Emily — Kwon Su-jeong's Trigger Is About to Fire

"Emma, how is she? How bad is Su-jeong's condition?"

Kate laid the still-reeling Su-jeong carefully onto a hospital bed, then went looking for Doctor Emma — the same physician who had once treated her. A doctor her mother had introduced. Like her mother, Emma was a White Rose graduate.

"It's serious. Whether it's because East Asian cultures lean so heavily toward submission, the brainwashing has sunk in deep. Her ego is almost completely swallowed."

"What? …Just how bad is it?"

Emma fed the OMR test sheet back into the reader. Warning text flooded the screen.

Kate's fists trembled as she slammed them down on the desk. Still breathing hard, she looked up at Emma.

"This… what do you mean, sex slave?"

"Ah… that possibility is slim. It would require sustained sexual conditioning under confinement. And Korea's public safety is relatively solid."

"Stockholm syndrome…"

"Exactly. She's in a state highly susceptible to Stockholm syndrome."

Kate swayed. Emma stepped in and steadied her. Kate stared blankly back at the screen.

"So there is a chance she could become a sex slave?"

Emma nodded and exhaled a long sigh.

"Yes. Unfortunately. Once Middle Eastern and Korean students started pouring in, White Rose got even more grotesque. The brainwashing turned vicious. Su-jeong is White Rose's masterpiece. Fuck… fucking White Rose."

Emma pulled a bottle of vodka from a drawer and drained it in one go. She had only escaped becoming a doll like Su-jeong because her tuition had been cut off and she'd been expelled in the second semester of her junior year — and the old pity, anxiety, and terror came flooding back over her.

They're monsters.

"What should I do?"

"Start by making her forget everything about White Rose. For the next few years, don't get too close yourself either. She's going to Korea, so enroll at a nearby school — not the same one — and look after her from a little distance. You've mostly overcome it."

"Yes. Thanks to Su-jeong."

Kate remembered the days Su-jeong had nursed her with such devoted care. Such a pure, kind girl. The regret of never telling her the truth while she spent that whole year recovering and changing still cut deep. She should have brought her here so much sooner…

"You should rewrite one of your own triggers, too. Any man who can make Su-jeong happy is too dangerous. Happiness can grow out of physical pleasure alone — just look at the sex slaves of Black men. Completely different methods, and yet the way those men brainwash people through sex ends up looking a lot like what happens to White Rose graduates. Ironic as hell… kh."

The sharp reek of alcohol hit Kate's nose. She felt the weight of it settle in: she would have to follow Su-jeong to that unfamiliar country called Korea. The possibility that Su-jeong ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠might be confined and turned into a sex slave kept twisting uncomfortably in her gut.

"What if I change my trigger so that the man who pulls Su-jeong's trigger — the one who makes her happy — becomes mine too?"

Emma thought for a long time. Then she nodded.

"Su-jeong isn't a fool. It won't be an easy condition. And what man like that is going to appear, anyway? Better you both become lesbians like me and live out your lives without ever pulling the trigger… You'll be happy. You will."

A man who would erase Emma's own trauma without ever touching her body. She recalled her own trigger and let out a bitter little laugh, mocking herself for calling it happiness.

[Present]

"Yeah. I'm heading out. See you at Rothof."

Kate. The friend I met almost every day during break — or at least every other day — rose unbidden in my mind. A year and a half had already flown by since I'd decided to become a lesbian, and still no feeling for women had ever risen in me. Frustration and impatience kept churning my thoughts into a mess.

Kate…

If I ever did manage to love a woman, I had already decided Kate would be the one — the girl who had shown me affection. Korea allowed same-sex marriage, after all.

I threw on my clothes in a hurry and stepped out of my room — and found people standing in front of unit 401, the room where I used to live. A familiar back. Jeong Hye-yun.

I had designated her as one of the conditions for my trigger. A girl I'd met while hunting for a studio apartment after enrolling at Yeonseo University. There had been zero chance my uncle could have planted her, and her pretty face had been enough for me to set her as a trigger condition on the spot.

Once school starts, every fly my uncle sends will be swarming around me.

Over the past year we had run into each other often enough to grow close. No romantic feelings, of course — but carefully observing her after setting her as a trigger had become part of my daily routine. Out of worry that she might get a boyfriend. Or maybe out of hope.

Every time that feeling surged up, I reminded myself I was heterosexual — even as I kept trying, almost like brainwashing, to force lesbian desire into existence.

But today, Hye-yun — who for an entire year had shown not the slightest sign of dating a man — was standing in front of 401 with her arm linked through a man's.

A heavy weight slammed down on my chest. My heart hammered so hard my stomach started to hurt. A strange ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠mixture of tension and thrill.

"Hye-yun."

My voice shook. I forced it steady and looked at her. She turned — beautiful as ever. The face I usually admired barely registered. I kept trying to lock my gaze on her, but my eyes kept sliding sideways to the man beside her. I couldn't help it. Instinct. Or just my brain.

He's handsome.

Strong features, masculine, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠thick thighs. A good body. With American ideals of male beauty half-stamped into my head, I felt attraction rising toward him — and startled myself.

The trigger. Thinking of him as Hye-yun's boyfriend is starting to pull it.

"Unnie, where are you going?"

"Some classmates wanted to grab drinks."

I didn't want to admit that Kate was basically my only drinking buddy. On any other day I would have told Hye-yun I was meeting Kate, but the words wouldn't come out.

Then I heard it — "Babe" — and my eyes snapped to the man, scanning him hard. An image of my own finger curling around a trigger flashed through my mind.

By pure coincidence, he was a freshman enrolling at the same school as me. The surname Kim had made me pause for a second — then the disappointment hit when I learned he was following an acquaintance into Class G.

I'm losing it. Not yet. He has to permit polygamy, he has to be a lecher, and he has to protect me.

Recalling the other trigger conditions settled my heart. My trembling hands stilled. I let out a small breath of relief and kept talking with him — until I caught the look in the eyes of the woman standing behind him.

Bright, radiant eyes that never left that man. A foreigner.

"And this is…?"

The question came out rushed. I had never imagined several stages of the trigger conditions might unlock at once. My heart was racing like mad again.

"My boyfriend's lover."

The words drove into my chest like a blade. My heart took off as ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠if I'd just sprinted two hundred meters flat out.

"Polygamy?"

No. It can't be. There's no way it's this coincidental.

Ever since setting Hye-yun as a trigger target, I had probed her constantly. She didn't even know about my uncle's company. She might have been acting — but Hye-yun had no reason to be bought by my uncle, so I had ruled that out from the start.

Hye-yun smiled and nodded. Something heavy crashed down on my chest again. Then the man's gaze — openly interested, openly lustful — raked over me. And something twitched along his thigh.

Something enormous.

The third condition had just been met. Panic made me check my watch, desperate to escape.

"See you later. You too, Ian."

Insane. What do you mean, see you later.

Afraid he would notice the heat flooding my face, I hurried down the stairs and stopped on the third floor just long enough to catch my breath. That was when Hye-yun's voice and the man's drifted down to me.

"She's pretty too."

My heart pounded. A clear sign the trigger had begun to fire. Even on my way to meet Kate, I kept picturing his face and his body — and I twisted my expression into a grimace and took it out on my helpless handbag, smacking it again and again.

"What?!"

I hadn't told her every detail of my trigger conditions, but the moment I said that everything except the school-related ones had unlocked, Kate shot to her feet in shock. She glanced around, then slid from the seat across from me into the one beside me.

The condition Kate had whispered into my ear on the plane to Korea. She loved me. Whether she had always been into women, I didn't know — but anyone who couldn't read her feelings for me now would have to be a complete idiot. It was a burden, yes, but Kate truly cared for me. When I told her I still wasn't ready, she had waited for me with a heavy, patient heart. So I couldn't hide what had happened today.

"If he's Hye-yun's boyfriend, he's handsome, right?"

"Not the pretty-boy type Korean girls usually go for. Good body, strong-lined features."

Kate nodded, her eyes fixed on the ceiling. She looked dazed. If I fell, she would fall with me — a package deal. She was about to be forced into attraction and love for a man whose face she had never even seen. When I first heard her condition it had felt like pressure; thinking it over carefully, all I had felt toward her lately was guilt.

"I'm sorry, Kate."

"Don't be. But this wasn't your uncle's doing, right? That man is relentless."

My uncle. He had already picked out a spouse for me, it seemed — some guy had approached me in freshman year. Han Cheol-seung. Grandson of the Samhwa Mining chairman, and not shy about flaunting it. He had conveniently canceled his study abroad, enrolled in the social sciences track, even switched class sections to make his pursuit obvious.

Then it happened. The day midterms ended first semester, the whole section gathered for a group mixer. The seniors poured drink after drink into me that night, and none of the friends who might have stopped them were around. At some point the film cut out. When I opened my eyes, I was in a hotel room.

I sat bolt upright and checked my body — no sex had happened. Out of the habit I'd picked up junior year at boarding school, I confirmed I had undressed myself and hung my clothes up. And the fact that the trigger hadn't fired filled me with a relief I can still feel vividly.

"Oh, you're awake?"

"Park Yong-ho sent you, didn't he? Don't ever approach me like this again. Tell him. I changed the trigger, so don't waste your time."

"H-hey—!"

I was already fully dressed. I left him naked in the hotel room and got out. Remembering my uncle trying to trap me with the trigger exactly the way Emma had warned made me shudder with revulsion.

I had wanted the business department, but when I saw him enrolling there I switched to economics. I stopped going to section activities, quit every club, and walked the loner's path on purpose.

About a month later, on the day of my annual physical, the hospital I used to visit in Korea felt too compromised, so I went somewhere else. Mid-exam, my uncle's tenacity left me sick with dread all over again. During a sedated endoscopy I briefly surfaced — a strange sensation crawling through my intestines nearly tore a moan out of me before my mind snapped clear. I lay still, pretending to sleep. When the scope was withdrawn and the female doctor rolled me onto my back and spread my pussy, I wanted to sit up and slap her — but the molestation didn't continue.

"Hmm. Hymen looks fine."

Then I heard button tones as she made a call from inside the exam room, and I clenched my jaw so hard my teeth ached with rage.

"Yes, Chairman. The hymen is still intact. But the patient refuses any psychiatric testing, so that's impossible. Yes. Yes. I'll just send her home."

Emma's warning had kept me from answering a single questionnaire, and that was how I slipped my uncle's net.

Emma's warning had become reality. After I warned that guy off, more and more people started circulating survey sheets under the pretense of psychology department assignments. Even Kate was sick of my uncle's persistence. Which was why she brought him up now, just in case.

"It wasn't my uncle. Hye-yun is clean. You know that."

"Yeah."

We sat there feeling mutual pity. Me, forced to feel attraction toward a man I barely knew. Her, forced to feel attraction toward a man she had never even seen. Fellow sufferers. The alcohol tasted especially sweet tonight.

But Kate kept drinking carefully, worry written all over her face, and at some point she took my arm and pulled me up.

"Enough. Let's go. Your last condition will never fire as long as you keep your head on straight. And look on the bright side — if Hye-yun is that far gone for him, all you have to do is stay careful around that one man."

"Right…? Yeah. Yeah, that's right."

Kate put me in a taxi in Sinchon. When I looked back and saw her get into her own cab safely, I finally exhaled.

I rolled the window down. Cold wind brushed my cheek and a little clarity returned. Melancholy, thrill, despair, guilt — every kind of feeling was ricocheting between my head and my chest until I thought I might go insane. So even when the taxi stopped at the villa bus stop, I didn't get out. I rode farther up and got off at the jjimjilbang parking lot, then walked toward the bathhouse.

When my mind was a mess, sitting in the tub and looking at the naked bodies of women my own age was the best way to try dragging lesbian feelings up out of myself. No results yet, of course. But at least the fretting went away.