My Name Is Sapsaree
The next day, Sapsaree came to work with Lee Jun and greeted every visitor at the entrance, his tail swaying gently from side to side. For the faces he already knew, he even broke into a happy little grin.
Jang Sora tilted her head as she watched him.
"What's gotten into him all of a sudden? Did something good happen?"
Sapsaree had always been a good dog. He never barked, never bit, and if someone wanted to pet him, he simply stood still and let them. But he had almost never been the one to offer a greeting first, or to walk up to people on his own. And yet today, from the moment the clinic opened, he was being downright affectionate.
"Still... seeing him smile like that is really nice."
Watching that grinning face, the corners of Jang Sora's own mouth lifted. It was only that Sapsaree was smiling a little more than usual — and somehow the whole animal hospital seemed to brighten.
A little later, when Lee Jun stepped out of the exam room, Jang Sora asked him,
"Director, did something nice happen to Sapsaree?"
"Why do you ask?"
"He seems completely different from yesterday. Sapsaree's always been a good boy, but he's never been this sweet."
She said this while watching a child who had come in with a client wrap Sapsaree in a tight hug.
"Sapsaree's decided to become a Polite Dog."
Lee Jun smiled warmly at Sapsaree, who just stood there grinning in the child's arms, perfectly still.
"A Polite Dog?"
"Yes. The dog we met yesterday — Bangwool-i — is a Polite Dog, and he's a therapy assistance dog. I think meeting him really inspired Sapsaree."
"Oh my, so Sapsaree's going to become a therapy dog too?"
"Maybe. Yesterday he followed Bangwool-i to a volunteer session, and he seemed to really enjoy it. So I thought we'd try having him take the test."
Sapsaree had now padded over to an elderly guardian and sat neatly at their side. Lee Jun smiled as he watched him.
I'm glad I brought him along yesterday.
Even just seeing Sapsaree approach people first was enough to make Lee Jun happy. Standing beside him, Jang Sora was thinking the same thing.
"This is the first time I've ever seen Sapsaree go up to a stranger on his own."
"Right?"
"Yes. Director, I think taking him with you yesterday was the right call."
Jang Sora said it with genuine feeling.
"I don't think he'll just be the one offering help as a therapy dog. I think our Sapsaree is going to be the one who gets helped. I hope this is the chance he needs to open his heart all the way to people."
"I think you're right, Manager Jang. Our Sapsaree might be the one who ends up healing."
"He really might."
Jang Sora gazed fondly at Sapsaree, then suddenly asked Lee Jun,
"By the way, Director — is animal-assisted therapy only for dogs? The name 'therapy dog' makes it sound like it's just dogs, but these days there are so many people who love cats."
"There are cats, just as you said. Dogs, cats, horses, and dolphins are the main animals used in Animal-Assisted Therapy."
"Oh my, dolphins too? Wait — horses are a bit unexpected as well..."
"This kind of therapy actually originated with horses. They say it started as hippotherapy in ancient Rome, when riding was used to help the wounded. There's even research showing that children's stress drops sharply just from feeding a horse a carrot."
"Aigoo, there ain't a single thing our Hyung-nim don't know. Still, treatin' folks with animals goes back an awful long way, don't it."
Go Gi-jin must have found a free moment; he walked out of the exam room and chimed in on Lee Jun's explanation.
"That's right. Oh — and animals like rabbits and chickens, too. I'm not even sure whether to call them companion animals or livestock, but apparently just looking after creatures like that helped with psychiatric treatment."
"That so?"
"Yeah. They ran that experiment in 1793 at the York Retreat with psychiatric patients, and it became the model for today's Animal-Assisted Therapy. Nightingale did animal-assisted nursing too, apparently."
"Ah, I seen that somewhere — what's-his-name? Freud, y'know, the psychoanalyst."
"Yeah."
"That fella called his own dog a counseling assistant. What'd he name her again..."
"Jofi?"
"Ah, that's it, Jofi. Sounds like she was somethin' else. So that means our Sapsaree's gonna be a Jofi too, huh? Jofi!"
Go Gi-jin looked at Sapsaree and chuckled.
To cats, a name was a matter of the utmost importance. Hoesaegi had gone so far as to duel Little Grey just to defend his own.
From the cat tower, where he had been listening to the hyung-nims talk, Hoesaegi corrected Sapsaree's name.
"That's not Jofi, ong. It's Sapsaree, ong!"
Then he looked at Sapsaree, who hadn't moved. Apparently he hadn't heard.
"Sapsaree, ong. Strong Hyung-nim is calling you by a weird name, ong."
"Is your name Jopa?"
"It's not Jopa, ong. He said Jofi, ong."
"So his name's changing, then?"
Sapsaree himself just sat there, unbothered. Just yesterday he had been called by all sorts of names, so Strong Hyung-nim calling him Jofi didn't particularly faze him.
Hoesaegi gave him a strange look.
"Sapsaree, ong. A name is a precious thing, ong."
"That's right. Calling you Jopa..."
Hoesaegi gave Gkamnyangi a little swat and continued.
"It's Jofi, ong."
"Anyway, Jopa or Jofi, Strong Hyung-nim's calling you Jofi. You okay with that?"
"It's okay, it is. Whatever they call me, my name is Sapsaree, it is."
"Kyooo... ong!"
"Whoa!"
That unshakable spirit — unbowed no matter what anyone called him. The cats were in awe of Sapsaree's magnanimity.
"Incredible, ong. Sapsaree is a magnificent little brother, ong."
"He is. Magnificent."
A few days ago, Sapsaree might have felt hurt that Strong Hyung-nim was calling him by a different name. But just the day before, Sapsaree had learned something.
Heehee. They call me those things 'cause they like me, they do.
The grandmothers and grandfathers had each called him by a different name, but their faces had all looked the same. And now Strong Hyung-nim was looking at him with that same expression as he called him Jofi. A face overflowing with affection. And that made him happy.
Sapsaree recited, one by one, the names he had been called the day before.
"Handsome, Twinkle, Bright-eyes, Sparkle, Janggoon... and there was another one, there was."
Sapsaree thought of the last name that rose to mind and broke into a grin.
"They said my fur sparkles like silver thread, they did. Heehee."
When he had heard that, he had felt like a truly precious puppy, and it had made him so happy. The grandmother had praised him like that and called him something...
"Ah, Treasure, it was. Treasure. Hyung-nims, hyung-nims, which of these names do you like, do you?"
"I like Handsome, ong. Sapsaree is handsome, ong."
"I like Janggoon. Sapsaree is strong."
"That's right, ong. Our youngest is strong and handsome, ong."
"Purr, purr. We really lucked out with our youngest. He carries us hyung-nims around on his back, and he fights for us too."
"Heh-heh..."
Sapsaree's mouth fell open in a goofy grin at his hyung-nims' praise. Being called handsome felt good. Being called strong felt really good, too. But what made Sapsaree happiest of all was...
Heehee. They called me our youngest, they did.
Hoesaegi and Gkamnyangi calling him "our youngest" made him so, so happy. Hearing those words, it felt as if he had truly become family with his hyung-nims.
I love my hyung-nims so much, I do.
Sapsaree gazed quietly at his two older brothers, and Hoesaegi spoke.
"Still, I like Sapsaree the best, ong."
"I like Sapsaree too."
At his cat hyung-nims' words, Sapsaree tilted his head and thought about his own name. Sapsaree. A name he had never given much thought to, once. And then the wish that had grown in him after meeting the family here at Mongmong Animal Hospital — that he, too, might be given a new name, just like Hoesaegi Hyung-nim and Gkamnyangi Hyung-nim. The wish that Benefactor Hyung-nim might make a name for him as well.
But his hyung-nims said they liked his name.
Was that so?
Then...!
Handsome was nice, and Janggoon, and Treasure too... but Sapsaree was the name his hyung-nims, Benefactor Hyung-nim, Strong Hyung-nim, and all the unnies at the hospital spoke with so much love!
And so a week passed, and Sapsaree went with Bangwool-i to see the grandfathers and grandmothers.
As Lee Jun headed for the Community Welfare Center with Sapsaree, Jang Pan-ho stood across the street from the building. He looked at the welfare center across the road and let out a shallow sigh.
"Hoo..."
As that short breath left him, something he had wrapped tight and buried deep in his heart leaked out, just a little.
"Janggoon-ah..."
It was a murmur so small that even someone standing right beside him would not have heard it, and it scattered like dust into the sound of cars on the road.
The murmur became a sob.
Jang Pan-ho's eyes were like dull beads, worn so smooth they could no longer take in light. Moisture gathered on those eyes. Through the haze, he stared at the Community Welfare Center across the street. And he thought,
Should I just go home?
In the state he was in now, he had no confidence he could sit there laughing and chatting among the dogs.
Yes. Let's go home.
He reached that conclusion and started to turn away — then forced himself to shake his head.
No. If I leave now, my wife will only suffer again. I'll kill some time somewhere else and go in later.
That would be better, wouldn't it?
While he wrestled with himself, the light changed to green. The pedestrians waiting at the signal hurried across the crosswalk. But Jang Pan-ho's feet did not move an inch.
In that time, the light changed again. The Community Welfare Center stood behind the red traffic light. The red signal and the welfare center filled Jang Pan-ho's vision together.
Hoo.
Another sigh slipped out of him. This one carried a conversation his wife and daughter had shared.
It hadn't been a conversation, not really.
It had been a night a month and a half ago, the night their daughter came to visit. That night, Jang Pan-ho had happened to overhear his wife weeping and pouring her heart out to their daughter. She blamed herself for Janggoon's passing, and blamed herself for what had become of her husband — a wife taking the blame for a man who had collapsed under Pet Loss Syndrome.
Jang Pan-ho had snapped wide awake. While he had been shut in a corner of the room, missing Janggoon and blaming himself, his wife had been the one crumbling. He had realized he couldn't go on like this.
And yet he could not find the courage to walk into a psychiatrist's office and ask for counseling, for treatment. These days plenty of people went to see a psychiatrist without a second thought, or so he heard — but he had not lived through that kind of era. Even so, he could not manage this alone. Not anymore.
That was when he learned about the Animal-Assisted Therapy program the district was running. He had signed up clutching at it like a drowning man at a straw, and he had even managed to attend. But he still needed more time.
Every time he went, two halves of his heart went to war — the part that wanted to fuss over the dogs, and the part that swore he would never pour his affection into a living animal again. It was the same now.
While the two sides of Jang Pan-ho's heart fought, the light changed once more. Suddenly he thought of the dog that had lingered behind him last week. Perhaps he remembered because that dog had been called Janggoon.
No — the truth was, Jang Pan-ho remembered every dog that had come to that classroom. He simply had not wanted to remember.
The light turned green again. This time, Jang Pan-ho set his foot on the crosswalk.
It was not because he wanted to see that dog, the Sapsali they called Janggoon. It was only that his wish for his wife to get better was greater. Jang Pan-ho told himself that, firmly, and stepped into the Community Welfare Center.
And just as he had every time before, he went and sat by the window. He had spent the last four sessions in this very seat. This was the fifth.
Then someone who had arrived early called over to him.
"Mr. Jang. Don't sit over there — come here."
"Mr. Jang. They say Bangwool-i's coming again today. Come on over."
"That's right. Bangwool-i's such a dignified one. Mr. Jang, come sit with us."
"Yes, try petting him today. It feels wonderful. Bangwool-i likes it too."
"...I'm all right, thank you."
He had come. But Jang Pan-ho was not ready to open his heart and take part in the therapy. So, just as before, he cast his gaze out the window, kept his distance from the others, and answered.
"I don't know about other dogs, but the ones who come here are all so gentle. Mr. Jang, you're just too scared."
"Leave him be. He'll come around. I was terrified of Bangwool-i at first, too."
The others assumed Jang Pan-ho was afraid of dogs, and that was why he hid himself in the corner. Jang Pan-ho thought it was better they believed that. That way, no one would ask him about the past.
If they learned he had once had a dog of his own — if they learned the story — Janggoon's name would surely start making the rounds among them. And they would say something to him, too. Whether it was meant as comfort or not.
I don't want that.
He did not want to hear Janggoon's story from anyone else's mouth. Jang Pan-ho shook his head.
While he was thinking this, someone asked,
"Do you think Sapsaree will come today too?"
"Sapsaree? You mean that handsome one?"
"Yes. He's so cute, and so friendly."
"Yes, I hope Sapsaree comes too. It's so much better when there are two of them."
Then, suddenly, his heart began to pound, and his palms grew damp with sweat. Because he had thought of Janggoon.
Jang Pan-ho thought,
Don't come. Just stay home, safe. Please!
A sudden wave of nausea rose in him, and Jang Pan-ho reached to open the window. He clenched his damp hand into a fist and was about to push the window open when a car pulled into the welfare center.
And from that car, a dog stepped down. A Sapsali.
Hoo... he made it safely.
The moment he saw Sapsaree, Jang Pan-ho eased, as if the anxiety had never been there at all. His racing heart settled. The sweat on his palms dried.
Sapsaree disappeared from view for a moment — and then, shortly after, appeared in the room where Jang Pan-ho sat.