Chapter 86: Realization
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 86: Realization
We walked through the shopping district, which had grown quiet as if the business day were coming to an end.
Even the merchants at their stalls, busy watching the fountain show, paid little mind to the hooded man and the petite woman passing by.
At first, I tried to strike up small talk—wondering if that sweet scent was coming from here, noting that a shopkeeper seemed to recognize us, or mentioning how pretty a certain menu looked—but Loik only gave brief responses or nodded, his gaze fixed intently on me.
Usually, he was the type to get flustered and look away the moment our eyes met while I was tying his cravat.
Even when I pointed toward a stall, he would only spare it a reluctant glance before turning his eyes back to me. His behavior made me feel self-conscious, and my words eventually trailed off.
Furthermore, while he usually held my hand loosely, today his grip was so firm that my hand was pinned fast within his large palm, unable to move an inch.
My entire focus shifted to the sensation of his hand—the strangely intense warmth and the pulse that felt heightened by the pressure.
The sound of the crowd’s applause and cheers felt distant, as if coming from far away.
We walked in silence for a while.
It wasn't until we reached the very end of the shopping district, an area where unfinished construction materials were stored, that we finally stopped.
"Shall we head back now?"
If I didn't stop him, it felt like Loik was ready to walk straight into the forest path ahead.
Stopping slowly, Loik stared into the darkened path for a long moment.
"The shopping district is shorter than I thought."
I heard him mutter under his breath, wondering if he should have just filled the entire stretch with shops.
"Short?"
I felt like we had walked quite a distance.
A look of lingering regret was etched onto Loik’s profile. I suppose he enjoyed being out for a change of pace.
"We can come back again."
After all, this entire land belonged to him. He could come whenever he wished.
Besides, it was about time to head back. The fountain show, which had been extended due to the enthusiastic response, looked like it was finally drawing to a close.
Loik, his hand still gripping mine, hesitated for a long time before finally nodding.
But just as we were about to turn around, the sound of a child crying drifted from the bushes behind us.
"Is there a child here?"
Startled, the Grand Duke pressed close to my side.
The faint crying grew louder and closer.
Soon, the bushes rustled, and two children emerged, their clothes covered in stray leaves.
"Waaaaah... Mommy...!"
The sobbing children spotted us and came scurrying over.
They appeared to be siblings. Loik’s pupils dilated as he looked at the young girl.
His grip on my hand tightened with tension.
"It’s okay. Just step back for a moment."
Keeping our hands joined, I gently pulled Loik behind me.
"Who did you come with? Where is your mother?"
"Mommy... hic... the ball disappeared..."
It seemed they had wandered this far while looking for a ball that had rolled away.
"It’s okay, shhh! Don't cry. I'll help you find your mother."
As I patted the rambling children to soothe them, Loik stared at me with a stiff expression. He seemed to be asking with his eyes what he should do.
"Stay here. I'll go tell the shopkeeper over there to call a management office employee."
At those words, Loik’s eyes shook violently.
"Then I'll be here alone...?"
Well, you're either alone or with the kids, aren't you?
"It'll only take a moment."
The children, who had stopped sobbing, looked up at Loik as if he were a curiosity.
"Mister, you're a grown-up, are you scared?"
When the little girl whispered that he could come with them if he was scared, Loik wiped his face beneath his hood and spoke.
"Please, go ahead."
"Even if you're scared, stay right here, okay?"
Biting my lip to suppress a laugh, I took the children's hands and headed toward the nearest shop.
*
Loik watched Annette walk away with the children for a long time before restlessly rubbing the back of his neck.
Was it normal to feel this anxious just because she was out of his reach for a moment?
Well, it had been a while since he’d felt "normal."
Feeling hollow, Loik leaned his back against a nearby tree.
Annette told me to stay put.
As he stood still, the sounds of people laughing and chatting while watching the fountain drifted into his consciousness.
The lively noise wasn't unpleasant to hear.
Until now, he had never properly shown his face where the residents were, let alone at an event. Even after ordering the construction of orphanages and schools, he had never actually looked inside them.
To be honest, he had thought that even showing his face in such places was a selfish act. He was the only one who knew the truth—that he could hurt anyone.
Yet, the only reason he had come out this far was because of Annette.
Everything... was because of Annette.
When did it start?
Loik closed his eyes tightly.
The moment when Annette had taken the lead, her small, capable hand gripping his sleeve, was vivid in his mind.
As if telling him to just trust her.
As if she could protect him no matter what happened.
Watching her walk triumphantly with her golden hair fluttering, he had been overcome by an uncontrollable emotion and had stopped in his tracks.
— "Loik?"
And when Annette had turned back toward him, the yellow lights illuminating the shopping district had formed a halo around her head and shoulders.
Is it possible to feel so many emotions for one person?
Every time he was with her, a storm of emotions surged within him.
When he saw those small shoulders squared as if to protect him, her bravado was so trivial it was cute, yet also strangely reliable. He felt guilty for the way she looked after him with concern, yet he was oddly satisfied by the fact that he was in her thoughts.
He was simply happy that he was reflected in those sapphire-like eyes, yet he felt an immediate pang of anxiety that she might turn her attention elsewhere.
The wind that ruffled her hair, the faint scent that colored her surroundings, even the lukewarm warmth that seeped in with the light.
He cherished everything surrounding her, yet he felt only regret that he couldn't fully possess every sensation of the passing moments.
It was a feeling of longing, of lingering attachment, and of burning desire.
And yet, he just liked it.
As he took Annette’s hand when she tried to let go of his sleeve, Loik was finally able to define all those emotions as one.
Because every moment spent with Annette was precious and dear... he was happy.
To think he was happy.
He had thought it was an emotion he would never feel in his life.
He hadn't even been able to focus on what Annette was saying as she scurried along with flushed cheeks. Loik had simply walked while holding her small hand as tightly as he could.
Lest this happiness somehow slip away.
If Annette hadn't suggested going back, he really might have walked right into that darkness.
Loik stared blankly at Annette, who was standing some distance away.
She was soothing the children by buying them something, likely waiting for the staff to arrive.
How kind she is.
But his kind Grand Duchess would one day leave this place.
Once she divorced him, she would no longer be Annette Blenheim.
She was still young and beautiful; it wouldn't be long before she married someone else.
If she became another man's wife...
Would she tie that bastard's cravat, too?
At that moment, the branch Loik was holding snapped and crumbled into tiny pieces.
No.
Loik grit his teeth.
Never anyone but me.
He didn't want to yield anything to another man—not the Grand Duchess tying a cravat, not her kind smiles, not her holding hands.
No, he couldn't stand the sight of it even if he died.
For Annette, he had to be the only man for the rest of her life.
Because...
Loik squeezed his eyes shut.
The answer was so clear that it was pointless to pretend otherwise anymore.
Because he liked her.
I like Annette so much it's driving me mad.
It was a fact he could no longer deny.
As he reached that conclusion, his face flushed hot as if burned.
Until now, Loik had always packaged his feelings as the appropriate level of affection one couldn't help but have for a lovely wife.
He had believed his attraction to her was simply because she was the person who eased his pain.
He had even considered his desire to stay with her as a greed born from that.
Wasn't it natural?
Just being with her made him feel better.
The moment he held her hand, the day's fatigue washed away, and a pleasant warmth filled his entire body.
Since Annette arrived, he hadn't even suffered from nightmares.
Even setting that aside, Annette was someone born to be loved. Was there anyone in the Grand Duke's Castle who didn't like her?
I thought it was only natural for anyone, not just me, to have that much affection for her.
That was how he had deceived himself.
He had to, so that he could endure the thought of letting her go in a year's time.
But he could no longer hide it.
Loik clearly wanted more than that.
A low sigh escaped into the quiet forest path.
Was it from the moment I found out Annette had pawned her necklace?
When he heard from the bank president that Annette had borrowed money, he had been unable to sleep, feeling hurt by the thought that she had drawn a line to avoid being indebted to him.
He must have already begun to realize his feelings then.
No, in truth, he had caught a glimpse of it when he heard the news that Annette had been accosted.
The moment he heard those words, his vision had gone white, and he couldn't hear anything else.
He never imagined there would be something in his life that could shake him so profoundly.
Or was it from the first day he walked along the lakeshore with her?
But even earlier than that...
As Loik traced back through time, he let out a small gasp.
Perhaps it was the very first moment he encountered Annette.
From the moment Annette stood in his room, bathed in moonlight, Loik might have already been harboring her in his heart.
A hollow laugh escaped him as he recalled that time.
I really am a fool.
Even during the hundreds of times he had agonized over whether to send Annette back or not, the answer had already been decided.
What was he supposed to do now?