Canada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crunch! Wooddrdrdrdr! Splat! Shwaaaaa! From the arm twisted and crushed at the end of its breaking point, like wringing out a dry rag, dark red blood burst forth in a gush.
"Fuck, the magic spell isn't working."
If I'd known this was coming, I should've made up some fancy incantation of my own on the way. The mangled arm had escaped the crushing pressure and returned to my control, but it was already smaller and more pathetic than a three-year-old's, so it didn't mean much. But this too shall pass. Even Jesus got nailed to the cross, mocked, pierced in the side with a spear, enduring pain that seemed eternal. And yet, he endured for three days and four nights and rose again, right? Of course, Thomas—one of the twelve apostles who never bought into Jesus Coin—finally asked if he could peek into that side wound, and only after he believed did Jesus ascend. What I'm saying is, no desperate situation lasts forever. Eternity itself embodies the ultimate uncertainty. No one knows how it'll end or change, so 'end' and 'eternity' are the two extremes. Sadly, in this material world, only endings exist, so you'll have to look for eternity in hell or heaven.
For instance, even if cockroaches, spiders, centipedes, locusts, fleas, and the like crawled out from every corner of the building, closing in on me every second—knowing that only endings exist, not eternity, I wailed at the top of my lungs.
"Peace like a river to me! Peace like a river to me! Peace like a ri-i-i-iver to meeeeee!"
Scritch-scratch-scritch-scratch-scritch-scratch! If we don't want square-jawed faces like mutant insects, we all need proper eating habits. According to my metaphysical, incomplete, and unhealthy illogical theory, chomping down perfectly aligned upper and lower teeth is seriously bad. That clacking collision builds a jaw structure that's terrible for your facial muscles and risks major tooth damage from the intense bite force. Dr. Soldier 76, a renowned American dentist, says meticulous care of teeth and jaw joints is the first step to health. But what's the point of perfect, cavity-free teeth and sturdy jaws against these endless bug clumps that won't go down no matter how much you chew? No need to ask—everyone knows.
That loser's muttering basic common knowledge again. What a creep. I wish he'd get out of our village right now.
Can I really feel peace like a river? If I wash in the river, I get clean but the river gets dirty—so technically, that's not peace like a river. It's environmental pollution peace. What if I picnic by the river and enjoy the view for some mental healing? Then why do people dive into the Han River at the slightest life setback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus said enjoy peace like a river, not rest in the river! Turns out it's not Rest In Peace—it's River In Peace! Mind blown! Sex sex vote digital!
Dung beetles crawling into my mouth. Friendless but barging in anyway, clueless bastards. Never invited to a birthday, never thrown a party—worse than shit bugs. March together! Trumpet blasts from heaven to earth's edge—wail and screech! Retreaters get executed! I'm the executioner!
Once upon a time, in a far-off ancient era, you fucking shits lived ha-ha-ho-ho. Sneaky bastards didn't even notice their own mom dying, hogging all the good eats among themselves, and what they tossed me as "meat"? Stir-fried earthworms. Aigoo, I miss my late husband so much! Too many husbands shared my bed to remember them all! But still! A real man like me once gripped the marketplace like a kid clutching his balls—squish!—so isn't that why this country thrived? Huh? Then I deserve a medal, so why are you rotten fucks crawling in? Aigoo, such joy! Buddha, hand over the goods! Hands up, you bald monk fuck!
Kyarruk! Thud!Dengkireororuk thud!Tteh-haaaaa! Cha! Listen up, villagers! I've lived here for about this long, and what does this tiny punk do? Shows up and shits on the feast table! I charged out, loaded my fist for a demo punch on the little rotter! All together, one! Papapapa papapapapa! Two! Do you? Do you?
Shouldn't have back then—that beast dared sass back at my sky-like husband like a whiny brat. Cheeky, sure, but it felt like democracy in this country was dead. My feelings then? Indescribable! Family crumbling! Society crumbling! My heart crumbling! That bitch's skull crumbling!
Ooooo deep concrete ocean depths! Square square fish food! Strutting without knowing your place—caught! Square square fish food! Nabbed by the gang, ass-fucked! Square square fish food!
"Square square fish food!"
Square square fish food~ Square square fish food~ Square square fish food~ Square square! Fish food!
"Beep-beep-beep-beep screech beep-beep!" Oh! I'm ready! Like Petman dropping, drop my beat! Shorten, lengthen, drop the beat! Shoo! Sh-shoo! Sh-shoo! Shoo! Shit! Shoo! Fuck! Sh-sh-shoo! Rom-ah! Sh-shoo!
The cold metal churning my guts feels smoother than a woman's skin, tearing my flesh to shreds like departing love! Ooooo! Eternal friend! Oooooo! Happy heart!
Oh! Realizing too late that dunking Oreo in milk deserves death. Can you hear it? The tragic wail of former Oreo, left with just "Ooo" after losing "Re"? They must always be together. Dunk Oreo in milk, and it melts into unrecognizable horror. But place Oreo on your charming tongue, crunch it with cute teeth—then Oreo enjoys stable retirement as O-RE-O. Deep-kiss you, and it'd taste like Oreo, right?
Stand up! Stand up, Han Daeri! (I'm a Man BGM)
Here you are, Han Daeri. The shit you've stirred since quitting has been endless grief. Believe in Jesus? They'll shoot you. Disbelieve? They'll make you a cripple. So which is heaven, which is hell?
Beep! Exit on the right, right is light. Because it's right. (Cool nod) The right door surprisingly occupies exactly one right door's worth of space. Thought you didn't know, so special reveal this time. (Wink and exit)
Oom-tsu-tsu! Oom-tsu-ts! Poot!Chiki-chiki pwuuuuuum! Yo, listen listen, I can't listen! (52, can't stomach this crap)
You there, strutting in bold! Now doomed to gruesome death! Die here, no broth left! Rot here, no ashes left! I wanted to be that dream-filled kid! But the world shamelessly abused this child! Fact-violence victim me! Couldn't become the dream-kid, dying as an adult!
Truth is, that kid's my daughter, Hyun-seok. Wife gets lonely, lets her cheat a bit—why so stingy as a husband? She doesn't look like you, so she's pretty—good enough! If it felt good, fine! Don't know "if you can't dodge it, enjoy it"?! Dumbass! You're Seong-seong! I'm Seo-yeon! Same surname, different class—get it?! Admit it, right? Yeah, admit~ Know how to write "admit" in Hanja? Ha! Liberal arts grad as expected! Sex.
"All together now! Hymn 301! 'Thus Far the Lord Has Led Me!'"
Thus far the Lord's great grace~ (Grace) Endless love, how to express~ (Express) Sleeping waking, hand always watches~ (Watches) All things prosper in Him~ (Prospers)
Bodyyyyy soul so weaaaaak but new strength reeeeeceived aliiiiiiive!
"The Lord's grace suffices! Suffices, does it?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Suffiiiiiiiices forever!
"Hallelujah! Oh hallelujah! Hallelujah!"
Come before Lord Jesus! Bugs come! Demons come! Han Daeri come! All sing hymns wildly!
"You! Me! Us! That's Father! Son! Holy Spirit! Believe in Jesus?!"
We beliiiiiiieve forever!
"Can't hear yoooou~!"
Yes yes Han Daeri-nim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Then line up one by one, present your passports, comrades."
First out was a ragged old man; I stamped "Heaven" on his passport.
"Pray always for Comrade Lord Jesus Abba."
"Aigoo, thank you, sir!"
"I'll always watch over you, comrade."
Comrades with empty passports stamped Heaven bounced joyfully to the heaven-bound plane—like my neighbor's childhood friend dad heading to America, different path, same destination.
"Regret beating your wife to death?"
"I repent."
"Then stand!"
I proudly stamped Heaven on the standing man.
"Regret ignoring husband, cheating, getting caught and killed? Then say sorry to your still-living husband."
"S-s-s... sorry, honey!"
"Then Heaven for you! Vow before Lord Jesus never to adulter again! Prove purity with tears!"
"Gladly!"
The pure kid who died an adult without dreams approached.
"Poor pitiful thing. But looking at you, you'd never have achieved dreams anyway. Repent wasting life chasing vain dreams, lashing out at others?"
"Sorryyyy~"
"But Heaven's gate lives, kid. Look."
I stamped "True Heaven" on his forehead.
"Ask Jesus who made you like this for A/S. Next!"
Last, I lined up the ass-beaten thug dumped in sea and the once-market-ruling thug. Dice-like lookalikes bickering who was tougher. I snapped that powerless punks debating strength meant nothing before Power Jesus.
"You who've ruled fists know him: Nazarene J. Christ. Aliases: Nazarene Monkey-Spanner, Jerusalem Whipmaster, Longinus Spear-Maker, etc. But top alias? Jesus Christ. Can you be brave Peter drawing sword for Jesus? Bold Judas grabbing sell-out angle to betray?"
"Yes!"
"Nothing we can't!"
"Then Heaven-bound too. Strive as his new disciples."
As I stamped the last, I opened my eyes in the derelict building with sunlight leaking in.
"Ptoo!"
Only after spitting the mouthful of bugs could I rise in my disheveled state.