Reading the Room (1)
“What kind of absolute bullshit is this?”
Arnold, the Emperor of the Messiah Empire, let out a thoroughly uncourtly curse. It was fortunate the imperial study was completely empty; had any servant or minister witnessed it, their jaws would have dropped in sheer horror.
“Just when El Dorado finally settles down, Alfheim decides to stir up trouble.”
Arnold had watched Elijah’s speech on the Gallery. With upvotes raining down by the hundreds, the post had catapulted straight to the front page—there was simply no way he could have missed it. And his reaction upon watching it was inevitably sour. The geopolitical landscape had already been teetering on a razor’s edge, and the elf queen had just driven a giant iron spike right through it.
The only silver lining is that they don’t pose an immediate threat to the Empire… for now.
Alfheim shared borders with only two sovereign nations. One was El Dorado, which had barely begun to recover from its recent ecclesiastical measles, and the other was Mountain, the mountainous realm of the dwarves. In truth, its borders also met the Forest of the Four Seasons, but that hardly factored into political calculus; Queen Elijah would have to be stark raving mad to march an army into that death world.
Given that she referred to the World Tree as a divine gift, an outright invasion of El Dorado remains unlikely.
Arnold analyzed Elijah’s address with cold precision. On the surface, it appeared to be an impassioned, impromptu oration, but a closer look at her vocal inflection, rhythmic pacing, and subtle hand gestures betrayed meticulous calculation. If that truly had been delivered off the cuff, it was no longer mere talent—it was a walking, talking calamity.
She had not only united an elven society notoriously fractured into bickering enclaves, but she had even swayed the hearts of outcasts and exiles. Though still unverified rumors circulating on the Gallery, word had it that even the dark elves looked favorably upon Elijah.
And I doubt those are baseless rumors.
To be precise, the dark elves still despised Alfheim, but they harbored a soft spot for its young monarch. Queen Elijah had imposed draconian bans on racial discrimination across her domain, and beneath her reign, the realm had experienced staggering economic growth over the past few years. A brilliant, capable lunatic who defied all predictability was the most dangerous creature alive.
I’ve already decided to dispatch an envoy, but… I have no idea how this will unfold.
Declaring territorial expansion under such tense conditions was bold enough, but then there was the incident in the Forest of the Four Seasons. A polymorphed dragon had made a sudden, dramatic appearance. Since it was the Forest of the Four Seasons, one could shrug off the beast’s existence, but the dragon’s actions were another matter entirely.
The creature, belonging to a race universally reviled as wicked and destructive, had incinerated a sapling of the World Tree. That very act had only elevated the World Tree’s sanctity in the eyes of the elves, perfectly setting the stage for Elijah’s speech. Arnold could not help but grimace at how elven public sentiment would erupt.
For now, I must keep a close watch on the elves residing within our own borders.
Elven eccentricities had noticeably surged within the Empire of late. Granted, their so-called eccentricities consisted primarily of surreptitiously planting trees in random public spaces, but a disturbance was still a disturbance. Whatever the elf queen was plotting, he had no choice but to observe for the time being.
Information is paramount. If only I had some Orichalcum…
With Orichalcum, long-distance magical communication arrays could be established without signal loss. Regrettably, the only known supplier of raw Orichalcum at the moment was Grylls. Arnold had never cultivated a personal relationship with the man, making it impossible to bluntly demand the metal out of nowhere. Above all, he would rather perish than log into that forsaken Gallery using his imperial screen name.
“Phoo… There is no other way.”
Arnold resolved to summon Count Gorgon. Securing Orichalcum through the count’s established rapport was his only viable route. With so many variables shrouded in fog, he had to scrape together every scrap of intelligence he could find.
I almost envy Imperial Father. Come to think of it, what on earth is he doing right now?
A sudden wave of nostalgia for Robert washed over him. Having abdicated the throne and severed all ties to imperial governance, Robert had retired deep into the mountains. When his father had stated his wish to breathe clean mountain air, Arnold had possessed neither the right nor the heart to stop him.
So what was the former emperor doing amidst the quiet wilderness?
“Hmm. Who would have thought sweet potatoes were so vulnerable to frost? You learn something new every day.”
He was thoroughly relishing his life as a rustic hermit.
Robert had built a crude cabin with his own hands, channeled pristine stream water down a ditch just as Grylls had demonstrated, and tended his personal campfire. Compared to his glorious days upon the throne, it was humble to the point of absurdity, yet he tasted a genuine, unburdened sense of freedom for the very first time. As the saying went, no one possessed greater peace of mind than someone who had just turned in their resignation.
Perhaps I should ask that young man for some fertile soil next time…
Robert lived on, entirely unburdened by the weight of an empire.
The day after Vanir departed, our systematic survey of the surrounding wild began in earnest. I made a point of thoroughly combing through the areas I had previously scouted, starting with the Mandrake Colony and the Kangaroo Cave.
Stumbling upon the Mandrake Colony was baffling enough, but the true spectacle was undoubtedly the Kangaroo Cave.
“Pwooooogh!”
“Pwooo-aaagh!”
“……”
Muscular marsupials trading suplexes and flying dropkicks in the center of a subterranean ring. An audience of wild beasts howling and cheering from the sidelines. And wandering creatures competing in organized tournament brackets.
Not a single detail bore the slightest resemblance to sanity, plunging Ludwig into a state of visible cognitive dissonance. Though he had grown accustomed to the Forest of the Four Seasons, his experience had been strictly confined to the shelter’s perimeter; naturally, he remained completely ignorant of the forest’s broader ecosystem.
“What do you think?” I asked.
“…#%##.”
[He remarks that this place is utterly mad.]
Cain provided a solemn translation of Ludwig’s mutterings, diligently serving as our resident interpreter. I nodded in deep agreement. When I first laid eyes on the scene, I had unleashed a barrage of colorful curses myself. But considering we already shared camp with a bespectacled gorilla who practiced martial arts and spoke human tongue, boxing kangaroos were practically tame.
Down at the lake, a colossal crab and a giant crayfish were locked in an ongoing kaiju brawl. Follow the river further upstream, and an endless open sea spread across the horizon. Nothing here made a lick of sense. That was simply the Forest of the Four Seasons.
And they say the deeper regions are far worse than this. What kind of nightmare zone is that place?
What chilled my spine even further was Vanir’s offhand comment that this territory was considered relatively safe. According to the ancient dragon, there were sectors crawling with predatory insects each the size of her talons.
Gives me the shivers just imagining it.
It was a blessing that those monstrous bugs never crossed into our biome, likely due to mismatched climates or territorial barriers. With our reconnaissance completed, the first day drew to a close, and dawn broke upon the next morning.
Our objective for today was the lower river and the lake shore—a sector where combat could break out at any second.
Ludwig’s practically good as new, so it’s about time he got some field action.
Though he still walked with a slight limp, he had completely adapted to his prosthetic mithril ankle. Trekking on foot over long distances remained strenuous, however, meaning he spent the journey mounted atop Largo. Still, given his peerless swordsmanship, there was little cause for concern.
“Just so everyone knows, lunch today is grilled crab.”
“Kyuu!”
“Ppiik?”
At the mention of crab, Wonmo bounced around in pure delight, while Tyrano tilted its scaled head in confusion. Ggobongi wore a similar blank expression; he was fully prepared to eat whatever was offered, but his furrowed brow asked what on earth a crab was.
Come to think of it, Ggobongi and Tyrano have never tasted crab before.
This would be the perfect chance to introduce them to the delicacy. Truth be told, I had been craving it myself. Once our gear was packed, we marched downstream along the riverbank.
The raging torrents gradually widened into a broad, placid flow. Ludwig looked around in amazement, clearly unaware such a sprawling basin existed so close by.
Pshwaaaaa—! Splash!
A monstrous shadow breached the surface, its whale-sized frame sending plumes of river spray into the air. I had grown accustomed to the sight and was about to pass it off as just another oversized river beast, when—
[Hm? Why is that creature here?]
Cain voiced sudden astonishment, evidently recognizing the leviathan. I paused, having written it off as nothing more than a giant mutant catfish.
“Do you know what that thing is?”
[It is a Torino, an exceedingly rare breed of sacred fish. By all records, a fully matured specimen should never exceed thirty centimeters. How anomalous.]
“Does it give anything special if you catch it?”
[Legend holds that its flesh concentrates a century of pure mana. At that colossal scale… it must harbor a full millennium’s worth.]
“……”
Let’s not get greedy. You couldn’t land a beast like that with a fishing rod anyway. Diving into the river to hunt it was out of the question; the deeper channels were infested with freshwater river sharks. Whatever else I braved in this forest, I had made a strict rule never to plunge into large bodies of water. I had zero desire to die, and unless I could part the waters like Moses, catching a thousand-year mana whale was a pipe dream.
KRAAA-BOOOM! CRASH!
Before long, we reached the shoreline of the lake. Just as they had been on my previous visit, the titanic crustacean overlords were hammering away at each other with relentless ferocity.
“You’ve never seen anything that huge before, have you, old man?”
“……”
Ludwig offered no verbal response to my question, simply standing still and observing the kaiju brawl. But the slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips betrayed his calm composure.
Fzzzzzz-whoosh!
A jagged chunk of reinforced carapace sheared off the clashing monsters, whipping through the air directly toward our heads at blinding speed. It moved too fast to dodge. But Ludwig was not a former Holy Knight commander for nothing. The moment the projectile entered his perimeter, his blade flashed from its scabbard.
Shhk! Shhk!
With two effortless, immaculate strokes, Ludwig cleaved the airborne boulder-sized shell into four clean quarters. The severed pieces whistled harmlessly past our flanks and thudded into the loam behind us.
“A-Alright, let’s hurry and scoop up the crabs! Look, there are plenty of crayfish scuttling around too!”
“Understood.”
While the two behemoths pulverized each other in the shallows, we rapidly gathered the smaller crabs and river crayfish fleeing the collateral chaos. Stray debris occasionally rocketed our way, but Ludwig’s surgical blade handled every incoming fragment with ease.
[Hmph. I rather feel like testing my own strength against that shelled fiend.]
“Don’t talk nonsense,” I muttered, swatting Cain’s bravado aside.
Having completed our reconnaissance and replenished our pantry with an abundance of fresh seafood, we made a triumphant return to the shelter. I had only intended to harvest crabs, but scooping up the oversized crayfish was an unexpected bonus.
Did the crayfish expand their territory downstream?
It was hard to tell. Even the Mandrakes had been locked in bitter territorial turf wars. People might scoff at the notion of rooted plants having territory disputes, but those root-beings were genuinely brawling among themselves beneath the soil. Their skin tones varied slightly, but given their humanoid silhouettes, they all fell under the Mandrake genus.
I’ll need to inspect them closely later.
During our initial visit, I had only given Ludwig a cursory overview before heading straight for the Kangaroo Cave. Now that we had time, I planned to conduct a proper survey after lunch, perhaps teaching Ludwig the proper method for harvesting them along the way.
“Is it good, little guy?”
“Nom-nom-nom! Crunch!”
“Chomp! Snap! Crunch-crunch!”
Wonmo and Tyrano were devouring the roasted catch with boundless enthusiasm. While Wonmo picked out the tender sweet meat with astonishing dexterity, Tyrano simply crunched through the chitinous claws and shells whole. Since I had prepared them inside our stone oven, the cooking method leaned closer to steaming than roasting, but as long as it tasted divine, technicalities didn't matter.
I made sure to scrub away any trace of parasites, too.
The flavor was magnificent. Strangely enough, the meat possessed zero muddy or fishy odor. For dessert, I whipped up a batch of sweet potato mattang coated in wild forest honey, then leaned back to enjoy a brief respite. I intended to browse the Gallery until my stomach settled.
Come to think of it, the board was ablaze this morning over the elf queen.
Queen Elijah’s national address had set the entire forum on fire. From what I skimmed, users were debating whether it constituted an indirect declaration of war. To my eyes, it didn't seem like Alfheim was gearing up for an imminent military crusade; rather, she was presenting a radical national blueprint to her people. The real headache was that her expansionist rhetoric sounded eerily reminiscent of the British Empire at its imperialist zenith.
An expansion decree issued by elves who had already been causing diplomatic headaches across foreign territories.
I don’t suppose that’s going to affect me out here, right?
Just as that thought crossed my mind, I brought up the Gallery interface.
Chime! Chime! Chime! Chime!
A relentless flurry of notifications echoed in rapid succession. Normally, the private message alert pinged once or twice at most, usually from the Heavenly Demon checking in. For the system to ring like a jackpot machine meant several fixed-handle users were messaging me simultaneously.
Baffled by what could have prompted a mass outreach from the forum’s prominent figures, I checked the inbox.
Let’s Grow Trees, Princess Chaeng-gu… and GonnaBeADuke? Well, they’re all familiar faces.
Not thinking much of it, I began replying to them one by one, starting with Let’s Grow Trees, who had traded me the guardian core some time ago. After exchanging a brief pleasantry, I cut straight to the chase.
Let’s Grow Trees was begging for Orichalcum. Having none on hand at the moment, I put her request on hold.
Princess Chaeng-gu wanted it as well.
Even GonnaBeADuke was searching for the exact same metal. Just as my bewilderment reached its peak, yet another message popped up on my screen.
What in the world was happening out there?