I'm Sorry, Teun-teun-i
From the house where Teun-teun-i lived with his guardian, Ju Mi-seon, to Mongmong Animal Hospital was a ten-minute walk.
But that was a healthy adult man's pace. For Ju Mi-seon, the same stretch took twice as long — and she had not stopped to rest even once.
Perhaps that was why her breath came in short, ragged pulls.
"Hah. Hahh."
It had been hard.
And yet she had never felt so light. If her heart had its way, she could have flown the rest of the way home.
That was how happy she was.
Teun-teun-i looked up at his guardian and let out a soft whimper. Ju Mi-seon tapped his rump and smiled.
"That's right, that's right. Our Teun-teun-i. We're going home — hahh — feeling good?"
A whimper.
This time he fussed at the ground, but she only gathered him closer.
"Hahh, you like that? I like it too. Teun-teun-i — hahh — our Teun-teun-i getting healthy again. I like that so much."
Even as she struggled for air, she never stopped talking to him.
A little later they reached their nest. Their home was an old house — a small two-story building. Ju Mi-seon climbed the stairs and fitted her key into the second-floor front door.
Clunk. The door swung open, and she set Teun-teun-i down with care.
Click-click-click-click.
He walked a full circuit of the rooms. The master bedroom. A small second room that served as both storage and a closet. The kitchen. A modest living room.
It was not a cramped house for one person — or rather, for two, counting Teun-teun-i. A place where he always greeted her the moment she came home from work. A place where the two of them could sleep in comfort and rest in peace.
It was old and shabby, but Ju Mi-seon loved this house so much.
That was the house it had been — until the past week, when Teun-teun-i had not been in it. The rooms had felt strange then. Cold. Hollow.
And now, as he toddled from corner to corner, warmth came back into the walls. Her eyes followed his path. Now that Teun-teun-i's here, the house feels full again. Maybe the reason she had always loved this house was simply that he was in it.
That evening, Ju Mi-seon spent a truly peaceful night for the first time in a long while. She did not hurt. She did not even feel all that tired.
"Teun-teun-i, Mom loves you most of all."
Woof!
He seemed just as happy. He slept pressed right up against her side, smiling.
The next morning, when she woke, Teun-teun-i wagged his tail and headed off somewhere.
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
Where he went was none other than the pill bottle she reached for every morning the instant she opened her eyes. He stood in front of it and let out a low bark.
"Aigoo, our Teun-teun-i. You didn't forget Mom's medicine, did you?"
She beamed as she shook out a tablet and swallowed it.
The medication was levothyroxine sodium hydrate — brand name Synthroid — for hypothyroidism. Two years earlier, Ju Mi-seon had undergone a total thyroidectomy. It had been thyroid cancer. Bilateral, and the right side had already spread to the lymph nodes, so those had been taken as well. That was why she took a thyroid hormone replacement every morning the moment she woke — and Teun-teun-i had been the one who reminded her, every single day.
After she took the pill, she stroked him.
"Thank you. Thanks to our Teun-teun-i, I didn't forget my medicine again today."
Woof!
He was so pleased that his eyes narrowed to slits and the corners of his mouth stretched all the way to his ears.
"Alright. Shall our Teun-teun-i take his medicine too?"
She got up and took from the refrigerator the capsules that were supposed to be given on an empty stomach. Two in the morning, one in the evening. They were capsules — would he even eat them?
"The doctor said if I put them in my palm, Teun-teun-i would take them, but..."
Half in doubt, she set two capsules on her hand and held it out. He stared at her palm for a moment, then — slurp — scooped them into his mouth and swallowed.
"He—he ate them."
He was a wonder, and she was so grateful.
That was not all. Next came the fluids.
"N-now I have to give him the fluids..."
Since it was the first time, they had told her to administer 60 mL twice a day. They said to make up any shortfall with drinking water. She prepared everything as she had been taught, then spoke to him.
"Teun-teun-i, time for your fluids."
She worried whether he would sit still for it. Then he trotted right up to her and flopped down in the spot she had laid out for the infusion.
"T-Teun-teun-i!"
She was able to give him the fluids far more easily than she had expected.
Then it was time to feed him. She poured half a bowl of something that looked like soy milk, and he lapped it up with wet little sounds. Lick, lick — the sound of him cleaning the bowl completely. Watching from the side, a bright smile spread across her face. Doctor, thank you so much. Thank you so, so much. As she stroked him after he had finished, she thanked Yoo Mu-hwan over and over in her heart.
Then the powdered medicine. He lapped that up well, too. From the way he wrinkled his face, it must have tasted awful. Even so, she was grateful that he licked the bowl clean.
She followed the schedule the doctor had written out — medicine, then food, then more medicine. Each dose had to be spaced apart, so by the time she was done, a full two hours had flown by.
And still she was not tired. She would have loved to stay like this forever, but she had to go to work. She gathered her things and stood.
"Teun-teun-i, Mom'll be back soon. If you get hungry, eat your kibble."
Woof!
He saw her off at the front door, his tail beating back and forth.
The place she worked was a snack shop near the house. The menu was tteokbokki, udon, gimbap, and toast. There she served customers and grilled toast; when it got busy, she washed dishes too.
Five years earlier, after her husband had passed away suddenly, Ju Mi-seon had opened a toast shop. She had opened from eight to ten in the morning to sell toast to people on their way to work, taken a short break, then sold toast again from noon to seven. It had not been wildly successful, but she had picked up enough regulars to get by.
Then one day everything became too hard. It was the same work she had always done, but she was far more exhausted than usual. In the end she had no choice but to cut her hours. Mornings stayed the same; she shortened the evening shift — from eleven-thirty to three, then even that was too tiring, so two. Then she came down with a terrible cold.
The doctor at the clinic she visited said her thyroid was badly swollen, did an ultrasound, and referred her to a major hospital that very day. The result: thyroid cancer. Surgery and chemotherapy forced her to close the shop.
When she had been hospitalized and undergoing surgery, the person who had stopped by the house to look after Teun-teun-i was none other than the owner of the snack shop she now worked at.
"Unni."
"You're here? How's Teun-teun-i?"
"He's at home. He ate his breakfast well, took his medicine well — he's such a good boy."
Seeing Ju Mi-seon's face, as if she possessed the whole world, the shop owner felt her own heart ease.
"That's a relief. Anyway, did you eat? You didn't, did you?"
"......I did eat."
The answer came a beat late. The owner smiled faintly.
"Good. I haven't eaten either — shall we start with one of our toasts?"
"Yes, Unni. I'll make it right away."
The two of them companionably split a roll of gimbap and an order of toast. For the past week, Ju Mi-seon had barely picked at anything she ate. She's actually eating well today. Watching her enjoy the food, the shop owner smiled.
That evening, too, Ju Mi-seon gave Teun-teun-i his medicine and fluids exactly as the doctor had instructed. His appetite was good as well. The next day, and the day after that, his condition was excellent.
A week passed that way, then three more days.
When work was done and she left the snack shop, Ju Mi-seon hurried her steps. That morning he had not eaten his breakfast properly, and it had been weighing on her.
"He's been eating a little less since yesterday... please!"
She hoped he had simply gotten bored of the food. Heart pounding, she arrived home. She called his name a little louder than usual.
"Teun-teun-i."
She loved him, was grateful to him, and felt sorry — this dog who always leaped and greeted her with his whole body when she came home. She loved that he welcomed her. She was grateful that he poured out his affection without fail. And she was sorry for leaving him alone when she went out. So she put all three of those feelings into her voice as she called him, stepping inside.
But from beyond the door, there was no sound at all.
A chill ran down her spine.
Clunk. She opened the door.
Just as she had feared, Teun-teun-i was nowhere in sight.
"Teun-teun-i..."
Thud, scramble. She kicked off her shoes and bolted inside.
He was lying at the far end of the bedroom, looking at her.
A whimper.
Unable to get up. He was not lying down — he had collapsed, and could not rise. When she drew closer, there was vomit beside him.
The sight of it made her whole body tremble. Teun-teun-i was sick again. If something happened to him...
"N-no! T-Teun-teun-i!"
Thud-thud. She had no time to clutch at her racing heart. She scooped up the limp Teun-teun-i and ran for Mongmong Animal Hospital.
"...Hah, hahh!"
Her breath burned in her throat and her legs ached, but she could not stop. If she stopped, it felt as though he would simply vanish right then and there, and that terrified her.
She was drowning in that fear, running, when someone caught her.
"Teun-teun-i's guardian!"
It was Director Lee Jun of Mongmong Animal Hospital. And beside him was Teun-teun-i's attending veterinarian, Dr. Yoo. They were still a three-minute run from the hospital.
Then — how had they known to come out? Before she could even ask, Director Lee Jun spoke.
"Please give Teun-teun-i to me."
Before she could even nod, Dr. Yoo lifted Teun-teun-i into his arms and ran for the hospital. Director Lee Jun ran with him.
Until a moment ago she had been running on nothing but the need to get him there. The instant the tension broke, her legs gave out. She forced strength into them, step by step, and made it inside.
A receptionist met her at the desk.
"Teun-teun-i's guardian, he's gone in for tests. Please wait just a moment."
"Yes..."
Ju Mi-seon sat in the waiting chair, clasped her hands, and prayed. Please, please, Teun-teun-i... She prayed and prayed that he would be all right, that this would not be the end — and then Director Lee Jun called her.
"Teun-teun-i's guardian, his values have gone up quite a bit."
"Th-they have?"
"Yes. I think he'll need to stay here today."
"Is he..."
She wanted to ask if he would be all right, but the words would not come. What if the director shook his head? She was too afraid.
"We'll try to bring the numbers down for now."
"Th-thank you. B-but..."
Seeing Teun-teun-i so lifeless right in front of her, all she could think of was what his attending veterinarian had said. Bring him in if he gets sick. So she had scooped him up and run without thinking. Now that she was actually at the animal hospital, reality hit her.
Hospitalization and treatment cost money, and right now she had nowhere to get it. I don't even have the face to ask for an advance... She had done that once already. That was enough.
Ju Mi-seon knew. Business at the snack shop was not what it used to be. They could manage without her, really — Unni was only keeping her on because she wanted to help. She could not impose on that person any further.
So where would she get the money? Ah. That's it. I'll move. Take the deposit from the current house and find somewhere cheaper. Yes. That was what she would do.
Decision made, she opened her mouth.
"Director, I don't think I can cover Teun-teun-i's hospitalization costs right away. It might take a week, maybe a little longer — would it be all right to pay then?"
"Please don't worry about that. For now, let's focus on Teun-teun-i getting better."
"Yes. Thank you, Director."
She was so grateful to him for saying that.
On the way home, she called her landlord. There were still six months left on the lease. The landlord told her to list it with a real estate agent. She said she understood, stopped by the agency, and put the house on the market.
They would list it, the agent said, but these days nobody was looking for a place like this. It would be better to just stay out the rest of the term.
This time, Teun-teun-i was discharged in five days. As lively as last time.
But this time, she could not simply be happy. What if he got sick again?
She was as careful as if she were walking on thin ice. If she could have, she would have stayed by his side and cared for him around the clock. His numbers went up because I didn't take good enough care of him. She blamed herself, replaying everything, trying to figure out what she had done wrong. And she tried even harder than before to keep the medication times, the fluid times, the amount of water he drank — all of it — exactly right.
Four days after Teun-teun-i came home. Fortunately, he did not seem any worse. Every time she left for work, she felt sorry and anxious. But she could not not go.
"Teun-teun-i, Mom's heading out. I'll be back soon."
She told him she would be back quickly, over and over, and went to work.
At the snack shop, she started her shift. Making toast. When there were no toast orders, she waited tables. If there was still nothing to do, she washed dishes.
Just then, two women came in and ordered.
"Two rolls of gimbap and one serving of tteokbokki, please."
"Yes, of course."
As she turned away after taking the order, the customers continued their conversation.
"So, is Bodeuri doing okay?"
"Well, you know. At least he's eating this a little. It's expensive, though."
"How much? I heard dog food is pricey."
"This is seventeen thousand won a bottle."
"This? Does one bottle last a week?"
"A week? Three days."
"Wow, that's really expensive."
"It is expensive, but at least he's eating, right? And Bodeuri's small, so that's a blessing — with a big dog you'd never keep up."
"No joke. Didn't you say the supplements are expensive too? I heard managing dogs with kidney failure costs a fortune."
The shop was small enough that she could hear the conversation whether she wanted to or not. And at the words kidney failure, Ju Mi-seon's gaze drifted naturally toward the customers' table.
"Huh?"
Inside the shopping bag the customer had set on the chair was the exact same liquid food Teun-teun-i had eaten that morning.
Thud.
Ju Mi-seon was stunned. Th-that's seventeen thousand won a bottle? Teun-teun-i went through one bottle a day.
While she sat there in shock, the customers kept talking, and it came out just how much money they had spent on Bodeuri, the dog with kidney failure. It was a sum Ju Mi-seon could never cover in her current circumstances. Th-that much? She had been indebted to the doctors for costs that enormous. I-I have to pay it back. I'm already so grateful they saved our Teun-teun-i — I can't be in that kind of debt.
Even if she could cover the treatment so far with the house deposit, what about after that? And after that?
Her hands trembled.
That day, when she came home, she held the Teun-teun-i who greeted her and wept.
"Teun-teun-i, Mom's sorry. I'm so, so sorry... our Teun-teun-i, the prettiest, handsomest, kindest boy in the whole world... I'm so sorry."
As she cried without end, Teun-teun-i licked her face, over and over. The look in his eyes as he licked her was terribly sad.