Chapter 167
Chapter 167
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 167
Chapter Title: 81. Snowman (1)
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A Failnet user is throwing shade our way.
Our board buddies couldn't care less.
...
...
New faces, obscure users, even the ones with bad reps—they're all just talking snowmen.
We can brush off that Failnet anon's jab partly because this tragedy happens every year, but mostly it's that schadenfreude every doomer carries deep down.
Before the war, us doomers got treated like dirt.
Only those who've been through it get how much flak we took.
Especially in a place like Korea, where society shoves some "model citizen" ideal down your throat and hammers anyone who doesn't conform.
Becoming a doomer took guts before you even thought about stockpiling cash.
Far as I know, Japan was the only country tougher on doomers.
They went so far as having rural old folks demolish bunkers overnight.
Koreans are softer-hearted than that, but it wasn't a picnic here either.
Doomers back then? Total losers, halfwits—like a Joseon-era bachelor rocking pigtails.
TV even had comedians whose whole shtick was roasting us.
Hwang Daeseop, probably.
I barely watch TV, but even I found his YouTube clips.
One sketch sticks out.
This scrawny doomer (Hwang Daeseop) in ratty sweats and a shaggy mop, eyes sunken like a total misfit, hoards meat at the mart waiting for doomsday.
Doom never drops; time ticks by peacefully (clock hands spin wild, day-night flips fast outside).
Then his ancient fridge dies, meat rots.
He force-feeds like a competitive eater, gets the cramps, pukes it up grotesquely, stares at the camera.
End scene.
He milked that bit for multiple skits.
Even I chuckled, as a doomer.
Show was called "Neighbor's Doomer," I think.
Riffing off "crashers" for real estate bears, slapping "doom" on us.
Anyway, after all that mockery and scorn we endured, we don't owe the world much sympathy if they suffer a bit.
Their pain? Proof we were right all along.
So that Failnet anon's sting? Just another lame troll comment to us.
Nobody's paying these types any mind.
Our board's even buzzing about straight-up banning "ㅇㅇ" nicks, Failnet's go-to.
They were fun at first when they flooded in, but now life's hitting hard, fun's gone, just whiny posts—folks want 'em blocked so we can chat among ourselves.
Plenty of our users are already filtering "ㅇㅇ."
But not all "ㅇㅇ"s are haters nursing grudges.
Some good ones try fitting our vibe, sans satellite gear.
Like:
Mild Failnet folks riding the snowman wave like us.
Feels like things are mellowing, but Park Gyu here? Still a dyed-in-the-wool doomer.
Labeled misfit, immature, failure—unfair crap in private life too.
Incheon mass dying? No big grin, but no pity either. Can't save 'em anyway.
Just thinks it should've hit last year or the year before, finally here.
Obviously, I'm jumping on the snowman trend.
But trend-chaser with an identity crisis like me? Can't do basic snowman—ego won't allow.
Wants unique, thumbs-up bait.
Never made one since kid days—tough gig.
So, new approach: scout foreign boards.
Leveraging superior auto-translate since Melon Mask's return, admire global masterpieces, "reinterpret" Korean-style. Winning strat.
Searched snowman in US, Canada, Europe—art hubs.
Found posts, nothing soul-stirring.
Japan next.
Close, but irrelevant.
War hit, total lockdown—like they don't exist. Fewer board users than Korea anyway.
Info says flashy blockade, but poorly prepped for doom.
Kanto Plains half-eroded, thugs and warlords rampant.
Still, gems exist.
Found H. Sawatari from Hokkaido, 2 years back, snowman-themed posts galore.
"..."
Like striking gold.
Grinning, spots easy "reinterpret"—snow bunny. Simple, cute, polished. Perfect debut.
H. Sawatari? Last post 1.5 years ago: "stomach hurts." Gone since.
Current temp: -15°C.
Cooler, but balmy vs -30°C.
Picks hard-to-pin spot in my turf, starts building.
But vibe's off today.
Drones over airport—King's gang from last attack? They'll buzz off soon.
Scans sky: no high-altitude stuff.
Even if, won't kill my vibe.
Eyes airport while packing snow into orb, molds like pottery.
H. Sawatari tip: water-drop shape key.
Nail droplet, then trowel time.
Pro carpenter—trowel mastery from trial-error hell.
My plastering wows pros.
Precision-shapes bunny flawless.
Shh-shh~ Swish~
Feels right.
Finesse mouth, frozen camellia leaves for ears, red thorn berries for eyes.
Steps back, arms crossed, admires.
"..."
Damn, perfect—even I say so.
Nailed H. Sawatari "reinterpret."
Click—
Snaps angles, rushes bunker, uploads.
Wonder what reactions roll in.
Two comments already.
Friendly for a Nazi like me.
Predictably, message from Dajeongi.
Wanna check on her, but right now I'm no mere skeleton—I'm an artist.
Alive enough to message, she'll spill when ready.
Listening later's fine.
Sure enough, more comments pile while chatting her.
So cuuuute
— Blocked user comment —
Four more—DS something blocked one.
Not over yet.
Comments keep coming.
Recs stuck at 2, but popularity's about comment count—people click those.
From experience, early comments like this? Hot post bound.
But can't settle.
Eyes H. Sawatari snow folder for next "reinterpret."
Hour of planning, checks my post.
Couple more comments.
That's it.
No hot list.
Lacking juice?
Debut anyway, not epic.
Next ones'll shine.
Anyway, rivals' snowmen? Hits hot posts.
Amid snow spam, one oddball sticks out.
Not snowman.
"?"
Photo attached.
Clicks.
Shabby slum backdrop, sickly 50s guy self-shots.
That face.
No doubt.
Our Hwang Daeseop.
The one who mocked doomers loudest.
*
Every genre has a shelf life.
Comedy too.
Once viewer favorites faded like Westerns as times changed.
Analyses vary, but I buy their laughs were too old-school for a harshening world.
Has-been Hwang Daeseop pivoted differently.
Swapped old vibes for fresh: targeting hated doomers.
Boom—"Neighbor's Doomer" exploded from ep1.
We got universal hate, but legally clean; if doom hit, we'd rule. Tons criticized us, but network middle finger? Hwang first.
Public enemy #1 for doomers.
Every jab tanked our rep more.
Some doomers confessed kids mimicking him stalked 'em—nightmare fuel.
Hit formula spawns copycats.
Hwang, idea-rich but basics-weak, sank into mockery mob quick.
But he cashed in second heyday mocking us—fact.
Hated us for real, probably.
War/doom blurred his name.
No sightings if alive; celebs fled Jeju, but not him—board consensus.
No island gig for one-trick pony.
His mocks turned to envy for doomers.
Hwang? Washed up, presumed dead, forgotten.
Three years post-war, dead comic haunts doomer HQ—Viva! Apocalypse!
Hangul nick: Failnet login.
One question: what's his game?
Why surface now, after savage smears?
Ignore Dongtanmom.
Board user, not doomer.
True to form, doomers like me stunned silent—no replies.
Gaunter, sickly, filthy rags—but Hwang's that smug glare revives pre-war hate.
Amid icy silence, new post.
Hwang drops pic.
Grimy outdoors, not white—blackened.
Main drag, people/vehicles once.
Center: stark white lump.
Humanoid.
Snowman.
But not our kind.
Person.
Just blanketed in snow.
Likely woman corpse.
Under pic: Hwang's caption.
End of <81. Snowman (1)>