Chapter 31
Chapter 31
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Translator: Ebonarch
Chapter: 31
Chapter Title: Alien Shopping Mall
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-Alien Shopping Mall? What an incredibly unique and stylish name! And you say it operates as an online digital storefront?
Ah, right. I had summoned Brown.
The entity was currently vibrating with joy, deeply touched that I had deliberately drawn the blackout curtains in the middle of the afternoon just to accommodate his shadow-based existence. He was also practically giddy that I had successfully managed to liquidate the mascot's anomalous snack on the black market.
'My plush companion really has a shockingly low threshold for being moved to tears...'
To be perfectly fair, the deranged blue dragon mascot had originally gifted me two packs of the churros, and I had strategically held one back in reserve just in case. But anyway.
To answer the plushie's question...
"Yeah. You access the storefront purely online. You browse the available inventory through a web interface that's formatted like a cheap supermarket flyer."
...
-...?!
-What in the world is this? This is nothing but a hideous, low-resolution flyer! It is completely devoid of even a shred of aesthetic sensibility!
Hmm...
"Isn't the critical factor the utility of the items, not the graphic design?"
-My goodness! Deer, appearances are just as crucial as a product's inner qualities! The very first thing that moves the audience and captures their soul is visual impact!
-How could anyone possibly be drawn to something that is neither intriguing nor shockingly grotesque, but merely plain and offensively ugly?!
Yeah, yeah. Spoken like a true theater kid.
I clicked the hyperlink to enter the site, letting his dramatic critique fade into background noise.
......Very well, Deer. I still have absolute faith in my friend. If you say this establishment is worthwhile, then looking past this horrific flyer, the actual inventory must be...
Items
Blood Bath Tub - ₩29,999,999
Mysterious Candle Kit - ₩19,999,999
Snow White's Apple - ₩11,999,999
We Help You! - ₩66,666,666
※Discount!※ Vampiric Cutlery - ₩7,999,999
₩14,999,999
...
"Brown?"
There was no response. The shadow had gone perfectly still. I think he actually fainted from the sheer lack of aesthetic presentation.
It seems my 'good friend' possesses a delicate soul that truly understands the agonizing plight of web designers... or rather, he is a monster who sympathizes with their pain.
"Are you okay down there?"
-I... I require a moment to rest my eyes.
Be my guest.
I turned my full attention to the listed inventory.
Right away, the static, unchanged items jumped out at me.
I still lacked the capital to purchase 'We Help You!', and sitting right beneath it, the item permanently marked with a flashing discount tag...
'It's still here.'
I genuinely figured another operative would have snatched it up by now, or that the storefront's algorithm would have permanently scrubbed it from my recommendations, but here we were, meeting again.
'Did the system mathematically calculate that I would inevitably buy it?'
It was a deeply unsettling thought. Anyway, moving on.
The most exorbitant item I could currently afford to liquidate my funds on was...
Blood Bath Tub - ₩29,999,999
'Yeah... I actually saw a user on the Salmon Market desperately trying to source ceramic fragments of this exact item.'
It was a highly notorious piece of anomalous hardware. I perfectly recalled its wiki entry.
The mechanics were gruesome but highly effective: pour a significant volume of someone else's freshly harvested blood into the tub, and the anomaly transmutes the biological fluid into a wonderfully fragrant, effervescent bath bomb. Submerging oneself in the resulting mixture rapidly accelerates cellular regeneration, healing grievous wounds, instantly recovering systemic fatigue, treating chronic arthritis, and drastically improving skin elasticity and beauty.
'It's basically a highly commodified, modern spin on the classic Elizabeth Báthory vampire legend, distilled into item form.'
And considering its status as a highly sought-after, named-tier item, the asking price of 30 million won was shockingly reasonable.
But vividly imagining the logistics—draining someone else's veins to fill a porcelain tub and then soaking in the resulting fluid, regardless of whether it magically turned into a bath bomb—was enough to make my stomach violently churn.
'Yeah, hard pass. Next.'
Mysterious Candle Kit - ₩19,999,999
This was an entirely unknown variable. I had zero pre-existing data on it.
However, the conceptual nature of candles intrinsically evokes the act of igniting a flame.
And in the strict narrative mechanics of ghost stories, a light source is almost universally a symbol of comfort, warding, and salvation.
'Though I still need to think very carefully if that conceptual symbolism is actually worth burning 20 million won.'
And finally...
Snow White's Apple - ₩11,999,999
Whoa. This presented a fascinating arbitrage opportunity. Even if the item proved functionally useless to my survival, couldn't I just flip it on the Salmon Market for 40 million won and make an astronomical profit margin?
'Well, I can't be 100% certain the Bureau agent would classify a fairytale apple as a 'paranormal-derived food'... but it is absolutely worth a shot.'
The agent's bounty post seeking 'foods derived from anomalies' was still actively circulating on the black market.
They explicitly stated the acquisitions were for continuous research purposes, meaning they possessed the institutional budget to act as a recurring buyer.
Synthesizing all the tactical variables, my optimal loadout choice was clear...
"I'll take these three, obviously."
Mysterious Candle Kit - ₩19,999,999
Snow White's Apple - ₩11,999,999
※Discount!※ Vampiric Cutlery - ₩7,999,999
= ₩39,999,997
As I hypothesized earlier, light acts as the natural, elemental enemy of a ghost story's darkness.
But a DIY kit specifically designed to manufacture candles?
My finely honed survival instincts strongly suggested that the candles produced from this kit would be deeply tied to territorial defense or anti-paranormal warding.
'It is a highly worthwhile investment, even at that steep price point.'
Snow White's Apple appealed to me for similar, highly practical reasons.
'If it's explicitly branded as "Snow White's Apple," its primary anomalous function almost certainly relates to induced sleep.'
And I was in desperate, agonizing need of high-quality sleep lately. The trauma-induced insomnia was killing me.
If that apple could forcefully induce a state of deep, restorative rest, it would be the perfect consumable for me. Truly. My cognitive efficiency would skyrocket, and by extension, my baseline survival odds would soar...
'Please, just let the mechanics work in my favor!'
I slammed the digital purchase button with desperate, heavy hope.
'And if the effects are a bust, I can always liquidate it on the black market.'
I had successfully hedged the worst-case scenario.
And finally, the last addition to the cart:
Vampiric Cutlery.
'With a promotional discount this massive, it feels almost rude to the algorithm not to buy it.'
The previous heavily discounted item I had acquired—the Silver Coin Serpent—had proven to be extraordinarily versatile, functioning perfectly as custom deployment gear and as the core catalyst for summoning Brown.
Speaking of which, if you gently pressed the plush keychain's soft belly, you could still distinctly feel the cold, round metallic shape of the Silver Coin Serpent nested safely inside.
Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure how much tactical utility I could squeeze out of bloodsucking silverware...
'But they will make excellent, high-value barter tokens for trading with other elite operatives.'
And now, thanks to my recent extracurricular activities, I had the perfect cover story: I could just claim I procured them off a desperate seller on the Salmon Market.
So, these three specific items would form my new loadout.
"Perfect."
They fit perfectly within my current operational budget.
Great, I'll finalize the transaction just like this...
-Deer.
Hm?
Brown called out to me from the shadows, his voice slicing through the silence.
-Regarding that Blood Bath Tub.
What about it?
-I would very much like to possess it.
"...!?"
What?
-My dearest friend, would you consider bestowing a gift upon this humble Brown?
Brown's voice shifted, adopting an uncharacteristically eager, slyly desperate timber.
-Throughout our entire acquaintance, as your devoted 'good friend,' have I not exerted myself to assist you with all my heart and soul in every conceivable situation? Yet, I have never once demanded compensation in return! So perhaps, just a small, token reward for my unwavering loyalty...
Absolute silence filled the room.
-...My apologies. That was far too mercenary of me... attempting to put a vulgar gold price tag on the sanctity of our friendship.
-A true 'good friend' would never resort to such base transactional behavior...
"......"
The plushie's elongated shadow slumped dramatically in a gesture of profound shame, its voice dropping to a gloomy, pathetic murmur.
-Please, selectively edit my previous words from your memory and ignore my greed...
Hm.
"I'll buy it."
-Pardon...?!
"The Blood Bath Tub. I will buy it for you."
-!!
To be entirely fair and objective, his localized manifestation had been instrumental in helping me survive the lethal theme park anomaly.
He had actively saved my life; offering a 30-million-won reward for that level of service was entirely reasonable.
Besides, the currency generated by this job already felt detached from reality—like meaningless video game points—and I had already established several highly lucrative avenues to aggressively farm more in the near future.
Maintaining a highly positive, mutually beneficial relationship with a powerful anomalous entity masquerading as a 'good friend' was clearly the smartest tactical move I could make, regardless of the upfront cost.
Especially when I recalled the terrifying, reality-bending powers this simple plush keychain had casually demonstrated back at the park.
'And if I'm going to commit to buying his loyalty, I need to go big and do it without showing a shred of regret...!'
"The shortfall from my recent operation will be deposited into my account shortly. I can execute the purchase the exact second the funds clear."
-Oh, my goodness.
-Thank you! Thank you so much! Truly, Deer, you are my greatest friend...!
"Yeah. But remember, this isn't a transactional payment or a reward for services rendered—it's just a gift because you're my friend, Brown."
-Yes, of course! I understand completely, Friend!
"As soon as the hazard bonus hits my account, the Blood Bath Tub is yours. Give it a few days."
-Yes!!
Truly deeply touched by the gesture, his voice visibly trembled with overwhelming joy and excitement, before he forced himself to steady his tone.
-I eagerly await its arrival... Truly... Haha!
Heh heh. It was genuinely nice seeing the little monster so happy.
...I just prayed he wouldn't turn around and ask me to manually source the fresh human blood required to operate the tub.
-Oh! The requested items have materialized. The delivery network is quite fast today.
Right on cue, the ordered items arrived via the usual anomalous postal service, packed neatly in a nondescript cardboard box, and I allowed myself a brief moment to enjoy the unboxing process.
Resting on the very top: the heavily discounted Vampiric Cutlery.
-Ho ho. What an exceedingly refined set of cutlery, isn't it? It looks perfectly suited for the most elegant of formal dining occasions!
It was a beautifully crafted, miniaturized dessert fork and knife set, meticulously wrapped in high-quality, dark leather.
The polished silver alloy gleamed elegantly under the harsh beam of my flashlight, sparking delicately in the gloom.
The massive, glaring downside, of course, was that deploying them required them to be actively soaked in blood... Sigh.
'Still, let's keep them prepped and on hand.'
They weren't bulky, making them incredibly easy to conceal in my loadout. With my growing arsenal of dedicated gear and anomalous items, I might find a highly specific use for them during a crisis.
And sitting right below the leather-wrapped cutlery...
It was the packaging for the 'Mysterious Candle Kit'.
The box design was aggressively colorful and cute, resembling a mass-market arts and crafts kit designed for kindergarteners.
'Actually, this might be a massive advantage.'
If it was engineered to be kid-friendly, the manufacturing process would be idiot-proof and easy to execute under pressure!
I desperately wanted to rip the plastic seal open right then and there to review the instructional manual and verify the raw materials, but a massive, glaring warning sticker plastered across the front panel stopped me dead.
[WARNING: No refunds permitted after the seal is broken. The raw anomalous materials will rapidly degrade and neutralize exactly 12 hours after initial exposure to oxygen—use immediately upon opening.]
[Recommended user requirement: 3 individuals]
Hm. So, a hard pass on opening it right now.
'I'll crack it open the night before my next scheduled ghost story drop, after all my other pre-deployment preps are finished.'
Still, I was intensely curious about the tactical effects the resulting candles would produce. An item priced at 20 million won had to possess some truly game-breaking utility.
-Then there is only the final item remaining!
"Right."
I finally dug down to check the very bottom of the shipping box.
Resting there was a small, surprisingly heavy... standard cardboard produce crate commonly used for shipping bulk apples.
"...?"
No, seriously.
Snow White Mountain Apples
So Delicious! Great for Health and Nutrition!
"......"
Did I accidentally place an order with a real, mundane agricultural farm?
Hmm. There was a letter of origin taped securely to the top of the crate from the supplier. Let's read it...
"......"
'Okay, yep, definitely a paranormal artifact.'
So... it functioned exactly like the esoteric poison utilized in Romeo and Juliet to feign a biological death.
'Understood.'
I carefully pried open the lid of the apple crate. Inside, nestled in protective foam, were seven miniature apples. They were perfectly round, glossy, and impossibly bright red—practically picture-perfect recreations of a fairytale prop.
-Truly, they look incredibly healthy and beneficial for one's constitution!
Are you for real?
Still, despite the ominous warning label, this was undeniably useful.
An ingestible item that induces an undetectable state of suspended animation and forces the body to fully recover its stamina upon awakening after a 24-hour cycle? I could absolutely find a dozen tactical uses for that in the field.
Thus, evaluating my current operational inventory:
Combined with my dedicated deployment gear, the remaining pack of Blue Soda Churros, and a few other miscellaneous items.
'And in just a few days, the Blood Bath Tub will be added to the arsenal...'
Let's optimize the use of these assets and focus entirely on staying alive.
-Sweet dreams to you, Deer!
I forced myself to go to bed early that night. I still suffered through a few disjointed nightmares, but overall, the rest was deep and undisturbed.
The near-absolute certainty that I was guaranteed peace for the next few days was likely what allowed my hyper-vigilant mind to finally relax.
'I'll rest up, reorganize my loadout, and lay low until the hazard pay hits my account.'
But a few days later.
I was violently introduced to a shocking, bureaucratic reality.
'The hazard pay and additional allowance... haven't been deposited!'
Furthermore, the manual revision project that the A Squad Leader had aggressively mandated hadn't even been processed. That specific project was the trigger supposed to release my massive financial bonus.
'W-What the hell is going on.'
Was it all just a corporate bluff? Did the company seriously just swindle me out of fifty million won in hazard pay?
I immediately initiated a discrete internal investigation, pinging a few contacts, and soon received an unbelievable update.
"...The administrative handler in charge of processing the paperwork is missing?"
"Yeah. Hasn't shown up to the office or logged in remotely for days."
Apparently, the specific administrative support staffer responsible for processing the manual revisions was completely MIA.
And they had already been missing for an entire week.
"......"
Wait a damn minute.
"Then what happens to the manual review process..."
"It's been postponed indefinitely. Upper management doesn't consider it mission-critical, and... you know how long it takes corporate to reassign specialized paperwork handlers. It'll probably sit in limbo for at least two months."
N-No way!
I made a binding, financial promise with a highly dangerous ghost story monster!