Chapter 4: In Search of a Lost Dream (2)
04. In Search of a Lost Dream (2)
'Well... It's not like I didn't see this coming.'
Squatting in the playground near my house, I tried to organize my thoughts while cooling my throbbing head. Since I'd rushed out unexpectedly, I was only wearing slippers, and my feet were so frozen I thought I might get frostbite any second.
I tugged my long padded coat down to cover my toes, but the cold still seeped through. Maybe it was time to retire this coat after four years.
Alright, I had ten minutes to come up with a plan.
"System window. Sudden Quest."
My pronunciation was a bit off because my lips were numb from the cold, but it didn't matter since I was alone. I zipped my coat up to my chin and examined the stat window that popped up.
[System Alert: Sudden Quest!]
Objective: A child's wounds are a parent's scars. Win back your mother's heart and gain recognition for your rediscovered dream.
Deadline: Linked with SQ 01 (D-53)
Failure Penalty: 75% increased chance of triggering a 5th regression
"?"
A penalty had appeared in that short time. I glared at the system window, but nothing changed, so I gave up.
"What kind of life are you living, you bastard regressor...?"
At this point, I was seriously worried about the regressor's fragile mental state. No wonder he'd regressed four times. Even with my mental fortitude buff, the thought of regressing again made my vision go dark. How much worse must it have been for him? The system must've been so desperate it stuck me here as some kind of "mentor."
"Still, this probability is straight-up clownery, isn't it?"
I grumbled to myself, and before I knew it, two minutes had passed. Time was running out. I had eight minutes left to figure out how to convince my mom.
'Studying would be the easiest route.'
After living as my mother's son for 19 years (or roughly 3n years, counting past lives), I knew that something like, "I'll attend Seoul National University while being a trainee," would've been a solid bargaining chip. I could even back it up with concrete numbers like mock exam scores.
But the problem was...
'It's too late for that. It'd take too long.'
The college entrance exam was already over, and I needed to become a trainee within the next two months. Plus, balancing studies and trainee life wasn't just difficult—it was practically a shortcut to an early grave. Not that idol hopefuls had it easy to begin with.
[System Alert: 5 minutes remaining!]
"...Thanks."
My nose and cheeks were starting to lose feeling. Think, Kang Hajin. You'll freeze to death at this rate.
I racked my brain for the most effective way to convince my mom, drawing from all my life experiences.
A hunger strike? My mom's cooking was too good—instant fail.
Running away from home? Look at me right now. I'd suffer like a dog—fail.
Throwing a tantrum? That hadn't worked since I was five and begging for a transforming robot—hard fail.
"...Nope, nope."
Should I just... regress? Memorizing lottery numbers for the next decade might be less of a headache. At least I'd have the mental fortitude buff to lean on. Maybe I could wing it?
[System Alert: 3 minutes remaining!]
[System Alert: The Mental Care System is not invincible!]
"Now you're butting in. Fine, do whatever you want."
[System Alert: Request received.]
This system clearly doesn't understand Korean sarcasm. Must be an incomplete localization patch.
"Hyung. Mom says if you're done with your teenage angst phase, come eat."
While I was busy glaring at the stupid system window, my still-small-and-precious 18-year-old brother called out to me, oozing annoyance.
Looking at my baby-faced brother, a surge of determination flared up. Right, I couldn't give up... If I did, you'd have to enlist three times.
"What 'phase'? I'm dead serious."
"Serious people don't storm out like that."
"I didn't—every step I took was filled with sincerity."
"If that cringey 'Mom doesn't understand me~!' act was sincere, you're beyond help, hyung."
Watching my brother poorly imitate me gave me a sudden reality check. I never thought I'd sound like some whiny teen drama protagonist.
Cringey acting? I was pouring my heart out back then.
"You just don't get it..."
"Hyung, what kind of battle are you fighting alone?"
"This is war."
A war against re-enlistment, re-exams, and re-employment.
"Hyung, try to understand. Mom's been... going through a lot lately."
"......."
The mood instantly turned heavy at my brother's awkward tone. It suddenly hit me—this was that winter when I was nineteen.
"With Dad's job and all..."
Dad's unemployment.
Knowing the future, I knew Dad would land a job at the company he'd interview for early next year, turning our fortunes around. That was why, even after regressing and waking up in a dim basement instead of a sunny apartment, I never despaired.
"It's just... the family's been tense lately. Then you suddenly say you want to be a trainee again..."
But before that future arrived, our family was stuck in an endless winter.
Seeing my brother standing there in hand-me-down clothes, looking like he might cry any second, it really sank in—this was one of those brutally cold winter days.
"I want to help out with living expenses by working part-time, but they won't even let me do that."
I looked up at my brother as he vented his frustration. Something inside me began to simmer.
"Hawon."
"What."
"Do what you want to do, seriously."
"......."
"Right now, that's helping Mom and Dad."
My brother didn't reply.
I forced myself up on legs so numb they felt ready to shatter. It was like someone had yanked a loose rope taut.
I had to stop this regression. I couldn't leave my family frozen in this winter forever.
"Hawon."
"...What now?"
"This time, I'm gonna become an idol."
"How are you gonna get Mom to agree?"
[System Alert: Time's up!]
"There's always a way."
I said I'd come up with a plan in ten minutes, didn't I?
Hajin's mother, Yeong-in, had been eyeing her unusually quiet son with suspicion for days.
'Why is he so calm?'
It had been days since he'd dropped the bombshell about wanting to be a trainee again. When he'd returned with his brother that day, Yeong-in had braced herself for conflict, but Hajin just ate two bowls of rice and volunteered to do the dishes like nothing had happened.
'...Was that his plan?'
Now that she thought about it, Hajin had been doing more housework lately.
Their family usually shared chores, but these days, Yeong-in hadn't so much as touched dish soap outside of showering. Something felt off, but since it was convenient, she kept brushing the thought aside. Instinct always trumped reason.
"Hajin."
"Yeah?"
"...Never mind."
She called out to test him, but his expression remained as serene as ever.
If she were being honest, she wanted to tell him to chase his dreams—it was her own regret for not doing so, and her resentment toward her parents for never teaching her to live that way. Deep down, she cheered for her sons' dreams more than anyone, even now.
But she'd learned that blind encouragement could sometimes push a child into a dead end.
—Stop talking about potential.
Yeong-in still remembered that day vividly.
It was the first time Hajin had expressed wanting to quit his five-year trainee life.
—What's wrong, Hajin? Mom believes in you. You can do it.
—Mom, sometimes...
—......
—I'm scared of my own worthless future. Scared of disappointing you.
That day, Yeong-in realized for the first time that unconditional faith could sometimes terrify a child.
—If you believe in me this much and I still fail, it'll be entirely my fault.
—......
—So I'll do something else. Not something with potential—something I'm good at.
That was why, when Hajin brought up his idol dream again, Yeong-in panicked.
Their unstable finances and Hajin's status as a student crossed her mind, but what weighed on her most was the memory of that day.
She couldn't bear to watch her once-shining son break his own wings again. She couldn't offer empty hope about surviving the cutthroat idol industry—especially not for something as uncertain as a trainee audition.
"Mom."
Lost in thought, Yeong-in looked up at Hawon's awkward voice.
"Yes, sweetie? Need something?"
"Um, well..."
Hawon fidgeted, glancing at her expression before pointing to their parents' room.
"Hyung wants you to come in. Dad's there too."
"Hajin? Why?"
Sensing something odd about Hawon's hesitation, Yeong-in hurried to the room, where her husband greeted her from a pre-arranged chair.
"Hajin?"
"Honey, come quick. He's up to something."
Hajin, who'd changed back into his school uniform despite having graduated, stood rigidly in front of the computer.
Bewildered, Yeong-in let Hawon guide her to a seat. With two chairs prepared, Hawon squatted beside her, ready to watch his brother's one-man show.
"Mother. Father."
"Since when do you call us that...?"
Ignoring their dad's incredulous look, Hajin turned on the monitor with a confident smile.
"I now present Kang Hajin's Life Plan Presentation."
A neatly designed PowerPoint slide filled the screen, complete with flashy effects.
"Before explaining this plan, I believe it's essential to first assess my current assets and past achievements."
Did I mention I'd picked up some presentation skills from group projects?
"This is a SWOT analysis of my strengths and weaknesses."
Let me add—I'd once poured my soul into a PowerPoint, too.
The slide, designed with my parents' preferences and readability in mind, transitioned smoothly.
The font was legible, the text perfectly arranged with key points—the result of monopolizing the computer under the guise of online lectures and working meticulously.
I can confidently say I'd never put this much effort into a final project.
"Hawon. Do they teach this stuff in school now?"
"Hyung's just weird."
I heard Dad marveling to Hawon, but I calmly continued.
By the time I explained my university application strategy—analyzing admission trends, my grades, and extracurriculars with my homeroom teacher—Hawon was shaking his head in boredom.
"Next, I'll introduce Miro Entertainment and explain why I chose it."
As Dad, halfway convinced, started clapping, Hawon muttered beside him.
"...This guy's using cheat codes."
I heard that, punk.