Lee Ji-yu: The Past Year
Lee Ji-yu's Past Year
It was winter break of her sophomore year in high school when she went on a hot spring trip to Hokkaido, Japan, with her mother Na-yeon.
The memories had been wonderful—too wonderful. She never imagined then that those days would become the starting point of something unspeakable.
The horror began for Ji-yu the very day they returned to Korea.
"Ji-yu, you should wash up before bed."
"Mom!!! You always said leaving home was hell, but coming back feels like my whole body's melting. I'm just gonna sleep, okay?"
"Ugh... fine. But first thing when you wake up, you wash. Got it?"
"Yeah. Love you, Mom!!!"
A quick peck.
The moment she stepped back into the house after the trip, a soft, enveloping comfort settled over her. Drunk on the simple security of home, she collapsed onto her bed without even washing.
Ji-yu lay there, savoring the familiar give of her own mattress. She kicked off her socks with her feet, peeled away the confining pants and shirt, and flung them out of the bed. Sleep crashed over her at once. She sank under without resistance.
It's stifling... what is this?
She recognized it as a dream immediately. Yet her body refused to move, and she could no longer tell whether this was dream or waking life. Only her eyes could shift—and the room was unmistakably her own.
Then something began swinging back and forth right in front of her face.
Goosebumps erupted across her skin. She trembled. An overwhelming terror, a creeping chill, a bone-deep cold.
She tried to close her eyes; they would not shut. The swinging shape grew clearer by the second.
Combat boots?
First the boots, then the military uniform, and finally the corpse dangling from the ceiling by a rope, swaying directly before her eyes.
A corpse?
In a flash the corpse's eyes snapped open, and she knew—knew with absolute certainty—that it was a ghost.
Ji-yu had always been so healthy that she used to mock friends who claimed sleep paralysis or ghost dreams. Tonight she saw one for the first time.
Its neck hung limp, the rope fixed to the ceiling, the body swinging gently. The ghost grinned. The only thought that formed was that she had to run—now.
Hic... what the hell... why won't I wake up?
"Kek-kek-kek."
The ghost laughed with its broken neck. White pupils gleamed with mockery. Her body began to shake harder; a sudden, desperate need to urinate rose in her.
Then the ghost stretched out a foot.
The combat boot brushed past her nose.
She felt the hard rubber texture as clearly as if it were real, and the revulsion deepened. The ghost flailed its hands toward her, still cackling. For a moment she felt relief.
At least it's tied by the rope... Ahhh!!!
Snap.
A sharp sound, and the ghost dropped into the center of the room.
With a wet grinding noise its head settled back into place. It stared at her and smiled.
It lunged—once, twice, three times—seized her throat, and shook her.
The hideous face made her scream, but no sound left her mouth.
I'm scared. Mom...
She could not even close her eyes. She met those white, cataract-filmed pupils, and its muttering drilled straight into her ears.
The voice scraped like metal on metal, yet every word arrived with terrifying clarity.
Especially the sensation of its tongue licking up her cheek—so revolting, so terrifying—that the bladder she had been holding finally gave way.
"Die! Hang yourself! You're going to die, right? Heh-heh. Hang yourself!"
It repeated only those words. For hours she remained trapped in its grip, trembling violently, forced to listen to that bone-chilling voice.
She woke shaking.
For the first time since she was five years old, she had wet the bed. There was no shame—only pure fear.
That night she bolted into the master bedroom in her soaked underwear and threw herself into Na-yeon's arms.
"Uh... mm? Ji-yu, what's wrong? Why are you sweating so much? And this is..."
Na-yeon, her mother, woke to find her daughter drenched in cold sweat and sat up at once, checking every inch of her.
"M-Mom. I saw a ghost in my dream... It was so scary, so creepy..."
"Ah!! Okay. First let's change your underwear, then you sleep with Mom."
It was three in the morning.
Fortunately the ghost did not return that night. For about a week nothing happened, and the terrifying experience began to fade—until the same dream returned a week later and lasted five full hours. From that day on she slept only in the master bedroom with Na-yeon.
They said her energy was depleted and fed her herbal medicine. It did nothing. For months the ghost tormented her in dreams at weekly intervals. Ji-yu grew thinner and thinner, terrified of sleep itself.
Even the psychiatrist was useless.
She was supposed to be pouring everything into practice for her dream of becoming a singer, yet the lessons no longer entered her head. Her appearance deteriorated until she barely looked human.
"Ji-yu, are you okay? What's been going on with you lately?"
"Hye-yun... it's... nothing."
After five months of weekly nightmares, summer break arrived and the dreams began coming every single night. Nightmarishly so.
She should have grown used to it, yet the ghost's repetitive actions remained terrifying every time—the chill, the cold, that voice—as if her very soul were being crushed.
Ji-yu grew more and more hysterical.
Naturally she could not sleep properly. Tormented by the ghost, she became hypersensitive to everyone around her, snapping with sharp replies until every friend except Hye-yun turned their backs on her.
July 22, 2002.
"Ji-yu. There's someone we should go see today."
"What!! No. I'm not going. You go by yourself, Mom!!"
She shoved away Na-yeon's worried hands as her mother tried to pull her up, and shouted. Inside she felt sorry, yet the sharp reaction always burst out first now. It had become routine.
Only kind Hye-yun still put up with her, insisting there must be a reason...
"They say you might be possessed by a ghost. There's a powerful shaman in Uijeongbu. We have to see her."
"Huh? I already told you it was a ghost. You didn't believe me?!!!"
"I'm sorry, Ji-yu. Let's just go. Please?"
Ji-yu chewed her nails and nodded, trembling.
If the shaman was truly powerful, maybe she could tear this ghost off her. She would give everything—anything—to whoever could get rid of it. Even if it was a hundred-year-old grandfather.
"Okay... let's go, Mom."
It was useless.
The shaman only shook her head and told them to go to Daegu. Possession was certain, she said, but this was an Ak-gwi beyond her power. She made a phone call somewhere and simply set an appointment time.
The appointment was fixed at once.
They had to rush from Uijeongbu down to Daegu.
The drive took a long time, yet neither mother nor daughter spoke. Ji-yu stayed fiercely awake, staring at the scenery so she would not fall asleep.
The unfamiliar city of Daegu barely registered. They entered the Dong-gu district and arrived at the parking lot of Palgongsan. Hand in hand with Na-yeon, she stepped into a café. There, a small, deeply wrinkled monk who looked well over seventy sat with eyes closed in meditation.
"Um... are you Monk Hwa-ryun?"
At Na-yeon's careful words the monk opened his eyes. Flash. An enormous radiance seemed to pour through Ji-yu's eyes, and for a moment her mind and body settled.
Is he a fraud?
"Amitabha. Yes. This humble monk is Hwa-ryun. Looking at you, it must be this young lady. Tsk..."
Monk Hwa-ryun's pupils moved up, down, left, right, scanning Ji-yu.
His gaze settled on her shoulder, and he clicked his tongue.
"Tsk tsk. An Aegwi. And a vicious one at that. The souls are already mixing. Even this humble monk has no method. A Japanese ghost... I've heard even in Japan there is no answer for this type. Amitabha."
Tap-tap-tap.
Hwa-ryun pressed his palms together, bowed his head, and struck his wooden fish.
Crushing disappointment washed over Ji-yu; her head dropped. At least she knew the cause now.
Going to Japan at the start of the year must have been the root of it.
A Japanese ghost? What the hell is that.
"You bald fraud!!! Cure me!!!!"
"Yes. This bald fraud is completely out of his depth. However, here..."
Hwa-ryun rummaged through the folds of his robe and produced a cassette tape.
He pressed it into Na-yeon's hand.
"Monk... what is this?"
"A recording of myself chanting the Diamond Sutra. Once I finish the commissions I've already accepted, I will visit your home from time to time. For now, listen to this. Every night."
"..."
Na-yeon accepted the tape with tears in her eyes. Then the monk held out another business card.
A Catholic cross was printed on it, along with the simple words: Exorcist Priest, Korean Diocese.
"In her current state the exorcist priests will not perform a rite. But if her condition grows severe enough, they will agree. If even they fail, then at least within the Republic of Korea it will be nearly impossible to remove that ghost."
"Thank you, Monk."
A short meeting.
On the road back to Seoul they listened continuously to the Diamond Sutra chanted in Hwa-ryun's voice.
Her mind grew calmer. Ji-yu stared blankly out the window, thinking at least it was having some effect.
What do I do... an Aegwi. It wants me to hang myself... how can something like that even exist.
The Diamond Sutra's effect lasted exactly one month.
The ghost did not appear in her dreams for thirty days.
The will to live returned to Ji-yu.
But on August 22, even though she had not yet fallen asleep, a whispering voice reached her ears.
Goosebumps exploded across her skin. She could not move her body at all.
She was walking through Sinchon with Hye-yun when her legs simply gave out and she collapsed.
Die. You bitch, hang yourself. Just hang yourself comfortably. Hand your body over to me and I'll commit suicide for you—or hand it over.
The words kept pouring into her ears. Even when she crouched and covered them, it made no difference.
Overwhelming terror seized her. Hye-yun shook her, yet she only clamped her hands over her ears and curled tighter.
"Ji-yu, what's wrong?"
"No!! I don't want to die!!! I don't want to hang myself!!!"
"Ji-yu?"
She lifted her head, saw Hye-yun's worried face, and flung herself into her friend's arms.
The warmth of that embrace was real—yet useless. The whispering continued without pause.
"Auntie, something's wrong with Ji-yu. She keeps saying she doesn't want to hang herself and she's collapsed trembling in the street."
Hye-yun's voice on the phone to Na-yeon. Ji-yu rose on shaking legs and hurried home.
The Diamond Sutra. She needed the Diamond Sutra.
But even playing it at home, the whispering voice never stopped.
"What?!! A ghost?"
"Yes. Hye-yun, what am I supposed to do about our Ji-yu. The shaman and the monk both said she's possessed... sob..."
Hye-yun's shocked voice came through. Ji-yu felt a wave of sorrow, certain she was about to lose another friend.
Yet Hye-yun, perhaps because she had skipped class out of worry, still came to visit at least once a week.
And Ji-yu's condition visibly worsened.
When relatives suggested committing her to a psychiatric hospital, Na-yeon cut ties with them entirely. Hwa-ryun visited once a month, but he seemed powerless to do more for the steadily deteriorating girl.
Then one day in mid-December, while Na-yeon was out, Ji-yu snapped out of a daze into searing agony and realized she had already looped a rope over the ceiling and hung herself.
"Kek... kek..."
Hic... I have to live.
She thrashed in panic until her legs found the bed. Thankfully her feet touched the mattress, yet the thrashing only tightened the rope further around her neck.
She frantically loosened it and tore it free.
You should have died. You shouldn't have woken up. Die! Hang yourself!!!!!!
Rumble.
She watched the windows shake violently and, deeper in terror, habitually switched on the Diamond Sutra again.
She called her mother. Ten minutes later Na-yeon rushed in from grocery shopping, and Ji-yu screamed at her.
"Hey!!! Where the hell were you!!!! Did you want to watch your daughter die!!! I hung myself while I was unconscious!!!"
"Sob... let me see, let me see. Ji-yu.... I'm so sorry. Mom is so sorry."
Na-yeon checked the rope marks on her neck, clutched her daughter, and sobbed. Then she called Hwa-ryun again.
The monk had been in Jeolla Province; that same evening he hurried to Na-yeon's house.
"Amitabha... her consciousness is being eaten away more and more. What to do."
"Th-then maybe a psychiatric hospital?"
"Useless. It would only make her worse."
Hwa-ryun briefly took Na-yeon outside.
Moments later the two of them returned carrying white clothing and began dressing Ji-yu in it.
"What the hell!!! Bald fraud, what are you putting on me?"
"Donor. If you want to live, just put it on."
I want to live.
Ji-yu wanted to live, so she let them. But the sleeves were enormously long; soon her arms were crossed in an X over her chest and bound tightly behind her waist.
What is this? A straitjacket?
She could not move her arms at all. Her legs were bound just as tightly, and she was laid on the bed.
"Untie me!!! You bitch Na-yeon!!! Untie me—this isn't living even if I'm alive!!! You bald fraud, I'll curse you!!!!!"
She thrashed and screamed, but Hwa-ryun's powerful hands clamped her cheeks and a gag was forced into her mouth so she could no longer make a sound.
"Sob... how long does she have to stay like that?"
"I will come once a week and chant the Diamond Sutra in person. I contacted the exorcist priests; they say their schedule only opens in February of next year. Until then.... as painful as it is, only until then..."
February? Two months like this? Just kill me instead!!!
It was unbearably stifling. She resisted the ghost's whispering in her ears, yet her will steadily crumbled, and the periods when her consciousness vanished stretched to three or four hours.
February 11, 2003.
The Catholic exorcists' rite was horrific. Every time holy water touched her, her body felt as if it were burning. There was no result.
The ceremony that lasted all morning ended with the priests' apology that they had failed.
"Sister Ji-yu. Our power is insufficient. We are deeply sorry."
"We truly apologize."
"Mmph-mmph."
You quack bastards, I'll curse you. When I die I'll attach myself to you first—right after that bald fraud...
Tears streamed down.
Every hope had been broken. She could only stare blankly at the ceiling and burn with rage.
She had lived two months in this stifling state, and now there was not even a method left to remove the ghost.
Then the door opened, and the sound of the Diamond Sutra reached her again.
That damn bald fraud!!!
"Mmph-mmph!!!"
But a young man roughly her own age entered with Na-yeon. They exchanged a conversation that left her stunned—and then they had sex.
The one she had seen in Hye-yun's texts.
You little shit, I won't let this go. And Mom? Don't you dare!
"Mmph!!!"
Tears spilled at how pitiful her own situation had become.
Now even random trash was mocking her, she thought.
Then, as if deliberately to mock her further, he lifted Na-yeon while still joined with her.
He climaxed above her head, and Na-yeon sprayed her fluids across Ji-yu's face.
Blank...
In that instant a forgotten memory of the past rose. Hatred toward Na-yeon bloomed, and rage swelled rapidly after it.
You used to do this to me with Dad, didn't you?
A memory from around age three.
She had woken one night to find her mother being struck by her father and wailing; terrified, she had squeezed her eyes shut and trembled. And she remembered Na-yeon reaching climax above her head and spraying fluids then, too.
Back then she had thought it was domestic violence. Now she understood. It had been SM play...
"Mmph-mmph!!!"
You filthy slut!!!