Jesus Over Mao Zedong Now?
"So now you're believing in Jesus, not Mao Zedong, right?"
"Yes, I'll believe in Jesus."
"Good. Let's do well."
I was drenched in some bright red liquid—whether it was mala tang soup, hot pot broth, or the blood from the bastards throwing an organ party here—and sent yet another one up to heaven.
I ducked into the kitchen for a quick cold shower, and the sticky feeling finally eased up a bit. My line of work never had any flair to it, as always. Everyone else struck dramatic poses even for the most bullshit jobs.
"That's why Koreans can't just die in peace. The job stress is way too fucking intense."
Stomach perforations out of nowhere, dropping dead from pancreatic cancer without a clue, keeling over from strokes. In stress heaven called Korea, it was all too everyday.
I grabbed a beer from the fridge, popped open the hidden basement door, and headed down. The vibe shifted completely. If upstairs was a shabby, homey diner popular with regulars, the basement reeked of blood and musty mold. They even had a dedicated sewer drain, so it was obvious they killed, tortured, and disposed of bodies down here.
I rummaged through the doors in the basement until I yanked open the one at the far end.
I already knew which room held Choi Jiyun, but barging straight in would've made it obvious I was in cahoots with them.
"Mmph? Mmmph?"
"Choi Jiyun. High school senior. Orphanage kid. No idea about your birth parents. Adopted young by Choi Sangjun and Imi Jin. That right?"
"Mmph! Mmph!"
"Spot on."
I untied Choi Jiyun from the cable ties and rag gag, grabbed her shoulders, and hauled her to her feet. She'd been crouched too long to stand on her own, but straightening her up like this would get the blood flowing faster. Not like I was gonna massage her legs like some cafeteria brat's babysitter.
"I'm Terminator HAN from the future, here via time machine to stop the horrific future where your burning revenge and contempt for human society destroy the world."
"...You're joking, right?"
"Does it sound like a joke?"
I casually yanked the knife out of my gut and tossed it aside. No normal person pulls a blade from their stomach like it's nothing.
"W-Wait, am I really gonna destroy the world in the future?"
"Bullshit, you idiot."
I let go of her shoulders—her legs should've regained some strength by now—and lightly smacked the back of her head.
"A kid without even an ID card comes barging into a hellhole like this based on internet rumors? If I'd been even a little late, you'd be getting the spin-the-bottle treatment from those fuckers right now."
"......"
"Hell, you got lucky there too. If they hadn't thought, 'Let's offer this bitch to the boss first,' you wouldn't even wanna know what shape you'd be in."
"...Yes."
"You saw those creeps sexually harassing you at school nonstop—did it never cross your mind how career criminals would eye you? 'Oh wow, my body's and looks are killer. Gotta watch out for eye-rape~.' Even I'd think that."
"Not to nitpick in a situation like this, but isn't that kinda sexist?"
"Shut your trap. I'm all about gender equality—no discrimination here. Except fags."
Before pulling this fearless high school girl out, I stripped off my soaked coat and handed it to her.
"What's this for?"
"If you wanna etch memories into your skull that'll never fade, don't take it. You can walk out with me like this. But if you're gonna whine about mental damages later, just cover your face with it."
"...Got it."
I figured she'd throw another tantrum, but surprisingly, she took the wet coat and hid her face. I grabbed her hand and hustled out of the freshly painted blood-and-guts shop, through the back alley.
The second I buckled her into the passenger seat, I snatched the coat back.
"Hand it over. It's mine."
"Is your personality always like this?"
"Always like this?! Do you have any fucking idea what I went through today just to pocket five million won? Can't you show a little empathy?! I'm exhausted, beat to shit, pissed off—why can't you just sympathize?!"
"......"
"Forget it. What's the point talking to a kid without an ID? We're heading to your place now, so buckle up."
"I don't wanna go home."
I hate high schoolers. Probably 'cause I used to be one. That's why I hate 'em. Maybe that's why I hate humans too—'cause I'm one. Fuck.
"Wanna bet I can guess why you hate going home? Your beast-of-a-foster-dad's been gaslighting you nonstop since adopting you as a kid, groping you sexually..."
"It's not gaslighting?"
"I said gaslighting! Chain lightning sounds badass too! You're like some punk calling watermelons 'mong-mi' out of nowhere! You got zero understanding or consideration for guys. No wonder I'm worried about the high schoolers who'll run Korea someday!"
"You don't know shit about me either! You're just here to grab the cash from those assholes and drag me back! Right?! Then use this to blackmail me, call me out later for some creepy shit! Just like them!!!"
"Those thug punks who tried grabbing your weakness to fuck you over? Those fuckers are probably in the hospital right now with docs playing jigsaw with their shattered bones."
"...What does that mean?"
"Gave 'em a bungee jump from the third floor."
I pulled up the news on my still-intact smartphone. A massive incident in the heart of Gangnam? Emergency broadcast was guaranteed.
"See? Feel better now?"
"You did this?"
"Yeah. Found you easy, but those assholes made me miss—pissed me off."
I half-hoped this not-totally-reckless kid would at least mouth some thanks. But she shattered my expectations completely.
"If you're gonna do it, why not finish 'em off proper?"
"What?"
"Those fuckers deserve to die! Dozens of girls they messed with before me—I was just next on the list! I robbed their safe to lure 'em here so I wouldn't end up like them...!"
I smacked the back of her head again as she shrieked like a banshee. These days' high schoolers got nothing but hot air in their skulls.
"Ow! Why hit me?!"
"Hadn't heard 'em swear to Jesus yet—how else send 'em to heaven? You got a brain or not?!"
"Why heaven? Hell, duh!"
"My call!"
Jesus's too.
"Anyway, how'd you hide that shitty attitude for ten years?"
"Learned it at the orphanage. Gotta kill your personality to get adopted into a good home."
"And that 'good home' turned out rotten? Total waste killing your spirit for a decade?"
"Fuck! You really sent by them?!"
"Obviously. I know you've been extra tormented by guys your whole life."
"......"
"Doesn't matter to me. Gonna hand you over, grab my five mil."
"...Please."
I glanced over mid-drive.
"I'll... do you once, so don't send me home."
I walloped the back of her head harder this time.
"A girl who's never had a romantic date, surrounded by drooling beasts, full-blown man-hater—what? 'Do you once'? Yeah, keep offering your head. Fun to smack like a watermelon."
"For real! Fuc—"
"I know all those guys around you just wanted your body. Know your beast foster-dad tried and failed to jump you. Know you nearly got kidnapped by guys before."
"...How do you know all that?"
"Trade secret. Hitting a coin laundry next, then food. Shut your mouth."
Another word and she'd get lumps like a porcupine. The brat finally clammed up. Fist beats law every time—equally fair for man, woman, old, young. The most egalitarian convo tool.