I Absolutely Can't Let Go
"Marie... are you okay...?"
I approached her carefully without closing the distance, speaking to her first. My question was about her current unsettling state. But Marie interpreted it differently. Her empty eyes flushed as she smiled happily.
"You're worried about me...?"
She took a step forward. Thud... As she drew closer, she clasped her hands over her chest and nodded.
"Yeah! I'm fine...! Thank you, you were worried because I didn't come out of the academy...!"
"Ah, uh, yeah..."
"As expected... Emil is so kind..."
She bowed her head slightly, looking relieved.
'Kind? That's just what anyone would ask...'
Something was off. No matter how I thought about it, I wasn't being overly sensitive.
...Was the memory of the first loop that shocking?
"Hey... Emil..."
As I observed her condition, she hesitated before speaking first.
"I... now I know..."
"Know what...?"
"Why you can't accept me..."
"......"
She was clearly talking about the first loop. She'd recalled those memories and realized I had them too.
"Right? The reason you won't accept me... the reason you reject my confession... it's because of that, isn't it."
"......"
"Isn't it...?"
Was she here to confirm it?
'I had no intention of telling her.'
Still, I'd figured she'd learn it eventually upon recalling. By then, our relationship would already be over anyway. I hadn't planned to tell her directly.
But with her pleading eyes, I had no choice but to answer.
"Yeah, that's right. That's the reason."
"......"
Her face filled with despair at my confirmation. Maybe deep down, she'd hoped it wasn't true. But there was no helping it. That was an unchangeable fact.
Even so, I had no intention of treating the Marie in front of me coldly. After all, my goal was just to win her over and trigger her memories. I wasn't planning to pick a fight.
"Anyway, because of that, I can't accept your confession. Sorry."
I hid my unease and smiled kindly. I had no more business with her now.
However.
"W-wait a second...!!"
Marie apparently still had something to say and stopped me as I turned to leave. What could it be?
As I looked back at her in question, she stepped closer with a desperate expression.
"Just once more... can't you give me one more chance?"
She begged with tear-filled eyes.
。 。 。
"Please...! Just one more chance...! I swear, from now on, I'll only have eyes for you...!"
Marie pleaded desperately with Emil. As if this were her last chance. As if failing here meant she could never rise again.
One step. Thud. She drew even closer to him. Now the distance between them had narrowed significantly from the start—close enough that a little more would let them touch.
"Marie..."
Emil looked troubled at her plea for another chance.
'No...'
Her heart pounded wildly. Swept by a bad premonition, she spoke again before he could finish.
"I...! While dreaming that dream, I reflected so much...! I understood why you rejected me! I know how much it hurt you...!!"
"......"
"I'm sorry... Hic, really sorry. You must have been so disappointed in me...? So angry? Sob, sorry, I'm really sorry..."
And another step. Tears choking her, she approached Emil. Now they were so close that their hands could just barely reach each other.
But Emil didn't step back. He simply gazed at her with pity.
"I... know I'm beyond saving... I know you'd never want a girl like that..."
"......"
"But... now it's real. Please believe me... I know it's shameless, hic..."
Marie tentatively reached out and grasped Emil's hand. The familiar sensation from her memories flooded both their minds.
"I can't live without you anymore..."
She gripped his hand tightly, as if she'd never let go, gazing up at him with her tear-soaked, empty eyes. They no longer sparkled innocently like before.
"So... just once more, okay? One more chance... I'll only look at you from now on..."
She forced a smile as she stared at him, desperate to return to those happy moments. To the time when Marie loved Emil, and he loved her back.
But.
"Sorry, Marie."
Emil's heart hadn't changed at all.
"Why..."
Her forced smile crumbled into despair, and she spoke in a hollow voice.
"Why..."
"Marie..."
"Why...! Why...! No...! I hate that...! Hic, I really can't live without you...!!"
"I can't help it."
"No...! Th-think about it...! I'm not the same as that me from back then! Right? That Marie betrayed you, but me, I'm not...!"
Of course, Marie knew it herself. Even if it wasn't something she'd done, it was something she might have done. In the same situation, she might have betrayed Emil just the same.
But in this moment where she might lose him, she clung to the sliver of hope that she hadn't.
"I'm pure...! My first kiss is still..."
That was all she had left to lean on now. So Marie released his hand, wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, and pressed against him as she spoke.
"Everything about me is untouched... all my firsts will be with you... Hic, so I'll give all my firsts to you... I'll be yours alone...!"
The her in the dream had betrayed Emil and shared love with Malcolm. Marie hadn't forgotten Emil's shocked face upon witnessing it. It had tormented her too.
And if that was why he couldn't accept her, then there was still hope. Her current body was pure, untouched by anyone.
"Right? Emil, just one more chance... Hic, I'll do anything you ask..."
It was cowardly, desperate. But Marie spared no means. Even if his feelings for her were mere carnal lust.
She needed it, whatever it was. She hugged his body tightly, pressing her soft form against him to appeal to him. She wanted to be his woman, any way she could.
"I know, Marie."
"...Huh?"
But despite her struggles, Emil smiled calmly and gently pried her away from him.
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"......"
Emil's expression didn't change. He didn't blush in embarrassment or leer at her body stickily. He just looked down at her with pity.
His hand gently stroked her shoulder. But there was no affection in his touch.
"That's why I'm not rejecting your confession out of resentment."
"...Then? If you don't resent me, ...then accept me."
"But I can't."
"Why...! Hic, w-we can start over...! Forget everything and begin from the start...!!"
"I can't forget."
"......"
Marie fell silent at Emil's bitter words.
The image she'd been avoiding flickered before her eyes: Emil hanging from the main building of the academy.
"I know you're not bad. I know you didn't do anything wrong."
"......"
"But even so, I can't forget. You've recalled it too, right?"
As he said. She knew well. The pain he'd suffered from her betrayal.
The fact she'd ignored was brought back by Emil's calm answer. So Marie could only bow her head and shed tears without reply.
As if consoling her, Emil spoke kindly.
"It's okay, Marie. The pain of heartbreak is temporary. Even if it feels like no one else exists now, someone good will come along."
"...No, that won't... happen."
"Don't say that so definitively. Like..."
Emil hesitated, then smiled and spoke carefully.
"There's Malcolm, after all."
"......"
"In the previous life, you loved Malcolm, right? So it'll be fine this time too."
"......"
Emil's words were meant as comfort. But they were also cruel. Mentioning Malcolm here meant he still saw her as Malcolm's woman.
"Well then, I'm going. Head back early... the night air is cold."
"......"
With that, Emil left Marie standing there and returned to the dormitory.
The familiar flow. The same result again.
Rejected, left alone on an empty street, standing blankly.
No different from her previous confession.
Drip, drip...
"No, Emil..."
Standing alone in the road, Marie murmured through her tears. Her voice reached no one.
"I'll never go back to Malcolm..."
And she smiled faintly with empty eyes.
"So... it'll really be okay..."
She stared blankly at the end of the road where he'd vanished, clutching her unsettled heart.
"Because for me, it's still only you..."
Someday, without fail. To become the woman who receives his love.