Chapter 34: Their Separate Nights
34. Their Separate Nights
The hours raced past evening into night.
Ji Soo-ho, having left work early for the first time in a while, finished his shower and settled onto the couch, gazing contentedly at the late-night snack he had prepared before turning on his laptop. There was still work to wrap up.
'I do this all the time, but for some reason, I'm a little nervous today.'
After meticulously reviewing the Excel file compiled by the rookie development team's assistant manager, Soo-ho logged into the company intranet. The clatter of keys filled the air as he swiftly drafted the final email of the day.
Subject:
Date: 20XX-02-28
From: Ji Soo-ho <[email protected]>
Hello,
This is Ji Soo-ho, team leader of the Rookie Development Team.
Attached are the results of the February monthly evaluations for our trainees.
The trainees will receive their individual reports separately.
The contents below and the attached file are for internal use only.
Please ensure strict confidentiality to prevent leaks.
※ Miro Entertainment February Monthly Evaluation Results ※
...
Thank you.
Best regards,
Ji Soo-ho
"Tenth place... That was close."
Soo-ho took another sip of beer as he scanned Ha-jin's detailed scores. Of course, if Ha-jin had fallen out of the top ten, he would have accepted it as his own doing—Soo-ho had no intention of interfering. Still, better safe than sorry.
"Sigh. Let's call it a day. Work's done."
His scattered thoughts dissipated as he shut the laptop with a satisfying click. Now, he could finally enjoy the last bit of leisure before the survival show began in earnest.
Tonight, he would savor it properly. Pushing the laptop aside, Soo-ho stretched out on the couch, beer can in hand, and smiled contentedly.
[Single Quest 03.]
['Do You Want to Be Special?']
Objective: The trainers still show little interest in you, a fledgling trainee. Stand out by ranking within the top 10 in the monthly evaluation!
Success Reward: Clue for regression tracking & Comrade Recruitment
Failure Penalty: 40% increased chance of triggering a 5th regression loop, 15% increased risk of elimination
[Quest completed.]
Ha-jin was dreaming.
'...Ugh, annoying.'
He was aware he was dreaming but couldn't wake up. Even though it was all in the past, the emotions felt devastatingly real.
—We decided we're not practicing with you anymore.
—Kang Ha-jin. Stop showing off.
—Let's be honest, you only did it for yourself, right?
—God, you still don't get it. You're so frustrating.
—Ha-jin. You should've handled this much at least.
Memories from his first life—the worst of the worst.
'Why the hell am I dreaming about this...?'
—...I can't do this anymore.
At the heart of the dream, Ha-jin was crying. Broken, denied everything he had lived for, abandoned by the very things he loved most.
His breathing grew ragged, but he couldn't move, as if pinned down by sleep paralysis. His whole body felt bound, suffocating. Then, the scene shifted.
—What about you?
—Huh?
—Ha-jin. Don't you think you could've done it too?
Now, the dream replayed a moment from the monthly evaluation.
The first time Ha-jin had been left speechless.
For some reason, he couldn't meet Seo Tae-il's gaze.
Thud. Thud.
A sound like a massive boulder endlessly colliding with a tiny pebble reverberated through him, crushing his entire body. The overwhelming pressure distorted and shattered every scene in the dream—
And then, he woke up.
"...Fucking nightmare."
Dawn hadn't yet broken when he opened his eyes. The room was bathed in a cold, purplish hue as Ha-jin sat up, registering the chill in the air.
"...? Oh. Kang Ha-won."
Something heavy slid off him as he shifted, and suddenly, he could breathe easier. Squinting in the dark, he recognized his younger brother, Ha-won, whom he hadn't seen in a while.
'Right, he came home yesterday.'
Preparing for the monthly evaluation had kept Ha-jin at Eun-chan's place most days, but he'd finally returned home for a short break.
While he'd been away, Ha-won had taken over the living room because of some construction in his own room. That's why they'd ended up sharing the living room floor last night.
Realizing the weight pressing on him in the dream hadn't been sleep paralysis but his actual brother made him feel strangely hollow.
"......"
Though there were still hours until morning, Ha-jin couldn't bring himself to go back to sleep. Dreams were like that—even if the details blurred upon waking, the lingering unease clung stubbornly.
"......"
"...What are you doing?"
In their tiny home, moving anywhere risked waking the others, so Ha-jin found himself at the playground out front again. Sitting on his usual swing, letting the cold air clear his head, he looked up at the sound of a familiar voice.
"Why are you out here instead of sleeping?"
"I was."
"That's no way to talk to your hyung."
"Are you being a boomer?"
"Maybe a little."
Ha-won, clearly still half-asleep, trudged over and plopped onto the swing beside him. Unlike Ha-jin, who had only thrown a long padded coat over his pajamas, Ha-won had meticulously layered up with sleep socks and a scarf. He sniffled before asking:
"...Something not working out?"
"What?"
"You look like you've got a lot on your mind."
Oh, little brother, if only you knew.
Ha-jin swallowed the flood of words rising in his throat.
"......"
"......"
Ha-won didn't press further. Quiet and not one for emotional displays, he never pried. He just stayed there, listening in silence.
'Same as always.'
Remembering the twenty-eight-year-old Ha-won from his first life, Ha-jin briefly wondered if calling this eighteen-year-old version "consistent" was accurate. Regression really made you ponder the weirdest things.
Suddenly, he realized how nice it was to talk like this, just the two of them.
And finally, he found the courage to voice his thoughts.
"I had the monthly evaluation today."
"Mom told me. That's why you got time off, right?"
"Yeah. I'm off till the day after tomorrow."
"Did it not go well?"
"No, not like that. I did fine. Really."
Ha-jin gripped the swing's chains, pressing his fingertips together—a habit when lost in thought.
"There was a dance break in the performance. I assigned it to two other guys, but one of the judges asked why I gave it to them."
"......"
"So I explained my reasons, but then..."
"......"
"They asked why I didn't do it myself."
"...Were you not confident?"
Ha-won didn't fully grasp the trainees' world, but he strained every brain cell to understand.
'So they're asking why he didn't take the important part himself?'
Just as Ha-won pinpointed the issue, Ha-jin let out a dry laugh.
"No. I just... didn't think about it."
"...What?"
"From the start, I wasn't even considering myself. I only realized it when they asked. That I'd excluded myself."
Sure, there were excuses—Yoon Tae-hee's height didn't match, whatever. But if he'd really wanted to, he could've made it work. He also knew that having all three remaining members in the dance break would've made the performance tighter.
But.
"I just... didn't want to, I guess."
"......"
"That was my chance to secure a higher rank, but... I didn't want to."
Unnoticed by him, his hands trembled slightly. The same sensation from that day on the rooftop crept back—something snapping, emotions crashing down like a waterfall.
[System Alert: (Fixed) Regressor's mental state unstable.]
[System Alert: 'Wander and Drift' mode activated.]
[System Alert: Mental Care System engaging to suppress 'Wander and Drift'.]
[System Alert: Processing...]
[System Alert: Processing...]
[System Alert: <Memory Suppression> activated for mental stabilization.]
Before he could fully read the rapid system messages, the emotions eating at his mind vanished. Only then did the cold air around him register again.
'...What was that?'
The memories from his first life, which had felt on the verge of resurfacing, suddenly felt distant. He could recall that something had happened, but the specifics eluded him—like trying to remember the plot of a book read long ago.
But at least now, he could breathe again.
"You okay?"
Ha-won's voice was as flat as ever, but the concern was there. Ha-jin stared at his brother—still so much younger than the one in his memories—before nodding.
"Yeah. For now."
"......"
"Let's go back. It's cold."
Ha-jin stood first, and Ha-won followed sluggishly. They didn't speak further, simply returning to bed. Just before drifting off, Ha-won silently pushed more of the blanket toward Ha-jin.
That night, that small gesture was enough.
And then, another person's night.
"......"
A space neither dark nor bright—somewhere between dream and reality, where dimensions blurred.
[It's time.]
A presence Ha-jin had once encountered resonated.
Not sound, not sight, not waves—an unknown entity.
And at the center of it all stood a boy, steady as if familiar with this place, exhaling slowly.
[Time to decide.]
The existence asked:
[Same choices as before. Go back? Or keep going?]
In this void, two options materialized.
[KEEP OR SKIP]
The boy stared at them before answering.
"I'll keep going."
[...Really?]
"Yeah. Give me the info."
As he nodded, the space rippled as if amused. The choices vanished, replaced by a wall of text. The boy read carefully, committing it to memory. Knowing the fixed events ahead was crucial after so many regressions.
[Then, good luck.]
The space compressed and expanded as if swallowing him into something beyond light or dark. Floating as if adrift in the cosmos, the boy thought:
"This time..."
Maybe this time, things would be different.