The Fiancée (1)
We had been walking a long while when, at last, the village drew near.
Namhyeon, who had been going along with his arm draped over Baekha's shoulder, spoke.
"I'll be staying at the guest house."
I looked ahead to the roof coming into view. The guest house was where officials and merchants lodged when they passed through the village, and I remembered the Village Chief saying he would have a room ready in advance.
"Baekha. Come find me when you have time. And don't forget what I told you."
Baekha's steps slowed for a moment.
"......Yes."
Her voice was smaller than it had been when she was talking with me only moments before. I turned to look at her. What he'd told her—had he set her some separate task? I was curious, but I didn't push my way in. There would be things she was learning at the sect, and since she had come out following her master, there were surely matters she needed to see to.
Only then did Namhyeon take his arm from her shoulder.
"I'll see you later, then."
Once we entered the village, he turned toward the guest house. For all that he had been leaning on Baekha a moment ago, he walked perfectly well on his own. I watched his back for a little while.
"Jinwoo."
Baekha caught my sleeve.
"Let's go."
"......Yeah."
We headed home side by side.
As we walked, my eyes went to what she was wearing. It was a blue robe I had never seen before. The cloth was finer than anything she usually wore, and a small pattern had been embroidered along the cuff.
"Is that new?"
Baekha looked down at herself.
"Ah, this?"
She brushed the end of the sleeve once.
"Master Namhyeon bought it for me."
"Master Namhyeon did?"
"Mm. He said I'd need a change of clothes, too."
Even at a glance, it was not the sort of thing one could easily come by in the village.
"It fits you."
"Mm. He even dressed me in it hims—"
A cart rattled past beside us, and the end of her words was lost. I hadn't quite caught them.
"What was that?"
She lifted her head at once.
"......I said it's comfortable, once you put it on."
"Yeah? That's good, then."
I nodded. Baekha straightened her collar and walked a little closer against my side.
It had been only ten days since the two of us last walked like this. Even so, it felt as if we had been apart far longer.
"They fixed the wall on that house?"
All at once her finger pointed across the road. There stood the wall that had been mended not long ago.
"Ah. A cow rammed it and knocked it down."
"And the cow was all right?"
"Perfectly fine."
Only then did Baekha laugh out loud. I shifted the bundle in my arms and laughed with her.
As the house drew near, the smell of cooking reached us. The moment Baekha opened the gate, she called for her father.
Uncle Yu came out of the kitchen with a wet dishcloth in his hand.
"You're back."
"I'm home."
He looked his daughter over from head to toe. Only when Baekha smiled as if to say she was fine did he point inside.
"Hungry? Sit down first."
Chicken had been set on the table, and grilled fish besides. Baekha glanced at me—the look asked whether I had told him not to prepare so much. I shrugged. If he were a man who listened when told to hold back, he would never have laid a table like this.
The moment we sat, his questions came one after another.
"Wasn't it cold there?"
"The room was warm. The blankets are thick, too."
"And the food?"
"It comes out fine. I wrote you that in my letters."
Baekha answered with a smile. Even so, Uncle Yu kept setting food in his daughter's bowl.
As she ate, she spoke of the Cheongha Sect. She was learning how to sit and breathe, to begin with, but her legs kept going numb, and it was hard going.
"When I close my eyes, stray thoughts come up, too. Like what I ate today."
Uncle Yu laughed. I slid a dish of side food over toward Baekha.
"Still, it's a relief the one teaching you looks after you. Taoist Master Namhyeon, wasn't it?"
Baekha set the side dish she had picked up back down in the bowl.
"......Yes."
"When I see him later, I ought to offer my greetings."
"He's probably resting now. He seemed tired on the way here."
Baekha took a sip of water, then pushed the plate of fish in front of Uncle Yu.
"You should eat too, Father. You've been giving it all to me."
He said he would, and still picked the flesh off the bones and laid it in Baekha's bowl.
I watched the two of them and finished what remained of my rice. The things I had wanted to ask since before she came home could wait.
When the meal was done, Uncle Yu cleared the dishes away.
"You two go on out. Jinwoo's been standing at the village entrance since morning, waiting for you."
"Since morning?"
Baekha looked at me.
"No. I wasn't there the whole time."
The corner of her mouth lifted. I needlessly stacked the empty bowls, only for Uncle Yu to take them right back out of my hands. In the end we left the washing to him and stepped outside.
The moment we passed the gate, Baekha held out her hand.
"You said we'd go to the market together."
It was something I had written in a letter. I took that hand.
The market was bustling even late in the afternoon.
Whenever a loaded cart went by, we pressed to the edge of the road. We walked along looking at cloth and bowls, then stopped in front of a rice-cake stall.
"Want some?"
"We just ate."
She said so, but her eyes were on the cakes. I bought two. Baekha, who had insisted one would be enough, bit in the moment hers was in her hands.
"It's hot."
"Eat slowly."
The sight of her breathing out with her mouth a little open made me laugh. She gave my arm a light smack, then carefully blew on what was left.
After that we bought tea for Uncle Yu and nails for the house. Reluctant to turn back, we made one more circuit and stopped at a stall that sold hairpins. Baekha was studying a small wooden hairpin carved with a flower.
"Do you like it?"
"Mm. It's pretty."
When I asked the price, she caught my wrist.
"I was only looking. You've already spent so much fixing the house."
"I have enough for this one."
I paid and held it out, and she set the hairpin on her palm. She traced the flower with a fingertip, then looked at me and smiled.
"Thank you."
I slipped the remaining coins into my pocket.
"So long as you like it."
Baekha tucked the hairpin carefully away and took my hand again.
Out of the market, we sat for a short while by the stream. As the sun declined, the wind grew cool. Baekha watched the water flow, then turned her head toward me.
"Look after Father."
"We eat together. I won't leave him to eat alone."
"Mm. Thank you."
She hesitated.
"Have you been well?"
I almost said I was fine, then stopped.
"I was a little bored."
"How bored?"
"After I ate, there was nothing to do."
Baekha laid her hand over the back of mine. I turned that hand over and held it.
I wanted to ask, once she left again, when she would come back—and whether she could make the wedding day we had already set. But it was hard to bring it all out at once, the first time we had seen each other in so long.
"How many days are you staying this time?"
Baekha looked down at our joined hands.
"I don't know yet."
"Nothing's been decided?"
"Mm. When Master Namhyeon's business is finished, I have to go back with him."
The further she went, the smaller her voice became. I studied her face.
"Is something wrong?"
"......No."
Baekha shook her head, then held my hand a little tighter.
"I don't know how long I can stay, either. I'll tell you as soon as it's decided."
"All right."
I was sorry to hear it myself. Baekha could hardly feel any different. I asked nothing more, and only brushed my thumb lightly across the back of her hand.
We sat a little longer, then got to our feet. The road back was quieter than the one we had come by. With the sun down, the stones underfoot were hard to see, and we slowed our steps.
"Let's go see the house tomorrow."
"Mm. I'll have to check you set the jars properly."
"I put them where you said."
"I'll believe it when I see it."
I laughed and turned to look at her.
By the time we reached the village, it was already dark. Light leaked from house after house, and the children who had been running about in the daytime were nowhere to be seen. Baekha leaned lightly against my arm.
"Today was nice."
"For me, too...."
She walked a little farther, then tugged my hand. When I turned, she looked as if she meant to say something, and closed her mouth.
"What is it?"
"Nothing... t-today......"
She glanced along the road to be sure no one was there, then asked in a small voice.
"Don't you want to......?"
"Want to what?"
For a moment I had no idea what she meant.
But one look at the flush burning across her face, and I understood.
"......"
Far off, the gate of Uncle Yu's house was visible. I took Baekha's hand and walked quickly until we stood before it.
Slip— slip—
Slowly, I undressed Baekha. The folds of cloth that had been covering her fell away onto the bed.
Shame on her face, she turned her eyes aside, covering her chest and what lay below.
I couldn't look away. A body I had only ever drawn in my imagination—and there it was, laid out before my eyes. Before I knew it, saliva was gathering in my mouth.
"......Wh-what are you staring at like that."
"Ah. Sorry."
Baekha hesitated, then ducked her head. And then, in a voice so small I had to strain to hear it, she spoke.
"......Is my body strange?"
"......"
"I... my chest is big, so... when I was little, people teased me......"
It was true. As a child, Baekha had a figure a little different from the others her age, and she was often teased for it.
Every time, I stepped in and put a stop to it......
I thought it quietly. When no answer came, Baekha grew restless, worrying at her lips.
"Really... why won't you say anything, you've been—!"
Just as she was about to raise her voice, I let a single quiet word fall.
"You're beautiful."
Her face redder still, Baekha began to glare at me.
"Idiot...."
"......"
"Dummy. Sea anemone. Pervert...."
She started flinging insults out of nowhere.
Right. This was the Baekha I knew—full of mischief, and cute. To be having strange thoughts about a fiancée like this... I supposed I really was a pervert. And a very peculiar sort of one, at that.
I moved quickly around behind her.
And then......
"Aah!"
Just like that, I pulled her into a tight embrace. I had already been hard for a long while, past the point of holding back, and I parted Baekha's legs at once.
"Is it all right if we start right away......?"
There was no answer, but she fidgeted as if, deep down, she were hoping for it. It was only that we wouldn't be able to see each other properly for a while. From here on, and always after... Baekha was the fiancée I loved.
Slowly... I moved my hands, careful not to startle her.