blooded Empress who leads the Empire.

Sounds like a jackpot, right? The problem was that I'd groped and teased her to my heart's content. Put simply…… yeah. This was the harvest of playing with my dick wrong.

"Mikhail. Come with me for a moment. I have something important to say."

"Understood."

"When it's just the two of us, you can drop the formal speech."

Arlea dragged me off to a secluded spot—the railing of the academy sparring grounds where we'd spent four years together.

A shaded place with no one around. Arlea shoved me back against the wall. The classic wall-slam pose.

"Mikhail. The truth is, I……"

Stop right there!

"I'm sorry."

I cut her off cold. The second I accepted that confession, there was no telling what would happen to me. Among all the heroines, Arlea was infamous for having the strongest obsession.

"Eh?"

Arlea was still reeling from my sudden interruption when—

"I…… already have someone I care for. Ah, and please be generous with the severance package."

"Ehhhhh?"

"I quit. Farewell!"

Seizing the opening, I vaulted over the sparring-ground railing.

Thud.

Safe landing! I looked back. Arlea was staring down at me with hollow, drained eyes.

"You—you son of a bitch!! When I catch you…… just you wait!! Get back here right noooow!!"

Arlea screamed and took off at full sprint. It felt like only yesterday I'd been ogling those breasts.

But the best decision a twenty-three-year veteran yandere grandmaster named Kim Mikhail could make was to reject the confession and abscond under cover of night. I made this choice entirely for her sake.

It was absolutely not because I hated the bed ending!!

Bodyguard knight to the Third Princess.

That was the route I'd been dropped into this time around.

Arlea's personality was so vicious that just surviving was an achievement. If I'd simply locked her down, a rose-colored path would have stretched out ahead of me—but the words of those gay witches kept circling in my head: "Child, life never goes the way you plan."

"Ugh. Whatever, fuck it."

Drifting from place to place on the run, I'd optimized myself for a hand-to-mouth existence.

"——Fuck, I've only got one gold left."

Optimized, sure.

High prices, high exchange rates!

There was nothing I could do about that. Society was determined to turn me into a broke idiot.

At this rate, I might have to sell this handsome body of mine.

Absolutely not.

I sat on the bed of a shabby inn room and scratched my chin. Embarrassingly, the face in the mirror belonged to a white-haired, blue-eyed man handsome enough to make several women cry on the spot.

This game's male protagonist: Mikhail Yohan.

And the heroines'…… nine-month menstrual-cycle vaccine injector.

Ow.

Just thinking about it made my expression hard to manage. Being caught by those lunatics and living a married life would be fifty-eight thousand times worse than wandering. I opened my pouch and my face twisted.

"Uuuugh. Do I really have to sell my body?"

The five gold I'd set aside as emergency funds had long since vanished. And selling this handsome frame—I was simply too fine a man for that. I was just starting to think about other ways to make money when—

Mercenaries Urgently Wanted!

Huh?

With my face half-hidden behind rags, I spotted the notice on the adventurers' board.

Of course.

Where else was a swordsman supposed to find work?

Drawing on the skill that had felled even an Archdemon, I kept working as a mercenary under a false identity.

But I was the Empire's First Sword.

Skill that had been praised across the realm couldn't stay hidden forever!

Before long I was the premier mercenary king, receiving exclusive commissions from border marquises and the Imperial Execution Bureau.

If I so much as twitched wrong now, I'd be express-delivered straight to Arlea's doorstep.

Right. Time to retire!!

I clenched my fist and made the vow. Take the money I'd earned and live a leisurely garden life. My current lodgings were in Oruberis—the optimal location for dodging those lunatics.

Remote, blanketed in snowy mountains, barely any people, dangerous, and even packed with multiple escape routes?

Fucking perfect. This is the spot.

I can hide here for the rest of my life!

……There was a time I swore that, too.

Hic—

The bartender shook my shoulder.

"Sir Knight. You've had too much to drink."

I set down the empty glass.

"Too much? What too much. Look, once this year is over I'll pay off the debt, alright? ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠You think I'm poking around for commissions for fun?"

Yeah. I'd blown it all. Spent every coin I'd earned and was now the kind of guy who haunted taverns.

A man who lived however he wanted, ending up completely screwed. Familiar, isn't it?

Honestly, choosing the North as my hideout had something to do with my past life. And with the world inside the game.

The game system exists. The true ending exists, too.

So of course there's a true ending! I gave a bitter smile and held out my glass to the bartender. Whew. The booze tasted good tonight. Maybe I should dine and dash?

"So my glass is empty."

"Of course, of course."

Glug-glug—

As he refilled the empty glass, the bartender spoke up.

"By the way, Sir Knight, have you heard the rumor? Word is the Eagle Seal has been circulating again."

Wait. My body went rigid on its own.

I misheard that, right?!

"The Eagle Seal… wait—the Imperial Family is on the move?"

"That's right. Things had gone quiet for a while, but they're heating up again. Who knows what wind's gotten into them."

The Eagle Seal was the Imperial Family's emblem.

And within the Imperial Family—

—lived the mad dog who would become Emperor.

……The woman I'd stood up in broad daylight. The number-one contributor to the campaign of hunting me down.

The golden princess with a thousand epithets. The rightful ruler destined to dominate the Empire. I steadied my swirling emotions and asked the bartender:

"And the next heir to the throne?"

"The Third Imperial Princess. Or rather—Her Highness the Crown Princess, now. Lady Arlea Katrin Kiessen has been formally designated as the legitimate successor."

"Arlea…"

I remembered. I poured liquor down my throat until my head split.

Fading memories, my ass.

If anything, they burned hotter.

I'd groped her breasts, squeezed her ass a little…… hmm. I really was an alpha male who did whatever the hell he wanted, wasn't I. If I could go back, beating my past self to death still wouldn't be enough.

But Arlea was so goddamn hot, what was I supposed to do?!

— "Just where do you think you're touching?"

A cold-faced beauty with black hair and crimson eyes?

An Imperial Princess, no less—and forced into close contact? That was Arlea's fault. The bitch's fault for being that attractive!

— "I was giving a massage."

— "Hmm. Manhandling the Virgin Goddess's breasts isn't exactly proper…… kkh, nn. Go on, squeeze them more. Can't do it because you're a virgin? Pfft."

She said that, but I was the one doing all the harassing. If this had been my past life, I'd have eaten prison food and been socially buried for sure. Arlea. I'd hit on her, groped her, gaslit her—the full package.

Yeah, yeah. Juvenile spite and unrestrained lust had left me blind to everything.

Uuuugh!! And she took me in with that tsundere act of hers, so that's on her too!

"Arlea. Let's meet again when I've made it. I'll crush you flat under my heel."

I was muttering to myself when the bartender tapped my shoulder.

"Sir Knight."

"Hm?"

"Be-behind you."

"Behind?"

"We greet the Great Radiance of the Empire!!"

Bow.

"Ah."

Oh, shit.

I couldn't even look in the direction the bartender was bowing. It was the seat directly behind mine.

The Great Radiance?

They say your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die.

Mine was flashing right now. Words my father once spoke drifted past.

— "Mikhail, you must never get married."

— "Whyyy?"

— "Because fuck! Just don't! A wife calls for you day and night without rest…… begging to be coddled, waiting more desperately than any romance! Huh?! Your money gets taken, and you have to live on a four-million-won monthly allowance!"

— "Wow! But Dad, you're home all the time. Isn't that a good thing?"

— "You live how she tells you, buy her a PlayStation and an Xbox and everything else, play games with her as her friend, and she even sends you to the gym to build your body. Fine, fine, great! Mikhail, remember this. There is no such thing as a good deed without a price!! Aaaaaah!!"

Father, this worthless son goes first. My face shrank to half its size, like an old man staring down the reaper.

"Mikhail."

"What did you just say?"

"——I-I'd crush you flat under my heel."

"Before that."

Thump, thump, thump, thump—

"Mmm. To put it in a metaphor, something like 'a bitch in heat only comes to her senses once my Gustavo is buried in her,' or 'pretty means free?' Something along those lines. I'm not sure what a Gustavo is exactly, but the way you were whimpering to yourself was adorable. Hehe."

Arlea smiled faintly and stepped closer. H-how did she even find me?!

"I got lucky. Your face was on a mercenary poster. Those sharp eyes—my eternal bodyguard knight who can't help himself the moment he sees me."

"U-uuuuh——"

"Haa, Mikhail. You reject my confession, then bolt like a dog, and you thought you could seduce a woman and walk away clean? Fuck. If you'd done this to any other girl, I wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't."

"Uwaaaagh!"

The chair toppled backward. Flat on the floor, I crawled like a zombie.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm soooorryyy!!"

"Hmm~. And yet you never touched ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠another woman. When I checked your ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠inn room, there was a magic photograph of the two of us…… my old underwear, an apology letter, a bouquet of flowers—you'd prepared an absolute feast. Hmm. I started wondering if there was another lunatic like you anywhere. I've liked you from the start. And you were preparing an event."

"L-let me go. I'm sorry. I-I'll explain everything—"

"Explain?"

"Y-yes!! Actually, that wasn't for Your Highness, it was for……"

I tried to crawl away across the floor. But my body was already pinned flat—because Arlea had thrown herself on top of me.

"If it wasn't for Your Highness, does that mean there are two Arleas bearing the Kiessen name in the Kiessen Empire? My, two Virgin Goddesses. Mikhail must be delighted."

Fuck. Surrounded on all sides.

No choice.

Time for a smoke-screen tactic.

I pleaded up at Arlea, whose face was pressed close to mine.

"P-please spare me. Noona…… I-I won't do it again!"

"Why, Mikhail. You're the one who rejected my confession and made me live as an old maid for a whole year."

She wasn't wrong.

"You're the one who made me like this. Collecting every last detail of my daily life, then putting on a mask and saving me whenever I was in danger while claiming to be a mercenary. There's a limit to how lewd a person can be."

"……Hweeeek."

"And yet you never met other women. Just sat alone grinding your teeth thinking about me."

Arlea rolled her eyes coquettishly.

"Is Mikhail a genius at making women angry? Come with me. The first time might be a little disappointing, but—you do know the Virgin Goddess practices premarital chastity, right? Hmm~."

I don't remember what happened after that. My only thought was that I should get a good long look at ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the sky.

Because I'd never see it again.

And that was how my dark-yandere-sim midnight escape came to an end.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ding!

"Huh."

The second chance arrived out of nowhere. It hit me while I was in the middle of some thoroughly enjoyable and thoroughly carnal "pure love" time with Arlea, so I was left completely dumbfounded.

But I snapped out of it fast. Me, Mikhail Yohan.

Who am I?

Arlea merchandise collector-owner, husband, masked knight, nine-month menstrual-cycle vaccine injector, and dual-purpose stick. I casually rolled my eyes around the room.

An antique chamber. Was this the Imperial Palace?

I swallowed dryly. The classic web-novel cliché—had I actually regressed?!

"Yosh!"

The single most ill-tempered woman under heaven—second to none—a woman with the talent and authority to shake the Empire itself, had been returned to her soft, fresh, untouched days.

This time I wouldn't touch her chest, wouldn't collect Arlea photos, wouldn't hide a secret box under the bed stuffed with 32,482 love letters, and wouldn't keep a diary claiming I had someone I loved when it was all a lie. Mm-hmm.

Oh yeah!!

I cheered inwardly. Right now, I could rewrite my fate!

"What is it."

At that moment, Arlea peeled off her jacket in front of me and asked curtly.

Judging by the situation… this was before I'd started throwing every come-on in the book. Right after my knighthood ceremony. Oho. At this point, before any connection had been built—if I just followed the prescribed steps, I'd pass through clean.

"It's nothing…… nothing at all, Your Highness."

"Your name was Mikhail, was it?"

"Yes."

"Mikhail Yohan. For the son of a ruined knight house to be walking around this intact—special exceptions really are special. I should first congratulate you for informing on them for the sake of the Empire."

Clap clap clap clap—

Arlea applauded, slow and deliberate.

What.

.

.

.

"……Hmm~?"

One of Arlea's eyebrows arched upward.

Eh?

My mind went pure white. Arlea remembering the previous playthrough was a variable that, as far as my memory went, had never existed. Extreme dread flooded in. Terror. Despair. Fear.

Every emotion a married man could feel condensed into a single scream.

I have to stop this.

But did I have a cheat? A stand up? A Michuri?

No sooner had I made that resolution than—

—Arlea had already floored me and climbed onto my stomach.

"Hwek."

"But Mikhail. What a fun wedding-anniversary present you've given me. A gift like this, even. I'm so incredibly moved. A pure-hearted man who takes the Virgin Goddess's virginity twice. Pfft."

Spirited Arlea let out a mocking laugh and licked her lips. I quietly pushed her off.

"I don't know what you mean, Your Highness. This is the first time we've ever met."

Never mind that I was currently pushing her breasts away.

At this rate I was going to die a mummy!!