Chapter 527: The Dam of Emotions
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 527: The Dam of Emotions
“Huuu…”
A dull ache pounded in my head. I knew better than anyone that I wasn’t in a good state, but I had no intention of delaying my plans.
It was already decided that I would enter Agape as soon as preparations were complete.
War was coming.
I had no regrets for what I’d done.
“Fuck.”
Still, my mood soured for no good reason, because I was keenly aware that my emotions were getting the better of me.
Since that day, I’d been able to examine my condition more closely. In a way, it was a relief that I’d figured it out sooner rather than later. I refused to share my bed, and instead, I had more time to reflect on myself.
‘I believe in you.’
“Right.”
The sorrow and anger that had exploded within me because of Michael had filled me to the brim, ready to overflow. I had consumed some of it by strengthening my Customization and the Unquenchable Flame, but this seemed to be a completely different problem.
The emotions I’d stored as points and the side effects accumulating in my head were of a completely different nature. There was no way such great power came without a penalty. I hadn’t even been able to touch the Sloth I received from Michael.
In human terms, I was going mad. In Green Skin terms, I was being consumed by my wildness. The sense of unease I’d felt once in the West had finally erupted today. I should have recognized it sooner.
“Huu…”
The verbal abuse I’d hurled at Jang Ye Ri.
If I hadn’t been desperately holding onto my sanity, my body might have acted on its own. In fact, wings had been sprouting from my back, so that wasn't an exaggeration.
That I had forced myself on her.
The fact that I might have hurt Jang Ye Ri hit me harder than the fact that I’d torn the doves to pieces.
When I thought about how to control my boiling emotions, the first person who came to mind was none other than our clan’s Gark.
All the elite Orc swordsmen who controlled their wildness were impressive, but Gark’s mastery of it was on another level. Even to me, it was amazing to see him completely suppress his wildness. I had tried to imitate it before, but I never felt the need to abandon my wildness, and for someone like me, who had no talent for it, it was impossible.
Being simply strong and maintaining one's composure by controlling oneself like he did were two completely different things. No matter how strong I was, it was something I couldn’t do.
The problem was, I didn’t think the urge would subside even if I tore the remaining doves to shreds. For now, I thought it was right to find Gark.
That was why I was looking at him now.
An Orc, swinging his sword continuously as if he hadn’t noticed my arrival, came into view. Gark is strong. I’d always thought so, but he wasn’t someone who belonged beneath me. If anything, he was someone I had much to learn from. So much so that I couldn’t understand why he followed me.
I couldn’t even fathom why I had become his idol.
The sword he swung was heavy and powerful.
“…”
There was no hesitation, and it seemed he wasn’t thinking of anything else.
I took another step forward and spoke.
“Gark.”
“Mm… For Blood Dagger…”
“I didn’t come here for a greeting.”
“Mmm.”
He had a curious expression; he must have been wondering why I’d shown up so suddenly without any notice.
“Let’s go somewhere else.”
“Understood.”
How did I look to him right now? I thought that someone as perceptive as him might have some idea of my condition. But his expression wasn’t one of worry. Other than looking at me with surprised eyes for a moment, he said nothing else.
It was late at night. I had left without telling anyone, so I figured there might be a commotion back at the Grand Temple as they searched for me. We moved to a wide clearing in the Forest of Mist.
“Let’s… cross swords for a bit.”
“It is an honor.”
From his perspective, it would be a glorious thing. I didn’t bother to use Unification. It wasn’t much of a substitute, but I raised my sword—one of the swords stuck in the Iron Throne. Levatain would probably be angry, but I didn’t want to be influenced by its rage right now.
Gark, too, raised his sword with the hand of his one remaining arm. It was a long sword.
I wasn’t nervous. That’s how wide I felt the gap in our levels was.
But as I faced him with his sword raised, an inexplicable irritation began to surge within me. It was an anger without reason.
“Huuu…”
Perhaps it was because I thought this power I possessed didn’t suit me.
“Huu…”
His form, holding the sword in one hand and facing me, was unwavering. There were no openings; rather, he was resolute. His eyes didn’t turn red. It was the usual Gark. The usual him, who had his wildness under perfect control.
What dwelled in his eyes was purely the will to fight, win, and achieve. I tried to remember if I’d ever had eyes like that, but I couldn’t recall.
It felt as if the Green Skin wildness that had once burst forth from him had now settled properly within his body. Rather than a display of explosively bulging muscles or a frenzy of madness, he seemed to be thinking of nothing but the martial way.
Why could these types of people have such unwavering eyes?
I couldn’t know.
I let out a short breath. Gark began to rush toward me. He hid his presence in an instant, but Gark’s unique ability didn’t work on me. He reappeared on my left. I swung my sword without any form, and he was knocked back by my blade.
I could see him regain his balance, stab his sword into the ground to steady himself, and then charge at me again. His swordsmanship was clean, without any wasted movements. It was incredibly fast and incredibly direct. The expression ‘impossible to block even if you see it coming’ fit perfectly. The slashing attack he’d awakened when he fought the swordsman from the Spider Clan was still a useful weapon for him. As he continued to swing his sword, invisible slashes flew toward me.
It was likely a diversion. Even so, this level of martial prowess was enough to take down a Seraph.
“Huuu…”
But it wouldn’t reach me.
I swung my sword a few times, but to no avail. Rather, my head felt like it was about to explode, making it difficult to keep swinging. Because anger and sorrow were slowly creeping up on me. I slowly stabbed my sword into the ground, and as if he’d been waiting, he spoke.
“I couldn’t even lay a hand on you.”
“I know you weren’t fighting seriously, Gark.”
“The same goes for you, Blood Dagger. If you had fought seriously, I probably wouldn’t have even been able to draw my sword properly.”
“It wouldn’t be that bad.”
“No. It’s true.”
“…”
He probably wasn’t wrong. If I used Unification and struck with all my might, he might not be able to block it. He could probably only manage to dodge or deflect it. I sighed and spoke.
“Do you know what state I’m in right now?”
“I don’t know for certain. But… I think I have a rough idea.”
“You have it under control, don’t you? Am I right?”
“I can’t say I have it perfectly under control. I’m just trying not to lose to it.”
“How?”
“I can’t explain it.”
He was right. It wasn’t something that could be explained. There was no way I could understand those types of people, the ones who dedicated themselves to the martial way, the ones I considered talented. I don’t know anything about enlightenment. I’m different from the likes of Ha Yuri, Gark, and the Queen of the North. I may be above them now, but they were the type of people who could suddenly take a step up and ascend to a new level.
I remembered feeling a bit empty back then. Because it felt like all my efforts were worthless. But things are different now. Whether by trickery, ability, or the power of the Seat, I am currently above them.
“That state… how were you able to reach it?”
“I don’t know. I only remember that I tried to follow Blood Dagger. I didn’t want to be protected by you. I didn’t want to be a hindrance.”
“Mmm…”
“Blood Dagger is a special Green Skin. You kept climbing, and even when you fell, you never gave up. To Green Skins like us, you were an idol.”
“Is that so.”
“Yes. I knew that you had no talent for wielding a sword.”
He really hit a nerve.
“…”
“But you always found a way. If you couldn’t fight with a sword, you used your body. If you thought length was an issue, you used a spear. To change your limited patterns, you created a tail, and after that, you gained overwhelming power. All I could do was just swing my sword.”
“I see.”
“You taught me how to think and fight. I tried to follow that teaching. If I’m consumed by my wildness, I can’t think. That’s why I tried to control it.”
That’s the hard part, you bastard, the words almost came out of my throat. Of course, there must have been an unquantifiable amount of effort hidden within that. When I said we needed a warrior who could hide his presence, he awakened a unique ability. When I told him to think and fight, he learned how to control his wildness. In a way, he was a typical protagonist.
It was absurd.
“A little more specifically…”
“I chased your back. So I could stand by your side, so I could protect your back, I just kept chasing it. I don’t know anything else. The other members of the Blood Dagger Clan are probably the same. We all followed your back. And we grew stronger in our own ways.”
He wasn’t wrong, but it was no help.
If I could control this thing that felt like it was about to explode inside me just by chasing someone’s back, I would have succeeded in controlling this power long ago.
“…”
Come to think of it, I had chased someone’s back before. When I first fell into this place, I once tried to risk everything and challenge someone I had only heard of in rumors. In the end, I was miserably defeated, but the memory of foolishly collapsing and shedding tears back then is still vivid in my mind.
It wasn’t a pleasant story.
A third-rate swordsman who had struggled for ten years had been completely crushed by a rookie who had only been here for ninety days.
If anything, it’s a memory I should be ashamed of.
“I was like that once, too.”
I don’t remember it well, but I recall that all I wanted to do back then was fight. I had completely surrendered my body to my Green Skin instincts, so thinking back, it’s no wonder I was defeated so badly.
I couldn’t tell if it was fighting spirit, bloodlust, or sorrow, but thinking of the past made useless, distracting thoughts begin to rise. The fight with Ha Yuri, the end of the Fallen Prince, Ragia’s death, the sacrifices of my clan members, Michael’s death. It felt like my well-ordered mind was being completely messed up.
My mood was all over the place.
“Huuu…”
I felt a fog gradually creeping into my mind.
‘I believe in you.’
‘I trust you.’
That voice I often heard rang in my ears. Thoughts like ‘I should have killed Seraphim too’ kept occupying my mind. No, not just Seraphim.
“Fuck…”
Gark said something, sounding worried. But I couldn’t hear him well.
“Blood Dagger will find a way. You always have.”
“Go on ahead.”
“…”
“Go, Gark.”
“Mmm…”
I wanted to smash and burn everything in sight. I wanted to tear it all to pieces and devour it. It was a sensation very similar to what I felt at the end of the Blood Wedding.
“Dammit…”
I had no intention of advertising my presence here. But someone must have noticed the massive wave of bloodlust that suddenly spread out. It was then, as I was leaning against a large tree, pulling at my hair.
A familiar presence, a familiar footstep.
“Your eyes are rotten. Your women weren’t wrong.”
“What…”
“It’s been a while.”
She was a little shorter than average. But the spear she held in one hand was even longer than I was tall. She was the same type of human as Gark. Unwavering, with forthright eyes. The memories of the past kept coming back. She was what you would call the talented type. One of those I had envied, respected, and idolized.
Despite my efforts to suppress them, the things inside me were screaming to be let loose.
‘Kill.’
‘Ragia.’
‘Revenge.’
‘Michael.’
But amidst all those chaotic thoughts, only one kind of thought boiled most fiercely in my heart.
‘I want to fight.’
That was the sensation I felt when I thought that. The feeling of my wildness and senses becoming a jumbled mess instantly swallowed me. I already knew it would be dangerous to fight now. I held out a hand slightly and spoke.
“Today is not a good day. Go back.”
‘I want to fight.’
Nevertheless, far from backing down, she looked at me and smiled.
“I’m not joking. Get out of here… now.”
‘I want to fight.’
An irritating sensation. My blood kept boiling, and my eyes turned red. I wanted to see blood. I wanted to pour out all the anger inside me in any way I could. Killing her wouldn’t be so bad. I was very curious to see how the woman in front of me would cry.
‘I want to fight.’
I wanted to rip off the clothes covering her body and put mine inside her.
I wanted to slash her delicate body with a knife.
I wanted to tear off her arms and legs. I wanted to see her crawling on the ground with my own two eyes.
‘I want to fight.’
“Get out.”
Unleashing my bloodlust as it was, I began to glare at the woman before me. I didn’t know if she could handle this level of bloodlust or not. The herbivore in front of me was lacking compared to me.
But the Queen of the North, standing firm, drew her spear with that delicate body, aimed it at me, and spoke.
Naturally, just like the her I had seen before, her voice was unwavering.
“This is a Sacred Battle. You belligerent Orc.”
I lunged.