Failing Resolve
I stared at the sleeping Dohee, unable to look away, and stood up from my seat.
And took step after step.
By the time I reached Dohee, I quietly looked down at her.
"......"
Her figure is really too good.
Those breasts that look like they're about to burst, and her narrow waist making her hips look even wider.
"However.... Was she this pretty originally..? I knew she was pretty, but... she's even prettier today."
Click-
Unconsciously, I poked Dohee's cheek with my finger.
I immediately pulled back when she startled, but since she showed no reaction, I swallowed hard.
Desire was rising.
An uncontrollable urge.
I wanted to do as in Dohee's fantasies written in her diary.
I knew it was a disgusting act, but my desire lightly suppressed the negative feelings.
"Crazy bastard...."
Finally, I sat down next to Dohee.
I leaned forward slightly and checked left and right again.
No one.
But who knows who might get off at the next station.
With desire mixed with restlessness, my hand moved on its own.
Towards the slender legs covered in stockings.
"Au...!!"
The rational string holding my hand back from moving further on the thigh.
But the announcement cut it off.
-Next station is Seoul Station. Seoul Station.
Thud-
My hand that had gone down landed on Dohee's knee.
I couldn't touch the thigh, so I put it on the knee, but my hand slid to the thigh as if mocking my conscience.
Swoosh-
Good.
This warm and soft sensation.
What would it feel like if I squeezed it?
Squeeze...!
When I closed my fingers, the soft yet elastic thigh flesh clung to my hand.
Then what about other places?
For example.... the breasts.
Swallow-
The large breasts filling my eyes.
My left hand that was touching the thigh stayed put, and I slightly turned my body.
While watching the sleeping Dohee's face, I slowly brought my right hand to her chest.
"Wow.... Ump!"
I closed my mouth to stop the moan that came out unconsciously.
Squeeze...
Insane.
It's on a different level from the thigh.
It makes the whole body tingle.
It feels like I'll get addicted to this feeling.
-Seoul Station. Seoul Station. The exit is on the left.
"Ah...!"
I quickly pulled my hand away again and put it under my armpit.
Like someone who had never touched Dohee's body.
But is this the sky supporting my actions?
"......"
Even though we arrived at Seoul Station, not a single passenger boarded.
The train with closed doors departed again, and I removed the hand from under my armpit to touch Dohee's thigh and breasts again.
And I realized that human greed has no end.
I want to touch the bare leg inside the stockings.
I want to touch the bare breasts inside the knit and bra.
But there's no space to put my hand on the breast side, and I can't tear the stockings, so I had to give up.
"Euut..."
"......"
Suddenly, my heart almost stopped from the shock.
I carefully opened the hand that was squeezing her breast and slowly removed it.
But I left the hand on the thigh as is.
Instead, I moved while watching Dohee's sleeping face as much as possible.
More boldly.
Swoosh-
I slid my hand that was stroking and massaging the thigh between the thighs and rubbed the groin.
With this, a bigger desire overwhelmed me.
Deeper place.
Desire to touch what's inside the skirt.
"......"
A distance of just one thumb.
Yeah, just once.
Then after that, I'll be better to Dohee?
Never do this again.
So just once, Dohee.
Swoosh-
When my hand slid inside, the skirt hem on my wrist was pushed up.
When my middle finger reached the end of the thigh.
-Caution: watch for foot faults. Caution: watch for foot faults.
When did the next station arrive?
No announcement came?
Or did I not hear it?
Was I that distracted?
My thought circuit froze, staring at the opening doors with a face full of doubts and embarrassment.
Not because someone saw.
Whip-
It was because Dohee pushed my arm away.
The hand that had been inside the skirt on the pushed arm came out.
Instinctively, my head turned, and I jumped up and ran out of the doors following Dohee's retreating back.
And quietly came out.
The one word that best expresses my current feelings.
"Fucked..."
***
Thud-
I couldn't sleep for two consecutive days.
Yesterday because I was reading the diary, and today because I was thinking what to say to Dohee.
What excuse should I make?
I thought about it all night, but there was no suitable excuse.
No, originally there was no situation to make an excuse.
There can't be an excuse for the hand inside the skirt.
"Should I just kneel in front...?"
If it was Dohee, she definitely wouldn't just ignore this problem.
Because the Dohee in the diary fantasies and the real Dohee are different.
I know that best.
"Yeah, as they say, it's better to be hit first. Before reporting to police, quickly go kneel!"
I left the house without washing the clothes I was wearing yesterday.
Squeeze-
I took a taxi to Seongbuk-dong.
With an anxious heart, I pressed the doorbell and waited for the answer.
-Who is it?
"It's me, Woojin!"
-Ah, Woojin student. What's the matter? The judge isn't home.
"I came to see Dohee. Is she home?"
-That is...
"Why?"
-Dohee's body isn't feeling well. Maybe it's better to meet another time...
-Woojin? Come in.
-Yes, ma'am. I'll open the door now.
The auntie is home.
Usually she goes to the office in the morning.
Anyway, the door is open, good.
I hurriedly pushed open the door and ran to the entrance.
The one who greeted me was not the working person but Dohee's mother.
"Long time no see."
"How have you been?"
"Me? I'm fine. Woojin?"
"Me too, haha...."
As long as it's not the thing I did to auntie's daughter.
Really sorry. I won't do that again.
"Then, can I go up to see Dohee a bit??"
"While going up, can you take this too?"
"Sure! Give it to me."
"Thanks. And make sure to eat all of it. Okay?"
"Yes."
I received the tray with soup and went up to the second floor.
Standing in front of the door, I was nervous.
First, before entering, I should organize what to say.
First, I was drunk so much, don't say that.
Just say it was a mistake from drinking.
Apologize nicely.
"Hoo...."
I sighed and composed my mind, then knocked on the door.
Knock knock-
"Dohee, it's me Woojin. Can I come in for a bit?"
No answer came.
But I can't back out like this.
I have to prevent the police report at all costs.
"Just enter? Open the door? Opening now?"
I asked several times, holding the tray with one hand like a waiter, opened the door and entered.
She must be lying under the blanket.
Yeah, seeing my face would be terrifying.
Thud-
To be safe, in case she jumps up and slaps, I put the tray on the desk.
And approached the bed, saying with a voice full of apology.
"Hey Dohee, your body is not feeling well..?"
"......"
"Can you sit up for a bit..? I have something important to say while looking at your face...."
"What important thing... must it be now..?"
"Yeah! Must be now!"
Before you report to police.
I waited a bit, Dohee who was under the blanket lifted her body with a thoughtful face.
"Haa... what is the important thing you have to say?"
"That is.... so...."
About to kneel, but the words don't come out of my mouth.
After apologizing today, no more meetings with Dohee?
Lost precious friend because of this desire.
Stupid guy.
"Dohee, yesterday I...."
"That outfit....."
"Eh??"
"U, Woojin, you were drinking all day yesterday, right..?"
"Wha..?"
"No...?"
"......"
Dohee's eyes full of unease.
Unlike her, my head went into super fast calculation for the first time.
And quickly got the result.
The conclusion that Dohee might not have recognized me.
The door I was looking at and the door she ran out from are in opposite directions.
In a normal situation, that alone would have made me recognizable, but yesterday was not a normal situation.
Very embarrassing and urgent situation.
So my answer is.
"Then of course. After you hung up, I came in and kept drinking."
"R, really..? That must be it...."
"But why?"
"No! Nothing... Ah! What is the important thing you have to say to me??"
"Ah, that is...."
Damn.
No plan B ready for the sudden derailment.
But this level of improvisation is possible.
Without losing the friend, without getting handcuffed.
"Movie!"
"Movie..?"
"I heard at the after-party yesterday, there's a super fun movie opening!"
"So..?"
"Let's go see the movie."
"Ha.... was that the important thing?"
"Yeah."
"Thought it was super important..."
"It's super important. It's been a while since just the two of us go see a movie."
"Ah.... I see.... When was the last time??"
"Elementary school 1st grade. After that, I went with the kids."
"......"
"Going to see the movie?"
Pretending casually, but my mouth is burning.
Still no confidence.
If I say going to see the movie, then I can be confident.
That Dohee didn't recognize me.
"Yeah. Let's go see it. Then I need to wash and prepare, so you go home, wash, change clothes. You look like you didn't wash. Clothes are same as yesterday...."
"Okay. Two hours? I'll pick you up."
"Yeah. See you later."
"Ah! And."
"Eh??"
"If not sick, don't eat junk food. Let's eat delicious things outside."
"Yeah!"
Done.
Miraculously, Dohee didn't recognize me.
"Hooouuu......."
As soon as I left the door, my legs lost strength and I sat down.
And I made a promise.
"Won't do that again...! Anyway, thanks for not recognizing me, Dohee! Instead, I'll really treat you well! And won't do those things again!"
With the promise not to touch Dohee's body again and the promise to treat her well, I returned home.
But.
.
.
.
.
Inside the elevator full of people.
I can't take my eyes off Dohee's body.
Glancing at Dohee's back next to me repeatedly, sinking deeper into desire.
And once more.
I surrendered to desire and reached out my hand.
Towards Dohee's butt that I couldn't touch on the subway.
Thud!