Chapter 37: A Selfish Decision
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 37: A Selfish Decision
"Is there truly nothing else wrong with her?"
Loik asked, rubbing his weary face.
"Aside from a bit of anemia, there are no major issues."
Hosen, the personal physician, swallowed hard.
Though he had worked at the Grand Duke’s castle for nearly a year, this was the first time he had seen the Grand Duke’s face clearly. Usually, while a physician’s primary role was to look after the health of the lord and his lady, his work at the castle had consisted entirely of treating the minor scrapes and bruises of knights returning from battle.
The Grand Duchess’s collapse had finally granted him the chance to make an impression on the Grand Duke, but the moment Hosen saw him, he promptly abandoned all dreams of social climbing.
The Grand Duke possessed such an imposing physique and an overwhelming aura that Hosen’s knees shook just from standing in his presence. To make matters worse, the Grand Duke appeared to be in a foul mood. Seeing those perfectly sculpted brows furrowed made the doctor’s throat go bone-dry.
"How does it make sense for someone to suddenly lose consciousness if they aren't ill?"
"Noblewomen of delicate constitution often experience such episodes."
"A delicate constitution? Are you saying she lacks the energy even to remain awake?"
Hosen cautiously gauged the reactions of the Grand Duke and Whitley, who stood behind him. Both the Duke and his aide wore bewildered expressions, as if they couldn't comprehend the doctor's words. Their faces were masks of pure skepticism that such a weak human being could even exist.
‘Of course, you lot wouldn't know. Born with such massive frames, you’ve probably never even suffered a mild cold.’
Hosen was an outsider from the central regions. Even back home, he wasn't considered small, but the musculoskeletal build of the Northerners was superior to any other region in the Empire.
In this place, the idea of collapsing from physical frailty sounded like nonsense. However, in the Capital, it wasn't uncommon for noblewomen to faint because their dresses were too tight or because they had been startled. It also wasn't unheard of for someone to fall asleep and not wake up for an entire day.
However, Hosen’s instincts screamed that saying such things right now would not be in his best interest.
"She likely had much on her mind while adjusting to a new environment. It seems the sudden release of tension took a toll on her body, so it would be best for her to rest for the time being."
"Rest? Is there no more definitive treatment?"
"…I will prescribe some medicine, but for now, eating well and sleeping well are the most important things."
The Grand Duke glared at him with a dissatisfied gaze. In the end, Hosen was only allowed to leave after promising several times that he would check on her health daily and prioritize the Grand Duchess above all other duties.
*
Even after the physician hurried out, Loik remained lost in thought for a long time.
"I need to select ladies-in-waiting for the Grand Duchess," Loik finally muttered, his fingers tapping rhythmically against the armrest.
"Will that be alright, Your Grace?"
Whitley looked at his master with concern. He was asking if it would be a problem to bring more women into the Grand Duke’s castle.
"I can't keep leaving her with only maids forever."
"We should have appointed ladies-in-waiting much sooner."
Worry clouded Loik’s face. "I was too irresponsible."
Whitley looked pained at the self-reproach in his master's voice. "You had your reasons, Your Grace."
"She is so fragile. Why didn't she say anything?" Loik’s expression turned grim.
Of course, he had known her arms were so thin they looked as if they might snap, and her waist was narrow enough to fit in a single hand. But because she was always smiling so brightly and radiantly, the thought had never crossed his mind.
"We need someone by her side at all times; we don't know when or where she might collapse again," Loik said, resting his forehead in his hand, his face shadowed. "Tell Perel to screen eligible young ladies, focusing on the vassal families. The Grand Duchess won't know anyone in the North."
"Ah, what was that maid’s name again?" Loik called out, stopping Whitley as he was about to withdraw. "You said the Grand Duchess took a liking to her?"
"Yes. She said she would leave the punishment to you, but she requested that you show as much leniency as possible."
Loik hesitated for a moment before speaking. "Give her a week of house arrest."
Whitley paused, looking slightly surprised. Until now, regardless of the severity, any servant caught stealing or trying to smuggle items out of the castle had been punished ruthlessly. it served as a warning to the others.
"Didn't you say the Grand Duchess asked for leniency?" the Grand Duke said, subtly averting his eyes. "Norton vetted her thoroughly anyway, so it doesn't matter. Do as she wished."
Only after Whitley composed his expression and left the room did Loik let out a small sigh.
‘Is it really just a simple case of exhaustion?’
As far as he knew, the backflow of mana caused by the curse happened in an instant. It wasn't the kind of pain that built up in the body and caused a toll like a common cold.
He knew this logically… yet he couldn't calm down, worried that the Grand Duchess might have collapsed because of him.
Since her arrival, he hadn't suffered a single mana overload. Far from it, his body felt lighter with each passing day. Every time she tied his cravat or took his arm, the accumulated mana flowed out of him as smoothly as water.
But if her collapse was even slightly related to him, the right thing to do was to send her back immediately.
While he had canceled all his appointments to sit by her bedside and wait for her to wake, Loik had been hardening his resolve quite firmly.
— “…Your Grace?”
But the moment he saw the Grand Duchess’s clear eyes upon waking, Loik realized how pathetic and hypocritical his resolve had been.
‘You selfish bastard.’
Deep down, he hadn't even considered sending her back.
Loik felt a renewed sense of bitterness toward everything. Since inheriting the Dragon’s Curse from his father, his life had never been anything more than a series of obligations. In a life filled with endless duties and no rewards, Loik’s time had always been frozen.
While everyone else enjoyed the natural flow of time, Loik remained trapped in a terrible pain that he could never grow used to, no matter how much he endured it. He had barely survived each day, suppressing the impulse to end it all right then and there.
To Loik, misery was his daily life, and happiness was nothing more than the slight relief he felt on the rare nights when the pain didn't come.
But on that day, the first time he met the Grand Duchess.
From the very moment he held her, Loik’s time finally began to move. He started to see things he hadn't noticed before, and he began to crave things he had never cared for.
The closer he got to her, the more chaotic his heart became. The instinct to fully enjoy the thrill of a daily life he was tasting for the first time clashed constantly with the fear that once he grew used to it, he could never go back to the way things were.
— “Your Grace, I like it here.”
And the moment those words left her lips, something surged and overflowed from deep within Loik.
She liked it here.
Until now, she had said she wanted to stay in the North, but she had never once said she liked it. Surely, she had her own reasons for not being able to return to the Capital.
Even though he knew that, he had felt a subtle guilt for keeping her tied to the castle under the pretext that "it was what she wanted."
I like it.
With that one phrase, the basest instinct Loik had been hiding deep inside reared its head.
He was happy—so happy it made his head spin. Hot blood rushed through his veins, and a thrill shivered through his entire body. Loik was finally able to face his true feelings.
‘I’ve been waiting for these words all along.’
An excuse that meant he didn't have to draw a line between himself and the Grand Duchess.
‘Does she mean she likes the North? Or Blenheim? Does she mean she likes living in the Grand Duke’s castle? Does that "here" include being by my side?’
It didn't matter.
What more could he ask for in the face of a woman who had injured her hands to prepare gifts just to convey her heart to the knights? The sunlight she radiated was not something Loik could dare to reject of his own will.
It would be foolish to struggle now to avoid the sunlight that had already begun to melt his frozen self. Rather than wasting time being wary of that warmth, it was wiser to let his body soak it in to his heart's content.
The Grand Duchess had set the contract term to one year.
If she chose to leave then, he would never be able to stop her. He wasn't shameless enough to beg her to stay by his side forever. He didn't want to make her miserable for the rest of her life just because he was intoxicated by a moment of peace.
Then, couldn't he fully enjoy this happiness until that time came?
His life was already forsaken by the Goddess anyway. If he had to spend the rest of his life in hell, shouldn't he be allowed to live normally like everyone else for at least the one year granted to him?
He might suffer for the rest of his life, longing for a peace he could never regain once she left, but that was a problem for the future.
‘She is my wife. I will no longer think of things like keeping my distance.’
After a night lost in thought, Loik made a selfish decision—the first and last one solely for himself.