Prologue - The Flatterer Perseus
The offerings that arrived the very same day as the meeting were of a particularly lavish sort this time. Seashells and the like had been used to adorn the gifts, and there were quite a few fruits carved into heart shapes as tokens of love. Anyone could tell at a glance that these offerings were intended for her, and Zeus slapped his own forehead in realization. The words inscribed on the fake golden apple sent this time were also blatantly aimed at a certain goddess.
To the goddess who wishes that not only the inner selves of people, but also the efforts of those who groom their outward appearance, be recognized with an honest gaze.
At this point, there was no need to read the goddess’s name written at the end to know exactly whose offering it was.
“Ohohohoho—!”
Thanks to that, Aphrodite—nearly naked as she was—laughed without the slightest shame, her breasts swaying as she did so. Her face flushed with excitement, which stirred the lower halves of the male gods, but the moment they remembered what sort of woman she was, everything quickly settled back down. It was a small mercy amid the chaos.
“Of course! Naturally! They claim inner worth is all that matters, yet they know full well the ugliness of those who are still bewitched by handsome men and beautiful women!”
“On that point, I have nothing to say. This time, I agree with Lady Aphrodite.”
“Oh my, Athena! What’s gotten into you?”
“One must acknowledge what deserves acknowledgment. While a person’s inner self is important, that does not mean we should belittle the efforts of those who take care of their appearance. I have grown weary of men who speak smoothly with their mouths while their eyes chase after beautiful women.”
“Uhuheu—! Yes, exactly! Whoever this is, they’re quite clever!”
Athena’s defense, which struck most of the male gods present right in the solar plexus, sent Aphrodite’s mood soaring to Mach speed. It was the first time since entering this era of heroes that she had been so wildly excited.
“Zeus, you were the first to be eliminated.”
“Well now. That was a solid hit.”
It had only ever been a verbal bet with nothing actually at stake, so Zeus felt no real displeasure. Still, now that things had reached this point, he found himself curious about the next offering.
“Just as expected, the offerings are arriving in this fashion. Someone will surely send another tomorrow, so let us enjoy today’s to the fullest and look forward to tomorrow as well.”
“Yes. Let us do that.”
Zeus and Hera rose first, and the other gods followed. Even if the number was small, offerings were not limited to what had just arrived; they were being sent from all over the land in modest quantities. Including those, the gods held a banquet. They did not need to eat, yet offerings represented the faith humans sent to them. They were not so arrogant as to waste what their worshippers desired to give.
‘Hmm. Perhaps…’
Only now did Zeus begin to vaguely understand what Athena and Hera had said earlier, but it was too late to change his words. Silently savoring nectar and ambrosia, he decided that, since things had come to this, he would simply watch how far the one sending these offerings could run his mouth.
‘You clever mortal sending these offerings. Let us see just how much flattery you can muster against someone who already knows you will flatter them.’
No matter how much one flatters, if the target already knows flattery is coming, they can simply remain unmoved. Zeus began a private wager with the unknown sender, telling no one.
If the sender pleased him, the sender won.
If the sender failed to please him, Zeus won.
──It was a wager with himself alone, yet the anticipation it created was surprisingly pleasant.
“Now then, bring in the next offering!”
Thus, checking the daily offerings became their new source of amusement.
To the heavenly goddess who protects every family in the world.
The next day’s offering was unexpectedly addressed to Lady Hera.
Though her radiance is far too brilliant for others to behold her delicate form, which is the exclusive property of the Supreme God, even if foolish ones who fail to understand this place the mask of jealousy upon her and belittle the dignity of the Queen of the Heavens, so long as one knows the gentleness she has shown within families, she must never be disparaged, nor must one raise one’s head before her.
This time no specific recipient’s name was written, and the tone was somewhat presumptuous, yet the atmosphere remained favorable. Unlike the other goddesses, the sender had used several fake golden apples to craft a long message, and even Hera’s nose lifted a little higher.
“They called you delicate?”
“So what? Do you have a problem with that?”
“No, it’s just… well…”
“You may not know it, but the child in the mortal realm seems to understand quite well. Hehe, that’s right. If not me, who else would support a god like you?”
Zeus had tried to mock Hera but failed. Hera, in unusually good spirits, softened her sharp black eyes, swept her red hair back, and kicked Zeus in the shin.
“The flattery does seem rather blatant……”
“Do you want another kick?”
“No… that’s not it…”
Zeus himself had not spoken such words to his wife Hera in a long time, and he marveled at how direct yet effective the message was. He had half-expected something more stiff and plausible, but when the sender chose to be straightforward, there was no hesitation.
Having so easily pleased Hera, the next day arrived.
The suspicion that the offerings might be going only to goddesses was shattered by a new message. This time the sender had changed the format, forgoing fake golden apples in favor of a wide expanse of white bull hide.
Most see only strength, yet the heart that thinks of family regardless of a child’s appearance is as vast as the sea he rules, and to those who bow their heads before him he grants tolerance as deep as the abyss. King Minos, blinded by the eyelids of greed, could not look up at the radiance that reflected upon him and became a fool of his age.
This too quoted mythology, and everyone immediately recognized whom it referred to.
“You must be in an excellent mood.”
“Hahahahaha! Hahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!”
At Apollo’s words, Poseidon offered no reply and spent the entire day clutching his belly in laughter. Everyone knew the tale of King Minos’s foolish act, and they understood the significance of offering a white bull as tribute, so they found themselves looking forward to the next day once more.
“What is so amusing that you laugh so vulgarly? Hmph! I will not be so easily pleased.”
Apollo declared this in response to Poseidon’s laughter, but it seemed he had never before received such flattery.
And so the next day came.
All the unsavory rumors circulating in the world are mistaken. They say that those who share his bed never meet a happy end—how foolish that sounds. Think about it. When the one you love is sunlight itself, is it not only natural that such an outcome follows? He governs sunlight and is warmer and hotter than any other male god, and precisely because of that, his beloved cannot endure the heat of his love. It is merely that the fated partner who can withstand his affection has yet to appear; this is not the sun’s fault.
Apollo tasted the sensation of his own rear being sucked out with a sticky, wet sound.
“Heueung…♡”
“…How vulgar.”
The moan that slipped out unbidden earned him a rebuke from Artemis, who stood right beside him, but he was so overjoyed that he even forgot to curse. It seemed the unknown sender was quite skilled at flattering even a male god’s rear.
As expected.
The divine prince who believes without doubt that he is the greatest god pays no heed to the words of nobodies. Walking his own path, he never strays from the road he has chosen even when met with criticism and curses, and thus he deserves to be called a man and a true hero. The weak mock his forward-charging figure as that of a wild boar, yet their petty schemes will never dream that their bellies will be pierced by his sharpness and they will perish. There is a reason why Sparta, the most masculine of nations, yearns for him more than anyone else.
The more a blacksmith hones his craft, the more his body suffers from prolonged exposure to light. Thus his appearance and physique rust, and he is even pointed at as a cripple, yet such an appearance is proof of his superior skill. However, he who possesses the greatest dexterity in Olympus was born that way, and therefore that male god was the world’s greatest blacksmith from the moment of his birth. The proof lies in the masterpieces born from his hands as he silently hammers iron while enduring ridicule and criticism—masterpieces that have always changed the world.
A handsome man with armor-clad, bronze skin and striking red hair and an ugly, bald, one-legged blacksmith pointed fingers at each other. One was Ares, and the other was naturally Hephaestus. Rare for the blacksmith, he was seething with anger.
“I said I would take this one! Limp away like the cripple you are!”
“You scoundrel?! Who decided that?! Enough with your scoundrel acts and yield this time!”
“Grrrrrr—!”
Both, being weak to praise, were now arguing over who would claim the one who had sent the offerings. For Hephaestus, who rarely quarreled with anyone, this was tantamount to losing his temper, but Zeus’s mediation calmed the situation. Those who had yet to receive offerings vowed, just as they had during Apollo’s turn, that they would not display such unseemly behavior…
But had they really set up a goalkeeper only to concede a goal?
Or not?
Everyone, listen to my story. In truth, lest that shy one flee to the heavens upon seeing this tale, come closer and behold it. That god is the most mischievous trickster in Olympus, yet he is a sociable figure whom no one truly hates. Beneath his cheeky, childlike mask lies a humility that respects everyone and knows how to lower himself, so one cannot judge him with a single glance. He spreads pleasant rumors throughout the world, serving as everyone’s mouth and ears; he must be cherished, and I sincerely hope that the mischievous smile on his face, even while performing difficult tasks, will spread today as well.
The words were densely inscribed upon a large statue of a winged sandal, commissioned from a sculptor. At the rare praise for the trickster god, not only the others but even Hermes himself looked flustered.
“How do you feel?”
“Uh, um, may I go for a short walk?! I suddenly feel like getting some fresh air!”
“You rascal. You enjoy playing pranks and getting scolded, yet you feel embarrassed when you yourself are praised.”
Unexpectedly, it was Hermes—who had seemed strong against such things—who became the next protagonist of unseemly behavior. He was not often praised by others, so his embarrassment was doubled.
Thus the only ones left were Athena, Artemis, and Zeus…
As the two women’s predictions came true, the next day’s offering was naturally for Artemis. This time, however, the nuance was slightly different. It was an offering to Artemis, who was not male, and instead of a fake golden apple it came with rabbit meat that looked freshly hunted, accompanied by words carved into a blood-smeared stone tablet.
Unlike Lord Apollo, who signifies sunlight, Lady Artemis is the cold moonlight. She is the spiritual pillar of all women who keep their chastity and the object of worship for the few pure men. Therefore, one might suspect that the flattery of an ordinary man like me comes only from the mouth. Nevertheless, I hope you will believe that my respect is genuine, and so I have chosen to act upon it.
That action was precisely the blood-smeared tablet on which these words were written, together with the freshly hunted offering. The blood, still vividly clinging as though applied just before the offering was presented, delighted the mischievous Artemis even further.
“I’m a little dissatisfied that it’s a man, but this much is enough to make me fond of him~!”
Compared to the others it was modest, yet it was more than enough to pass. After all, Artemis was one of the goddesses who truly disliked men as a category. Therefore, while it was not enough to make her act unseemly, the fact that he knew his limits and respected them pleased her greatly, and at the same time the end of the wager drew near.
Well then.
The result of the bet between Athena and Zeus—over who would receive an offering last—would now be decided.
“How did it turn out…?”
“What arrived today……”
At Hera’s words, Hestia brought the offerings, neatly arranged with the attendants. As expected, this one was for Athena.
“Just as I thought.”
Athena, and Hera as well, had predicted this outcome, and by now even Zeus and the other gods knew it, so there was no disappointment or blame. Rather, the single line sent to Athena this time was so short and blunt that it became the greater issue.
“What does it say?”
Athena, feeling awkward under everyone’s reactions, accepted the golden apple. This time it was a fake golden apple like the very first one, so she had expected no long message, but even accounting for that, the words were so brief that everyone was taken aback.
“Hmm?”
With everyone’s reactions at her back, Athena received the apple.
Written there were these words.
Lady Athena’s vigilance is like a fortress prepared against enemies.
This commoner’s words cannot dare to surpass it.
It truly was short.
Yet there was no disappointment.
After pondering the meaning for a moment, Athena burst into loud laughter.
“What? Why are you laughing? Did you go mad from disappointment?”
At her laughter, Ares—frequently at odds with Athena—asked on behalf of everyone, and the goddess of wisdom answered with a snort.
“Hah! You muscle-headed fool! I had been watching the situation until now, so I knew an offering for me would arrive today or tomorrow! It would contain flattery mixed with praise for each god, just as written before! I had already hardened my heart so as not to be swayed, but he praised me in advance by saying that even his flattery could not sway me on such a day!”
“………Ah!”
Only then did Ares understand the meaning. Fortunately, Hera understood without needing an explanation, and so did Hermes.
“A clever fellow. I do not know why Athena’s offering was brought out today, but the wager goes to Athena and Hera. We never decided what the winners would receive, but do the two of you have something in mind?”
At Poseidon’s question, Hera and Athena immediately gave their answer.
“Then, as the victors’ privilege, I would like to make a request of Father.”
“I feel the same as Athena.”
“Both of you, to me?”
Zeus was puzzled, yet the two goddesses’ opinions aligned so perfectly that he felt he somehow understood, and before he could voice that thought, the true nature of the request spilled from their lips.
“The timing when tomorrow’s offering arrives would be good, wouldn’t it?”
“Yes, that’s right. Zeus~? I want you to bring that man.”
“I should bring that man? Ho. Tomorrow is the final day, and at the same time the day my own offering is presented, so it is perfect. Very well! I accept the request and shall bring him myself!”
Even without the request, Zeus had already intended to fetch the man personally. That they had used the wager’s prize for something like this rather pleased him, and Zeus looked forward to the next day with delight.
The day of fate.
The day Perseus and Zeus would finally stand face to face had arrived.