To the Dungeon!
It was one moment of panic after another.
If it had just been Chloe's words, I could have shrugged it off as me overthinking things.
But what on earth was that outfit?
A tacky feather ornament strung with a garish pile of mismatched jewels.
The aesthetic sense on display was so hopeless that even the Duke himself would take one look and mutter, "even in our line of work, that's... a bit much," before scurrying away.
"Yupi, ma'am."
"Yes, yes, student Solis. Could you give me your honest assessment of this?"
"If you're referring to the ornament on your back..."
"If I'm referring to it?"
The words 'I'm embarrassed on your behalf' climbed up my throat, but I couldn't force them out.
The look she was sending me resembled nothing so much as a little child proudly holding out a lumpy clay doll she'd made with her own hands, desperate for her parents' approval.
One wrong word from me here, and I'd be the villain of the piece.
Not that I can exactly let her wander around looking like that.
Would I paper over it with a lie, or would I follow my conscience?
Two paths, forked before me.
Neither one was easy to choose. It was a genuinely difficult problem.
"It's tacky."
And thus, at the moment of crisis, the Dark Knight arrived.
"You're already wearing a leotard, an outfit lewd beyond all decency, and now you go about festooned with ridiculous trinkets on top of it? Has an educator of Purity Academy lost even the dignity she ought to possess by default?"
Chloe, having appointed herself the villain of this drama, unleashed a torrent of venom upon Yupi.
"W-well, that is..."
"Yes, it's shameless. You. Old. Hag."
"GHK!"
Down for the count!
Bam-bam-bam!
Yupi coughed up a mouthful of blood and crumpled to the floor.
The shock must have been considerable, because the same woman who'd weathered every flavor of slander the original story threw at her without so much as a flinch now staggered as though she'd taken a hammer to the skull.
"Eva, what do you think?"
"N-n-n-nani!? If you're talking about that outfit, then..."
Eva let her sentence trail off.
Unable to bring herself to say anything mean, she simply averted her eyes toward some distant point and pretended to be elsewhere.
"It's ugly."
"Ah..."
Marin. This one just throws a fastball straight at your face.
Second hit, follow-up damage incoming.
Even Yupi couldn't hold up this time — she froze solid like a statue.
"Sh-sh-sh-she's died standing up!"
"Everyone's being a little too harsh, don't you think?"
"Anyone who looks at that thing, thinks 'ooh, pretty,' and straps it to their back needs a good shock to knock some sense into them."
Chloe, you feel that way too, huh?
I say this kind of thing myself, so I'm in full agreement.
Under normal circumstances I'd let it slide, but if nobody called it out, I got the feeling she'd be wearing that monstrosity for the rest of her life.
"Student Solis? Is it really that unflattering?"
The arrow swung back around and pointed at me.
Choose my words carefully — everyone else had already said what needed saying.
The whip had done its work; now it was time for the carrot.
"I couldn't really say. In my eyes, you look good in whatever you wear, ma'am."
"R-really? That's a relief."
"However, that's a view strictly from the perspective of someone who admires you. If the majority of people say they dislike something, I believe that means it isn't very pleasant to look at."
"Y-yes. Right. If you say so, then I suppose it must be."
"And whatever else is true, that is hardly appropriate attire to present to students about to enter practical training, so let's peel it off here, shall we?"
Only after securing her permission did I rip the ornament off Yupi's back.
She hadn't even bothered attaching it properly — a light tug was all it took to send the whole thing clattering away in pieces.
"We'll leave it over there in the corner. You can pick it up after training's over."
What I really wanted to do was stuff it in the trash can, stomp on it three or four times like flattening an empty can with everything I had — but that would hurt her feelings, so restraint it was.
"Um. Excuse me."
"Hm?"
A tapping sensation on my shoulder — someone poking it with a finger. I turned around to find Chloe standing there.
Why is she sweating?
"You. That wasn't true, was it?"
"What wasn't?"
"That thing you said before, about having a lover. Don't tell me it's that woman?"
"It is."
I had no particular reason to hide it, so I declared the fact boldly, right to her face.
I'd said it half out of pride, honestly — boasting about the kind of connections I had.
"Er... um."
Chloe put on an expression of grave concern.
Shaking like she'd just witnessed the scene of some horrific crime, she laid a hand on my shoulder and spoke.
"You're not being blackmailed, are you? If you've been dragged into something awful — like compensated dating, or worse — I could secretly report it to the Headmaster for you..."
"Whoa whoa whoa, why is this conversation going in that direction?"
"Think about it sensibly — it's weird, isn't it? That woman's already past fifty. Are you serious right now?"
"Age is just a number, I figure. Besides, she has the face of a woman in her mid-twenties. I consider it perfectly fine."
"I knew you weren't right in the head, but you're even crazier than I imagined."
Chloe stared at me with an expression of pure horror.
If a girl I knew calmly announced she was dating a man her father's age by choice, I'd be equally appalled.
"The world is full of people with all kinds of tastes. Compared to whoever gets off on that dank basement under there, a guy who only cares about a decent face is practically vanilla."
"So what you're saying is you'd happily pounce on anyone — granny or little kid alike. Yeah, that tracks, you degenerate."
"Oh please, I only take mature women, twenty and up. Don't go spreading misunderstandings."
Even Marin, the flattest of all my heroines, had finished her secondary development — she had the chest and hips that marked her as a grown woman.
Anything below that was a special taste, far outside my range of digestion.
"Anyway, I didn't expect you to worry about me."
"I may hate you, but getting caught up in a crime is a different matter. As long as you're both consenting, that part's none of my business."
Teacher, you've certainly got a sharp eye for marriage material.
Chloe murmured something in a voice too quiet for anyone else to catch, then tore her gaze away from me.
I turned my head from her as well, looking forward.
By then Yupi had finished her preparations, mace in hand, and was calling out in a ringing voice.
"Everyone, attention!"
Her voice boomed through the hall. The students clapped their hands over their ears and turned toward her.
Having confirmed that all eyes were on her, she pressed on.
"You will now be entering the dungeon built beneath the Academy — the Rift of Dimensions."
The Rift of Dimensions.
An artificial dungeon created by Headmaster Pallad.
Modeled after the dungeon at the edge of the world, Dilmun, it had been stocked with monsters he had personally weakened.
Because its environment closely mirrored the real thing, it allowed for training with all the visceral urgency of actual combat.
"Today's destination is Zone E of the Rift — a replica of the Living Earth, the dungeon judged impossible to clear."
"Call it a replica if you like, but the monsters within are real. Let your guard down, and you won't be walking away with mere scratches."
"I will be accompanying you, but only for the purpose of preventing the absolute worst-case scenario. Never forget that you must join forces with your party and fight your way through together. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am!"
"Good. I'll open the portal to the dungeon. Enter in an orderly line."
With those final words, Yupi lightly tapped the ground twice, three times with her mace.
The floor where she struck warped like a sheet of paper, then began to swirl, opening into a pitch-black hole.
A special authority granted only to Academy instructors — she had opened the door to the artificial dungeon.
"Alright, everyone gather round. I have something to say before we enter."
Chloe pulled her party members together in one spot and launched into a brief explanation.
"We're all going into the portal together from here. But understand this — when you open your eyes, you'll be alone, separated from everyone else, in an unfamiliar place."
"W-w-w-what do you mean by that, Chloe?"
"The dungeon's portal drops whoever enters at a random location, regardless of order. The artificial dungeon's no different."
A common trait of all dungeons.
It was one of the biggest headaches for the Guardians tasked with periodically culling monsters.
"Seems like forming a party is pretty pointless, then."
"It is for now, but later on the Academy will cast a spell on us called Bonding. With it, even if the drop point is random, you'll start in the same place as the party members it's cast on."
"S-s-so without Bonding, this time I have to get dropped all alone somewhere I don't even know?"
Eva curled into a ball, pale as a corpse.
Clutching her head, she kept repeating over and over that she didn't want to go.
Chloe patted the panicking girl on the back, doing her best to soothe her.
"It's okay, we'll find you no matter what. Once you enter the dungeon, avoid the monsters and reunite with your party members as fast as you can. That's the goal of this training exercise."
We were only just beginning our very first practical exercise.
Rather than hunting monsters, the point was to learn, step by calm step, how to respond properly when the unexpected hit.
"There's even a prize for the first party to regroup. Let's all do our best."
"Ooh."
"Let's give it our all."
"... "
True to form as team captain, Chloe rallied her members, and we each drew resolve from her encouragement before lining up in front of the portal.
"Nnngh, I'm scared."
Eva stood frozen before the portal, unable to take a single step.
For a shut-in who'd spent her life holed up at home playing games, the hurdle was apparently just too high.
So I gave her the push she needed to find her courage.
"If you're scared, I'll help you out."
"Huh?"
I helped her out. Literally. Lol.
The moment I shoved her with both hands and popped her into the portal, Eva finally registered what was happening, her eyes going wide.
"KYAAAAAAAAH!"
"You — Solis, you son of a...!"
"I'm off! Stay safe, you dumbasses!"
Chloe was loading up a fresh round of curses at my stunt, but I hurled myself into the portal before she could get a word out.
Whooooosh!
The sickening sensation of spacetime twisting.
Amid a视野 of chaotically scrambled vision, I closed my eyes and waited for the vertigo to pass.
Moments later, when I came to, I was standing alone in the middle of an unfamiliar forest.