Among Men Lü Bu, Among Horses Red Hare
Wasn't there an old saying like that? Among men Lü Bu, among horses Red Hare. But that's so outdated now, a relic from bygone eras that no one in the modern world bothers with anymore. People in today's society don't just brute-force their way through opponents like idiots, and they sure as hell don't ride horses everywhere. Nah. Humans crush their foes with supernatural power, and instead of mounting horses, they ride people.
I slammed the tip of my fishing rod down onto the deck with unbridled confidence and bellowed,
"Who dares face me?!?!?!?!?!?!"
The challenger who stepped up was—
—Me! A self-proclaimed dual-wielder gripping sashimi knives in both hands charged forward without a shred of fear, planting himself squarely before us despite our four arms. A feral glint, sharp as jade beads, flickered in his glassy, vacant eyes.
"Before I send you to heaven, I'll at least hear your last words."
—Die!
Despite my generosity, the dual-wielder lunged without hesitation. Ignoring every basic rule of dueling etiquette, he whipped his floppy arms in a chaotic flurry of killing strikes.
"Not bad! You've got some real skill scattering those killing blows! Which sect are you from?!"
Even a glance at that dizzying phantom swordplay made my head spin—the way it shifted speed and trajectory in an instant to variable swordplay. Classic Nangong family style, wasn't it? But the nameless dual-wielder seemed intent on keeping his tragic backstory to himself, content to fight as a simple warrior staking his life.
Every time those floppy arms snapped like whips, elastic and unpredictable, the trajectories of the sashimi knives in his hands twisted in ways even a major league batter couldn't track.
But we couldn't forget: I had four eyes right now, and four arms to boot.
"Your sword is fast, unpredictable in its path, ever-changing—and it has the flair to match. But a sword isn't just about speed!"
Thud!
"Without the weight to endure even the opening of heaven and earth, how could it stand against a typhoon?!"
Clang!
"Without the rigid might to shatter all things, how could it cleave through an enemy?!"
S-man blocked the shallow sashimi jabs effortlessly with his heavy harpoon pole, while I swung my rod hard to exploit the gaps.
"A true sword demands speed, might, and weight in harmony! Phantom or variable strikes? Cheap tricks for demonic cult scum!!!!"
Which is why those Sichuan Poison Clan bastards slathering poison on their blades don't even deserve to be treated like people. Damn right!
"You admit it or not?!"
—Argh! Bone hit! I admit it!
"You gonna believe in Jesus or not?!"
—Ow! Ow! I believe!
Smack smack! I beat the dual-wielder's thick skull like a dog on the hottest day of summer with my rod until he finally broke, screeching his faith in a desperate drift.
The moment he acknowledged and believed in Jesus, a single bolt of lightning lanced down from the heavens, engulfing him. Rotten, fish-gnawed flesh filled out into fresh meat in seconds; his wrecked body mended at breakneck speed. Stuffed full of Jesus's grace, the dual-wielder trembled from head to toe, donned in pristine white robes, and ascended skyward. He'd feel pure orgasmic bliss the whole way to heaven.
I spotted another dazed sailor and rushed him, jamming the rod tip under his jaw.
"Time for fire truck now, boy~ The lower this rod tip drops, the more you'll believe in Jesus. Wanna stop the fire truck? Scream 'Red light!'"
—R-Red light!
"No, no, no. Fire trucks don't stop for red lights~."
"This guy's never heard of Korean fire laws lmaoooooo."
I jabbed the rod into his bloated, revenge-swollen gut, ready to burst. He couldn't hold back the pressure—rotted guts and filth sprayed out in a geyser. Having purged everything in a flash, the ghost ship's sailor hit an otherworldly sage mode unlike any mortal's; he collapsed right there, calling out to the Father of All, Lord Jesus Christ.
"Your belly's empty now, nothing left inside—so crawl before Father Jesus like a child and beg! You've wandered in debauchery so long, returning home with only the VOID in your gut. Beg him to fill you to the brim with his overflowing grace!!!"
—To the brim!
"To the brim!!"
Chanting to the brim, to the brim, to the brim over and over, another sailor ascended to heaven. Now, only the unjustly slain fishermen minnows and a handful of ghost ship holdouts remained on deck.
"I know your level now. It's so boring I wanna die."
The Mad Woman yelled from afar, "For real?!?!" but I brushed her off lightly. Watching the minnow fishermen crumple one by one, collapsing without me even touching them, I pointed my rod tip at the captain in the center.
"You wicked idol, sly beast, parasite clinging to heaven's foe. Father Jesus has prepared a land flowing with milk and honey above—why deny yourself?"
—I have truly offered all to Yam; my life and death are his right alone, his will and plan my joy as loyal servant!!!!
"Then prove it, hypocrite. Can you, who claims unity with all men boosting your battle power fourfold, stand against me, Han Daeri? If that being you worship so endlessly can save you from Jesus, go ahead—wail at the top of your lungs."
—...RAAAAAAGH!!!!
His exalted master never answered his pathetic cries to the end. Unable to endure the crushing reality, before his mind shattered completely, he chose self-annihilation.
Squelch!
A sickening rip of flesh and blade—protruding from no one else but my back. S-man hadn't fired his harpoon gun. I hadn't swung my rod. In the dead-silent mid-ocean, not even a seagull chirping, the captain and I locked eyes at a perfect 45-degree angle.
The captain spoke first.
—Why......!
Why? Well...
"Even the most worthless child!"
S-man crouched low, letting me pull the captain into an embrace at just the right height.
"Is loved by Father Jesus Christ, Lord of All Things—su ki suki daisuki for every one of you!!!"
—Guhk!!!!
Unable to show the disgrace of tears streaming right in my face, he clutched his twitching nose and turned away.
"You sinful, grudge-filled, stubborn prodigal son. Your father searches for you desperately—it's time to go home."
—My sins are too deep for that!
"His love reaches the darkest, deepest Abyss; his grace sweeps away the shadows blanketing all creation. To him, you're just one lovable child."
—C-Can... can I cry a little?
"As long as you don't plagiarize the sound effects."
—H-Hueeeeen! Waaaah! Aaaaaaah! Uhuheeeeeeeng!!!!!!!!!
I silently patted the captain's crumbling shoulders, catching all his tears and snot. Stranded in the endless ocean with a broken ship. Scarce food and water. No hope of rescue. Despair swallowing hope, growing unchecked. To save them all, the captain alone had clung desperately to the radio day and night. Unaware it had failed long ago, he'd tapped out SOS signals until his fingertips wore away.
Waiting for rescue that never came, he'd sent his final signal and closed his eyes.
"Sadly, no one in this world heard your cry for help. But one being heard your desperate plea amid all creation: Father Jesus, waiting for you in heaven."
—My signal reached him?
"Of course— you broadcast it so loud the whole world shook; his ears perked up at the unexpected upstairs racket."
I handed the restored captain his captain's hat.
He grinned wide, just like in his living days.
"Go now. Prove your 'noise' had no malice, claim his protection. That sly beast lurking in the black depths won't block your path—you'll reach your destination."
—Thank you.
They say when a ship sinks, the captain goes down with it—an outdated barbaric notion now, but perhaps captain, crew, and ship are bound by some spiritual energy we can't fathom. I realized it when the captain ascended: the bindings on all ghost ship souls unraveled one by one.
As long as the captain wouldn't abandon ship, neither would the crew. Nor the ship. But once he left, no reason for them to stay. So the ship vanished too.
That sticky bond of rough seafarers weathering storms—their respect for the vessel that carried them.
S-man and I disengaged fusion mode, reverting to our original fishing boat. The mist cleared; the raging sea calmed. It was a crisp autumn afternoon, sunlight sparkling under a clear blue sky.