The End of Winter Is... (1)
I caught a cold.
This frail body couldn't properly endure the prolonged cold.
What kind of Demon King am I?
My physical abilities were laughable.
"Demon King-nim, try asking the guard for something to wear."
"...I can still endure it."
I hated the very act of asking others for something.
My uniquely cynical personality burst out from my throat.
I'll handle it myself.
Don't mind me.
My stomach felt queasy.
Even though I clearly hadn't eaten anything.
"Being in an underground dungeon, I can't tell if it's morning or night."
Inside the spacious prison, where there wasn't even a window.
Aside from being larger, it wasn't much different from where I originally lived.
A place that was dark, damp, moldy, and deathly cold in winter.
"Hallibel, would you believe me if I told you I'm not actually the Demon King?"
"..."
The words impulsively spilled out.
I never wanted to be something like the Demon King.
Why do I have to be in a body like this?
As I thought that, the face of that damned Goddess came to mind.
That fucking bitch.
"What if I wasn't the Demon King, but just an utterly ordinary—human?"
An ordinary human male character who had lost his parents and lived alone in a semi-basement room.
That was precisely the position I held in my original world.
No, I was definitely ordinary at first.
It was a life where I had a father, a mother, and a perfectly normal home.
"My father died in a car accident."
Human lives disappear more easily than one thinks, and my father was exactly like that.
The dead have no words and no money, and the person who caused the accident also died abruptly, so there was no one to blame or receive compensation from.
It was a ridiculous situation.
"Hallibel, I hate winter."
Because it's the season my father died.
And because it's also the season my mother died.
'...Your dad, he left us hope.'
There was something my father left my mother before he died.
Her swollen belly made it clear what it was.
It was a younger sibling.
Mom laughed, and cried at the same time.
She said that what was in her belly was a cute little sister.
"...I never wished for that kind of hope, it's ridiculous, isn't it?"
That hope gnawed at my mother.
My mother's body, severely damaged by the shock of my father's death, paradoxically couldn't bear the hope my father left behind.
I hated that.
The baby growing in my mother's womb was killing her.
'Mom.'
'Yes, what is it, son?'
'...It's nothing.'
It would be a lie to say I didn't love my mother.
No, it was a thought I could only have because I loved my mother.
I wished for the baby in my mother's womb to die.
I swallowed the two syllables 'abortion' that lingered in my mouth and spent each day.
If you keep carrying the baby, Mom will be in danger.
If you give birth to the baby, Mom will die.
I'd rather my mom live than a baby whose face I didn't even know.
'Son.'
My mother collapsed.
My mother, who woke up in the hospital, called out to me with a haggard face.
Eat well.
Exercise a bit.
Don't just stay cooped up in your room.
Don't overwork yourself.
Brush your teeth well.
Never jaywalk.
And, and, and...
'Don't follow Mom, and take good care of your younger sibling.'
That was the end of it.
Mom didn't comfort me.
Nor did she worry about me.
What Mom gave me was deep loss, sorrow, despair, and responsibility.
"Hallibel. Being ordinary is more special than anything else."
An ordinary family. An ordinary life. An ordinary end.
If I could have all of that, wouldn't I be more special than anyone else?
Look at me now, becoming special has me slowly dying in this terrible place.
"You've been through a lot."
"I still am."
Cold walls, cold iron bars, a cold body, a cold heart.
The winter that arrived long ago was still dormant within me.
When will I ever regain warmth?
"Perhaps my obsession with children is also because of that."
It wasn't that I loved the Hero.
It was that I loved what I created with the Hero.
Perhaps I had mistaken that for love for the Hero all this time.
"...I miss Rin. I miss Laila too."
I hugged my knees.
The fact that there was no one around felt so lonely, yet an odd sense of satisfaction welled up even though I was talking to myself.
Right, it's not like there's no one.
At least I'm here.
It won't be as lonely as an empty space.
"Mealtime."
It was the same voice as yesterday.
The guard's expression was unchanged.
He didn't consider the food he handed me his own.
Even though he was clearly the one who would consume it.
"...Let's share today."
After starving for several days, it felt like death.
As I tried to break the bread in half, I realized my right arm was broken and sighed.
Then, a rough hand reached out and broke the bread in half.
"I'll eat well."
"...I'll eat well."
The bland soup and hard bread were more delicious than I expected.
For a meal in an underground dungeon, this might be quite a feast, wouldn't it?
It wasn't bad at all to have someone to eat with, instead of eating alone.
"You."
"Huh?"
"Are you really the Demon King?"
At the blunt question, I let out a small laugh, 'Pfft'.
Demon King, the Demon King...
I am the Demon King.
If I'm not the Demon King, then who is?
Thinking that to myself, I covered my mouth.
It was an action taken because I felt like I might laugh for no reason.
"It depends on how you see it. But look."
I swept back my hair and showed the spot where my horn used to be.
I couldn't see their expression because my head was bowed, but they probably weren't wearing a very pleasant one.
Because my own expression wasn't very pleasant right now.
"You're a demon race."
"I am a demon race."
The conversation ended there.
A heavy silence filled the prison, but it wasn't a bad feeling.
Sometimes, silence can be more valuable than conversation.
When I exhaled, white clouds billowed out.
It's already gotten this cold.
"At this rate, I might really freeze to death. My arms and legs are already red..."
When I wiggled my toes, they felt stiff, as if I had frostbite.
I reached out and squeezed the tips of them, and it felt a little better.
"Well, if I freeze to death here, wouldn't that just be my fate?"
"..."
It was a body that wouldn't be strange to die at any moment anyway.
Yes, that's right.
There was no particular need to be afraid of dying, so why was I so scared?
As I thought that, my fear subsided.
Fear, when I tried so hard to shake it off, clung to me, but when I actually tried to accept it, it ran far away.
"I wonder if Rin is doing well?"
"That's the fifth time you've asked that question, Demon King-nim."
"...I can't help but worry, can I?"
With my horns, wings, and tail cut off, there was no way things could be fine.
Even I, who bears the title of Demon King, have my body ruined like this, so how much must that small child be suffering?
She always had a calm expression, but looking at her face when she was asleep, she was definitely not okay.
The child's face, sweating and groaning in pain, still flickered before my eyes.
Perhaps it would have been better if she hadn't come looking for the Hero.
"Even if Demon King-nim gave birth to them, those children are strangers."
"..."
Giving birth to a race completely different from me, giving birth to children who don't resemble me at all, giving birth to those whom others remember.
There, no trace of me or the Hero, or anyone else, remained.
Could I truly call a baby born like that 'my baby'?
That was what Hallibel was saying.
No, she was advising me to tell me what came after that.
"I'm worried that if you ever give birth to your true children, Demon King-nim, the affection you have for these children might lessen."
"That's impossible, isn't it?"
"Well, if that's the case, then it's a relief."
If I give birth to all the remaining children, will there truly be any affection left in my heart?
But that was a premise that didn't even need to be made in the first place.
Because the moment I give birth to all the children, I'll return to my original world.
If that happens, whether it's affection for children or anything else, it won't be something to care about anymore.
"Now, I don't even know what I want anymore."
Did I want to die, or did I not want to die?
Or did I want to have children?
I thought I wanted to go back, and I also thought I didn't want to go back.
A person's heart, even if it's their own, couldn't be truly understood.
Then now.
What in the world do I want now?
"If I had known this, it might have been better if I had killed you with my own hands."
"No. If you had done that, you would definitely have regretted it immensely."
Hallibel replied firmly to my words.
She said that without any hesitation.
"There's no way Demon King-nim could live on as if nothing happened after killing me. You're still bothered by killing that Elf, aren't you?"
"..."
Yes, that's right.
I still haven't forgotten Reina's death, so what would have happened if I had killed Hallibel with my own hands as well?
Surely, the next life I would have killed would have been my own.
In that sense, it was a fortunate thing that I didn't kill her.
Because I could still be alive, even in this wretched state.