Time is Brain (3)
The moment the rear doors of the ambulance swung open, a familiar atmosphere welcomed me. A scent blended of disinfectant, blood, and the raw essence of human suffering. Clad in a hoodie and sweatpants, I wheeled the stretcher back into the emergency room. To anyone looking, I was a civilian who had already clocked out—or rather, a neighborhood slacker out for a casual stroll. But the stretcher cart I was guiding, and the elderly woman fighting for her life upon it, proved beyond a doubt that this was no game.
"Dr. Han Hyeon-jae?"
"Wait, didn't he clock out?"
"What's with the sweatpants...?"
My peers and the nurses at the station whispered among themselves as they stared at me. I did my best to ignore their gazes and handed the patient over to Choi Sumin, the third-year resident who had already rushed out after receiving the alert. It had been barely thirty minutes since I left. Fuck me.
"Female patient in her seventies, found on a bus. Onset was forty minutes ago. Clear left-sided hemiparesis and dysarthria. Her vitals are currently stable..."
I delivered the report as quickly and concisely as possible. Only after handing her over to Choi Sumin, the ER resident on duty, did I finally allow myself to breathe. Sumin gave me a thoroughly bewildered look, but she immediately turned her attention back to the patient.
"Got it. Good job, Hyeon-jae. You've really been through the ringer today, so go on and get some rest."
"Yes, sunbae."
I gave a brief reply and stepped back. In an instant, the patient was hooked up to a dizzying array of monitors and IV lines, then wheeled straight toward the CT room to check the state of her brain. Watching her recede into the distance, I quietly made my way toward the ER exit.
Now, my job was truly finished. All I had to do was pull my hood low, erase my presence as much as possible, and slip through those automatic doors. Freedom, my bed, and my hard-earned, goddamn rest lay just beyond that threshold.
Just as I was about to step out, the doors slid open. And there, standing right in front of me, our eyes locked.
Department Chair Park Ung. The head of Emergency Medicine and a living disaster. Why on earth was he here right now?
"Oh! Well, well, is that Dr. Han?"
The chief didn't recognize me at first in my casual clothes, but his eyes soon went wide. I was doomed. Caught red-handed.
"안녕하십니까, 과장님," I greeted him politely.
"Wait, didn't you clock out? What brings you back here in such comfortable attire?"
The chief looked puzzled by my appearance, but then, as if remembering something, he let out a boisterous laugh and slapped me hard on the shoulder.
"Haha! I was just looking into things, and it turns out our Dr. Han did something absolutely magnificent recently! You caught an MI from a sore throat?"
The myocardial infarction patient who had presented with a sore throat. It seemed word of that case had already reached the chief's ears.
"Hahaha! That's beyond atypical—it's practically a mutant case of cases! Wow, for a first-year to catch that! You are one remarkable fellow!"
Calling it a mutant case is a bit of a stretch, Chief... It's actually not that unheard of.
The chief's praise poured down like a waterfall. But none of it registered. I merely kept my head bowed, staring blankly at the floor with hollow eyes.
My mind was occupied by a single, solitary thought.
Ah, fuck. My clock-out.
The chief's cheerful solo recital dragged on for another five minutes. Once he caught wind of the fact that I had just brought in a stroke patient from a bus, he began praising me as if I were the second coming of Christ for the Emergency Medicine department.
Seriously, isn't this something any first-year should be able to do?
I endured the onslaught of compliments with soulless "Thank yous" and mechanical ninety-degree bows. Finally, another professor called out to the chief, releasing me from my purgatory.
"Well then, I shall take my leave."
I practically fled the emergency room.
Finally. It was finally over. Finally... my real clock-out...
I trudged out toward the main road. In the distance, I could see the bus stop. But I couldn't bring myself to take a single step in that direction. Just thinking about what I had experienced inside that metal tin can today gave me goosebumps.
I'm taking a taxi this time, not a bus... Boarding another bus after going through that shit wouldn't make me human; it'd make me an amoeba incapable of learning.
I decided to indulge in a luxury on my way home for the first time in my life. If anyone deserved it today, it was me.
I hailed a cab. The taxi driver glanced at my hollow, exhausted face through the rearview mirror and silently set the car in motion. As I sank into the plush leather seat, the tension finally drained from my body, leaving me feeling incredibly heavy.
Staring blankly into space, I opened the blue window in my mind. It was time to make my final report to the ghosts—my sole avenue of communication, with whom I was starting to feel a strange sense of camaraderie.
Looking at those comments, a faint smile crept onto my face without me even realizing it. Yeah, maybe I actually did alright today.
Basking in a warm glow of satisfaction, I closed the gallery window and tried to catch some shut-eye. The gentle swaying of the taxi felt like a lullaby. I was exhausted. I wanted to forget everything and just fall asleep.
My eyelids grew heavy as lead, and my consciousness was just beginning to drift away when—
Ping!
Against my will, a new gallery notification popped up before my eyes.
My eyes snapped wide open. What? A study session? Now? In here?
All sorts of ghosts began chiming in with sheer excitement. The gentle, praising figures from moments ago vanished without a trace, replaced once more by crazed drill sergeants itching to tear me apart.
I stared blankly at the ceiling of the taxi.
...Ah. Someone save me.
I didn't even have the energy to reply.
"We've arrived."
Before I knew it, the taxi pulled up in front of my familiar studio apartment building. I stumbled out of the cab, feeling utterly tattered.
"Drive safely, sir," I mumbled.
The taxi vanished into the night without a hint of lingering. I stood alone on the empty street.
Phew. It was finally over. For real this time. Once I opened that door and stepped inside, my own space and my own bed would be waiting for me.
Squeezing out the very last drops of my strength, I walked toward the entrance of the building. I took the elevator and pressed the button for my floor.
With a soft chime, the elevator doors opened, and I stood before my front door. Before punching in the passcode, I habitually reached into my pocket. I was looking for my little companion, the one that would block out all the noise of the world and grant me some pure, solitary time.
...Wait a minute. Fuck.
The hard, smooth plastic case that should have been resting against my fingertips was nowhere to be found. I searched the other pocket. Nothing. Not in my hoodie pockets, nor in my back pockets.
In that instant, a flash of the taxi's backseat crossed my mind.
My wireless earbuds. I had left them behind.
I didn't even have the energy to call the driver or chase after the cab. Nothing goes right, goddammit. What was the point of saving a stroke patient? In reality, I was just a pathetic loser who couldn't even keep track of his own earbuds on the way home.
I completely gave up. Ignoring the ghosts who were still chattering away noisily, I unlocked the door.
Shut up. Please, just shut up.
I slipped off my shoes and stepped into the dark apartment. I didn't have the energy to turn on the lights, let alone change my clothes. I had only one goal: my bed.
I stumbled toward the bedroom. Meanwhile, the ghosts had moved on to debating emergency treatment for burn patients.
Letting all their chatter wash over me like white noise, I threw myself onto my sole sanctuary.