Homme Fatale
Fuck. Fuck.
Those goddamn Greek gods.
This goddamn other world!
I squeezed my eyes shut, then forced them open again.
Ares’s intense gaze was still locked squarely on me.
How the hell are these bastards all completely obsessed with homosexuality?!
I dredged up the myths in my head. The result was immediate: nearly every male god who appeared in them had at least one male lover each.
Everyone except Hades.
Especially Apollo. That bastard was the Zeus of the gay world.
No— is this really the time to be thinking about that?!
Focus on the Ares right in front of me first!
He said he had his lover keep watch whenever he was having a secret rendezvous with Aphrodite.
But according to the myth, he accidentally fell asleep and the whole affair got discovered. As a result, Ares punished that lover with his own hands.
Fucking crazy bastard!
You’re the one having the affair, and when you get caught you take it out on your own gay lover?
“What’s wrong?”
Ares—who was still insisting on the absurd alias of Polemos—asked back.
“Do I catch your fancy that much?”
Catch my fancy my ass, you fucker! Is that even the problem right now?
I took a deep breath and barely managed to steady myself.
“I came because I need a weapon to hunt my prey. This isn’t the time for me to be distracted by anything else.”
I gently pushed against his chest. Realizing he had been rejected, Ares slightly furrowed his brow.
I’m going crazy.
I’m scared out of my mind. Greek gods targeting my backdoor from every direction. The goddesses are all ridiculously hot, but the male gods are pure danger.
Somebody save me!
“Understood, then.”
With that single word, Ares took a step back. His sharp gaze, however, said anything but retreat.
“I’ll back off just this once.”
Just this once? So there’s a next time?
Crazy bastard!
I thought he’d be furious because I fucked Aphrodite! Instead he’s lusting after me, saying I’ve got the looks for it—does that make any goddamn sense?!
Calm down, Homeron!
I scolded myself. Fortunately, it was proof I hadn’t crossed the line enough to truly offend him yet. And him targeting me could, conversely, become evidence that conflict with Zeus might arise…
Evidence my ass!
I can’t even imagine this mama’s-boy Ares daring to rebel against Zeus!
“Then what kind of weapon do you want?”
“Just one light sword will do.”
“You seem to already have one at your waist.”
“Ah, this one’s borrowed. I have to return it once the fight’s over.”
I deliberately changed the subject and averted my gaze.
“Please just give me one weapon I can keep using from now on.”
Ares eyed me for a moment longer but said nothing more. He simply handed over a weapon.
“I suppose I should follow Aphrodite’s words.”
For someone who’s basically her living dildo, I don’t know where he gets off speaking so casually like that. I thought anew that taking Hephaestus’s quest had been a damn good decision.
From the instant I realized he was targeting me to fuck me, my evaluation of Ares plummeted straight through the earth’s core. Trying not to show any hostility, I walked out of the temple exactly as I was.
Zeus is targeting you.
Zeus’s chance of assaulting you: 18.3%
Ares is targeting you.
Ares’s chance of assaulting you: 22.4%
Higher than that Zeus bastard—what the hell am I supposed to do with that, you piece of shit?!
The so-called God of War…
Ugh, I shouldn’t even say it!
Having suddenly gained yet another problem, I headed straight for Dionysus’s temple. A beggar in thoroughly shabby clothes was sitting right at the entrance.
“Are you the kid who received Aphrodite’s request?”
He recognized me instantly. Hair and beard hanging long, a muscular middle-aged man whose face was full of drunken haze…
Muscular middle-aged?
“Don’t tell me…”
“Mm-hmm. I am Dionysus.”
Looking thoroughly debauched, he stared at me with hazy eyes…
Dionysus is targeting you.
Ah…
Aaaaaaah!
“I came to buy some potions.”
“Since it’s your first time today, I’ll give them free.”
I took the list from him, selected only what I needed from the catalog, paid, and then fled Dionysus’s temple as fast as my legs would carry me.
“Haa… haa…”
Nausea was rising hard from my gut. I barely forced it back down.
Then fuck. Don’t tell me…
Just in case, I circled around to Hermes’s temple. But I soon shook my head. I wanted to go yell at Aphrodite, but now wasn’t the time.
Athena is watching you.
Because of this damn message still tailing me, I had to deal with Athena first no matter what.
Ugh, the stress is piling up!
Resolving to dump every last bit of that stress onto her, I returned to Hecate’s cabin.
“Welcome ba—”
Hecate, mid-sentence, took one look at me and immediately shut her mouth. She tilted her head with a puzzled expression.
“Homeron. What the hell did you bring back with you?”
“Please don’t say anything.”
With an exhausted face, I buried myself against the desk. I just wanted to collapse and sleep right there.
“Lady Hecate.”
“What is it?”
“Do I really have a face that appeals that much to men?”
Hecate stared intently at my face. A moment later she flushed and looked away.
“Ahem. It’s a face that appeals well to women too.”
“Is that so?”
Fuck. Even when I try not to swear, I can’t help it.
“Just today, already three gods are targeting me.”
“I confirmed it as well.”
“What am I supposed to do about this?”
“What do you mean, what are you supposed to do?”
Hecate planted her hands on her hips and looked down at me.
“That is your fate.”
Ah… Hearing the word “fate” in a Greek-mythology other world sent a full-body chill through me.
“Then the solution is…”
“There is none.”
Hecate sighed.
“You know what kind of chaos a goddess who charms every god causes. Since it’s the fate your face has summoned, you must accept it.”
I clutched my head and thought desperately. I did not want to keep being targeted by the gods like this. I liked women—especially goddesses. Fucking them was the absolute best!
But hand my ass over to the male gods? Not a chance in hell! If I was going to do that, I would have given it to Zeus ages ago!
“I have to go to Poseidon’s temple.”
I stood up so fast the chair scraped.
“Isn’t he the master of Odysseia? If I can meet him and ask for help, this will be solved!”
Poseidon in the myths was a Casanova who rivaled Zeus—no, who might have surpassed him. The women he slept with and the children he fathered actually outnumbered Zeus’s. It was only because Zeus was such a scoundrel and had a bigger role in the myths that Poseidon’s reputation got buried. When it came to being completely crazy about women, this bastard was far worse.
So I was certain. Poseidon had to be a heterosexual maniac for women. Because I had never once heard a single tradition about him hooking up with a man.
“Uh… I really don’t recommend that.”
But at the time I thought my idea was so brilliant that I completely missed the words Hecate had trailed off. I burst out of the cabin and ran straight for Poseidon’s temple.
I would have had to stop by eventually anyway. To prove myself as a hero, I needed to stand before the master of Odysseia—Poseidon.
“I have come to pay respects to Lord Poseidon.”
Pushing through the long line, I finally stood before the priestess of Poseidon’s temple and bowed my head as I spoke. Like any ordinary hero, I entered the central hall of the divine statue alone. The door closed behind me. I raised both arms and shouted before the altar where incense burned.
“Poseidon! Please help me!”
A dazzling blue light flared, and he appeared.
A physique larger than any man I had ever seen. Nearly three meters tall, with a lower body that bulged right out in front of me—a massive tool easily comparable to my own.
Huh? Why is that standing out so clearly over his pants?
“What is it, beautiful hero?”
Huh? Why is this bastard’s way of speaking like that too?
Poseidon is…
I shut the message off halfway. The ominous feeling was too strong; I couldn’t bear to look.
Come on. No way. This bastard too… don’t tell me…
According to tradition, Poseidon was lovers with the boy-god of the sea, Nerites.
Fuck!
“What is the matter?”
I trembled. Not just anyone—one of the three great gods of ancient Greece, Poseidon himself. Not a voluptuous goddess with ample flesh, but a burly male god getting horny and targeting me?
This fucking…
Disgusting. I felt like throwing up. But I forced myself to endure.
Athena. Deal with Athena first—everything else is lower priority!
The one said to be the wisest in all of Greek mythology. If I could subdue her and borrow that wisdom, there might still be a way out of this nightmare.
“Lord Poseidon!! Please grant me the right to hunt the Cyclops!”
One of his own children, and a named monster of Greek myth—the Cyclops. If I achieved the feat of hunting that creature, Athena would definitely approach me.
“I permit it.”
Surprisingly, Poseidon agreed at once.
“However.”
He continued in a tone that made my skin crawl.
“There is a condition.”
“W-what condition?”
“That condition is…”
Poseidon raised one finger and smiled faintly. My spine went ice-cold.
“Become my hero, Homeron.”
Poseidon is targeting you.
Poseidon’s chance of assaulting you: 78.2%
I wanted to die.