Crazy WoW Addict
Morning broke.
Chirp—chirp-chirp—
Birds were singing. Sunlight filtered through the leaves, making the dew sparkle.
I cracked open my bleary eyes. My body ached all over. Shoulders locked solid, neck creaking like a door that hadn't seen oil in years.
Skipping watch duty... the company commander would've been disappointed.
Last night everyone had used exhaustion as an excuse to scrap the night watch. Truth was, it never even started. More precisely, the kids were all too lazy. So I'd put them to bed and stayed up alone until half past four, then felt like I was actually going to die and closed my eyes for just one hour. Ah, fuck. I was sure I'd heard something right before I drifted off. A soft hiss? A rustling?
Kuuwaaaaaang—
The motorcycle-engine snoring coming from Cedric Diggory beside me made it impossible to tell what I'd actually heard. That bastard could never live in Korea. The noise complaints would have entire generations banging on his door every night. Did he install a transformer in his nose or what...
"Nothing happened all night? What the hell? Was it really just my paranoia? Maybe because I skipped my meds?"
I slowly sat up and crawled out of the tent. The air was sharp and cold. Drawing a breath made my lungs sting with clean chill.
Cedric was still snoring like a chainsaw, while Percy lay half-buried in his sleeping bag, exhaling in soft little puffs.
Is that guy dreaming about writing a thesis even in his sleep?
I grabbed an empty canteen—the standard one-liter issue Marcus had handed out.
"Survival training again today, right? Fine. At least I can wet my throat."
I walked into the woods. Leaves crunched underfoot.
Ah, you're not supposed to go off alone. Should I wake the others? Nah. This is basically their academy. Nothing happened last night, and it's morning now. Percy went off by himself yesterday and came back fine. Better let them sleep so their condition stays good. Besides, me... I'm useless in a fight. If something goes down, the ones who actually have to fight need to be sharp.
A short walk brought me to the stream I'd spotted yesterday. Clear water ran between the stones. I knelt and filled the canteen.
Boil this and it should be drinkable. Magical bacteria aren't a thing... right?
That was when—
A soft rustle came from the undergrowth.
I turned my head.
Long green body. Triangular head. Yellow eyes.
A venomous snake.
"...Ah, fuck."
Yeah. Going alone had been a mistake.
"God, why am I this stupid? Eugene Kim, you absolute dumbass who only ever picks the things he'll regret."
Army training flickered through my mind.
"Venomous snakes react to movement."
I tried to remember the proper response.
"All I can think of is that goddamn tsutsugamushi fever lecture. We're fucked. They said snakes are dangerous, but never once told us what the hell you're supposed to do about it. Classic Republic of Korea Army."
My body locked up like a statue.
Wait, isn't this a mamushi? Why the hell is it in Scotland? Still, they don't bite if you don't mess with them first. Just be careful.
The snake flicked its tongue.
Hiss, hiss—
Just go. I won't touch you.
Heart already redlining. Legs already prepped for flight. Brain frozen on pause.
The snake came closer.
Ten centimeters.
Five.
I slowly drew my wand and aimed.
"Stupefy! Yeah, right. Of course not."
The spell fizzled out mid-cast and flopped onto the ground with a pathetic pik.
"Ha... why the sudden charge? Are mamushi normally like this?"
The snake launched itself at me with a vicious kwaaaaak—
"When the body's weak... the head suffers!"
Puh-ung—!
I put everything into a beautiful full swing of the wand and sent the snake flying. The airborne snake-meat looked exactly like Lee Dae-ho's grand-slam home run.
"If I'd been in the lineup instead of Ah-seop in the '11 playoffs, we never would've hit into that double play."
But then—
Thud— thud— thud—
Dozens of massive shadows appeared deeper in the forest. Something was straining against a magical barrier, squealing, but the magic was slowly unraveling. Five of the shadows that had already forced their way free were walking steadily toward me.
Shadows that made me doubt my own eyes.
"Huh? Fuck?"
Correction: Marcus Weybridge really was a completely insane soldier and not right in the head. I hated myself for feeling even a second of sympathy after hearing about Tobias yesterday. Fuck, he released Blast-Ended Skrewts here? Is he actually out of his mind?
First priority: that fraying magical barrier. I had to rebind it. Couldn't hold it forever, but I needed time to wake the kids.
The second my attention slipped, another snake suddenly appeared and lunged for a bite.
Puh-uk—
I kicked it clean into the water.
"Yeah, that's the textbook move. You thought I'd get distracted assuming there was only one and get myself killed? Reserve Sergeant Eugene Kim, 703rd Special Assault Regiment, Signal Company?"
I raised my wand, trying to reinforce the dissolving barrier, running through possible spells. Concentration was already shredding under the constant thudding of those things.
Focus. Focus. To reinforce a magical barrier... Episco? No. What was it... where do I even start? Let's pack the ground with Reducto first.
Kwa-jik—
"Ah!!!"
A sudden electric jolt of pain and my body went lead-heavy. I toppled backward, spitting curses through the agony.
There had been one more snake. Tiny—probably a juvenile—so small you wouldn't notice unless you looked carefully.
"You... little shit... three is overkill... Mamushi... usually travel alone... what the hell is this..."
I smashed it repeatedly with the wand until it was paste. Then I spun to run and wake the others—only for my stiff leg to catch on a root and send me sprawling.
"Karina!! Cedric!! Percy!! Penelope!! Wake up!!! Get the fuck up!!!! Blast-Ended Skrewts are coming!!!!!"
Blood was spreading. My calf was already swelling.
We're fucked. Real venom.
My mind went blank.
Dying from a snakebite? Cause of death in life number two: snake venom? Round one was suicide, round two is snake venom? Even the most creative lawyer couldn't save this pathetic excuse of a death.
My throat tightened. Breathing grew impossible. Eyelids grew heavy; sleep crashed over me like a wave.
Antidote. Need an antidote. There should be some from St. Mungo's... have to tell the kids. Blast-Ended Skrewts are coming... flip them on their backs...
With the last of my strength I scrawled letters into the dirt with a finger.
'Flip belly' — three characters. My eyes were closing and my hand barely worked, but I poured everything into it.
I remembered the embarrassing early days after reincarnating here, when I'd frantically searched for a status window, special perks, gifts—thinking I was some kind of protagonist. Now, finally bitten by the third snake, I felt it again. There were no protagonist privileges for me. Why? Because I wasn't the protagonist. Fuck, but seriously, why were mamushi even here? I watched every episode of the Survive series and those things only live in Korea and Japan...
All sorts of idiotic thoughts raced through my head as my body grew heavier.
And then consciousness cut out.
"Haaaaawn—"
Karina woke earlier than usual, as if she'd heard something. The moment she sat up she scanned the surroundings. Old habit.
She decided to take a walk—check for anything suspicious and loosen up at the same time.
"Eugene!!!"
Not far from the tents she found him collapsed. Her scream tore through the forest.
She sprinted over and shook him.
"Hey, wake up!"
No response. His face was deathly pale, lips turning blue.
"Guys!!! Cedric! Percy! Penelope!!!"
Moments later the three came running—Cedric rubbing his eyes, Percy with bedhead, Penelope wearing mismatched socks.
"What the hell, this early in the—" Cedric started to yawn, then froze. "Dude, what's wrong with him?"
Percy crouched by the calf. "Snakebite. Venom's spreading."
"Holy crap, for real?" Penelope's eyes went wide. "Percy, you know healing spells, right?"
"Uh... well..." Percy scratched his head. "In theory."
"What do you mean 'in theory'? This is the real thing right now!"
"I only remember what Professor Pomfrey taught us! Where is a sixteen-year-old supposed to practice detoxification spells?"
Cedric barked,
"Shut up, all of you!"
Silence.
He steadied his breathing and looked at Percy.
"Seriously. Do you know anything?"
Percy spoke carefully.
"Venom Slow. Suppresses the spread. Can buy us about an hour."
"Do it!"
Percy cast.
"Venom Slow. But you know this is just a delay, right? Not a cure."
Silvery light wrapped around the wound and sank in.
"And what's this next to him? Did this bastard write a dying message in the middle of all this?"
"'Flip belly'? What does that even mean?"
"First get him somewhere safe. Karina, help me move Eugene into the shade. Elevate the leg. I'll take his head."
"Why?"
"Bear Grylls said so?"
Cedric gestured to Karina and they lifted Eugene together.
"Saying that kind of crap in this situation makes him sound like an idiot, but somehow it still feels reliable."
Penelope raised a hand.
"Hey! Percy and I will go fire the signal flare!"
"Wasn't that banned?"
"Banned or not, someone's about to die!"
"...Fair point."
The two sprinted up the hill.
"Vermillious!"
A red flare shot into the sky.
"Again!"
"Vermillious!"
Another.
"Vermillious!!"
A third explosion of red light.
"That should be enough for Instructor Marcus to see."
"If he doesn't, he needs an eye exam."
But one minute passed. Then two. No one came.
"What the hell is with that guy?" Penelope muttered uneasily.
Percy tilted his head. "He might be ignoring us on purpose."
"Are you insane?"
"Normally he shows up within ten seconds of a flare."
"Maybe he's checking on another group?"
"You think that man can't Apparate? One hundred percent intentional."
Penelope clenched her teeth.
"This is seriously pissing me off..."
That was when it started.
Thud—
Thud—
Thud—
The ground shook.
Massive shadows approached through the trees.
"...What the hell is that?"
Cedric narrowed his eyes.
Flames erupted.
Blast-Ended Skrewts. Five of them.
Monsters that looked like someone had crossed a scorpion with a dragon and then thrown in some gorilla hide for good measure came stomping forward, belching fire.
"Whoa, he actually sent them... those are the breed Hagrid was bragging about developing last year." Percy muttered. "Yeah, Marcus definitely released these. Why else would they suddenly be here?"
"Who cares about that right now! Combat positions!" Cedric shouted. "Karina, protect Eugene! Rest of us, right-side formation!"
"This isn't a raid!" Penelope yelled.
"Percy, long-range DPS—you're our main damage. Penelope, support me and keep an eye on Percy. You call the vision."
"Crazy WoW addict even in a situation like this...!"
The first explosion hit.
Boom—!
Dirt and fire sprayed everywhere.
Cedric threw up a shield.
"Protego Maxima!"
Flames smashed against the barrier and scattered.
"Penelope, backline support!"
"Got it! Stupefy!"
A red bolt streaked out, struck a Skrewt's shell, and bounced off.
"These bastards are tough!"
"Ah! That's what Eugene wrote earlier! The belly's the weak point!" Cedric shouted. "We have to flip them!"
"How the hell do we do that?"
"I don't know! Percy, figure something out!"