Chapter 305: Myself
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 305: Myself
Of course, the person reflected in Ha Yuri’s eyes was not Ha Yuri herself. It was Lee Wanyong, under the influence of Archmage Isaac’s magic. If Lee Wanyong had gone in alone, he would have been discovered for sure. He had yet to undergo any significant evolution.
His abilities seemed to have improved slightly, but that was the extent of it. Without the aid of magic, she would have easily noticed, and even from my level, the differences were apparent. But for her, with her overall specs diminished, she wouldn't be able to spot anything amiss.
Trusting herself too much—that was her mistake.
Choi Seulgi was worried that things might go wrong, but there was no need for fear.
‘She’s already wavering.’
She must be aware of it herself. Though she was pretending to be unfazed, the Sword Saint Ha Yuri was undoubtedly shaken. Alisha had recorded every conversation between Ha Yuri and Jeong Ji-young and passed them on to Lee Wanyong. Based on that, he analyzed the person named Ha Yuri to understand what she was thinking.
In truth, the reason we put Jeong Ji-young in there to spend so much time with her was not only to shake her but also to buy time to analyze her properly.
- We can be loved even if we’re not a god. You know that well by now, don’t you?
- Shut up.
- You don’t have to be obsessed. The memories of your childhood are just that—childhood memories. Dad is dead, and Mom isn’t here.
- I told you to shut up.
As expected, he was doing quite well. If this had been the only card in my hand, I wouldn't have resorted to such an extreme method.
But Choi Seulgi and I held one more, very heavy card.
‘Ha Yuri’s past.’
Just as I’d anticipated, Lee Sung-eun had brought back an excellent card. In truth, there were extremely few people on the continent who knew what Ha Yuri had done back on Earth.
No, it would be more accurate to say there were none at all. Rumors swirled that she was the heir to a corporation or a woman from an elite family, but the truth was different.
‘Just a kid who wanted to be loved.’
She was an ordinary woman born into an incredibly poor family. The only thing that set her family apart was that her father was violent and her mother was lost in a cult.
Her father abused Ha Yuri and her mother every day. I don’t know why. After a long search, we found an acquaintance of Ha Yuri’s father, but that’s all the information we could get. Ha Yuri was extremely sensitive about her past and was paranoid about it being exposed. If the West hadn't fallen, Lee Sung-eun would never have been able to find the informant. If the war hadn't happened, the informant might not have even recognized Ha Yuri.
In any case, she had been abused by her father for a very long time, starting from a young age. At first, she and her mother relied on each other to get through the day, but her mother chose religion as a means of escape from the abuse.
In other words, Ha Yuri had grown up watching her mother pray. Having grown up without love, she didn't know what love was. She couldn't understand affection. To her, affection was merely an emotion she had read about in books.
Her mother relied on the god she believed in and abandoned her young child.
Despite being abandoned, the daughter still longed for her mother. Around the time Ha Yuri started school, her mother ran away from home to escape the father, and Ha Yuri was left to live with her abusive father.
Her obsession with God… she might not realize it herself, but it was almost certainly related to her mother.
‘If I were a god…’
Her thoughts began from that premise.
If I were a god, Mom wouldn't have left me. Mom would have loved me. Dad wouldn't have hit me. Everyone would have loved me. I don't know when she started thinking this way, but she must have come up with all sorts of ideas as a means of escape.
Perhaps she had seen many things when her mother went to her religious gatherings.
‘So, a god is loved. Loved by so many people like this.’
My initial thought that she was a psychopath was a misunderstanding on my part. She was closer to a sociopath, one created by her environment. Ha Yuri’s goal was to be revered. To become a god.
I couldn't help but realize why Ha Yuri, despite possessing immense power, had put on an act, why she had gone so far as to hide her true nature and engage in such a ridiculous charade. Part of it was to gather the Seats of Sin, like the Seat of Pride, but it was also rooted in the emotions she held within herself.
I came to understand the Seat of Sorrow when Ragia died. Perhaps Ha Yuri had understood her own Seat for a much, much longer time.
The circumstances surrounding her changed when she killed her father with her own hands. I don't know the details of that incident. But I believed Ha Yuri must have realized something then.
That the father who had ignored and tormented her all this time was nothing more than an insect. When the informant went to her father's house, Ha Yuri was already gone. I suspect she was summoned around that time, but even in her absence, traces remain.
As if to return what she had received, Ha Yuri had killed her father very slowly and painfully. She had simply given back what was done to her.
As if to confirm my thoughts, the conversation continued to drift out from within.
- It’s okay to let go of that heavy burden. Mom isn’t here anyway.
- This has nothing to do with Mom anymore. That woman abandoned me, and I abandoned her.
- Is that really true? I’m still thinking about her, but it seems you’re not.
- ........................................
- I told you. I am you.
He was surprisingly immersed in the role. It seemed this was her greatest vulnerability.
“He’s good,” Choi Seulgi muttered beside me, and I nodded.
“He was always a good con artist. Hearing the whole story, I feel a little sorry for her. They say there’s no crime without a reason, and there’s always a reason why people become twisted. It feels like she’s been cornered pretty badly.”
“That doesn’t mean the sins she committed just disappear.”
“I know that.”
Just as Choi Seulgi said, even so, the sins she committed do not disappear.
- Dad...?
- I just hated that insect-like bastard. You know that.
- No. The truth is, you wanted to be loved by Dad, too. Didn’t you? Especially after Mom was gone.
- Don’t give me that bullshit. I never thought that. Even now, I don’t regret killing that bastard. In fact, it was enjoyable. It’s just that that bastard… Mom…
- See? I’m right. We still miss Mom. If, by some chance, we become a god… if we become a god, maybe Mom will come to see me someday.
- Nonsense. Mom didn't come here.
- You know that’s not what I mean. You know better than anyone what our words mean, don’t you? Right?
Lee Wanyong’s smile could have been mistaken for a demon’s. There were some risky moments, but his ability to improvise was astonishing. Of course, Lee Wanyong had no idea what her father had done to her mother. Ignoring the line, “It’s just that that bastard… Mom…” was a stroke of genius. Guiding the conversation in the direction he wanted would have been quite difficult without his persuasive skills to back it up.
The conversation continued.
- The past is the past. I’m no different from a god now.
- Right. We are a god. We’ll definitely become a god. And we’ll meet Mom. Right?
- I told you the past doesn’t matter!
- No, we still haven’t forgotten.
- Shut up!
The way he used “we” instead of “I” was also quite brilliant. Ha Yuri, who had been suspicious at first, now completely believed Lee Wanyong was her. It was proof of just how much she was wavering.
- No, I’ve forgotten. I’ve forgotten Mom. She’s just a woman who left me anyway.
- No matter what you think, the fact that we haven’t forgotten Mom doesn’t change.
- Shut up.
- The truth is, you want to be loved. Even while thinking it’s ridiculous and childish, we want to be loved.
- It’s not like that. What I want is reverence. I couldn’t care less about something like love.
- You were definitely happy when Jeong Ji-young said he loved you. I know it well.
- No. I wasn’t happy. It was just like watching a tail-wagging dog look cute.
- Your heart was pounding.
- It was because of that damn powder. Nothing more. I was just played by the schemes of those bastards, Choi Seulgi and Blood Dagger.
- Didn’t it feel good when he served you?
- Physical pleasure and mental pleasure are two completely different things. What I wanted was simple pleasure.
- Then why did you tell him you loved him?
- Because his reaction was amusing. He wouldn’t work hard unless I said it.
- And why did you want him to work hard?
- ...........................
- Why did you want him to focus on me? Why… why did you talk with him? Why did you show him your true self?
- Because… he was a man I could trust. Because he was a man who only looked at me, and he was useful. Because he was at least competent.
- A competent dog… wasn’t it?
- ..........................................
Ha Yuri fell silent. But eventually, as if the silence was too much to bear, she swallowed hard and spoke again.
- There is no god who truly loves humans.
- Because if such a god existed, they wouldn’t have left us and Mom like that?
- It’s not like that. Don’t bring up Mom anymore.
- Why?
- I… don’t know.
She had to have realized she was wavering.
- I’ll tell you the answer. Because Mom was the only person who ever loved us. Just like him… am I wrong?
No answer came. But ragged breaths began to escape her.
- No! No! No! I never thought that. Everything you’re saying is a lie. You’re not me! You trashy bitch!
- No matter how much you deny it, I am you.
Her excessive agitation was proof that Ha Yuri remembered her childhood. She must remember her mother holding her.
- Just as Mom loves us, that man loves us too. No, Mom left, but he’s still here. What is it that we truly want?
- Shut up.
- I know the answer. We want to be loved.
- ................................
- And we were actually loved. So, what do you think? Do we love him?
- I don’t love him.
- No. I’ll tell you the right answer.
- Don’t say it.
- I… him…
- I told you not to say it!
The way she thrashed about, refusing to admit it, was quite a pathetic sight. It was a crucial scene, so Choi Seulgi and I held our breath for a moment. The same was true for the two people inside the prison. After a long moment passed, her clone spoke again.
- I think… I love… him.
Neither a denial nor an affirmation was heard. But a bright light began to erupt from within the prison.