Ororororong! Superhuman Drift Skills, Inde-swung!
"Ororororong! Superhuman drift skills, inde-swung!"
"Ack! Please! Can't you stop making that weird noise?!"
"Shut up! If you hate it, then floor it! You think you'll be fine if they catch me?! Fat chance! Hell yeah! Ahhhhhhhh!"
We were right in the middle of a highway, locked in an unexpected car chase.
So why the hell were we pulling off a vehicle pursuit in South Korea, the country proudly holding the title of world's top public safety?
Trrring!
"Another call!"
"Ugh, I don't wanna pick up."
"Just answer and hang up, seriously?!"
"Yeah! What the hell is this because of you?!"
"Fact: It's a fact!"
"All of you, shut the fuck up! You still don't get who saved your asses? If we tally up just the times you nearly died back there, it's dozens! Not fifty bucks a day—fifty per job, and you couldn't complain! Got it?!"
"Who gives a shit about that right now?!"
It mattered to me. Because I really didn't want to answer that call.
As if reading my mind, the ringing stopped. Instead, a single text came in.
Fuck, I really don't wanna.
I'm the boss, so ignoring an employee's call should be fine, right? Yeah, definitely. No matter what anyone says, I'm the boss.
Just as I was thinking that, Park Seol-ha, sitting in the back, let out a cute little scream: "Kyaa!"
Wondering what was up, I turned around to see her pointing out the window.
Following her finger, I spotted a pickup truck glued right up against our van's side.
"Hey! Fuck! Floor it! Step on it! This is the highway! Even at 120 mph, no one's gonna catch us!!!!!!"
"How the hell do you expect 120 out of this piece-of-shit van?!"
"Make it happen!"
After chewing out Choi Yeon-jun at the wheel, I stuck my upper body out the passenger window.
In the pickup's bed, facing the roaring wind head-on with arms crossed, stood the Mad Woman.
"In the name of the boss, return to where you belong! Amen!"
"......"
The Mad Woman silently pulled a compound bow from the truck bed.
South Korea bans guns, but lets you legally own something as deadly as a compound bow. What a weird country. Maybe that's the contradiction you need to keep the gun ban going?
Tsiiiing! Thwip!
"Fuck!"
She actually shot! Talk about descendants of Jumong—no practice shot, and she pierced my ear clean through on the first try. No way the second one misses.
If I back down here, my boss authority hits rock bottom!
For me, employee's honor <<<<<<<<<< boss authority. I couldn't tolerate a staff coup.
"Lee Ji-ah, you're it."
"Wh-wh-why me?!"
"You're the hostage now."
"Ack! Don't touch me there! Where are you grabbing?! That's sexual harassment! I'll report you and you'll rot in jail...!"
"I'm an equal-opportunity guy and a true feminist, so it's fine."
Grabbing Lee Ji-ah by the neck, I opened the van's massive pop-top roof and hauled us out. The Mad Woman froze for a second.
"Surrender nice and easy! Refuse, and this attention-whore loser's life is over!"
"Kuh!"
"Yeah! Drop the weapon! Hands up behind your head!!"
"You're heaping karma on yourself!"
"Bullshit! While you slackers all no-call no-showed, I was busting my ass alone making money! And you exploit that to stage a coup at our office?! I'm disappointed!"
"Do you even know what you've done?!"
"No? Clu? E?!"
"Sis! I don't know who you are, but this guy's crazy! Save me!"
"Shut it, hostage! Keep yapping and I'll make you eat only Delimanzhu at the rest stop—no soda!"
Lee Ji-ah was a walnut pastry girl, so she clammed up quick.
But the pickup kept pace, neither stopping nor slowing.
I'd shaken them off... but now, no clue how to actually lose them.
Should I blast the tires with Heaven Death Beam? Could shred 'em good.
"Heaven Dea—!"
Aiming my index finger at the pickup's tires to fire, the Mad Woman yanked a talisman from her hair and flung it.
"Beam!"
"Anti!"
Rainbow reflection, full counter bitch.
Boom!
A massive explosion like lightning striking the highway erupted with blinding light, flinging my body from the van.
Leonardo da Vinci went nuts trying to fly with human wings, but I did it. Haha, primitive fool.
"Kuhk! Kek! Urk! Ack!"
Rolled about 160 feet on the highway asphalt, tumbling like a pro.
With limbs twisted, I lifted my head to see the two vehicles U-turn and come back.
"Aigoo... Figures my luck was too good."
Thought I'd pocket fifty bucks a day and head home easy, but nabbed on the highway at the end.
S-man and Haksik hopped out first from the pickup that stopped in front of me, then the Mad Woman jumped down from the bed with her hexangular bat.
"Wh-what, you gonna do me with that long thick thing...?"
"Beat your ass. The impure energy clinging to you could fill the whole sky."
"H-hey, I earned fifty bucks a day all by myself! I'm a capable boss!"
"You're the only lunatic weighing the world at fifty a day."
With that, she started splitting my ass into eight pieces. Meaning, relentless spanking till it split eight ways.
"Wait! Ack! Not in public like this! Ack! Too embarrassing! Ack!"
"Shut up!"
"At least inside the car! We're too young for Ack! outdoor play! Ack!"
"Teacher! Can I try?"
"This is a hex bat from lightning-struck peach wood. Not for you. Just stomp him."
"Yes!"
"Fuck! Stop the minor footjob!!!!"
Despite my thrashing, the Mad Woman was busy cleaving my ass with the bat, and Haksik unleashed some soccer kicks on my ribs from god-knows-where.
No choice—I signaled S-man for rescue. He'd save me!
"S-man! Can't you see your boss suffering unjust violence like Jesus under the Romans?! Help me quick!"
"Not this time, boss. Yonghwa Seonnyeo is seriously pissed. They say a woman's grudge brings frost even in May—how can I, weak to yin energy by nature, stop two of them?"
"Logically irrefutable."
But the world doesn't run on logic and common sense alone. Sometimes you gotta bulldoze with ignorance and illogic.
"Occult Club! Save me! You haven't forgotten I saved your lives! I boosted your YouTube views too!!"
"Anyone moves a step, I swear I'll smash your limbs."
The Mad Woman aimed her bat, and the scaredy-cat club members just nodded meekly.
Traitors. Sure, I soloed the marshmallows yesterday, but I planned to share today!
Crack!
"Broke. Get another."
"Here you go, Yonghwa Seonnyeo."
S-man didn't just fail to intervene—he handed over a fresh bat the second it snapped. That guy's getting a pay cut later.
Finally, after getting pummeled like dust in the rain on the highway median, I surrendered.
I'm a magnanimous boss, so I generously forgave the staff rebellion.
"Toss this in the back. And you lot, get in your car and follow. Deviate, and you'll regret it forever."
S-man and Haksik grabbed my body, chucked it into the pickup bed, and the Mad Woman plopped her ass on my back like it was a chair.
"Fuck... you're heavy."
"Weight of your sins."
The bat prodding my skull shut me up.
Pointing out her weight issue here would definitely crack my head open.
So I changed the subject.
"How'd you track my location?"
"Only one bastard like you in the world—finding you would make me the idiot."
"Why bother? We're meeting in Seoul anyway."
"Let you waltz into Seoul packed with impure energy like condensed storm clouds from the boonies? This is just a stopgap. If other shamans got involved, it'd be gods and lives on the line."
"So you came risking gods and life for me?"
"...Shut your mouth."
Her not-so-big ass crushed my waist, so I obediently flattened into the truck bed.
Manager Han won't forget this humiliation today.