Human Greed Knows No Bounds
Human greed knows no end... "Knife on the line for one round of missions. You were gonna do it anyway, right?"
At my suggestion, Ha Bong-seok PD's lips twisted up in a grin. The look of a hyena spotting prey.
"Whoa... Areum-ssi, you've already got the full variety show vibe. I admit defeat. How could we skip missions with a shot like this?"
Ha Bong-seok PD shot a glance at the writer next to him. The writer rummaged in their bag and set several items on the table. Not just one, but a bunch. Colorful squares, triangles, polygons in all shapes.
...Cubes?
The toy from my childhood. Official name: twist puzzle. Oh no, don't tell me...
"Wait, hold up! Stop!"
This was the second "stop" of the day. But what could I do? We had to stop. If I didn't want to get called out for faking it.
"Huh? Why? Scared you can't handle it? Uhahaha!"
Ha Bong-seok PD seemed to take my protest as a white flag of surrender. With a triumphant look, he pointed to each cube and launched into an explanation.
"Next mission: cubes! Official name: twist puzzles! Rules are simple. Solve the cube within the time limit. Rewards vary by difficulty."
Ah, he pulled them out anyway. Could we still back out?
"Wait just a sec... You know how it is...?"
But whether he didn't hear me or just ignored me, he barreled right into the explanation.
Ha PD picked up the smallest 2x2 cube first. "The easiest 2x2 puzzle gets you a knife—only a knife. You can roast something, sure."
Next, the 3x3. "3x3 gets you a knife plus salt."
Then the 4x4. "4x4: knife, salt, and a full condiment set!"
Finally, he hoisted the most complex-looking pyramid-shaped one. "And if you solve this pyramid puzzle... you get a 'one-time free use pass' for any item the crew brought!"
"...Free use pass?"
"Yep. Icebox, cooking tools, ingredients—whatever you want, use it once for free."
Gasp. A free use pass. I'd glimpsed the staff unloading earlier. Boxes stuffed with all sorts of cooking gear and seasonings.
With that, I could turn O Seokgyun's still-flopping seat dome in his hands into a masterpiece.
But... No. This is a show. We need entertainment value too...
"For real! Hold on a minute."
"Whoa, Areum-ssi. Showing such weakness? Disappointing."
Ha Bong-seok PD teased. Argh, that mouth of his.
"No, that's not it! I'm actually really good at those cubes!"
My shout silenced the set in an instant. The staff stared at me like, What did she just say?
O Seokgyun's eyes went wide. "Areum-ah, you can do cubes too?"
"Not just 'can do'..."
I let out a deep sigh and started explaining. "Think about it. I've been camping since elementary school. Over 10 years."
Of course, it was really 15+, but I fudged it for this body's age.
"What do you think's the biggest problem after 10 years of camping?"
"...The cold?"
"Nope. Boredom."
"Boredom?"
"Yeah. Pitch the tent, eat, and then... nothing to do. Especially in the boonies with no cell signal. You start hunting for ways to kill time in nature."
Ha Bong-seok PD leaned in, intrigued.
"Playing instruments, drawing, reading... tried it all. Then I got hooked on fiddly hand stuff. Cubes, ring puzzles, cast puzzles... I mastered everything you can do sitting down."
That's right. I'm damn good at cubes.
To survive solo camping's long nights, I had to become a time assassin. And it got fun... Cubes? I could solve them in my sleep. My fingers remember.
"Straight up: 20 seconds."
"Pardon...?"
"3x3 takes under 20 seconds. The others, 5 minutes tops."
"F-For real?"
Ha Bong-seok PD's eyes narrowed in doubt.
"Yes. If I solve it in a flash here, we'll get fake-out accusations. No footage either. So let's do a different mission..."
"H-Hold on, show us once?"
One of the writers approached and handed me a cube. Standard 3x3 Rubik's. Roughly scrambled, but...
I took it, scanned the colors, ran the algorithm in my head. Ready.
"Here goes."
Whoosh. Click. Click.
My fingers blurred. The staff's jaws dropped.
Snap! Final piece locked. Set it on the table.
"Done."
About 10 seconds. The perfectly solved cube gleamed in the sunlight.
"......"
Silence. Ha Bong-seok PD alternated between the cube and my face, speechless.
"...What?"
His shock was obvious. This wasn't in the script. They wanted grunting failure or hard-won cheers. But this ended before tension could build.
"Useless for footage, right? So edit it out and pick another mission..."
"Nooooo! We can't do that! I've got pride!"
Suddenly, Ha Bong-seok PD revved up. His eyes burned with competitive fire. The staff murmured.
"Here we go again..."
"He'll regret this..."
Suddenly, I recalled a post I'd seen online.
So it was true.
"10 minutes! I'll give you 10 minutes."
Ha Bong-seok PD bellowed. "Time to solve all four cubes here! Limit: 10 minutes!"
"...Pardon?"
"Succeed: free use pass! Fail: nothing! Even the knife and salt from your 10-second win—confiscated!"
10 minutes... Tent setup was 10, now cubes too. This camp was cursed with the number 10.
Four in 10 minutes? Geez...
"Then... start!"
Sizzle. Pop pop. Over the campfire, a seat dome skewered and roasting golden. Fat bubbled crisply on the surface. The savory grilled fish scent filled the air.
And on the table... pristine white sashimi slices plated beautifully on ice from the crew's cooler. With fresh wasabi, chojang, soy, wraps—all perfectly set.
Ramen bubbling on the side too.
"Whoa... Thought it was survival camping, but this is luxury. Right, Areum-ah?"
"Ahaha! All thanks to PD-nim's generosity with that free use pass."
"Nonsense! It's your skills! Never knew you had that talent. Your hands were a blur."
Chatting amiably with O Seokgyun, I glanced over. There... Ha Bong-seok PD surrounded by staff, getting reamed.
"PD-nim! Why'd you do it?!"
"Our dinner supplies are all gone!"
"We told you to watch your mouth!"
"Human greed knows no end, and repeats the same mistakes."
The writers and assistant directors had him cornered like a rat. Boss or not, messing with their rice bowl was unforgivable.
Ha Bong-seok PD huddled, mumbling, "Sorry... My bad..."
Pathetic yet satisfying.
"Kuh... Melts in your mouth."
"For real. This is the good stuff."
O Seokgyun savored a slice, enraptured. Perfect snack, missing just one thing...
Booze. One shot of soju would perfect it. But...
No way.
I shook my head hard. Drinking with O Seokgyun? Never. Couldn't repeat last time's black history.
Gulped cider instead.
Then Ha Bong-seok PD shuffled over. Those eyes... so pitiful.
"...Tasty?"
"Duh! Sweet as honey, hyungnim!"
O Seokgyun answered cheekily. I smiled and offered chopsticks.
"Melts right away. Want a piece, PD-nim?"
"...Can I?"
"Of course. You worked hard."
Clueless as ever, he plopped down and snatched a slice. Chewed... and his face lit up in bliss.
"Wow... So good..."
But it darkened again. He sighed deeply, complaining. "Haa... First crushing defeat in 20 years as a PD... For real..."
"Hyungnim, that's why you should've sized up your opponent. Didn't even check Areum's YouTube? The tent mission too... You used to dig into casts' private lives."
O Seokgyun jabbed sharply. Ha Bong-seok PD scratched his head.
"Nah, she's under Next's head boss, so I trusted him... That guy's got killer people skills. Thought she was just a pretty camper, not a monster."
"Still, you lost your edge. That's why you got burned."
"Sigh. Yeah. You're right. I got complacent."
Ha Bong-seok PD self-reflected. O Seokgyun tsked.
"And you'll really regret not checking her YouTube."
"That bad?"
Ha Bong-seok PD's eyes widened. Huh? Me, that good? Why the hype?
O Seokgyun got serious. "Not just Areum—there's another variety goldmine. Areum-ah, that Nana-ssi, right?"
Ah. Im Nana. Yeah.
Im Nana was variety perfection. Bubbly personality, klutz factor, quirks, superhuman physique, pointless-but-great execution. And that insane appetite. Any one trait fills episodes, all in one unique package. No overlap, totally standout.
...Though appetite might be a minus on a deserted island. No food? She'd devour roots and wreck the ecosystem.
"Pfft. Nana-ssi is variety-tuned for sure. Solid character."
"Someone like that? Man, huge mistake..."
Ha Bong-seok PD lamented.
"If I'd known, I'd have groveled to Kim at Next. 'She has to come too!'"
"...I'm an idiot. Gotta check it out ASAP."
He looked genuinely regretful. Grabbed another slice, stood.
"Thanks for the food... Gonna go reflect."
His shuffling back to the cameras looked bitter. Slumped shoulders like a laid-off family man.
"...That guy's really sulking, right?"
"Let him be. He'll bounce back with some weird mission soon."
O Seokgyun chuckled.
Back to the seat dome. Perfect vibe for a nap in the tent after eating. One issue: it was broad daylight.
Not camping night... just a slightly late lunch wrapping up.