Never, Ever Eat This
Even Kwak Suho, who knew the truth about the xylitol gum Hoesaegi, Gkamnyangi, and Sapsaree had eaten, was startled to see Sapsaree collapse with his eyes rolled back. But the first floor, watching the trio's performance with no information whatsoever, erupted into chaos.
Even before Sapsaree rolled his eyes and went down, the guardians' gazes had been filled with nothing but pity and the urge to rush over and stop him. The moment Sapsaree had taken an interest in the gum, voices of protest had sprung up from every direction.
"Aigoo, Sapsaree, that's not food! That's gum — gum! What if it gets stuck in your throat?"
"That's right. I've heard of a dog that died from eating gum. They said his stomach was packed full of undigested gum."
"Really?"
"Yes. How would they even know they're supposed to spit it out?"
"That's exactly why I'm saying — why would anyone leave gum sitting there..."
Every last one of them was worried about choking or intestinal blockage if the gum was chewed and then swallowed.
Then one of the guardians spoke up.
"Getting stuck in the throat is one thing, but that xylitol is poison to dogs."
"Xylitol? Isn't that the stuff that's supposed to make your teeth stronger?"
"For dogs, it's poison."
"Oh my goodness — so Sapsaree just collapsed from eating poison?"
"Probably!"
In an instant, the guardians' sharp gazes swiveled toward the veterinarians standing or sitting nearby. Arrows of accusation: why would you let the kids eat something that dangerous?
Go Gi-jin, who caught the brunt of those arrows, offered an awkward smile and quietly rose from his seat.
"Come now, you really think our director would ever let 'em eat actual poison? Here, try one of these. This here's the same gum our kids were eatin' over yonder."
Go Gi-jin took a small bowl from Jang Sora and passed it around to the guardians, adding,
"What's it called now... they didn't season it, so it won't taste like much."
The guardian sitting right next to Go Gi-jin — Ttangkhongi's person — picked one up and asked,
"Didn't season it? I've never heard of seasoning gum in my life... wait, huh?"
"Oh my, this isn't gum at all."
Mongi's guardian, who had already popped one in her mouth and started chewing, gasped in surprise.
"That's right. Our Chef Joo made these special for the video, y'see."
"Goodness, they look exactly the same..."
"Heh, well I'll be."
The guardians each put a piece in their mouths and burst into hearty laughter.
"What you're lookin' at over yonder, that's all stuff they can eat just fine, so don't you worry yourselves and just watch."
And just like that, the shock event born of Sapsaree's powerhouse performance came to a close.
Once the worry had evaporated, the conversation turned to Hoesaegi, Gkamnyangi, and Sapsaree's acting.
"So that was all acting?"
"No way."
"Director Lee must have taught them."
One of the guardians had spoken the truth.
"Oh, come on, that's ridiculous. Even if our Director Lee knows exactly what they want, how could he possibly coach them to act? That's taking it too far."
"Why wouldn't it make sense? My kid is completely smitten the second he sees the director."
"It's not that I don't get it. Our Ttangkhongi keels right over when I go 'bang.'"
"Our Mongi too — if I say 'bring the teddy,' he brings the teddy bear, and if I say 'bring the carrot,' he brings the carrot toy."
"Hmm, but still, that was a bit too..."
"I feel like our director really could pull it off, though."
"Well, that's true."
The three animals' acting, Sapsaree's included, had been so realistic that some suggested Lee Jun must have coached them — but the prevailing opinion was that such a thing was impossible. Gradually, though, they arrived at a conclusion: if it was Lee Jun — if it was their director — then maybe it really was possible.
"Whew. Those little cuties can really act, though. If they were any bigger, I'd suspect there was a person in a costume inside."
"You're telling me."
And so the commotion on the first floor came to an end. The second floor, however, was another story. Dozens of animals were crying out "Sapsaree-hyungnim!" and "Sapsaree-oppa!" until the place felt like a war zone.
Even so, the first and second floors had one thing in common. Every last one of them was completely absorbed in the trio's performance.
Just as everyone was calling Sapsaree's name in a panic, Hoesaegi and Gkamnyangi bolted straight to Lee Jun.
"Meongmeong-hyungnim! This is bad. Sapsaree — Sapsaree collapsed!"
"Sapsaree collapsed-ong!"
The two of them shouted at the top of their lungs, and Lee Jun, waiting in the wings, came running out.
"Wha— Sapsaree collapsed?"
Lee Jun locked eyes with the camera and put on a look of utter shock. Then he called out to the two of them, his voice frantic.
"S-Sapsaree — where is he right now?"
"O-over there-ong!"
"Over there."
Thud-thud-thud. Lee Jun sprinted to where Sapsaree had fallen. He dropped to his knees at once and pressed a stethoscope to Sapsaree's body.
"Hyungnim, Sapsaree threw up all of a sudden."
"He was shaking like this-ong."
"And his eyes did this."
The two of them reenacted, right beside Lee Jun, the performance Sapsaree had given only moments before.
"But you two are okay?"
"We're fine-ong."
"We're fine."
"Did Sapsaree bump into something?"
Shake-shake. The two of them shook their heads.
"Then did Sapsaree eat something strange? Was there anything he ate that you two didn't?"
That was when it happened. Voices burst from the audience.
"They ate the smooth shiny thing!"
"It made a smack-smack-smack sound!"
"Their mouths wouldn't close!"
Lee Jun tilted his head as he listened, and Gkamnyangi dashed off, grabbed a piece of xylitol gum, and came racing back.
"Th-this is it. They ate this."
The instant Lee Jun saw what lay on Gkamnyangi's front paw, he dropped to the floor in exaggerated shock.
"Aigoo! This is bad! If we're not careful, Sapsaree's going to the Dog Star!"
Lee Jun's over-the-top acting made the two of them jump out of their skins. They too plopped down on their rumps and wailed.
"Sapsaree, don't go to the Dog Star — you can't go!"
"H-hyungnim-ong. Is Sapsaree going to the Dog Star-ong? Is it true-ong?"
They wailed and then clung to Lee Jun.
"Hyungnim-ong, please save Sapsaree-ong."
"Save him, please!"
Lee Jun put on a grave expression and answered.
"All right. I'll try to save Sapsaree. But you must remember this. This is a very, very bad thing."
"A-all right-ong."
"Got it."
Lee Jun mimed placing an IV in Sapsaree. Then cheers of encouragement erupted from the audience.
"Sapsaree, open your eyes!"
"Sapsaree-hyung, open your eyes! Let's play together!"
"Little brother Sapsaree, hang in there!"
"Sapsaree-oppa, open your eyes!"
Woof woof, arf arf, meow meow, nya-nya, bow-wow-wow! Dogs and cats alike became one, all of them praying for Sapsaree to open his eyes.
A moment later, Sapsaree sprang to his feet.
"Sapsaree's alive-ong!"
"H-he's alive! Sapsaree's alive!"
Hoesaegi and Gkamnyangi were the first to shout it at the top of their lungs. The dogs and cats who had been standing around the stage, every muscle tensed as they watched, joined in.
"Wah, wah, he's alive!"
"Sapsaree's alive!"
"Hooray! Hooray for Meongmeong Teacher!"
"Hooray!"
The stage and the audience suddenly transformed into a festival. Without anyone needing to go first, they all started swaying their hips in a joyful dance.
When the long stretch of dancing gradually died down, Sapsaree padded forward to the front of the stage.
"Ahem. My friends. Were ya very worried, I tell ya?"
"You betcha. I was downright terrified Hyungnim was gonna go off to the Dog Star!"
"Me too. I like Hyung so much, I was scared he'd disappear!"
Every face was bright with joy. Sapsaree's nose stung, and he sniffed for no reason, lowering his head.
Of course, what he had done was acting. And yet they had worried that he might actually be hurt — that something might go wrong. All these friends, every last one of them.
"Thank ya! So I'm gonna say one thing, I tell ya. Our friends must never, ever eat this!"
Sapsaree pointed to the hand of his benefactor hyungnim, sitting beside him. Lee Jun held up his palm, piled high with xylitol gum, for all to see.
There was no need to explain why they shouldn't eat xylitol. All they needed to know was that if you eat it, you drop dead.
Lee Jun pointed at the xylitol with one hand and added,
"My friends, you must never, ever eat this! Got it?"
"That's right-ong. Never eat it-ong."
"Don't eat it. That's a promise~!"
Then Sapsaree looked at his friends and asked,
"Did ya see me? Did ya see me fall down?"
At Sapsaree's question, everyone nodded vigorously as one. Then Sapsaree cried out,
"Yeah! We won't eat it!"
"We'll never eat it!"
The animals in the audience nodded their heads furiously as they shouted. Having answered at the top of their lungs, they made a resolution.
They would never eat it!
After that, the three of them used their dazzling acting skills to burn into the dogs' and cats' memories all the other things they must never eat — onions, grapes, and more.
And so the time for introducing dangerous foods passed, and at last the moment arrived for the one thing Lee Jun most wanted to share.
The stage, now empty of the trio. Before anyone noticed, the lights had gone dim.
Dogs and cats, whose sense of smell and hearing far outstripped their sight, found their noses and ears growing even sharper as the surroundings darkened. That was when a rich, toasty aroma began to waft from somewhere, puff after puff. It was the smell of the castor oil, sesame oil, perilla oil, and rapeseed oil Lee Jun had prepared, seeping from their bottles.
Nostrils flared. Sniff sniff sniff. Dogs and cats alike sniffed the air, looking every which way. Dogs smacking their lips began to appear one after another.
"Smack, smack. Where's that smell comin' from? Bet it'd taste incredible."
Kkotnimi muttered, blinking his tiny triangular eyes. Then everyone piled on with a comment of their own.
"Ain't that the truth. Reckon it'd taste mighty fine."
Kakkong-i, who had always had a hearty appetite, added,
"Yeah, I wanna try eatin' it."
Even Mongi, who was a picky eater, smacked his lips.
"Seems that way. I'd sure like to try it once."
Even Ttangkhongi, who normally had no interest in anything but his usual food, sniffed the air and gave his tail a slow, lazy wag.
The cats were no different. They, too, smacked their lips, their eyes sparkling.
"I... should like to try it, just once."
Even Yeolmu, the cat known as the Noble Lady, showed interest.
In a word, it was a devilishly seductive smell.
As that aroma — the one that had everyone interested, everyone wanting a taste — puffed and wafted through the air, the stage lit up with a sudden flash.
On the stage, Hoesaegi, Gkamnyangi, and Sapsaree were staggering along. The three who had been gleaming with a glossy sheen only moments ago were nowhere to be found. In their place were creatures that looked like mangy, half-starved foals.
Hoesaegi's fur was a tangled, filthy mess. Gkamnyangi was no better — his once-lustrous black coat was caked with a film of pale dust, and Sapsaree's long fur was plastered with dirt and leaves.
If that had been all, one might have thought, Ah, they must have been rolling around somewhere. But the three of them tottered along, their four legs tangling, walking as if they might collapse at any moment.
"I'm hungry-ong."
"...Me too..."
"I-is there nothin' to eat, I tell ya?"
All three of them muttered in voices that barely crawled out of their throats. They shuffled along, half crawling, half walking, when Gkamnyangi's nose began to twitch. Then Sapsaree's nose twitched, and Hoesaegi's too.
"Where's... sniff sniff... that smell coming from?"
"That's a tasty smell, I tell ya."
"I want to... eat it-ong."
The three of them picked up their pace. The sniffing grew louder and louder. And then Sapsaree cried out in a loud voice.
"Over there, I tell ya! There's somethin' over there!"
"Wh-what is it?"
"Is it food-ong?"
The three of them dashed over. Beneath a great tree, something was piled high. They sniffed at it together, then jerked their heads up. Hoesaegi's eyes sparkled as he cried out.
"Th-that's it-ong. The tasty smell was coming from here-ong!"
"That's right. This is the tasty stuff!"
"Heehee, let's eat, I tell ya. Hyungnims, hurry up and eat!"
The three of them cried out, their eyes shining with delight. The dogs and cats seated in the audience also gazed toward the pile, their eyes gleaming. Perhaps it was because of what had been said, but it really did seem as though a rich, toasty aroma was wafting from the spot where the three of them stood.
Then, from the stage, came the sound of crunching. Chomp chomp, crunch crunch.
"D-don't eat it-ong. Gkamnyangi-ong, Sapsaree-ong. Don't eat that-ong."
"I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat it."
"It's tasty, I tell ya. Hoesaegi-hyungnim, you eat too."
"It smells delicious-ong. But it's dangerous-ong. Listen to me-ong."
But the other two didn't even answer Hoesaegi. They just kept chomping away at whatever was on the ground. Hoesaegi stared at them for a moment, then, at some point, lowered his own head.
Crunch crunch, chomp chomp, crisp-crisp. The three sounds blended into a harmony that spread through the audience. For a while, the only sound from the stage was chewing.
At last, as if they had finished, the three of them lifted their heads at the same time.
"Gulp. That was tasty, I tell ya."
"Hoesaegi, wasn't that good?"
"It was delicious-ong."
"I wish I could eat more."
Their bellies full, the three of them lay down right where they were. Roll, roll.
"I'm so full-ong."
"And the weather's so war— mmph..."
"Snnnk... snnnk..."
Before they knew it, the three of them had fallen asleep. From the audience came a sigh of relief. They were glad the three starving animals had gotten a hearty meal.
But that sense of relief shattered in an instant.
Among the three who had been sleeping so soundly, Hoesaegi suddenly sprang up and hunched his body as far as it would go. Looking exactly as the Shih Tzu Gamja had looked right before throwing up, Hoesaegi finally —
BLEEEEGH!
He heaved up everything inside him for all to see. And even after that, foam kept pouring from his mouth.
Then Gkamnyangi sprang up and began vomiting just as Hoesaegi had. This time, he threw up red blood along with it.
Sapsaree was the same. He heaved up so much it looked as though he were vomiting out every organ in his body, then collapsed in a heap. Hoesaegi and Gkamnyangi staggered and fell as well. As Hoesaegi went down last, he muttered,
"We shouldn't have eaten that toasty-smelling stuff-ong. I should have stopped them to the very end-ong."
Thud. After even Hoesaegi had collapsed, Lee Jun walked past the base of the tree a moment later. He found something beneath it, picked it up so the audience could see it clearly, and shouted,
"Those oppas over there ate it!"
"The hyungnims ate it!"
The audience pointed out the three collapsed animals. By now they knew it wasn't a real collapse, so a note of ease crept into their voices.
Lee Jun shot back.
"It smells as rich and savory as meat, and it's as crunchy as kibble..."
Then Hoesaegi sprang up and continued.
"It's delicious-ong!"
"It's so, so savory."
"It looks just like crunchy kibble, I tell ya!"
"That's right. Anything that looks like this is really, really dangerous."
"That's right. If Meongmeong Teacher hadn't saved me, I would have gone to the Dog Star."
A hoarse voice, as if the air had gone out of a balloon. It was Gamja, who had eaten castor oil meal fertilizer just a few days ago, standing up from the audience to speak.
Gamja, who had once been plump, was now skin and bones, and even standing seemed to take everything he had.
"Gamja, can you come up here?"
"Yes."
Gamja slowly walked up onto the stage on all four paws. He had only taken a few steps, and already he looked exhausted. Hah, hah. He caught his breath, then said,
"Hyungnims, you must never, ever eat this."
He pointed at the castor oil meal fertilizer Lee Jun was holding.
Gamja tilted his head back, and a video began to play on the monitor prepared on the stage.
Dogs and cats who, like Gamja, had eaten castor oil meal fertilizer — and who had, in the end, stopped breathing.
From the audience came sounds like "Eek!" and "Aagh!"
A moment later, when the video ended, Gamja bowed his head deeply toward Lee Jun.
"Meongmeong Teacher, thank you for saving my life."