Chapter 162: Like a Child
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 162: Like a Child
I slowly opened my eyes. The sight before me was quite new. The room was rather luxurious, though damaged here and there. I felt a strange sensation on the horns growing from my head. Amusingly, Jang Ye Ri was asleep, holding onto one of them.
‘So, we won.’
The image of Jang Ye Ri standing with the scythe, shouting in triumph, came to mind, and I couldn't help but smile.
Still, I couldn't understand why this woman was sleeping with her face buried in my chest, clutching my horn. As I shifted slightly, Jang Ye Ri startled awake and sat up.
“Huh...?”
“It’s been a while.”
Her expression was one of utter bewilderment. She might have been watching over me this whole time, but from my perspective, it felt like I hadn't seen her in a long time, so it wasn't untrue. She stared blankly for a moment, flustered, then took a calming breath and spoke.
“Yes… it has been a while.”
“Are you going to keep holding that?”
I was only asking because she was still touching my horn, but the effect was quite spectacular. I got to see Jang Ye Ri’s face flush red as she jumped in surprise.
“Hmph… I… I must have grabbed it without realizing. I’ve always had some bad sleeping habits since I was a child…”
It was probably an excuse she’d hastily concocted, but I nodded anyway.
“How many days has it been?”
“Ah. You’ve been asleep for about a week. I’ve already explained the situation to the West’s Saint, so you don’t need to worry. Your clan has returned safely to their shelter.”
“Good.”
A moment of silence passed. Fearing the air would turn awkward, I spoke to Jang Ye Ri again.
“Is the old king dead?”
“Right, you would naturally be curious. First, I want to thank you. Thanks to you, we were able to win. Thanks to you, I was able to become stronger.”
“It was nothing.”
“To me, it was a very big deal. If you hadn’t bought me time, or if you hadn’t managed to wound the old king’s body even slightly, then perhaps…”
Jang Ye Ri shook her head as if not wanting to imagine it, then spoke again.
“Anyway, the old king is dead. I wanted to make him die miserably, but I couldn’t. Even as I cut off his arms and legs, tortured him, and severed his manhood, he just laughed. He laughed, shouting that he had finally created a proper child. Those were his last words. I don’t know if he couldn’t feel pain, if he was trying to provoke me, or if I truly was created according to his wishes, but it didn’t feel good…”
What a troublesome old bastard, even in death, I thought.
“So. What do you think? Is it really as the old king said?”
“Of course not. It’s true he was my father, but he left me nothing. I am neither fully human nor fully Green Skin, but I am different from him.”
“That’s a good way to think.”
I smiled as I looked at Jang Ye Ri.
“What about Jang Gi Hoo?”
“He’s in the dungeon. After the old king died, he cursed me, calling me a traitor and wailing, but who would follow a man with no power and no foundation? A few shady characters supported him, but after a few of them lost their heads, the rest quieted down…”
It seemed the event I remembered from before had already concluded, which was a shame. It was incredibly fast. Just one week after the rebellion succeeded, she had beheaded all dissenters and shady elements and thrown Jang Gi Hoo into the dungeon. She didn't say it, but she had completely overturned the power structure. I thought that perhaps the reformation was already over.
Of course, it would take a lot of time, but people would adapt quickly. The slave trade might continue in the shadows, but as long as she was here, I felt I wouldn't have to worry about what happened in the light of day. As I nodded, Jang Ye Ri spoke, a little excited.
“Unlike the old king, Jang Gi Hoo certainly reacted. I did the same to him, cutting off his arms and legs piece by piece. After flaying his body bit by bit, I left him barely alive and threw him to the prisoners who enjoy the company of men.”
Just imagining it sent a slight shiver down my spine.
“Thank you for everything. It’s all thanks to you.”
“Well… I didn’t do it to receive your thanks.”
“Right…”
Jang Ye Ri’s face reddened slightly as she nodded.
“By the way… you said you wanted me.”
The atmosphere grew strangely delicate. I nodded.
“I have learned much from watching you. Not just since we met, but from even before then, I learned a great deal from you. It wasn't tangible knowledge, but it would be more accurate to say I learned how to live life. You are a man worthy of respect.”
“You flatter me.”
“It’s not flattery. I truly believe it. While you were lying here, I thought a lot. Why wouldn't I want to abandon everything and stand by your side? But just as you cherish your clan, I too cherish my people and those who follow me. What kind of chieftain would abandon their clan?”
“I agree.”
“I cannot abandon my city. But I still want to be your woman. If, after hearing my story, you can still accept me, then I will gladly be your woman. Even if you cannot, that is fine. I will watch over you from a step behind and follow you always.”
In truth, she didn't need to become my woman. It seemed she had misinterpreted my words about ‘wanting’ her, but having her connected to me in any way was certainly not a bad thing. Whatever her story was, I had already decided to accept her, but her unusually grave expression caught my eye. So I simply nodded and began to listen to what she had to say.
*
Jang Ye Ri’s lips trembled as she slowly began to speak.
“It would be best to go back in time a little…”
It was only natural that she was shaking. For Jang Ye Ri, this was a kind of confession of sin. The sin of denying herself and running away. The sin of being raped by Jang Gi Hoo since she was a child—something that a proud Green Skin like him would surely never look upon kindly.
But she felt she had to confess.
In truth, she had thought a lot while he was still unconscious. What if she just hid it? If she kept her mouth shut, he would surely never know. It had happened so long ago, and almost no one knew about it.
It was a past that would never be revealed as long as she herself remained silent. But Jang Ye Ri continued to speak. Watching his expression, she revealed her story, little by little, piece by piece.
She didn't soften, deny, or distort her actions. Instead, she quietly recounted what she had been thinking at the time and why she had acted that way, calmly retracing the steps of her life.
Speaking wasn't difficult, but watching his reaction was terrifying. In contrast to her usual confident self, she kept her head down and spoke quietly. A long time passed before her story finally came to an end.
“The version of me you wanted and hoped for couldn’t have been this. So I cut off my horns and became human. Can you… accept someone like me?”
She didn't want to tremble, but her voice shook uncontrollably. She timidly raised her gaze and saw him open his mouth.
“I do not care.”
“What…”
“I do not care. I do not judge your past. Your actions at the time were unavoidable. Had I been in your place, I would have done the same. In fact, I want to thank you for telling me. It is not a shameful past. It was your life, and it is the driving force that made you grow into who you are today.”
“But… my body is tainted.”
“I am just as filthy. I don't care what you have done or what was done to you. I respect the person you are now.”
Jang Ye Ri slowly began to look up at Blood Dagger. He was clearly sincere. His expression seemed to say that every word he spoke was the truth. But looking at him, Jang Ye Ri screamed as if out of spite. She didn't know why herself. She wanted him to reject her, to curse her for being filthy. She thought that being abandoned here would be how she received her mother's forgiveness.
“I abandoned my people! I abandoned my mother! Even my own mother always looked at me with cold eyes and screamed that she hated me. No matter what you say—!”
“Is that truly how you remember it?”
“.........”
His words caught in her throat. Her mother had never once held her warmly. She had never pushed her away, but she always seemed to look at her with cold eyes, with eyes full of hatred.
“The maternal instinct of our people is strong. Whether one wants it or not, it is instinct. A mother devotes herself to her child, caring for it regardless of what happens to her own body. To fail to care for one’s child is a fate worse than death.”
“...................”
“If your mother truly hated you, there must have been a clear reason for it.”
Jang Ye Ri closed her eyes. Suddenly, she remembered what the old king had said—that her mother had wailed when he tore the young her away. She had thought it was just a taunt, she had thought so, but…
To think that it might have been true… to think that her mother might not have truly hated her… her heart suddenly felt overwhelmed.
He could be wrong, or he could just be saying it to comfort her, but it felt like tears were about to spill from her eyes.
“It’s a lie.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think. Perhaps your mother wanted you to live among humans, unlike herself.”
“It’s a lie!”
“I only spoke what I know. Did your mother truly hate you?”
She searched her memories. They were hazy. She remembered her mother looking at her with cold eyes, yet reluctantly taking her hand. Jang Ye Ri’s body trembled as she spoke again. What if her mother truly hadn't hated her…
If she had really been trying to protect her, then what did those words mean? She was afraid, so afraid, but…
“Anai Totka.”
She spoke the words cautiously. If she had wanted to know, she could have found out their meaning. But she had been scared. She had simply thought they were words of hatred, repeating them to herself, words that held her together whenever things got hard. She didn't ask him to tell her what they meant. Jang Ye Ri just looked at him steadily.
And then,
His lips began to move.
“Live on.”
“Live… on…”
The words wouldn't come out right. Against her will, tears streamed endlessly from her eyes.
Those were the words that had sustained her when she wanted to die.
They were the words that had sustained her when she wanted to give up and run away.
Words she had repeated to herself endlessly—not dozens, not thousands, but tens of thousands of times—to atone and achieve her goal. Words she had buried deep in her heart.
She had been speaking to her.
When she wanted to die, when she wanted to run, when things were hard, when she was alone, her mother had always been speaking to her.
Live on.
Jang Ye Ri lowered her head.
And,
For the first time in a very long time, she cried like a child.