A Smile Through the Pain
"Usually we keep them under for a full day of rest after surgery. Their bodies have been through a lot, and they're going to be in pain."
"...Will she be okay?"
Na Haram's voice trembled as she asked. She was afraid that if they put Bokshil under, she might never wake up again.
"I can't say it's a hundred percent safe, but so far everyone's been fine."
"Then... are you going to keep our Bokshil under too?"
"We'll see. If she's in too much pain, that's the plan."
In the old days, he'd had no way of knowing how much the dogs hurt after surgery, so he'd always kept them sedated for a full day. But now I can tell. Even if the endotracheal tube meant she couldn't make a sound, they could still communicate.
Holding that thought, Lee Jun turned to Na Haram, whose face was drawn and hollow with exhaustion.
"I'll be watching Bokshil, so please go rest. Try to eat something, too."
"I'm okay. I just want to stay beside her until she wakes up."
Na Haram gave a small shake of her head and looked down at Bokshil lying there.
Bokshil was wrapped in bandages from her neck all the way to her groin. They were compression bandages for the opened chest cavity, but to the eye it looked as though her entire body had been wounded.
Na Haram's gaze was so careful it seemed she feared Bokshil might shatter just from being looked at. She went on.
"I think she'll feel safer if I'm here. And we don't even know when she'll wake up..."
"That's true, but aren't you exhausted? You must be hungry, too."
"No, I'm fine."
With that short reply, Lee Jun couldn't press her any further. For a moment the two of them simply watched Bokshil — Lee Jun checking her vitality, Na Haram aching at the sight of those unopened eyes. Their gazes were different, but their hearts were the same.
Please, let Bokshil wake up safely.
"...Our Bokshil... she's going to be in a lot of pain, isn't she? You split her bones open and opened her chest..."
"She will be."
Lee Jun was honest.
"As I mentioned before the surgery, her throat is going to hurt terribly from the endotracheal tube. She won't be able to make much of a sound for a few days. For two or three days she probably won't even want to drink water. It'll hurt."
"Ah..."
"And the pain from the chest incision will likely last for quite a while."
"Hah..."
"We'll use painkillers, but those can cause headaches too. Dizziness, nausea... that's likely."
Lee Jun laid out everything Bokshil would go through after the operation. Animals couldn't say they were hurting even when they were, so it was better to explain things in this much detail. That way a guardian would be less frightened watching over them. Otherwise they'd panic at the slightest sign of discomfort — or they wouldn't notice their dog was hurting at all, and walk right past an emergency.
Listening to him, Na Haram could only let out a long, shaky breath.
"Hnn..."
"But Bokshil will get through it."
"Yes..."
Lee Jun slipped the stethoscope from around his neck into his ears. There was a patient monitor attached, but checking by hand mattered too. He pressed the chest piece against the center of her bandaged thorax, and the sound of her heart reached him.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
The heartbeat was more regular than it had been right after surgery.
"Her heart sounds better. That means the irregular rhythm she had before the operation has improved."
"Ah..."
"The sound is still a little weak, but this is a good sign."
At his words, Na Haram's face brightened. Lee Jun lifted the stethoscope and stepped aside to give her room.
"She'll like it if you pet her. You saw, didn't you? She smiled when you stroked her just a little while ago."
"...Yes."
Na Haram carefully, so carefully, stroked Bokshil's forehead just as she had before.
That was when it happened. The corners of Bokshil's mouth lifted, and at the same time her body went slack, unfurling. In that instant Na Haram shot up from her seat and looked at Lee Jun.
"W-why is she doing that? H-her body... she's going limp."
Fear filled her eyes as she asked if something had gone wrong. Lee Jun's calm voice reached her.
"She's relaxing. She knows you're touching her. It looks like she's about to wake up."
That calm, gentle voice. The tension drained from Na Haram all at once, and she sank back into the chair.
"O-oh, is that what it is?"
"Yes."
Just as he said, Bokshil's body stirred. And then her eyes opened.
Blink. Blink.
As her eyelids fluttered, Na Haram's voice broke.
"Bo... Bokshil..."
The corners of Bokshil's mouth lifted even higher. Then she moved her head, as if searching for something.
"Bokshil, just stay still. It hurts..."
"W-why is she doing that? Something seems off."
Once again, Na Haram was flustered. She'd expected that when Bokshil woke, she'd either grimace in pain or simply open her eyes. Either way, she'd thought their gazes would meet. But those unfocused eyes... Na Haram found the vacant look unsettling, and the way Bokshil was holding her neck strangely, too.
"Her vision is probably still blurry."
The moment those words left Lee Jun's mouth, every aftereffect Na Haram had been told about before the surgery unspooled through her mind. Complications that could arise from operating with the heart stopped for so long. He said there could be problems with the brain. She might not be able to see. She might not be able to walk... Oh, that's right. He said if air got into a cerebral blood vessel, it could cause a stroke.
Every side effect Lee Jun had mentioned — not just the eyes, but all of them — crashed over her at once, and her hands began to shake.
"Take Bokshil's hand — her front paw, I mean. And call her name."
Na Haram didn't even have the presence of mind to answer. She simply did as he said, reaching out to take Bokshil's front paw, and opened her mouth.
"Bo... Bokshil. Mommy's here. Bokshil."
That was when it happened. Bokshil's eyes curved into crescents.
"Sh-she's smiling. Bokshil smiled."
She still couldn't make a sound, but she was definitely smiling. Their eyes hadn't even met, but she was definitely smiling. Na Haram's eyes curved just like Bokshil's. The only difference was that a single tear slipped from those crescent-moon eyes.
A smile found its way onto Lee Jun's face as well. Seeing her smile, it seemed she'd woken up just fine.
"Her focus will come back gradually. Just wait a little."
"...Yes. Our Bokshil... she woke up, right? She really woke up?"
"Yes. She woke up well, and her consciousness looks clear."
"Hnn... I-I'm so, so glad. Director, thank you so much."
"It's Bokshil you should thank. She's in pain, and she still smiled for you."
Lee Jun could guess at what Bokshil was feeling. That little one... she must be hurting so much. Smiling through the pain like that — she was surely doing it so Na Haram wouldn't worry.
Lee Jun's guess was a little off.
Bokshil was in terrible pain, but the moment she felt her mom's voice and her mom's touch, the smile just came. It wasn't a forced smile she put on while holding the pain back. It simply rose on its own.
"Bokshil, your friends are here to visit."
Wrapped in her bandages, Bokshil tilted her head. She didn't know what a visit meant. But at the word friends, the corners of her mouth lifted. She thought of two cats with sparkling eyes and one goofy-looking dog.
"Ah — a visit means your friends are coming to see you."
Hehehe. Her friends were coming. She could see her friends.
Just as Bokshil broke into a wide smile, the door opened, and with a rustling sound, some lumps came in. One big lump and two little ones.
Rustle, rustle.
Bokshil's eyes went wide. And then—
"Ehehehehe..."
She laughed hard. And then immediately let out a groan.
"Ugh... ugh..."
Laughing made her belly hurt so much. Her chest, to be precise.
"W-what's wrong-ong! Big Sis Bokshil-ong, does it hurt-ong?"
"Ughk! Does Big Sis Bokshil hurt? Don't you hurt!"
"Ah, it hurts-dayo? Why does it hurt-dayo? Hyungnim-ayo! Big Sis Bokshil doesn't hurt-dayo?"
That goofy dog made Bokshil want to laugh all over again. But she was terrified of laughing, because laughing made her chest hurt so, so much. In the end she held it in with a tiny squeak. But it was too hard to hold back, and finally she squeezed her eyes shut.
"H-Hyungnim-ong, Big Sis Bokshil hurts so, so much-ong. This is bad-ong."
"Y-yeah. She said it didn't hurt. But it hurts."
"That's right-dayo! It doesn't hurt-dayo. But it hurts-dayo!"
The rustling grew louder, and so did the three animals' voices. It sounded loud to Bokshil and the three of them, but to Lee Jun it wasn't actually that loud at all. Anyway, Bokshil found them hilarious. The way they moved around making rustling sounds was funny. The panicked looks on their faces when they thought she was hurting were too funny. Everything was just funny.
"...kff, i-it doesn't hurt... kff kff, it's funny!"
Bokshil answered, barely holding in her laughter.
"It doesn't hurt-ong? Phew, that's a relief-ong. But Big Sis Bokshil-ong, why is it funny-ong?"
"Why's it funny? Big Sis thinks YOU'RE the funny one, Hoesaegi."
"That's not true-ong, I'm cool-ong. YOU'RE the funny one, Gkamnyangi-ong."
"Hehe, both Hyungnims are funny-dayo. You look like fat round balls-dayo! That's why Big Sis Bokshil is laughing-dayo!"
No! You're the funniest one, you goof, looking like a giant dog chew!
Bokshil cracked her eyes open and looked at the three of them. Only their faces poked out. The rest of them looked like big white balls. Two white balls were bouncing along, and next to them bounced the savory, slightly fishy, delicious dog chew her mom used to give her every night. An enormously, enormously big dog chew.
She'd been holding it in because laughing made the surgical site hurt so much, but she finally burst out, spilling the words she'd been stuffing down.
"...Hehe, you look like balls. Heehee, fat round balls! And... you look like that yummy chew I used to eat every day... ehehehehehe!"
The three of them, who'd been bouncing along, froze in place all at once. Then they rounded their eyes and stared at one spot. Right at Hyungnim Meongmeong.
Huff. Huff. Huff.
The three of them snorted hard. Naturally, their nostrils flared too. Hoesaegi, snorting the hardest, was the first to speak.
"Hyungnim-ong! You said we looked cool-ong."
"Yeah. Hyungnim said we looked really cool!"
"He did-dayo. But Big Sis Bokshil said we look fat-dayo!"
When the three of them had found out Bokshil had woken up, they'd said they were going to see her. Lee Jun had told them they couldn't — that Bokshil still needed to rest and recover. That was part of it, but the real reason he'd postponed the visit was their fur. Na Haram, who was with Bokshil, was wearing a disposable gown herself.
So the three of them had asked. Then why was Hyungnim going in to see her? Bokshil's mom was in there too. Faced with those unusually sharp-eyed questions, Lee Jun had come clean. They couldn't visit because of their fur.
So the three of them had chosen to cover it, wrapping their entire bodies in disposable surgical drapes. Seeing that, Lee Jun had told them they looked cool, and they'd marched in, triumphant.
But at Bokshil's honest reaction, the three of them were crushed.
Seeing them slump to the floor, Lee Jun explained the situation to Bokshil.
"...That's how it happened."
"To come see me?"
"That's right. To see you, Bokshil. To cheer you on after you woke up from surgery."
Hearing him, Bokshil looked at the three of them, her eyes welling up.
"You guys... thank you. Thank you so, so much. And you're not funny. You look so, so cool."
At the word cool, the three who'd slumped to the floor sprang right back up.
"Big Sis Bokshil-ong, YOU look way, way cooler-ong."
"That's right. Big Sis Bokshil is cool. Hyungnim said it hurts a lot. But Big Sis is smiling."
"That's right-dayo. It hurts a whole lot-dayo. But it doesn't hurt-dayo. Big Sis is cool-dayo!"
Yep. That goofy one was the goofiest of them all. She had no idea what he was even saying. But Bokshil smiled softly at that goofy Sapsaree's words. Her heart had simply gone warm.
Looking at the three of them, a smile just came. This time not because they were funny, but because she felt so good. So, so good.
The four of them looked at each other and giggled.
One day, two days, three days...
Four days after the surgery, Bokshil came from Namgoong Animal Medical Center to Mongmong Animal Hospital. And now she stood in the sun-drenched 2nd Floor Cat Playground.
It was chilly outside, but the playground — with sunlight streaming in and the heat running — was warm. Inside, even the grass and flowers swayed gently.
Sssip!
Bokshil drew in a deep breath and smelled the grass. A prickling sting. It still hurt to breathe, but she felt good anyway. Far off, her mom was smiling at her, and right beside her were her adorable little siblings — her handsome little brother Hoesaegi with the sparkling eyes, little brother Gkamnyangi, and that big, goofy Sapsaree brother who seemed like he needed looking after.
"Big Sis Bokshil-ong, let's go-ong."
"Big Sis Bokshil, if it's hard, lean on me."
"No-ong, Gkamnyangi is weak-ong. Big Sis Bokshil-ong, lean on me-ong."
"Yeah, right! I'm bigger."
"Gkamnyangi-ong, you're big but you have no strength-ong."
"Hehe, Big Sis Bokshil-ayo! I'm here-dayo!"
The three of them chattered on, each insisting she lean on them. Leaving them behind, Bokshil took a step.
Th... ud. Thud-ud.
Her legs had no strength in them, so walking was hard.
Hah, hah, hah.
She was out of breath, too. But Bokshil didn't stop. Meongmeong Teacher said to keep walking even if it's hard. Then it would get easier, little by little. Breathing would get easier, too.
Bokshil walked slowly. One step. Two steps. Three steps. If she kept walking like this, she would be able to walk all the way to her mom, waiting far off. Watching her mom smile brightly from over there, Bokshil walked on, thud-ud, thud-ud.
That was when it happened.
A sway. Her body listed to the side.
"Uh-oh..."
Her mom appeared sideways. It looked like she was lying down, and then — flop. Something warm and fluffy pressed against her body. At the same time, her goofy little brother's voice came from right beside her.
"Hehe, Big Sis Bokshil-ayo! It doesn't hurt-dayo?"
Bokshil answered, her body resting against Sapsaree's side.
"Yeah! It's fluffy and warm!"
It didn't hurt at all!
Bokshil smiled brightly as she watched her mom come running.