A Word of Regret (Part 2)
"……"
"……"
A heavy silence hung in the air. Neither of them spoke first. The room filled with an air so thick it felt like it could choke the life out of you.
Choi Siwoo, standing there in a daze, quietly closed his eyes. A sigh echoed from deep in his chest, laced with pain.
...So this was the moment.
One of the moments from his previous life that he regretted most bitterly. Not the crises where his life hung by a thread. Not the despair of watching comrades die before his eyes. But this... this hurt just as much as any of them.
In the end, it was Yurika who broke the silence.
"Lately, I've been feeling nauseous... so I went to the medical center just in case. The director there hates drug addicts, so I almost couldn't even get checked out."
Leaning against the shelf, Yurika let out a wry chuckle.
"...It's morning sickness. About three weeks along..."
"……"
"And there's a problem with it."
"...A problem?"
"High chance... no, I won't sugarcoat it. It's definitely going to be deformed. Even if it survives birth, it won't live long."
"……"
Yurika burst into laughter, a hollow "puhaha."
"Right? Of course it would be. A mother who can't go a single day without drugs to stay alive... her body's already wrecked beyond repair... How could the child be normal? Right?"
"……"
"They said I have to decide by tomorrow at the latest."
"Decide what...?"
"Whether to abort it or not. The subjugation's right around the corner, and the facilities here are crap... No other chance if not now."
After a long silence, she gave a bitter smile and placed her hand on the doorknob.
"Sorry. I forced myself on someone I knew you hated... blackmailed you... hurt you so much. Should've been more careful with birth control... But we spent two straight days wrapped up in each other, didn't we? Probably missed the window then."
"……"
"Don't worry. I'll handle it cleanly so it won't interfere with the subjugation..."
"Choi Haru."
"...Pardon?"
Choi Siwoo cut her off, pulling out the words he'd kept buried in his heart... words he could never bring himself to say back then.
"If it's a girl, Choi Haru sounds good. For a boy, Choi Woo."
"...What are you even—"
"—Have it."
"……!"
He pulled her straight into his arms. He could feel her panic against his chest. As she struggled to pull away, he gently stroked her hair, as if to say it was okay.
"...I'll protect you until my very last breath. So have it. You told me before, remember? That you wanted to be a mother."
"...You still remember that? It was back at the academy. And it's deformed—"
"—So what if it's deformed? That changes nothing."
He lowered his head. There she was, tears streaming down like a dam bursting, endless and unrelenting. Her lips trembled.
"...We don't have the environment to raise it."
"Then we'll take down the Demon God. It'll take time, but the atmosphere, the oceans, nature—they'll start recovering. Someday, we'll walk outside without any gear again, just like before."
"...I can't even cook properly, let alone do housework. My body's this ruined..."
"I'll do it. And I'll help with the kid, obviously."
"...We won't make a good couple. I've committed an unforgivable sin against you..."
"It's fine. No family in this world is free of love and hate."
At those final words, she bowed her head deeply. Her shoulders shook. Watching her, Choi Siwoo felt a single tear trace down his cheek. Unable to hold back the surging emotions, he swallowed a silent groan against the pain tearing at his chest.
...What a fool I was.
A venomous self-loathing welled up. This was a false memory. Nothing but his own selfish fantasy, a nightmare. In reality, he hadn't said a word. He knew better than anyone that there was no hope left in this world. Whether the child could even be born was doubtful, and even if it was... he knew it would end in agonized screams.
That's why these words he spoke now were the cruelest of all. Empty promises he couldn't keep. He couldn't even beat No-Face, let alone the Demon God—who was he to protect anyone?
...But.
Even so. Even if everything was already too late. Right here, right now, he wanted to say it.
The erosion in his mind intensified. The penalty for altering what never happened. He didn't care. Swallowing the brain-searing pain, he stroked Yurika's face.
"I'll say it again. Have it."
"……"
"I'll take responsibility. So... let's move forward together. With the kids... let's try to be a good couple."
"……"
The dream was ending. Yurika, the regret before his eyes, the ruins of the past—they crumbled to dust. Her tear-streaked face came into view. In the shattering illusion, like porcelain cracking, Yurika gave a soft smile.
"...You idiot. But still..."
Her final words pierced his heart.
"...Thank you."
The life, the warmth in his arms faded completely. He realized it then.
A moment later, nothing remained but an endless white void. Choi Siwoo was left alone there. His mind screamed at him to leave now, to find the real Yurika. But he couldn't move.
One minute would do. Just a little longer.
And so, Choi Siwoo knelt quietly, stifling sobs.
* * *
"Hah, hah!"
Yurika gasped for breath. How did this happen? Looking around, she felt scornful stares piercing her. Turning back, she saw instructors pointing and whispering.
Why? What had she done?
Thud!
"Kyaa..."
As she stood lost in thought, someone bumped her shoulder. Squinting, a thunderous voice boomed in her ear.
"……!"
Yurika's breath caught. A middle-aged woman with a wrinkled face glared down at her. Not the warm, smiling face she knew, but one icy with contempt.
"P-Pope..."
The woman who was like a mother to her. The one she loved most. And now she despised her.
Words she couldn't believe spilled from her lips. Tears blurred her vision. Yurika bolted up and ran like a madwoman.
But no matter how far she fled, the stares only multiplied. Finally, unable to bear it, she collapsed to her knees, curling into a ball, trembling.
"Please... stop. Someone... anyone..."
Help me... please.
* * *
"...Hah!"
She jolted awake, rough breaths heaving her chest. Cold sweat trickled down her jaw. Again. The same dream, over and over.
...Sigh.
Yurika frowned at the loud rumble from her stomach. This body was always whining about food.
Oof! She hauled herself up and waddled forward. The cramped studio apartment came into view—clothes and food wrappers everywhere, a far cry from her usual tidy self.
It had been three years since Yurika had locked herself away here. After fleeing the mockery and torment of those around her, this place appeared like an escape. She hadn't stepped outside once since.
Just eating and sleeping like livestock in a pen. At some point, she'd even stopped praying. The goddess's voice never came anymore.
Instinct told her.
...I'm no longer the Saintess.
Abandoned. By everyone, her acquaintances, the Pope who was like a mother... and even Irelua, the object of her faith.
With a sigh, Yurika opened the fridge. Filled daily with fresh food and drinks—this was her one joy in life. She grabbed a plastic-wrapped chicken sandwich and a carton of orange juice. While it heated in the microwave, she headed to the bathroom for a quick wash.
"...Ah."
The mirror showed a bloated, ugly figure. Dressed in barrel-like clothes that barely fit, she looked repulsive enough to make anyone grimace. Her once-beautiful appearance was long gone. At least she still bathed daily—that was something.
"...Doesn't matter."
Yeah, it didn't. Even at her best, they all hated her anyway. Nothing had changed.
Yurika hurriedly finished washing up, eager to avoid the mirror. As she stepped out to read some comics—
"...!"
A sudden presence startled her. A man stood there, staring—she had no idea when he'd entered.
"...Ch-Choi Siwoo?"
"……"
For a moment, Yurika's face lit up. Three years since she'd seen another soul. He always teased her mercilessly, but right now, she was overjoyed.
...Ah.
But fear soon gripped her, making her tremble. She could already hear his voice mocking her pathetic state. See him wrinkle his nose like she'd crawled out of the gutter and leave.
After trembling for what felt like ages, his first words were the last thing she expected.
"...Sorry."
"...Huh?"
"Took me too long to get here. Should've come sooner to save you."
"...Ah..."
Choi Siwoo took her hand.
"Let's go."
"W-Wait! O-Outside..."
"It's okay."
He forced a strained smile. The red traces around his eyes carried an inexplicable tenderness.
"I'll make it work somehow. So come with me."
"I'm so... pathetic-looking... Gained all this weight, lost my holy power... Can't even hear the goddess anymore. I have... no value left..."
"No."
His grip tightened, making her look up.
"None of that matters. You're enough just like this. So this time... I won't let it happen. I swear."
"……"
Yurika didn't fully grasp his words. But the weight in his voice, the resolve—it resonated deep in her chest.
He took a step forward. She followed. With each step, paths opened. The door blocking her, the prison-like apartment—they faded away.
They just kept walking. When mobs approached to jeer, he shielded her. When formless voices stirred her mind, he covered her ears.
And so... after walking far enough...
A pure white door appeared ahead, like the final one. She understood instinctively. Passing through would end her nightmare.
Yurika turned back. Choi Siwoo stood far off, just watching.
Why...?
"...C-Come on! Escape with me!"
He shook his head.
"Go first, Yurika. I have to head where the others are."
"It's d-dangerous! I don't know much, but... it's dark and cold here. I feel myself slipping away."
Despite her frantic pleas, he kept shaking his head.
"Took longer than I thought. The others are probably at their limit. No time to search one by one."
"……"
"Once you're out, I'll be defenseless. Can you protect me?"
Yurika nodded without hesitation. He smiled, turned, and ran off.
"...You have to... be safe."
Grabbing the doorknob, blinding light flooded everything. Yurika's vision went dark.
* * *
"……"
Yurika's eyes fluttered open. She felt a form wrapped around her.
"...!"
Soon, she realized it was an unconscious Choi Siwoo. The intimate position, like lovers, flushed her face crimson.
"...Ugh... ah... ngh!"
Normally, she'd shove him away in panic... but not this time. She didn't remember details, but she knew—he'd saved her.
No, it was more than that. She knew he was grieving. Knew he was in pain. And yet, he'd rushed off to save her and the others.
Swallowing her embarrassment, Yurika pulled him into her embrace. She began to pray. No voice from the goddess, but vast holy power surged through her body. A silver staff materialized, ringing with clear chimes. The area brightened like midday.
"Come out."
Shadows in human forms crawled from the corners, predatory and vile. Her body glowed pure white in defiance.
Yurika vowed.
"As long as I'm here..."
...not a finger will touch him.