Something That Can't Be Hidden
"Hweeeung..."
The sound came from my own mouth, but God, I hated hearing it. A tsunami of embarrassment crashed over me. I wiped my tear- and snot-streaked face roughly with the back of my hand.
When I looked up, Grandpa was clicking his tongue with a worried look in his eyes, while Sora flailed around in panic, not knowing what to do. And standing next to her was an unfamiliar high school girl. That must be Sujeong. To bawl my eyes out in front of a total stranger... Had I always been this emotional? Or had stress been building up without me realizing? Or maybe... something had changed since becoming a woman.
Either way, the conclusion was clear. I'd racked up another black mark in my history.
"A-hem..." I cleared my throat awkwardly from the sheer mortification and stood up, wobbling. Sora rushed over to support me.
"Unnie, you okay? Calmed down now?"
"Y-yeah... Sorry. The tears just came out of nowhere..."
"Let's head inside first. You'll catch a cold."
Leaning on Sora, I shuffled into the house. Aw, damn it... What kind of embarrassing crap was this in front of my little sister?
Sora let out a deep sigh and sat down next to me.
"So... you didn't even realize it was me all this time, and you're sorry for not reaching out, so you cried?"
"...Yeah."
I mumbled in a tiny voice. Sora chuckled in disbelief.
"Sigh, that's always been your problem, unnie. Why do you suffer in silence like that? Just ask!"
"......"
I had nothing to say. She was right. I'd always been like that. Even when I volunteered at the orphanage, I'd sulk alone in the corner when the kids avoided me in fear. Am I that scary? Do they hate me? Sora had been the first to approach me back then, grabbing my hand with her tiny fingers and saying, "Oppa, play with me." If it hadn't been for her, I probably would've bolted or burst into tears right there.
"Still a crybaby, too. You were sniffling in the corner the first time I saw you. Really... you haven't changed a bit."
"...Huh?"
Hold up. Fact-check time.
"Sora. I wasn't crying back then."
"Pfft, you were. Your eyes were all red."
"No. That was dust..."
"Liar. I saw you sniffling."
"..."
No way! I was a sturdy Korean man back then! Sure, my heart might've been soft, but I wasn't weak enough to cry in front of kids. I felt wronged, but arguing now would just dig me deeper, so I shut up.
Just then, the door to the master bedroom opened, and Sujeong came out. She'd gone in to talk to her parents, apparently. She shuffled over hesitantly.
"Um... unnie... hi."
"H-hi... You're Sujeong, right?"
We exchanged awkward greetings. Sujeong couldn't even meet my eyes, fidgeting nervously. I got it. Her first impression of me was probably some weirdo collapsing on the dirt floor and sobbing uncontrollably.
"I've heard a lot about you from Dad... You went camping together..."
"R-really? What'd your oppa say about me?"
"Just... that you're super kind... and great at cooking..."
"Haha... yeah? Thanks."
The conversation died. Silence stretched out. It was painfully awkward. And why not? Our relationship was weird. She was my close dongsaeng Sora's friend, but also the daughter of someone I knew—practically a niece socially. Plus, first meeting. With me ugly-crying on top of it... No wonder talk wasn't flowing naturally.
As we just stared at each other, Sora sighed in exasperation.
"...What, are you two ex-lovers or something? Why so awkward?"
"..."
"Just relax. Sujeong's shy too. Once you get close, she talks a ton."
At Sora's teasing, Sujeong blushed and bowed her head. I scratched the back of my neck sheepishly. How to break this ice? Right as I pondered, the bathroom door opened, and Grandpa emerged.
"My my, what're y'all doin'? Holdin' a funeral?"
Grandpa cradled a fluffy white cotton ball in his arms—Maximus, fresh from his bath.
"Ang!"
The moment Maximus spotted me, he wagged his tail furiously and leaped from Grandpa's arms, trotting straight into mine.
"Maximus!"
I scooped him up. Gone was the grubby ochre fur; he was back to his fluffy white cotton candy self. He smelled like soap.
"Pretty again, huh? Puberty over?"
Maximus licked my nose. Yeah, white suits you best, buddy.
Grandpa approached, drying his hands on a towel.
"Thanks, Grandpa. I should've washed him myself."
I said apologetically. Grandpa grinned mischievously.
"No worries~ With my baby all mopey like that, who else but me~?"
"..."
Mopey like a corpse. His pointed joke made my face burn again.
"A-hem... Won't happen again."
"Euhahaha! Good, good. That's my girl."
Grandpa laughed heartily. If we kept on this topic, my sanity wouldn't survive. Time for a subject change.
"Oh, Grandpa. Eaten dinner yet?"
"Not yet. Waitin' for my baby to eat together."
I glanced at the clock—evening had flown by. I'd starved an old man and growing high schoolers. Guilt hit hard.
"Sorry... You must be hungry. What for dinner?"
"Was thinkin' jeeyuk bokkeum."
Grandpa pointed to the fridge. Jeeyuk bokkeum. Perfect. Soul food for Koreans.
"I'll make it! You rest, Grandpa."
I rolled up my sleeves and stood. Cooking with puffy eyes from crying might look silly, but I had to earn my keep.
As I headed to the kitchen, Sora and Sujeong trailed after me.
"Unnie, I'll help."
"Yeah! Me too."
"Huh? No, it's fine..."
I tried refusing, but their eyes sparkled eagerly. Sweet kids.
"Okay... Sora, wash the veggies? Sujeong, set the table."
They sprang into action. I pulled pork shoulder from the fridge—fresh, bright red.
Alright, time to show off.
First, slice the meat bite-sized. Chunky onions, green onions, carrots. Mix gochugaru, soy sauce, minced garlic in golden ratio—no gochujang, that's key. It gets too thick otherwise. Secret ingredient: a splash of pear drink. Tenderizes and adds subtle sweetness.
Oil in the pan, fry green onions for scallion oil. Nutty aroma rises, toss in meat. Sizzle! Delicious sounds as it cooks. Once browned, spoonful of sugar to coat. Add sauce, high heat stir-fry—90% done. Jeeyuk's easy and tasty.
Spicy scent filled the kitchen.
"Smells insane."
Sora sniffed appreciatively. Sujeong gulped.
Quick-fry veggies last to keep crunch. Plate high, sprinkle sesame seeds. Glossy jeeyuk bokkeum. Even I was impressed.
We chatted while cooking.
"How'd you two get close? School friends?"
"Nah, met volunteering."
"Volunteering?"
"Yeah, at the orphanage."
"Oh... cool."
Surprising. High schoolers volunteering these days. Sora had a reason, but Sujeong... O Seokgyun raised her right.
"Turns out we live close, so we hung out and got tight."
Sujeong smiled shyly. "Sora looks out for me a lot. I'm super shy..."
"You look out for me. Buy me meals and all."
So sweet, watching them care for each other. Admirable.
"Done! Let's eat!"
I set the dish on the living room table. Grandpa fetched banchan: stir-fried kelp, egg braise, kimchi.
"Ooh, smells heavenly... My baby's no ordinary cook."
"Dig in before it cools!"
We gathered, spoons up.
"Mmm. Perfect."
Solid execution. Others?
"God-tier."
"Seconds for me!"
Pfft. Yeah, yeah. Eat two, three bowls. Watching them chow down warmed my heart. Grandpa nodded approvingly.
"Meals taste best with company."
His words melted me inside.
After eating, the girls patted full bellies and stood.
"Mind if we walk Maximus to digest?"
"Go ahead. Not too far."
"Okay!"
Sora and Sujeong took Maximus out. Just Grandpa and me left.
He mixed instant coffee and handed me a cup.
"Here, have some."
"Thanks, Grandpa."
I cradled the warm mug. He stared at me, then asked casually,
"That earlier... hurt that bad?"
"...Pardon?"
"Thinkin' Sora didn't know you, sufferin' alone."
Ah... Embarrassment surged again.
"Not hurt, exactly... More sorry. I should've reached out first, but forgot..."
"Yeah, happens."
Grandpa nodded. "But listen, baby."
"Yes."
"Old you would've shrugged 'can't be helped.' Why the waterworks this time?"
I pondered his question. Yeah, why? I'd never been this emotional. Cool under pressure, man or woman. So why the uncontrollable tears?
"Hm... Not sure."
I sipped the coffee. Sweetness spread.
"Doesn't seem worth overreacting now..."
Recent months flashed by: meeting Im Nana, Rika, the DIY family, O Seokgyun. Bonds formed, laughs shared. Solo camper me had discovered joy in company.
"Lately... meeting people changed me, I guess."
I confessed honestly. "Used to think alone was best... Now connections feel precious. Made me extra sorry to Sora. Like I'd almost lost something important."
My view on relationships had shifted. Learning to lean on people, find comfort, live together.
Grandpa chuckled deeply.
"Euhahaha! My baby's finally growing up!"
"...Growing up? I was mature before."
"Nah~ You were a stiff bamboo before, now swayin' in the breeze~"
He patted my head. Rough but warm hand.
"You're doin' great. That's life. Sniffin' out people."
His praise flushed my cheeks. I ducked, sipping coffee.
"...This coffee's delicious."
"Right? Life ain't all bitter. Got its sweet moments."
Laughter from the kids and Maximus's barks drifted in from outside. A mild, un-winter-like evening. My heart felt full.