I want to die.
I want to die.
"Ohh, oh...❤ Guh-heup...❤"
The sex with Bersia ended around that evening.
Bersia had filled me so completely that my belly felt slightly distended.
Only when my womb felt swollen and full did Bersia pull her male appendage from my pussy.
Gush——
"Guh-heuk❤"
Semen poured out through the empty space left by the extracted male appendage.
Bersia watched the sight silently, then stroked my lower abdomen.
"I came quite a lot due to excitement. I didn't intend to go this far, but...."
"You fucking... bitch...❤"
"You accepted the promise, Rubel. Accept it as it is."
Bersia let out a low laugh.
This fucking bitch.
Is she really planning to get me pregnant?
What is she trying to do, just filling me up like this without any countermeasures?
She was truly worse than discarded food waste.
"For now... get up. I have things to do."
"Yes...! Just, *hic*❤ get lost.... I don't even want to see your face...."
At my words, Bersia quietly got up from her seat.
But something felt strange.
Unlike her usual expressionless face.
Bersia, for some reason, wore a face tinged with sadness.
"...Alright. Rest well."
With those words, Bersia opened the bedroom door and left.
'......Why does she look so sad?'
I had experienced so many Regressions until now... but Bersia in this cycle was truly strange.
Like not killing me and just leaving me be.
Or showing a face she never showed in previous Regressions.
She was only showing truly strange behaviors.
'...Why?'
What could be the reason for her acting like that?
Could it be that she's gone mad from too many Regressions?
She was the one I hated more than anyone....
But seeing her, whom I thought would never act like this, showing such a side, I couldn't help but be bothered.
"Damn it......."
***
"......."
My chest felt incredibly heavy as I walked to my room.
Something welled up from deep within my chest, as if tears were about to gush out.
The guilt I had ignored until now.
The sorrow stemming from Rubel's hatred.
The two emotions intertwined, crashing over my entire body like a tsunami.
I tried to hide it, as I always had.
It couldn't be hidden.
The more I tried to hide it, the larger it only grew.
"Hmph......"
As I tried to control my emotions, memories of the 0th Regression suddenly came to mind.
Immediately after dealing with the Demon King.
When the endlessly clear sky welcomed me and my comrades.
A fate of extreme cruelty became vividly clear.
The one who would ascend to the new Demon King's throne was fated to kill everyone they loved.
It was a fate that could only be changed if I ascended to the Demon King's throne.
I despaired.
Originally, a Saintess cannot accept the Demon King's essence.
Ordinary humans can absorb the essence due to the evil within them....
However, it was impossible for a Saintess, as The Order directly selected those deemed purest.
Therefore, I had to fall.
I had to commit an act of impurity, driven by malice, to counter my own purity.
Thus, the choice I made was.
- ...Perhaps. Could you die for me?
It was to ask my comrades, with whom I had journeyed, if they could die for me.
These were people whom even the legions of savage demons could not kill.
Even the Demon King, who was called their god, could not kill them.
These were people who would now return to their country, live honorably, and eventually die.
I naturally thought they would refuse.
However.
- Well... if we don't, everyone will die anyway, right? How could we have protected humanity's peace, only for that to happen?
- For the sake of future generations, I will gladly die. We promised, didn't we? To save the world.
- I hope our sacrifice isn't in vain.
Beryl. Priel. Gwen.
Everyone gladly accepted their death.
Far from fear, they looked at me with concern.
- ...I am truly sorry, Saintess-nim.
Rubel.
- I'm truly sorry... for not being able to protect you from this cruel fate.
My love, who looked at me with sad eyes, kept apologizing to me.
- No.... In the end, this is also something I chose.......
- Please don't feel any guilt... Saintess-nim. Even if you chose it, didn't you say it was an unavoidable fate?
Saying so, Rubel pulled my hand, making me bring the sword to his neck.
- I was happy to be with you, Saintess-nim.
- Rubel.......
- I love you.
The sensation of beheading Rubel back then was still vivid.
Beheading the one I loved with my own hands.
This was a pain that could never be described.
I cried for three days straight.
I thought about taking my own life, unable to bear this fate any longer.
The number of times I brought the sword to my neck was countless.
- ......Haha.
I wished everything was a dream.
I prayed that when I opened my eyes, I would be back in a happy moment.
I prayed again and again, countless times.
But the heartless god who gave me this cruel fate did not answer my prayers.
Even though I prayed so earnestly, it was not granted.
- Hahaha.... Ahahaha...!!
There was no answer.
How much despair I felt at that fact.
1st Regression. 2nd Regression. 3rd Regression.
100th Regression. 1000th Regression. 10000th Regression.......
There is one truth I realized while living through countless Regressions.
God does not save us.
The only ones who can save us are.
Only ourselves.
So, I couldn't break down.
I couldn't stop.
Because the moment I collapsed, people would die.
My beloved Rubel would die.
"......."
Wiping away the flowing tears, I continued to move forward.
I had a lot to do.
***
A week had passed since Bersia violated me.
Since then, Bersia had not come to see me.
Even when I tried to go and ask for a spar, her door was firmly closed, so I couldn't meet her.
'......Did something happen?'
It was the first time this had happened.
She was the bitch I saw every day, even though I didn't want to.
But for such a long time, a whole week, she hadn't appeared.
Something felt strange, so I approached Bersia's door.
Just as I stood before the door, about to knock.
"Stop."
From beside me, someone with a sharp voice commanded me to stop.
A woman with red hair and demon horns growing from her head.
It was Bersia's attendant demon, Karmīna, whom I had seen before.
"...An attendant, huh."
"It's Karmīna. Why are you knocking on the Demon King-nim's door?"
"I have something to discuss."
"The Demon King-nim is busy right now. Go away."
She said she'd spar with me once a day, but now she's acting like this.
Suddenly, anger surged, and I pounded on the door loudly.
At that, Karmīna, with an enraged face, blocked my way.
"I told you to stop!"
"...If you touch me now, I'll kill you. Don't stop me."
"Hah. Do you think I'm incapable?"
"What power does a mere attendant like you have?"
Just as Karmīna and I were about to clash in our war of nerves.
Creak——
The firmly closed door opened, and Bersia came out.
Her breath was heavy with the smell of alcohol.
"......What's all this noise about?"
Bersia stared at Karmīna with half-closed eyes.
A murderous aura dripped from her dark demeanor.
At that murderous aura, Karmīna let out a gasp and knelt before Bersia, saying.
"S-sorry...! This human bastard was trying to enter the Demon King-nim's room...."
"......Rubel is someone I personally brought into the castle. Shouldn't you treat her as a guest, logically speaking?"
Squish.
Bersia's foot pressed down on Karmīna's head.
Karmīna, her face contorted in pain from the foot pressing down on her, continuously begged for forgiveness.
"Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry......!!"
"You only get one mistake. If you do it again, I'll smash your head, so be aware of that."
Bersia removed her foot from Karmīna's head after those chilling words.
Bersia, her face returned to its usual expressionless state, opened the door.
"Come in and let's talk. It seems you came looking for me."
"......Yeah. Because you haven't shown your face for a whole week."
"Were you perhaps worried?"
"Do you think I'd be crazy enough to worry about a bitch like you?"
When I retorted in an annoyed tone, a surge of irritation rising within me.
Bersia let out a small laugh and muttered.
"...Then that's a relief."
Upon entering the room, I saw countless empty liquor bottles scattered across the desk.
An amount that my former comrades and I could easily drink in about a month.
Frowning at this, I secretly looked around the room, unnoticed by Bersia.
One item, lying neglected in a corner of the desk, caught my eye.
It was clearly a notebook filled densely with writing.
However, only a single word was written in the notebook.
Only the word, 'I want to die.'