Natural Disaster Wife
The engine rumble of the Natural Disaster speedboat faded to a hush. With the jolt of the hull bumping against the dock, our 2-night, 3-day uninhabited island survival camping adventure finally came to an end.
“Phew...”
It had been one item on my camping bucket list: uninhabited island camping. Sure, it was under the special circumstances of a broadcast, complete with Ha Bong-seok PD's diabolical missions thrown in midway... but 'I did it.'
No one around (not quite), serene atmosphere (hardly), intense survival (not really).
...Why does everything feel kinda off?
Anyway, it had been tough, but looking back, it made for some pretty solid memories. Should I thank O Seokgyun for it, or Ha Bong-seok PD for dragging me into this mess?
Glancing around, the staff looked upbeat too. Their bodies might've been beat, but their faces glowed with satisfaction over the ample footage we'd captured.
“Alright, everyone! Let's power through to the end! Be careful unloading the gear!”
At Ha Bong-seok PD's shout, the staff sprang into bustling action. Should I lend a hand?
I stood to grab some bags when O Seokgyun, standing beside me, caught my eye. He was on the phone, face etched with grave concern.
“...Honey? What do you mean? Suddenly?”
Huh? Something up?
O Seokgyun's eyes shook like there was an earthquake. He hung up in a daze, then slowly turned to look at me.
“Oppa? Everything okay?”
I asked out of worry. He swallowed hard and spoke.
“Areum-ah.”
“Yeah?”
“...She's coming.”
“Huh? What's coming...”
A typhoon or something? His voice trembled as he said,
“...My wife.”
“...?”
I couldn't believe my ears. His wife? My sister-in-law? Here?
“Wait, hold on. Your wife's coming here? All the way to Geoje-do?”
“Yeah... Our daughter's going to a friend's hometown to play, so she dropped her off and said she was bored, so she's heading down.”
“Oh... But how'd she know the address...”
His gaze flicked sideways. And there was...
“Put that in the combi van! Stuff the small stuff in the bags!”
Ah... That guy.
Ha Bong-seok PD, energetically directing the staff. Well, fair enough. It wasn't some state secret. Family of the talent and all.
“She said she wanted to see your face too.”
“My face?”
“Yeah. I've been praising you so much...”
A wave of pressure hit me. Still, I'd just greet her properly later.
“So, when's she leaving? Maybe after our wrap-up dinner?”
“No.”
O Seokgyun shook his head.
“She's already here.”
“...What?”
“At the dock entrance...”
Right then.
From the distant parking lot, a shout rang out.
“Honey!!!”
A high-pitched, booming voice that pierced straight through the dock's clamor right into my eardrums.
O Seokgyun squeezed his eyes shut.
“...She's here.”
He let out a deep sigh, staring off at the distant mountains. He looked utterly forlorn. Hey, wait. Weren't you the devoted husband? Wife-obsessed guy? Why do you look like you've spotted the Grim Reaper?
“Oppa... why the long face?”
“Areum-ah. Sorry.”
“Huh?”
“At that energy level... even I can't stop her.”
Can't stop her? From what? His wife?
No time for questions. A woman from the parking lot was sprinting toward us at full tilt.
Stylish coat, sunglasses—a beauty at first glance. But her speed? It rivaled Usain Bolt.
Dadadadak!
The distance closed in a flash. And she blew right past O Seokgyun...
...straight at me.
“Uh...?”
No time to dodge.
“Waaah! Areum-ssi! You're Areum-ssi, right?!”
She threw her arms around me in a crushing hug. Airway blocked.
“Oh my god! You're way prettier in person! Total heavenly beauty!”
“Um, excuse me... Ack!”
Still hugging me tight, she started spinning us around.
The world whirled. Sky and earth flipped, sea turning to mountain... Dizzy...
“I'm so thrilled! Seeing you for real after only videos—you're even cuter!”
“Uh... uh... ex-cuse meee...!”
Save me. Gonna hurl.
After an eternity of spins, she finally set me down. She caught my wobbling self and burst into hearty laughter.
“Hahaha! Sorry! I've heard so much from oppa, my inner closeness just overflowed! Hohohot.”
She took off her sunglasses with a wink.
“I'm Park Seoyeun. That bear's wife.”
“...”
The world was still spinning. I stared blankly at her.
This was actor O Seokgyun's wife? Mother of a high school girl?
Flawless skin without a single blemish, energy overflowing even more than my 20-something self. And that tension. First person I'd met with higher vibes than Im Nana. If Nana was a tail-wagging retriever, this woman was... a beagle? Chihuahua?
My mind reeled. Finally snapping out of it, I managed a greeting.
“...I'm Han Areum. Nice to meet you.”
“Oh my! Your voice is like jade beads! Oppa getting a little sis like you... I'm touched!”
She lunged for another hug. Eek!
I reflexively dodged back. Glancing sideways, O Seokgyun was still gazing at those distant mountains, acting like this had nothing to do with him.
Help me out here... I shot him a pleading look, but he ignored it completely.
Then, salvation arrived.
“Oh? Sis-in-law already here?”
Ha Bong-seok PD, pausing his gear-directing to approach.
Park Seoyeun spotted him, released me, and pivoted her way.
“PD-nim! Long time no see!”
“Haha, doing well?”
“Oh, so thrilled!”
She grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously up and down.
Whoosh whoosh whoosh!
“Urghhh...!”
PD's body flopped like a paper doll. His arm might pop off at this rate.
“Still the same! Your face looks even better!”
“Ah, y-yes... Sis-in-law too... urk... looking healthy...”
Ha PD's face went pale. Now I got why O Seokgyun said “can't stop her.”
This was... a natural disaster. Beyond human control.
After tormenting PD's arm to her satisfaction, Park Seoyeun let go. His limb dangled limply.
“Man! PD-nim, you don't age a day! Meanwhile, my oppa's turning into a full-on gang boss.”
“Pfft...”
I burst out laughing despite myself. Spot on. Balding head, hulking build—O Seokgyun screamed mob boss.
Park Seoyeun turned back to me.
“Oh, look at Areum-ssi smiling. Too pretty.”
She strode over. Tension surged again. But...
If I can't avoid it, might as well clash head-on. Plus, there was something I had to say. Time to unburden my heart.
Deep breath. I bowed 90 degrees before her.
“Um... I'm sorry!”
Her eyes went wide at the sudden folder bow.
“Huh? Why?”
“Sorry, sister-in-law! I... I hurt O Seokgyun actor-oppa's face...”
I kept my head down. The handprint scar on his cheek. The swelling had gone down, but a faint bruise lingered. Any wife would be furious seeing her husband's face like that. Better take the scolding.
“......”
Silence stretched. No response from Park Seoyeun. Guess she's pissed. Sweat trickled down my back.
Moments later, her voice came.
“...Lift your head.”
Thud-. Low, grave tone. The prior high energy vanished. Cold. Firm.
'I'm screwed.' Really mad now. Brace for the lecture.
I raised my head slowly. She stared down with a blank face. O Seokgyun fidgeted, peeking nervously.
“H-honey... It's not what you—”
“Quiet.”
She shut him down. He zipped it. Her gaze locked back on me.
“...Areum-ssi.”
“Y-yes...”
I gulped.
“Areum-ssi. What did you just say?”
“W-well... I slapped Oppa Seokgyun's cheek...”
“No, before that.”
Before that? What'd I say?
“Sorry... sister-in-law?”
Then.
Her brows furrowed.
“That's not it!!!”
She yelled suddenly. I flinched, shoulders hunching.
“Say it after me! O-nee!”
“...Huh?”
“Sister-in-law? No way! I hate it! Haaate iiiit!!!”
Park Seoyeun stomped and wailed.
“Always bringing home those rough-looking bros as 'little bros'! That sister-in-law crap! Sister-in-law! I'm sick of it!! I wanna hear a pretty lil sis call me unnie too!!!”
“...”
I stared blankly. So... she's mad not about the slap...
...but the title? Sister-in-law?
O Seokgyun chimed in, looking wronged.
“H-hey, Seoyeun-ah... You liked those guys' tough vibes before...”
“That's that, this is this!”
She snapped at her husband.
“A cute lil sis like this, and you make it all stiff with 'sister-in-law'! Makes me look old!”
She turned back, pouting pitifully.
“Areum-ssi... no, Areum-ah. Do I look old? Huh?”
“N-no! Not at all! I thought you were a college student!”
“Right?! Then call me unnie! Pleeease!”
She grabbed my hands, pleading desperately. Eyes glistening. Impossible to refuse. Say “but manners...” and we'd be here all night.
Fine. Sacrifice for the greater good. Haven't even called Im Nana that yet, but survival first.
Deep breath. Lips parted.
“Uh... u...”
“Yes! Go on!”
“U... Unnie...”
“Huuuuh.”
Park Seoyeun gasped. Her face lit up in bliss.
“U-unnie, sorry... Don't be mad...”
Then.
“Kyaaaaah!!! Too cute!!!”
Screaming, she charged again.
Whoosh. Trapped in her arms.
“Insane! Totally insane! Hear that voice? Pure jade beads!”
She rubbed her cheeks against mine.
“Honey! Hear that? She called me unnie! Unnie!”
“Y-yeah... I heard. Calm down, Seoyeun-ah. Girl can't breathe.”
O Seokgyun tried intervening, to no avail. Her energy had pierced the stratosphere.
“Areum-ah! Dinner tonight, right? Unnie's buying everything! Name it—beef? Sashimi? All on me!”
“H-honey?”
“Ugh... um... can't... breathe...”
“Aigoo, sorry! Too excited!”
She loosened a bit but didn't fully release me. Like a kid clutching a stuffed toy.
Ha Bong-seok PD and the staff snickered at the scene.
'...Save me.'
I screamed internally. Could tonight's dinner end safely?
“...Sorry, Areum-ah. You're up for sacrifice tonight.”
You traitor!