Focus
Focus.Smack! Choi Jiyun winced at the sharp sting of the folding fan striking her shoulder. In her relatively short life of nineteen years, she'd been hit by someone so rarely she could count the times on one hand—she simply wasn't used to pain.
The moment she first opened her eyes, her sprawling home, her family twisted into evil spirits, and that strange uncle had all vanished without a trace. In their place stood a woman in a tracksuit with her hair roughly tied back in a ponytail, barking orders at her.
"This isn't your house! If you've come to your senses, get up already!"
Even without makeup, the woman's sharp eyes, mysterious aura, and slender figure made her the type who'd turn heads anywhere as a beauty. She'd introduced herself as Yonghwa Seonnyeo. Of course, when addressing Choi Jiyun, she insisted on "Teacher" instead of fairy or bodhisattva.
"Teacher... how long do I have to keep this up? It feels like I've been at it all day already."
"It's only been six hours."
Snap! The curt reply came with another whack of the folding fan to Choi Jiyun's head.
The reason for all this suffering? Ever since waking up that first day until now, she'd spent at least half of every day—excluding time for eating, sleeping, washing, and using the bathroom—in seated meditation. That left pretty much her entire day devoted to it.
Still, three square meals a day were provided without fail, so backtracking from those, she figured about three days had passed.
Three whole days of this! Any ordinary person would've quit after three hours, not three days. But Choi Jiyun had no choice—she had to endure.
Some unknown woman had taken her from that uncle, promising to purify the sinister energy dwelling inside her and teach her how to wield it properly. The key points: lose focus, and the scolding and fan strikes would come like lightning; fail to meditate right, and she'd be stuck here even longer.
"Your body is already steeped in yin energy, so there's no need to fill it with yang. Better to make the yin fully your own. But if you get consumed by it, what's the point? Harbor no doubts, no suspicions. All you need is will."
No doubts, no suspicions—just pure will? In a situation like this, it felt brutally harsh, but Choi Jiyun decided to obey. The longer she meditated, the more a ticklish sensation rose coolly from her lower abdomen along her spine, spreading through her whole body. It wasn't half bad.
The surrounding air, which had once felt warm, now bordered on hot. Her body had grown colder, making her perceive the ambient energy as hotter, sharper.
She had no idea what it meant, but since she'd been told not to question or doubt, she just followed orders. She wasn't secretly fretting over something like college entrance exams, wishing this would end soon. Quite the opposite.
Her life wasn't so trivial as to be dictated by a mere exam. She had power. And the will to wield it. So then...
"I said focus."
Smack! Another red welt bloomed on her shoulder—who knew how many that made?
"You're right that you have power. Power that suits you perfectly, and with enough will, you could wield it freely. But aim it wrong, and you won't be the one controlling the power—you'll be a monster devoured by it. Only with a disciplined posture, righteous thoughts, and a kind heart can you remain fully human. If you can't conquer petty greed, impulsive desires, or base instincts and just swing that power wildly, you'll die by his hand first."
"...Who do you mean?"
"Don't ask when you already know. Who else but him—a monster in body, twisted in mind, harboring heaven-defying ideology, yet ironically bearing a human soul?"
Choi Jiyun bit her lip. She'd known before even asking whom the teacher meant.
The gloomy-looking man who'd treated her not as a cute idol or a sex toy, but as a fellow human being. The one who stuck to outdated long-coat fashion, had a filthy mouth, casually smacked a high school girl's head, and even covered her meals. For the teacher to call him "unique" proved there was only one such man in the world.
It also meant he was the only one who'd ever see her as a normal woman for the rest of her life.
"Slurrrrrp!Hah! This auntie's knife-cut noodles are insane!"
...Well, if she had to add one more, it might include that glutton devouring his meal a short distance away.
"No matter how I think about it, this feels unfair. That oppa gets five full meals a day loaded with meat sides, and all I get is health food?"
"Unlike you, he's a man, not a woman, so he's deficient in yang from heavy yin exposure. Supplement that, and he regains a normal constitution, lives like a human. That's why he's on yang-boosting foods and rest."
Sure enough, the dimwit who'd introduced himself as S-man was reveling in this like a kid, his handsome face, tall stature, and lean build making it all the more mismatched.
"Mmm, check out this milky ginseng chicken soup. Peel off that tender meat and pop it in... lolololololol!"
What even is this guy? Or more importantly, why was he filming mukbangs right next to her during meals or meditation, no matter the time? It was like that smug cat going, "No fancy stuff like this at your place, huh?"
Wait. Am I getting pissed?
"That's a heart demon I've prepared for you. In Buddhism, it's said Buddha fasted and meditated for enlightenment, but wicked demons appeared to tempt him with every vice—and failed."
"So you want me to become Buddha?"
"Foolish child. If that were possible, everyone would cast off temptation, fast, and become living Buddhas. Do you see the world crawling with them?"
"Not... really."
"I can't speak broadly with my limited knowledge, but no one's reached that realm through such simple means. There's no royal road to Buddhahood. Follow your predecessors' teachings: build basic discipline, thicken the walls of mind and spirit, solidify your sense of self. How can you wield your power fully if you can't even control your own desires?"
Socrates had said it too: Know thyself. Without knowing yourself, how could you live autonomously or avoid straying paths?
It didn't sound wrong, so Choi Jiyun ignored S-man's slurping mukbang ASMR as best she could and closed her eyes again.
Meditation resembled sleep but wasn't the same. First, organize your thoughts—gather the chaotic, scattered ones and sort them.
Next, in that ordered mind, carve out empty space to claim your domain. That's "emptying the head."
Empty the head, then tame the erratic emotions and feelings. That's "emptying the heart."
With head and heart emptied, reach no-mind absorption, then view yourself objectively, not subjectively. That's "self-objectification."
Unearth the deep-hidden truths and needless dregs, then cull them without hesitation. That's "self-reflection."
If you don't grasp it, keep going until you do. If nothing to cull, persist until it arises. No enlightenment? Continue until it dawns. Repeat ceaselessly.
Some call this meditation; others, mental discipline. It's a prison without bars, escapable only by knowing, reflecting, and awakening to yourself—no one else can do it for you. The bars are unconscious chains you forged.
Reach profound no-mind, and you'll uncover what's hidden within—like a yearbook flipping on its own, revealing ugly facets and behaviors you'd never imagine.
What was "that" endlessly tickling her lower abdomen? What turned her pure self into a lewd whore? What was the purpose of "that" rooted deep inside?
She hurled questions at herself, answering with her own thoughts. In this self-interrogation chain, she uncovered its identity, purpose, origin.
Dwelling between her once-pure body and soul was the lewd, bewitching Great Whore of Babylon, whom all humans and beasts would blindly adore.
One word, and they became her limbs. One gesture, and their minds crumbled. Mere bodily union claimed all they had.
Her tongue hypnotized all desires. Her body was a perfect vessel for worldly lusts.
She couldn't be mother to all, but wife to all. No power to shatter heaven and earth, but to toy with and mock them? Easy.
She was Babylon's Great Whore...
'Snap out of it.'
Don't confuse tool and self. A tool is for using. Not dominating.
That uncle surely needed a craftsman to wield tools well. He wouldn't accept a fool dominated by them, losing herself.
'I am me.'
Choi Jiyun. Nothing more, nothing less—a pure human.
Her eyes snapped open.