Getting It Off My Chest
Drip!
I yanked the IV free and walked straight out of the emergency room.
"Excuse me...!"
"......"
Han Iseul's mother.
Honestly, I was in a foul mood. The unwanted reunion, the news I never wanted to hear — all of it had started because of her.
"I'm so sorry... I knew there had to be a reason you asked me not to say anything, but when I heard your father was unwell, I overstepped and told them you were in the ER... I'm truly sorry...."
"......"
Ah... once she started apologizing like that, I couldn't even stay angry.
I helped Han Iseul's mother to her feet. She'd been waiting outside the ER just to say she was sorry. No matter how furious I was, I couldn't ignore an adult bowing that deeply, that sincerely, to someone young enough to be her child.
"It's fine. Honestly, I was a little angry, though."
"I'm sorry, Eunho..."
"I'll be going now."
"Wait...!"
The moment I turned, her voice stopped me again. I let out a small sigh.
"Haa... I have no intention of greeting that man—"
"Not that... over here..."
"Ah...."
Han Iseul's mother pointed to the side. A nurse stood there, blinking at me.
"Is something the matter?"
"You haven't settled the hospital bill..."
"...I see. My apologies."
In dramas, people just walk out like this all the time. Turns out that was all a lie.
I went back in, paid, and came out again. Han Iseul's mother was still waiting for me.
"If you have a moment, would you take a walk with me?"
"......"
I had a rough idea of what she wanted to say, but I felt like walking myself, so I nodded.
There wasn't a proper park nearby, so we just wandered the hospital grounds as we talked.
"I didn't get along with my father either. He disapproved of everything I did."
"...What kind of work did you do?"
"I wanted to be an actress, so I did theater with a troupe. In the end it was too hard, too exhausting, and I quit when I married my husband."
"Ah...."
An actress.
Why hadn't she made it? For someone with a twenty-two-year-old daughter, she had an incredibly youthful face — and she was beautiful. If she looked like this now, she must have been even more striking when she was young.
"Because of that, things grew distant between my father and me. He didn't approve of my husband either. Naturally the conversations dried up, the phone calls stopped, and the only time I saw him was occasionally on holidays — and even then it was terribly awkward. Then that father of mine passed away. Suddenly, one day. A cerebral hemorrhage."
"......"
"Only then did I realize how much I'd truly loved him. Not being able to tell him that — not being able to say those words — left me so sad. Even now, a piece of that regret still sits in my chest. So I hope you don't end up carrying something like that for the rest of your life the way I have."
"No. I..."
"There's something you want to say, isn't there? Say it. Whether it wounds him or forgives him. Do it for yourself, not for your father. Say it, and let it out."
"......"
For myself...?
For me....
"......"
I was left alone.
I sat on the edge of a flower bed and stayed like that for a long time. Until the sun went down.
Swoosh—
Pat— pat—
I stood, brushed off my backside, and started walking.
Right. This isn't about forgetting.
It isn't about living as if I've forgotten.
It's about getting it out.
These filthy memories. This filthy feeling.
But it isn't easy. Not when the door is right there within arm's reach and I still can't open it.
Hard, though — not impossible.
Grab!
I seized the handle, pulled it sideways, and opened the closed hospital room door.
"E-Eunho..."
"......"
"......"
My father's woman rose from her seat, and right after her, the man who called himself my father turned his head to look at me.
I looked back at him as I stepped into the room.
"Eunho....."
"I heard you're dying. Good. I figured you'd get what's coming to you."
"Eunho...!"
"......"
The man who called himself my father took her hand and shook his head, telling her not to. Please. Acting like he was protecting her, now of all times.
"Disgusting. Looking at your face like this."
"...I'm sor—"
"Don't apologize. I didn't come here to accept your apology or make you feel better."
I didn't know why, but my hands were shaking. I clenched them hard so he wouldn't notice.
"What you did to me? Fine. Let's say a kid was just in the way when you wanted to start a new life. Then what about Grandma...?! What about your own mother? You never called. Never showed your face. She lay in a hospital bed just like you, waiting to die, waiting for you to come..!! Why? Because you were afraid I'd cling to you? Afraid I'd tell you to take responsibility because I was your son?!"
"......"
"If you were going to pretend we didn't exist, you should've kept pretending to the end. The funeral home..! You finally show up on the last day, and the first thing out of your mouth is what? Don't worry, you won't touch my inheritance?! Is that what you say to someone?!!!!!! You fucking bastard, seriously..!!"
"I'm sorry...."
"......"
I pressed my trembling lips shut and squeezed my eyes closed.
Trickle—
These tears weren't for him.
They were for my grandmother, who'd died so pitifully.
"Hoooooo.....!! Even if you die, I won't go to your funeral. If I happen to hear the news, I'll probably be drinking in celebration."
"......"
"I came here today because I had to say this. That's the only reason."
"......"
"I won't touch your money, so stop worrying and just die. Peacefully."
I turned on my heel.
But the voice of the man who called himself my father stopped me in my tracks.
"I'm sorry... Eunho.... Don't hate this woman, or your little sister..."
"...Apologize to Grandma when you're dead. Not to me. If you're still human enough for that."
"......"
I started walking again, shoved the door open, and stepped out.
And there she was.
Yoo Serin, standing right outside the room.
"Oppa...."
"I'm not your oppa. Don't call me that."
"......"
I brushed past her and walked down the corridor. Took the elevator to the first floor. Crossed the lobby and left the hospital.
"Haaaaa...."
Had I gotten it all out?
I didn't know.
I didn't even know if the things I'd said, the things I'd done, were right.
Just — this should be enough. This has to be enough.
That was the only thought circling through my head.
"O-Oppa!!!! Haa..! Haa..! Haa..! Haa..!"
"......"
At the sound of Yoo Serin's voice, I looked back.
Sweat pouring off her, gasping for air, she struggled up to me and thrust out her hand.
"Here...."
"......"
I ignored the outstretched hand and just stared at her face.
She stepped a little closer and wiped my tears with the handkerchief in her hand.
Had I still been crying?
Even so, I didn't need this kind of touch from her.
Thud—
I pushed her hand away.
Yoo Serin looked at me with trembling eyes, then pressed the handkerchief into the hand that had shoved hers aside.
"Here...."
"......"
She bowed at the waist and turned back the way she'd come, her steps heavy.
I didn't know what to make of it.
I really didn't know.
The only thing I was sure of...
was that these tears wouldn't stop.
"Hic..! Hnngh....!! Hnngh...!!"
Damn it....
I hung my head and cried.
My whole body shook as I cried.
And then someone held me.
Han Iseul, standing in front of me before I even noticed.
"......"
"Hic..! Hnngh..! Hic..!"
Without a word.
Patting my back.
Until my shaking body and the tears streaming down my face finally stopped.
I cried like that.
Leaning into Han Iseul.
Crying like a child.
The tears had stopped.
In their place was pure, crushing embarrassment.
A grown man, bawling like a little kid in front of a busy hospital entrance — and in Han Iseul's arms, no less.
"Have you finished crying?"
"Are you teasing me?"
"I'm worried about you."
"Haa... yeah. I'm done. Thanks to you. Thank you, and I'm sorry."
"No! I'm the one who's sorry... all I could do for you was something so small..."
"What are you apologizing for?"
"You've done so much for me, Employer... and I have nothing I can do for you in return...."
"You comforted me plenty. It helped. But why are you calling me Employer again?"
"Huh??"
"You called me Oppa. In front of Grandma."
"That's...!!"
Han Iseul's face went bright red, and a snort of laughter slipped out of me.
"Pfft..!"
"Wh-why are you laughing..?"
"Because you're cute."
"What...?"
"What's so embarrassing about calling me Oppa that your whole face turns red?"
"Well.... still......."
"What about Ichan?"
"Huh??"
"Your mother's gone home. He's alone in the room."
"That's true, but... I was worried..."
"Did you hear everything?"
"N-no! Just... a little... it got kind of loud...."
Judging by her reaction, she'd pretty much heard it all. Well, it wasn't exactly a big secret. Just humiliating.
"I'm sorry you came all the way out here because of me. I'll call you a taxi — take it home."
"No! Today..!! I want to stay by your side...."
Once the crying was over, the embarrassment hit so hard I practically fled the hospital in a car.
But with nowhere particular to go, we ended up at the hotel where I was staying.
Was she saying this knowing full well where we were headed?
This girl had no sense of danger at all.
"Grrr!"
"Kyaah!! Wh-what was that..?"
"I scared you."
"Huh..?"
"Don't say things like that so casually. Especially not in front of men. It'll get you in trouble."
"Ah...! Th-that's not what I meant...!! I just..!!"
"It's fine. Unlike some people, I don't get the wrong idea."
"......"
I calmed the flustered Han Iseul down, then walked past her toward the entrance. I opened the door and said,
"Come on. I'll walk you home."
"......"
"Iseul?"
".....It's fine..."
"What??"
Han Iseul muttered something and slowly came closer. She stopped in front of me as I held the door open with one hand, and lifted her face.
Looking straight into my eyes — different from usual.
"You can... get the wrong idea...."
"......"
I can get the wrong idea? What was that supposed to mean?
No — did she even understand what she was saying right now??
"Iseul, seriously, if you keep this up you'll—"
"......"
My words cut off mid-sentence.
Because the lips that had parted slightly to speak were suddenly sealed.
By Han Iseul's lips, pressed against mine without warning.
"Get in trouble... I don't mind either...."
"......"
"And....."
Han Iseul dropped her gaze, fidgeting with the hand that had bunched up my T-shirt.
"That was my first kiss...."
"......"
For a moment, my body and my mind both locked up.
But only for a moment.
Whoosh!!
One arm around her back, the other under her knees, I scooped her up in one motion.
"Kyaah!!"
"I'm really going to get the wrong idea, you know?"
"....Yes..."
Click—
I stepped inside with the closed front door at my back.
Then I set Han Iseul down on the bed with its sweeping view of the beautiful night sea, and climbed over her.
"......"
"......"
Sloowly—
I brushed a few stray strands of hair aside with my fingertips, then cupped her cheek in my palm and stroked it gently.
And then.
Soft—
As I leaned in, Han Iseul closed her eyes, and I pressed my lips to hers.