Hermes Makes a Request

I'll be honest.

Among the gods I keep leaning on, Aphrodite's share is by far the largest.

It couldn't be otherwise. Ever since Hestia, every goddess I've crossed paths with has been thanks to her blessing.

That one.

That single blessing does a lot of heavy lifting.

And on top of it, her husband Hephaestus had become one of my strongest allies.

Looked at that way, what she'd done for me was historic — even counting every other goddess.

Worth a round of sex for that.

Good for me. Good for her. We were both doing the thing we liked best. Two birds with one stone, more or less.

And knock out a quest while I'm at it.

I pulled out the recording device. Film Aphrodite with this, and that was that.

Honestly, that husband of hers is one twisted bastard.

I headed straight for Hermes's temple. I'd meant to go to Aphrodite's, but my real objective had been over here all along.

No matter how hard Hermes was gunning for me, the moment Aphrodite got involved, I was confident she'd shield me.

No — wait.

He wouldn't get excited and come charging in wanting a threesome, would he?

That would be a bit much.

"I've come to request an audience with Hermes."

"Lord Hermes is not present at this time."

Like the priests at every other temple in Odysseia, the one at Hermes's temple was firm.

"And meeting a god in person is no simple matter."

I nodded. Fair enough. Which left me no choice but to produce Aphrodite's blessing — Aphrodite's Gold Arrow — and show it.

"This is a blessing bestowed by Lady Aphrodite herself. She instructed me to present it and request an audience with Lord Hermes."

Hermes's priest's eyes went wide. He stammered, completely at a loss.

"Step aside."

A man who looked like the high priest appeared from behind, shoved the priest out of the way, and stepped up to me.

"Lady Aphrodite's blessing is genuine."

He studied the blessing settled on me, then nodded and looked up at my face.

"Then you would be the hero Homeron?"

No reason to hide it. I nodded.

"Follow me."

He led me to the front of the high priest's chamber, beneath a blazing hearth. In every temple, the hearth was the place of sacrifice, offering, and ritual before the god. The high priest clasped his hands before it, closed his eyes, and began to murmur.

"O great Hermes. A hero who seeks audience with you stands in this place."

The air around us began to whirl. It was almost ominous.

"Convey his desire to the gods and grant it. O messenger god, who carries the will of every god and delivers every god's will."

Then, in the midst ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of a sharp wind, something appeared with a sudden lurch.

Hermes, the messenger god.

His design was almost identical to the one I'd seen in comics. The only difference was that he looked like a boy.

He floated in midair, looking down at me and the high priest.

"So you came after all."

He grinned at me.

I shut off the Status Window message. I didn't need to see it to know.

"Ah, relax. I've never meant you any harm."

And then a message popped up on the Status Window anyway — was that my imagination, or wasn't it?

Other people might not catch it, but I could tell he was lying.

"O great Hermes."

I dropped to one knee before him and bowed my head. Hermes waved a hand, almost flustered.

"Whoa, whoa. You don't need to do that."

No. I did.

If I don't, my ass ends up in danger the way it does with the other gods.

God and human. That gap had to be drawn clean and absolute.

Of course, if it were any other god, they'd be delighted and try to screw me on the spot. But looking at Hermes's operations so far, and at his temperament, he seemed to want to close the distance as equals, become friends little by little — and from there, lovers. That kind of flirting approach.

He was called a god of the lowly, too. The method made sense for him.

"Honestly… you really don't have to go this far…"

Hermes scratched his head and clicked his tongue.

"Fine, whatever. It's a little disappointing, but it can't be helped."

Did I walk into it?

"Aphrodite asked me so personally to keep some distance and get along with you…"

Huh?

"Then shall we get to know each other?"

Hermes laced his fingers and stretched his arms out. Joints cracked and popped.

With a frozen face, I quietly raised a finger and scrolled the window up to check the earlier message log.

Fuck.

I'd overthought it for nothing…

Was this just reaping what I'd sown?

"So, Homeron?"

"Ah — my apologies."

The instant Hermes took a step closer, I threw both hands up and waved them hard.

"The other gods are so fond of me bowing my head that I slipped into the habit. If Lord Hermes desires a close relationship with me, I could ask for nothing better."

The words poured out smooth as oil. Hermes stared at me in silence.

"You've got a silver tongue."

Then he broke into a broad grin and smacked his own forehead.

"Really? You think so?"

"Absolutely!"

"Hahahaha!"

"Hahahaha!"

Hermes and I looked at each other and laughed.

It went up.

Shit…

This was a catastrophe I'd invited myself.

"So."

Hermes cut his ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠laughter short and fixed his eyes on me.

"What business brings you to me?"

No — maybe this was for the best. In a situation like this, asking Hermes for a favor might actually be more appropriate.

"Lady Artemis is looking for me."

Hermes's brow furrowed at that. He'd grasped my meaning at once.

"That man-hater? Why on earth?"

"How would I know?"

Hearing Hermes put it that way, Sophia's words seemed right. Unlike the other virgin goddesses, Artemis thoroughly rejected and despised men. There were hints of it even in the myths, but at this level…

Ah. Almost went somewhere dangerous there.

There was a modern word for that kind of person, wasn't there? I wasn't a bigot, so I intended to keep those thoughts in check.

Besides, once you put a dick in a woman…

"Ahem."

I cleared my throat and steered my thoughts elsewhere, then looked Hermes straight in the eye.

"You're a madman."

Hermes said it while staring at me steadily. He seemed to have seen straight through what I was thinking.

I hadn't met any other gods like this. Maybe it came from playing messenger to every god there was, flattering them and mediating between them. Even compared to the rest of Olympus, his insight was considerable. He might even outdo Athena, goddess of wisdom and reason…

He is also the god of thieves and schemes, after all.

I went rigid with tension, worried he might strip my entire inner self bare right here.

"Haa. If it weren't for Aphrodite, I'd just fuck you right now and make you spill whatever you're thinking…"

Fucking what?

"Tsk. No helping it."

I whipped my eyes back to the Status Window.

The probability was dropping in real time. But I still couldn't relax.

Don't tell me the gods of Olympus can control their own desire directly?

I'd had some inkling ever since these probability messages started fluctuating. If it worked like this, it meant that whenever they felt like it, they could slam it straight to 100%.

And what did that mean?

That I'd get fucked with no way out.

God damn it…

I had even less time than I thought.

Coming to Hermes had been the right call. Cold sweat kept rolling down me, but I'd gained a lot. Thanks to Aphrodite as a first filter, I was pulling all kinds of information.

"So you came to ask me for information on Artemis?"

"Yes, that's right."

As we got to the point, Hermes scratched his head.

"Hmm. This is awkward."

"Pardon?"

"I can't just go handing out a goddess's weaknesses."

Hermes rubbed his mouth. He seemed deep in thought.

"Ah."

Suddenly his eyes lit up, full of mischief. For some reason, a bad feeling settled over me.

"Then do me one favor."

"If you do it, I'll tell you everything about Artemis, just as you asked."

Out of nowhere? Why?

I was startled, but checking the quest contents came first, so I looked.

"I've never liked how picky and difficult that woman ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠is."

Hermes clenched a fist.

"I really want to see her get violated by a human man, just once."

Thinking it over again, I got it.

"…Understood."

The Olympian gods of this ancient Greece. Every last one of them was clearly out of their minds.

And so was I, for taking it.