The Moon is Definitely a Fool
Our temple has a fool who makes dinosaur noises like an adult entertaining a child. Unlike a normal adult, however, there’s no child in front of her—she’s just making that racket all by herself.
“My head’s turned into Apollo’s~!”
………Do I really have to spell out who that is?
Damn it.
And this thing is supposed to be a goddess.
Suddenly I found myself missing Demeter and Hades.
‘I wonder if she can actually pull this off.’
Ever since I ended up in Laomedon’s shoes, my headaches had multiplied. The now-blonde Artemis kept her eyes narrowed to hide the whites, radiating nothing but discontent, while I, unable to defy Zeus’s command, was forced to give her chores.
The one silver lining was that Artemis hadn’t refused my requests so far. The threat that she might lose the moon’s seat forever if she didn’t finish quickly and return to the heavens had worked, and when I coaxed her the way the two former slaves had, she showed at least a little willingness.
Still, the original worry remained: could she actually do the work?
“Uwaaah!”
Crash!
“Ugh, slippery! Was the temple always like this?”
That was the morning.
“Hyaah!”
Crash!
By lunchtime the second ornament had shattered.
“No, it can’t be.”
Can’t be what, exactly?
Thud!
By evening a whole pillar had collapsed.
“I’m not an idiot!”
I had no idea why she was protesting her innocence to me. Whether it was because I kept witnessing every disaster or because her conscience was pricking her into a confession, both seemed equally likely at this point.
‘I never thought anyone could be worse at housework than our Achilles.’
Achilles was an angel by comparison. At least she never broke anything or knocked down pillars.
“Darling, I love you.”
“Have you gone completely insane these past two days?!”
So whenever I tried to show affection she bolted like an arrow, leaving my side feeling strangely empty. We’d been properly married and acknowledged by everyone, yet somehow the distance between us only seemed to grow.
‘Ever since Artemis arrived, everything feels exhausting……’
Artemis was throwing tantrums, my wife had fled, my little sister was busy serving as Artemis’s stress-relief target and kept running away from me, and Danae’s libido had apparently spiked again—she kept demanding things from me. The women in this house had zero sense of caution.
“I’m telling you, it wasn’t my fault! That pillar was already old and crumbling! I just happened to bump into it and it fell, that’s all!”
“Yes, yes. Understood. So the story is that you head-butted it with the same force you used to fight Lord Apollo?”
“You weren’t listening to a single word I said—!”
At least one thing had improved: my relationship with Artemis. In the middle of the chaos I’d carved out time to talk with her, listening to her complaints, and she’d gradually opened up enough to let the smaller incidents slide. The same seemed true for everyone else; even when Artemis sat at the head of the table during dinner and chattered noisily, no one scolded her. The atmosphere was strangely peaceful.
“What’s with you all? Why so quiet?”
“If Lady Artemis is speaking, who would dare open their mouths? We’re simply eating with proper decorum.”
“Even so, I thought we’d gotten pretty close… I’m usually friendly with the nymphs too, so you don’t have to be so stiff around me…”
“You’re quite strict with men, after all.”
“From today on, you’re exempt, you little rascal! Haaah! If you weren’t a child I’d have smacked you already!”
“Hahaha! My apologies! Unfortunately I’m still an eleven-year-old brat!”
“If there were two kids like you in Greece, the world would really—?!”
“I heard the exact same thing yesterday. Am I really that dangerous?”
“Of course you are—?! Hmph!”
Nom nom nom.
The goddess ate like a mischievous child, then reached for Atalante. Our adorable little sister had already been turned into Artemis’s personal doll more than ten times today alone. When she silently mouthed “Oppa, save me~!” it was so cute that I’d left her to it, but even Thetis wouldn’t tolerate this at the dinner table.
“Lady Artemis? Please stop that even during meals. Atalante needs to eat as well.”
“Aww, but…”
“Playing with Atalante is fine, but wouldn’t you like to discuss today’s work?”
“Eek!”
At Thetis’s sharp remark Artemis’s lips jutted out in a full pout. I wanted to smack those lips with my palm until she made a crying face, but I held back and sided with Thetis instead.
“Lady Thetis is right. We’ve already heard about your conversation with Lord Apollo, so let’s move on to your impressions of today’s tasks. I thought I’d given you only the easy ones, but how did it go? Even if it was difficult, I’d hoped you might find some enjoyment in temple work.”
“Sorry. Honestly, it just doesn’t suit me.”
“Since I don’t wish to lie to a goddess, I’ll be honest as well—I agree. You seemed ashamed of today’s work, Lady Artemis, but in truth no real harm was done. Still, I don’t believe these are the kinds of tasks that would let the Goddess of the Hunt feel motivated.”
“U-uh…”
I hadn’t outright insulted her, but the nuance clearly landed; Artemis’s shoulders slumped.
“Please don’t be discouraged. When I speak to a goddess in this tone, it usually means I have something to propose. I apologize for being harsh earlier—I simply wanted to become closer to you. So please accept one suggestion from me.”
“Huh? U-uh… what is it…?”
“Attendant work isn’t limited to housework. So how about going hunting instead?”
“Hunting?! Ah! Is that allowed?”
“Of course, as part of your attendant duties—you’ll be bringing back offerings for the gods. We get the meat we need for sacrifices, and you get to hunt. I think it’s a fair arrangement.”
“Sounds great to me! I hate carrying and moving stuff!”
“Then let’s do that starting tomorrow.”
“Yeah yeah yeah~!”
At my compromise, many of the women—including Danae—let out sighs of relief. If Artemis kept helping with housework any longer, another ten pillars would surely collapse, so sending her outside was clearly the safer option.
“Atalante.”
“Yes, oppa.”
“Sorry.”
“Eh? Wait a second, oppa?”
But my words didn’t end there. After apologizing to Atalante I turned my gaze to Lady Artemis. She looked puzzled at first, wondering why I was staring like that, but soon realization dawned and a mischievous grin spread across her face as she looked down at Atalante.
“That’s right~! Hunting alone is no fun~!”
“Huuuh!”
At my little sister’s uncharacteristically startled cry, Danae smiled brightly.
“Then it’s settled. An opportunity to learn from the Goddess of the Hunt comes only once in a lifetime, so make sure you ask for proper instruction.”
“Mooother~!”
Atalante looked ready to burst into tears, clearly never expecting betrayal from Danae, but no one came to her aid. Danae’s words were true, after all, and the chance really was too precious to refuse. Being clever, Atalante knew she couldn’t turn it down.
“Ugh… how did it come to this…”
Artemis, apparently finding the teary-eyed little sister adorable, practically drooled as she latched onto the girl. She paid no attention to whatever Thetis was saying beside her, simply doing as she pleased—the authority of a goddess remained undiminished whether she had her divinity or not.
“Hey, you.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re planning to stay here a while, right? At first you said you’d only leave the Spartoi and head out quickly. But things seem to be dragging on…”
“Tell me about it. It looks like it’ll take a bit longer—can you bear with it?”
“I’m fine, but I’m worried you might get on that goddess’s bad side… her reputation is pretty terrifying…”
“…………”
I took a sip of water and let out a quiet sigh; Achilles wore an equally fed-up expression. The goddess Artemis was revered by many maidens, but if they saw her like this, whatever faith they had would surely crumble. For now, leaving Argos was impossible.
‘What am I supposed to do…’
Right now we were laughing and brushing things off, but this wasn’t a real solution. Artemis still refused to swallow her pride and apologize to Zeus, and the other side wasn’t budging either. As a mere human, my options were limited. The longer Artemis stayed here laughing, the higher the chance King Acrisius would find out—and that possibility made the situation far worse than it appeared on the surface.
‘Since I’ve managed to get Artemis to open up a little, I’ll have to use that as a starting point and figure something out.’
In the end, there was no real plan.
On the outside I smiled, but inside irritation was steadily building.