Running Interference (1)

"Certain of what?"

It was right around the time we finished subjugating the giant frilled lizard and began cleaning up the aftermath. The fixed nicks on the forum were chattering away about utter nonsense.

Sword Master babbling about how this battle had somehow convinced her to claim me as her husband wasn't anything new, so I brushed it aside with a shrug. It wasn't the first or second time she had pulled that routine, and right on cue, she was already getting into a fierce row with the other regulars—especially Heavenly Demon. If things ever crossed the line, Asella would personally step in to put a stop to it, so there was no need to worry.

More importantly, the real question is how the hell I'm going to butcher this thing…….

I stared down at the massive reptile crushed beneath the colossal saw blade. I had felt its sheer scale while fighting it, but standing right next to the carcass drove home just how majestic and terrifying it really was. Still, considering the mechanical Kraken, the master of the Inverted Waterfall, the horrors lurking by the lake, and finally Vanir herself, this damnable forest was teeming with monstrosities far bigger than this overgrown lizard, all packing preposterous powers. Aside from the mechanical Kraken, they were creatures I wouldn't dare face head-on. In comparison, this fellow was relatively modest in stature.

"Looking at it up close like this reminds me of a drake I once slew in days past," Cain murmured, leaning on his miniature frame.

"Are drakes usually this big?"

"Indeed. However, drakes resemble centaurs in form, making them appear exceptionally grand."

"What do you mean by that?"

"They are shaped like this."

When I gave him a blank look and asked for clarification, Cain knelt and sketched in the dirt. The upper half boasted a humanoid torso with two muscular arms, while the lower half rested upon four sturdy beast legs. Just as he said, it looked like a man's upper body grafted onto the four-legged carriage of a horse—or in this case, a draconic centaur.

It really does look like a centaur.

Knowing that Cain had traded blows with such a creature and triumphed made me appreciate just how absurd his combat prowess must have been in life. Unlike me, who relied on party members and terrain traps, he had conquered those horrors through raw, unadulterated martial might.

"How did you even fight something like that? It feels like we're bound to cross paths with one eventually, so I'd love to know your tricks."

"First and foremost, your best recourse is to dodge or parry its blows. Facing it head-on is nothing short of suicide."

Aside from that fundamental principle, his strategy was surprisingly straightforward: target its legs to disrupt its ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠footing, just as I had been doing. Massive behemoths were rarely agile. Once they lost their balance, massive openings inevitably revealed themselves.

"The crucial point is that you must never leap into the air," Cain warned solemn-toned. "That is practically begging to be swatted out of the sky by its tail. Instead, you must climb onto its frame and stake everything on a single decisive strike."

"That's a solid tip. But what if it's too tough to pierce, or regenerates instantly like ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠this lizard did?"

"Fleeing is the wisest choice…… but if retreat is impossible, you must engage in a war of attrition until the beast exhausts itself. Failing that, daze it with a heavy kinetic concussive impact, drive your weapon deep into its neck, and decapitate it clean through."

It was a suspiciously specific method. Could a mere mortal like me actually pull off something like that? I cocked my head in skepticism; that sounded like a feat reserved exclusively for transcendent monsters like Cain.

"Do not wear such a face," Cain remarked, catching my expression. "In my eyes, you possess the terrifying physical strength required to uproot mountains and toss them aside."

"Aren't you laying it on a bit thick?"

"Perhaps an exaggeration, yes. Yet when you withstood this beast's front paw stomp without buckling, and subsequently grabbed it by the tail, I was genuinely astounded." Cain folded his arms, nodded approvingly, and turned his gaze toward Ludwig. "Ludwig. Have you ever encountered someone in the outside world even remotely similar to Grylls?"

"#$%% @#%%#."

"What did he say?" I asked.

"He claims that among all the people he has met—even the ancient warrior lauded as the Fist King—none could hold a candle to you in raw brawn."

"#$%% #%$%% #$%%."

"Furthermore, he adds that the Fist King was renowned for his profound technical expertise rather than pure physical strength."

"All right, that's enough."

It basically translated to 'you have zero refined technique and run entirely on brute force.' Since that was an indisputable fact, I had no defense to offer. After all, the only techniques in my repertoire were basic swordsmanship and basic archery. Still, polishing those fundamentals had carried me this far, so I could live with the blunt assessment.

"Rather than flattering me, start picking up the adamantium on the ground. Every single piece of this stuff is absurdly valuable."

At my instruction, the party began gathering the adamantium daggers scattered across the floor. As we collected them, one crucial detail became apparent: this wasn't pure adamantium. Because they had erupted directly from the frill of a biological organism, impurities were inevitable.

Don't tell me I have to start smelting metal now on top of everything else?

Orichalcum and mithril could be mined in relatively pure mineral forms, which kept things simple. But this biological adamantium from the frilled lizard had far too many organic inclusions; refining it was mandatory. It might honestly be easier to pry off the circular saw blade from the ancient excavator instead.

Or do I need to build a proper blast furnace?

Not a makeshift brick hearth, but an engineered, high-temperature furnace. While my first impulse was to outsource the work to the Dwarf, that carried the risk of repeating the mithril disaster. If the metal held too much latent mana, processing it without a national-grade foundry carried catastrophic hazards. Still, having a surplus of adamantium was never a bad thing, so we collected every shard we could find. If smelting proved too tedious, I could always use the daggers as raw throwing spikes.

Let's chip off a piece of that excavator blade as well.

Seeing the impure lizard scales made me wonder whether the excavation machine's teeth were pure adamantium or a composite. Since adamantium was far rarer than mithril, hardly anyone in the civilized world had ever examined a high-grade specimen in person. I made a mental note to trade a small sample to the Dwarf soon so he could run an assay and verify its composition. No matter how advanced a civilization was, pure elemental ore usually lagged behind composite alloys in performance. Ancient humanity, having brought technological science to its absolute pinnacle, had almost certainly used an alloy.

"All that's left now is carving this beast up……."

With the loose adamantium safely gathered, it was time to butcher the giant frilled lizard. Its hide was so dense that asking the others to hack away at it would be futile. In practical terms, this was a solo job. If possible, I wanted to locate the heart first. Setting aside its impenetrable hide, the creature's regenerative powers had been nothing short of extraordinary.

It might just be a trait inherent to giant reptiles, but there's also the precedent set by that saber-toothed tiger.

Above all, a beast packing an adamantium carapace was guaranteed to harbor an inner core. Spending the entire afternoon just butchering the carcass would be well worth the investment.

Right on cue, Allfather chimed in with useful anatomical advice. It seemed he was intensely curious about the creature's cardiovascular system as well. Fortunately, the massive industrial saw blade had fallen horizontally rather than vertically, leaving the head and chest mostly intact. Aside from the tail, most of the lower abdomen had been flattened into paste, so we had gotten lucky.

"I'll sever its neck first. Could the rest of you scout the perimeter?"

"Can you manage it alone?" Ludwig signaled through Cain.

"Nobody else here can cut through this hide anyway."

I wasn't belittling their capabilities; my toolset simply happened to be vastly better suited for heavy field butchery. Between its unnatural toughness and colossal bulk, it would take Ludwig or Ggobongi ages of hacking to saw through its neck.

Clang! Clang!

I tapped the lizard's neck with the flat of the Heavenly Demon's Sword. It rang out like solid iron. Fortunately, the divine blade was more than capable of slicing through it. Since the beast was dead, it could no longer knit its flesh back together, meaning steady, deliberate cuts would eventually do the trick.

The hide will be remarkably useful too.

Its defensive value as leather armor would be off the charts. I had always avoided heavy armor because it restricted mobility, but supple reptile leather was another story entirely. Layered over the jerseys from Princess Chaeng-gu and the outfits provided by the Cheonjam Merchant Guild, our collective survivability would skyrocket. And given the creature's sheer surface area, there would be enough material to kit out every member of our entourage with plenty left over.

"Maengkkongi. Play some background music fitting for the mood, will you?"

"♩♪♪♬~ ♬♬♫♩~"

With that, the butchery commenced in earnest. Ludwig and Ggobongi departed to run a reconnaissance sweep of the surrounding sector, while Cain and the smaller beasts settled down nearby to rest. Fearing they might grow restless with nothing to do, I planned to toss them scraps of lizard meat as I worked.

Squelch—crunch—

Channeling aura into the Heavenly Demon's Sword up to its maximum output, I began hewing through the thick neck. Thanks to the luminous, sky-piercing radiance of the blade, the cutting proceeded with surprising smoothness.

"……Hey, Maengkkongi."

"Ppiyung?"

"Could you maybe play something other than a somber ballad? I feel like a deranged serial killer right now."

I had heard stories about psychopathic butchers who listened to slow, mournful love songs while dismembering bodies, and this was capturing that exact eerie vibe. Maengkkongi promptly switched to a lively, upbeat tempo, and I returned to carving away.

Psssssh!

Every so often as the blade sank deeper, pressurized blood geysered upward like a fountain. Proper butchering required draining the blood first, but with a carcass of this scale, that was an impossible luxury. All I could do was lean back and try my best to avoid getting drenched in gore.

All right, the neck is completely severed…….

Cutting the head off first served a practical purpose: shedding dead weight. To extract the heart, I needed to flip this gargantuan torso over. Because the underbelly had been cleanly sheared open by the excavator's teeth, flipping it would grant direct access to the ribcage. Though blood was spilling out in thick rivulets, the flow would eventually peter out.

The smell of fresh blood might draw scavengers, so I need to stay vigilant.

While the distinct mineral scent of marble dust masked the stench to an extent, you could never be too careful. This forest was crawling with monstrosities blessed with bizarre senses, so speed was of the essence. Bracing my heels, I seized the front half of the headless torso, right around the shoulder joints, and pulled with all my might.

Grrrrrk—skrrrrt—

Perhaps whatever magic had made the stone floor slippery had finally dissipated, because dragging the dead weight took genuine exertion. But hard didn't mean impossible. With a low grunt, I hauled the headless bulk clear of the fallen saw blade. Now came the tricky part.

"How the hell am I going to flip this over……?"

"Come on, guys. What do you take me for……?"

Cain might have claimed I had the strength to toss mountains, but that was pure poetic hyperbole. Expecting me to roll several tons of dead reptile in one go was completely unreason—

"Huuuup!"

BOOOOOOM!

It actually flipped.

I stood there staring at the overturned carcass, realizing I might need to seriously reevaluate my own physical capabilities. The comment section exploded into a flurry of chaotic chatter, but I deliberately tuned it out. The heart took precedence.

Clambering onto the overturned torso, I focused mana into my eyes. The Eye Lantern flickered to life, bathing the interior tissue in piercing, revelatory illumination.

The ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠heart…… there it is.

A specific node deep within the chest cavity radiated an unmistakable, iridescent glow. That had to be where the organ was housed. Taking the Heavenly Demon's Sword in both hands, I began carving away the surrounding cartilage and fibrous tissue. Slicing through the inner dermis was still a headache, but the blade bit true.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Before long, I peeled back the thick layers of tissue to expose the pericardium. Just as anticipated, the heart was still beating rhythmically. Much like the saber-toothed beast that had besieged our shelter in the past, this creature's engine refused to die with its brain. And fitting for a beast of this size, the organ was massive.

Is this what happens when a creature digests a dragon's stomach stone?

This single hunt had yielded an astonishing bounty. A periodic patrol out this way might become a regular chore. Manifesting my Protective Gangqi to shield my arms from the caustic spray of hot gore, I severed the major arteries and hauled the heart out. I worried for a second that rough handling might rupture it, but fortunately, the vascular walls were thick as rubber.

"This thing is bigger than my entire torso."

Apparently, watching a freshly excavated, pulsating organ pumping black blood in high definition was too much for Asella's sensibilities, because she unilaterally killed the live feed. It didn't bother me in the slightest, so I let it slide. The bigger dilemma was what to do with the heart itself. It dwarfed the saber-tooth's core several times over.

If all else fails, I can always hand it over to Allfather.

Even if he blew it up during an experiment like the last specimen, that was fine by me. I could just add the cost to his tab. By the time I finished harvesting the vital organs and carving off prime slabs of meat, hours had slipped away unnoticed. The battle itself had been over in ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠minutes, but the field dress had consumed half the day.

Time to pack up and head back. We've got the adamantium spikes, the hides, and the meat to carry.

Just as I slid the pulsating heart into the sub-dimensional subspace backpack—

Wrrrring—whirrrrr!

A strange, mechanical whine echoed through the cavernous chamber. It was coming from the deep alcove where the giant frilled lizard had originally made its nest. Bewildered, I whipped my head around toward the noise, only to freeze at the sight stumbling into view.

"……What the hell is that?"

It looked like an industrial bipedal mech ripped straight out of a sci-fi RTS game. A mechanized utility rig built for heavy engineering was lumbering steadily toward me. One arm ended in a massive pneumatic drill, while the other held a heavy-duty industrial welding torch. The contraption was so massive that it looked capable of trading haymakers with a hill ogre.

Krrr-clank—shhhk!

The heavy iron walker marched to a halt directly in front of me, its hydraulic joints hissing. I stared up at the cockpit in sheer disbelief. A second later, a familiar pair of thick spectacles poked out from the reinforced canopy, followed by a wide, toothy simian grin.

"Master. This is very fun."

"……Where on earth did you find that?"

"Found it inside. Deep in back. It still moves."

"Where's Ludwig?"

Ggobongi pointed a thumb back toward the cockpit interior with an eager nod. "He is driving right now."

"……."

Speechless shock gripped me for all of three seconds before raw primal instinct took over.

"Hey. Get down. Move over, it's my turn to pilot it."

"No can do. Next turn is mine."

"Your master gives you an order and you dare talk back?"

No self-respecting man on earth could resist the temptation of piloting a giant robot.

While Grylls and his companions were busy bickering over who got the next joyride in the ancient machine, another scene was unfolding across the dimensions.

"……What in the world is this?"

Sword Master—Ash Menethil—blinked in sheer bewilderment at the glowing interface window hovering before her eyes.

A notification informing her that she had been conscripted as a deputy moderator—an unpaid, thankless blue-tag slave. With zero prior warning or consultation, Ash was left utterly flabbergasted. But the private message attached right beneath it made the situation infinitely more absurd.

Was this petty retaliation simply because she had flirted with Grylls a couple of times? The worst part was that refusing the role would almost certainly invite an administrative ban hammer straight to her account. Ash's lower eyelid twitched involuntarily.

……No matter how I look at it, this Juddak is becoming thoroughly corrupted, isn't she?

And so, following right on the heels of Heavenly Demon, the second deputy moderator of the Continental Gallery was born.

Forced into conscription against her will, no less.