Clearly, the Moon Is a Fool
It had suddenly become my turn to fret over what peace even meant.
I’d never been tangled up in anything big enough to shake the world like this, and the goddess’s trial from a few days ago had wrapped up without a hitch—Sisyphe and Agamemnon were now just empty-headed idiots, so maybe this really was the dawn of peace. But my mood was darker than ever before.
Of course it was.
This time it hadn’t ended well at all.
No happy ending.
Back when I was still a kid, I used to read Greek myths and tell myself I could do better than the stories. I thought I could fix things, protect people, change the outcome. Instead, my cousin Sisyphe lost his memory, King Acrisius had half his tongue chewed off, and his wife hanged herself the very same night.
So this is what pride gets you.
King Acrisius’s wife had been the kind of old-fashioned woman who thought nothing of hiding her face from even a man like me. Seeing her face for the first time—on a corpse—was enough to make my stomach turn. I’d practically lost her eldest son, Sisyphe, so she wailed for days, cursing the moon in the sky, me, and her father, King Acrisius, before vanishing forever into the distant world.
I held the funeral, of course. Using Zagreus’s name, I wished her well on her journey to a better place. Hades cared for me deeply, so of course he wouldn’t refuse. I even told King Acrisius the truth so he could at least find some peace. He’d said he didn’t hate me, just like during the trial, but his face looked so much older and more broken that it made my chest ache just looking at him.
Look at that—same bright moon as always, even today.
After the day ended, I stared up at the night sky from the city wall and felt that same crushing gloom that had hit me the night of the goddess’s trial. My wife, sitting there beside me with a blank stare, asked what was wrong, but I could tell my face was giving everything away.
“Mestra’s case and mine… I really can’t figure out why I keep messing up.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“I’m still doing great for someone my age. There’s even a hero out there who’s better than you in some ways.”
“Sure, on the outside. But people still die.”
“Come on, that’s not your fault. How many people are dying irrationally right now? You did everything right.”
“Do you really think so?”
“You were trying to give King Acrisius hope. You saved your son’s life while Artemis was watching. That’s all anyone could ask for.”
“Was there really no better way?”
“Stop saying that. It’s just dumb talk.”
I lay sprawled across Achilles’s lap, staring into space, when her face slid right in front of mine. Our noses were close enough that I could feel her breath. She was watching my face, then poking my nose with her own and laughing like a little idiot.
“You know, you could’ve been king.”
“…………”
“Everyone liked you, so even if you swung that club and took the throne, nobody would have dared complain.”
“…………”
“But you didn’t do it.”
“Of course not.”
“Every Greek hero fights for honor or power, right? But you didn’t.”
“I’m only human. If King Acrisius had been the one swinging that club, I might not have thought of it. I came up with a plan, dumped the Styx water on him, and I figured I had to handle things wisely too.”
“Yeah. You did good.”
Slap.
Before I could even react, she leaned in and kissed me. I answered with my tongue. My body had grown up somewhere along the way—still buzzing with the good mood we’d just had—but that thought crashed into reality and my face twisted.
“Eeeh~! We were about to have a real good time and then you ruin it~!”
She shoved me away so hard I nearly fell over. I was still catching my breath when it hit me that this was my wife, the one with the abnormal body. So the kiss hadn’t meant anything romantic at all.
“You’re always the same, huh?”
“Of course~! I’m not the kind of girl who falls for someone and then forgets them! Once I like someone, I stick around until the end!”
“So the guy you like is me… a guy who turned into a black dog?”
“Yeah!”
“You’re supposed to be laughing when you say that.”
I couldn’t help but feel a little silly for my dumb wife, but it was the most comforting thing in the world. My wife never lied and never buttered anyone up. When she praised me, it was praise. When she scolded me, it was scolding. I could take it at face value.
“Why? I don’t lie!”
“I know. That’s why you’re a good girl.”
“Ugh, why are you suddenly so sweet? It’s giving me goosebumps!”
“I can be honest with my compliments too. I’m not just talking out of my ass all the time.”
“That’s exactly why I like you less!”
I grumbled and sulked, but I didn’t move far. The air was perfect and no one was around, so I figured we might as well finish what we started. I inched closer to Achilles, only for her to suddenly leap back.
“I hate it~!”
“Oh come on. You’ve been like this since we met. When you want something, you demand it. When I want something, you run away.”
“You’re scary right now~? You’re just like that wild beast I saw last time~! And the kind that plays with people!”
“That’s because you’re still a kid inside.”
“A kid like you? There’d be two worlds at most, and Greece would be half a planet!”
It was a line I’d heard plenty of times, but I laughed it off. Achilles hated it when people teased her, so I tried grabbing her wrist with a cocky grin, only for her to bolt again—and then she started sprinting on all fours.
“Are you a beast now? Yeah, I guess. If I saw you mating with a horse, I might even believe it…”
“What are you understanding?! I hate it today!”
“Is this a married couple fight? Whoa, that’s kinda hot. Nice?”
“You’re so stupid!”
Pop!
“Don’t follow me~!”
“Why not?! I wanna chase after my wife’s butt too!”
“I’m not even thinking about that~!”
Achilles bolted like a wild animal and I chased after her. It was dark, no one around, so we ran like children. But chasing her on human legs was useless, so I transformed into an animal and kept going. Finally, terrified, she fled toward a beautiful girl whose hair looked like seaweed.
“Mommyyyyyy!!!!”
“Ah, Achilles? What the—?”
“Pervert! A pervert is chasing me!”
“Pervert?”
Thea—wait, no, Tetis—must have been awake even in the middle of the night. She was patrolling the temple and turned Achilles’s shield into a shield. When my bold daughter started causing trouble, I finally realized what was happening and shouted at me.
“Perseus! You’re not a kid anymore—what are you doing?!”
“Oh no!”
Even I know I can’t beat my mother-in-law. I turned into a dog and ran off panting. From behind I heard Achilles laughing and calling me an idiot. Chasing her had been fun, but running like this just proved a husband can never beat his wife.
This is really something… A good night like this and I get beaten by my wife. My luck really is funny… The moon’s pretty high up. I wonder if anyone saw…?
I only realized how embarrassing my behavior was after the fact, and it was too late. I glanced up at the moon, worried that Artemis might be watching, but nothing changed. Her gaze wasn’t on me.
Whoa.
Thanks to all the running around in the middle of the night, I was suddenly sleepy. My horniness had vanished too. I turned to go back to bed, but my head suddenly felt hot.
“What?”
It was hot, but I still couldn’t see anything in front of me. I’d turned away from a bright light, yet my shadow was still barely visible. It wasn’t the kind of bright light that meant dawn; it was hundreds of bulbs all at once.
“Excuse me! Goddess Artemis! When you come down to the ground, you have to take back your divinity! Otherwise your eyeballs are going to burn! Are you going to make all the humans on the ground blind?!”
“Neah?!”
I didn’t understand why she’d suddenly started yelling like that after descending so calmly last time. Annoyed, I shouted back and the light vanished along with her voice. I thought no one was watching, but apparently I was wrong.
“Artemis?”
“Sorry! I rushed down so fast I forgot!”
I stared straight at her back, unable to hide my irritation. Something felt off. Artemis had an armful of things that looked like her own possessions and was sprinting toward me. The sky looked angry, heavy with storm clouds. Just a moment ago the weather had been perfect and the air had been clear. How did it turn like this?
“What’s that? Why is the sky like that?!”
“No time to explain!”
“Huh?”
BRRRRUM!
BOOM!
A single lightning bolt struck the ground in a corner of the city, not me. I thought this was the end of humanity. Thank God it only hit once. The storm clouds cleared. Artemis was suddenly hiding behind my back, her white eyes wide open and trembling. I knew exactly what that meant—pray it wasn’t that.
“What… Who were you chasing…?”
“Ah, Father.”
“………Zeus?”
“Yeah…”
I really hoped it wouldn’t be him, but the name came out anyway.
“Why?”
“During the last trial, they found out I’d cursed King Acrisius… I can’t go messing with him too much, but I showed my face way too openly… I didn’t even try to hide my divine power and just used it like it was nothing…”
“So?”
“So… everyone else gets away with bad stuff secretly, and suddenly I’m the only one getting blamed… They grabbed me by the hair and the whole thing blew up…”
It was the classic family fight. Artemis was hopelessly outmatched and had to give up.
“You ran away?”
“Yeah.”
Is this goddess really that dumb…?
Why did she admit it so cheerfully?
Ah, here we go.
Since the other person was Zeus, I already knew we were in trouble.
“Ah, no way? We’re safe here, so she must have flown here…”
Artemis’s sharp eyes softened into round, innocent little circles as she begged. A white-haired beauty with moon-like eyes begged me so earnestly I couldn’t say no.
“Let’s go inside first. Tetis should be pacing at the entrance—ask her for directions. I’ll go pray to Zeus right away and try to calm him down.”
“You really are reliable! Thank you!”
Artemis acted grateful as she thanked me, but the feeling that hit me was heavier than joy. How could I be so glad after sharing King Acrisius’s pain, only to have to face Zeus next?
Is this goddess or just plague?
My gut told me this judgment was probably right.