The Perfect Abstract
Professor Cheon Eun-jeong stared at me blankly for a moment before snapping out of it and hurriedly turning on her tablet PC.
"You sent the email just now?"
"Yes, I just sent it."
Professor Cheon opened her inbox with practiced, swift finger movements.
[Emergency Medicine R1 Han Hyeon-jae] Draft Abstract Submission for Autumn Scientific Conference
Ah, I forgot to change the attachment's file name. It was literally HanHyeonjaeHyeonjaeFinalFinalRealFinalForRealFinal.docx.
In any case, Professor Cheon completely ignored the file name I had poured my soul into. Instead, she repeatedly looked back and forth between the email subject and my face, as if she couldn't believe I had actually written and submitted an abstract in such a ridiculously short amount of time.
"Come over here."
Professor Cheon led me toward a relatively quiet corner of the station.
But a "quiet corner" in an emergency room is a myth. That is an absolute truth. "Relatively quiet" still meant the dead center of a bustling corridor where countless doctors, nurses, patients, and guardians constantly shuffled past.
Given the layout of the ER, the station was located right in the middle of the floor, so even a "quiet spot" here was basically...
And just like that, I became a public spectacle for the entire ER. Haha, look at me, everyone! I'm standing awkwardly in the middle of the emergency room in a hoodie on my day off!
Professor Cheon opened the attached Word document on her tablet screen. And so began the longest, most suffocating paper review of my medical career.
Damn it. I can't breathe. Oh, save me. Please, someone do something about this awkward tension.
I stood beside Professor Cheon, looking like a criminal awaiting sentencing. I honestly had no idea what to do with myself. I couldn't sit down, but I couldn't exactly wander off either.
Ultimately, I settled on the most awkward, polite posture known to mankind. You could say I chose the path of the ultimate Confucian boy. Standing quietly next to a professor in nothing but a hoodie, with my hands clasped politely in front of me... Standing like this, trying to read the room, was incredibly nerve-wracking.
I tried my absolute best to blend into the background like an invisible man. But a first-year resident showing up on his day off in a hoodie, standing frozen solid next to an Emergency Medicine professor, was a massive attention magnet in its own right.
Even the patients and guardians walking past were stealing glances at me. Their eyes pierced my cheeks like daggers. I could practically read their minds:
That young doctor must have messed up big time.
Looks like he's getting chewed out like a dog by the professor. Tsk tsk.
It felt exactly like that.
I didn't cause a medical accident! I'm not getting scolded! She's just checking my homework... Unfortunately, my silent screams reached absolutely no one.
Oblivious to my internal crisis, Professor Cheon remained laser-focused on the screen. Her brow furrowed slightly. Her finger, which had been scrolling down, suddenly paused.
"Huh?"
A low gasp escaped her lips. My shoulders flinched. Did she already find a typo? Or was the content so utterly garbage that she was dumbfounded?
Resting her chin in her hand, Professor Cheon began scanning the screen again. From top to bottom, then from bottom to top.
"Mmm..."
She muttered to herself, pointing her finger at a sentence on the screen. Time ticked by. One minute, two minutes, five minutes. Cold sweat trickled down my spine. When would this hellish torment end?
Finally, she looked up from the tablet and stared at me.
"Hyeon-jae."
"Yes, Professor?"
"Well..." Professor Cheon paused, choosing her words carefully. "To be honest, I thought you wouldn't be able to write it properly, so I was planning to look it over for you during lunch."
"Pardon?"
"I mean... junior residents need to get some conference experience under their belts. Having a poster presentation on your CV is always a nice touch. So usually, when we hand out assignments like this, it's with the mindset of 'just give it a shot and see what happens.' Naturally, I expected you to bring back a total mess. Then, I would tear it apart, rewrite it, and show you, 'See? This is how you write a paper.' I was picturing that kind of... educational scenario."
"I see, Professor."
"But the thing is..."
"Yes?"
With a deep sigh, Professor Cheon spoke. "To be completely honest, the English phrasing... there's nothing to correct."
"What?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There are no grammatical errors, your vocabulary choices are arguably better than mine, and the sentence structure... it reads like a native speaker wrote it."
Looking utterly baffled, she asked, "Did you study abroad by any chance? Or did you live overseas when you were young?"
"No, I'm purely domestic. A homegrown Korean through and through. I probably have kimchi soup running through my veins instead of blood."
"Hmm..." Professor Cheon looked back and forth between the tablet screen and my face once more. I could only stand there, smiling awkwardly.
Phew, ghosts are the best.
"In any case," Professor Cheon sighed deeply, brushing her hair back. "We should really set this as the standard for first and second-year residents when they write their first case reports or papers."
...Excuse me? The standard?
"You know your co-resident Ji-hoon, right? Kim Ji-hoon."
"Yes, I do."
"The one he wrote last time, oh boy... Actually, let's not even go there. He held onto it for over a month, and his writing level was just... I suppose it was typical for a first-year, but still..."
Unable to find the right words, she clicked her tongue. "No, actually, Ji-hoon is the normal one... He's the average, the typical output of an ordinary first-year resident. Sigh..."
Her gaze drifted back to me. "Pardon?" I squeaked.
"No, no. I'm not saying you're abnormal. I mean you did an exceptionally brilliant job."
Professor Cheon quickly tried to smooth things over and shift the awkward mood. "Anyway... Ah! I just had a great idea. From now on, when the other residents write their English manuscripts, I should show them yours as a sample! I'll tell them, 'Look, your peer Dr. Han Hyeon-jae wrote like this!'"
Excuse me?? Mine??
I was horrified. I was already drawing massive heat in the residents' office, being called "the crazy bastard preparing for a double board," "the guy who slices bellies open," and "the guy who pulls teeth."
And now she wanted to add the title of "the obnoxious peer who's even good at writing papers"? Was she trying to turn me into public enemy number one and get me buried alive?
"Haha, I'm just kidding, just kidding." Seeing my face turn pale as a sheet, Professor Cheon laughed cheerfully. "Anyway, you really did a wonderful job... Mmm..."
I asked cautiously, "So, what happens to me now?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I mean... this. The abstract."
"Ah, the abstract?" Professor Cheon replied with a bright smile. "Oh, that? The IRB exemption request was already processed through the system this morning..."
What? That quickly?
My pupils dilated in shock once again. The IRB. That notorious mountain of bureaucracy where a single typo on a document could get it rejected and delayed for weeks, and she had bypassed it with just a few taps of her fingers?
"Yeah. Why?"
As expected. Professors are the best.
Wait, no. She's the one who forced this on me in the first place. Why am I praising her? Is this a "give the disease, then offer the cure" situation?
What was this, that thing where a victim starts sympathizing with their captor... Stockholm syndrome? I tried my best to suppress my chaotic emotions.
"Anyway, I'm submitting it as is, okay?"
"Pardon?"
"I'm submitting it as it is. I'm going to hit the submit button."
"What?" I asked back like an idiot. "You're not going to... proofread or make any edits?"
"There's nothing to edit."
Her expression made it clear that there was absolutely nothing to fix. "If I touch it, it'll just be redundant. It's perfect as it is. Now, go back home and get some rest. Sorry for dragging you in on your day off."
"Ah... yes, ma'am."
"It'll definitely get accepted. The conference might send an official email later, so make sure to check your spam folder just in case."
"Yes, Professor. Thank you."
"Sure~ See you next time~"
Professor Cheon waved and walked away with a light step, almost humming a tune.
I stared blankly down the corridor where she had disappeared. It was over. At least, the entire process of submitting the abstract was completely finished. In just a single day. Is this real life?
I muttered with hollow eyes, I didn't even clock in today. How can I go home...
Letting out a hollow laugh, I opened the gallery app. An abstract that took only a single day to gather data for, and less than thirty minutes to write, had been approved by a professor on the very first try. Even if it was just a poster presentation!
Why is this bastard God of Scalpel so incredibly obnoxious every single time I see him?
Ugh, they're all so annoying. These damn ghosts.
But still, it was over. I took a deep breath of fresh air as I stepped through the hospital's automatic sliding doors.
Ah, so this is what fresh air feels like. It felt like playing hooky back in my school days.
In any case, it had been a hellish twenty-four hours. After surviving all that, I deserved to treat myself.
I walked right past the bus stop and headed toward the main road, waving my hand at an oncoming taxi.
I'm taking a taxi on the way back today too! Muhahaha! Talk about a massive splurge!
Who cares if my paycheck takes a hit?