A Place the Heart Calls Home
Once I passed through the front gate of the Orphanage, familiar faces came into view. Maybe this was the last remaining link to my previous world. Was this what coming home was supposed to feel like? Body and mind both settled into a quiet calm.
I exchanged greetings with the kids running around the yard. Gender-Reversed World or not, these little ones hadn't changed a bit. Cute brats.
I said hello to the staff I passed on my way up to the director's office. It wasn't that large a building, but with staff, children, and volunteers all milling about, the place had a bustling energy to it. A few of the volunteers startled at the sight of my face; some of them even looked uneasy.
Damn it. I grew up here, for crying out loud. I couldn't even get mad at them for not knowing. When was I going to get used to reactions like that? ...Well, it would work itself out somehow.
I opened the door to the director's office and found a middle-aged woman whose face spoke of a hard-lived life. The Director. To me, she was as good as a parent.
"Yuhan, you're here? Have a seat and wait just a moment, would you?"
I didn't think landing in the Gender-Reversed World was a bad thing. It had brought a massive change to a life that hadn't amounted to much. Even so, the feeling that I was the only one who was different in this world — that I alone was a stranger here — didn't sit well with me. Who could possibly understand what it felt like to become a person cut off from the world itself?
But here, in this place, I never felt that way. I was at ease. Steady.
My conversation with the Director wasn't particularly long. I would have liked to talk more, but she seemed busy, and honestly it had only been a week since I'd last seen her, so there wasn't much new to catch up on. It wasn't as if I could tell her I'd arrived from a Gender-Reversed World. As for starting a livestream... considering how the viewers had reacted when I spilled water on my clothes yesterday, it was probably better not to mention that just yet.
Anyway. What I did here was always the same. I played with the little ones, and with the older kids I offered a bit of counseling — how was school going, that sort of thing.
Playing house with the little kids left me with a complicated feeling. A Geum Taeyang crashing a make-believe of a happy family... Hearing the boys talk about makeup, or watching the girls blush when they looked at me, felt a little strange. Then again, that was the Gender-Reversed World for you. They were all still little, so it was just cute.
After wandering around meeting the kids for a good while, I found myself at the back of the orphanage. Volunteers were hanging laundry. Quite a few of the volunteers I'd run into around the grounds had been familiar faces, but the people here were all strangers.
There were four of them. Two men sat resting on a nearby bench while two women kept hanging the wash. Volunteers slacked off now and then, sure, but I figured that was fair enough. As long as they got the work done. Besides, who was to say those two on the bench hadn't been working hard until a moment ago? Whether they were resting or not wasn't any of my business.
I headed over. There was no harm in getting friendly with the volunteers, and a few people I'd gotten close to had kept coming back to help, so I figured I might as well make some new acquaintances.
"Hello. Looks like you've been working hard."
I said it with a smile. For once, that subway-style speech didn't come out. I still couldn't get used to these inexplicable shifts, but hey — as long as I'd said it properly this time. It did feel like only one corner of my mouth had gone up, but that was probably just my imagination.
The two on the bench looked startled. They looked like they'd seen something terrifying. Had they mistaken me for staff? Even if a staff member showed up, what was there to be scared of?
I waved a hand as if to say it was fine.
"Let me give you a hand. I don't think we've met before?"
"Ah... hello. Are you, um, staff...?"
"Heh... who knows? Am I staff?"
I answered vaguely, naturally picking laundry from the basket and hanging it. A light joke was the best way to loosen the atmosphere. Maybe it was because I'd come closer, but one of the female volunteers' faces went red.
"I actually grew up here. I come by every Sunday to help out a bit. First time for you, I'm guessing?"
"Y-yes! For volunteer hours..."
"Heh... yeah. A lot of people come for that."
We hung clothes together, making ordinary small talk. Working side by side like this, the awkwardness melted away fast. She did seem to stammer a little whenever she looked at me, though.
Birds chirped overhead. The noon sun shone on the clothes strung along the line. It was the kind of weather that could have been a little hot, but with water splashed on my clothes, it felt cool instead.
A peaceful Sunday afternoon. For no particular reason, my mood lifted. I smiled and hummed to myself.
Women compete over men.
How much effort did a woman have to pour in just to date a single man? Unfair as it was, that was simply how things were.
Noona, want to go volunteer with me this weekend?
A guy and a girl who were still in that undefined, almost-dating stage going to volunteer together — that was a good sign, wasn't it? Wasn't this how a crush turned into something more?
Of course... I'd been pretty disappointed when I found out it wouldn't just be the two of us, that two other friends were coming along... And I'd been pretty disappointed when he dumped all the work on the two of us women and just sat there resting...
Yeah. This is what a relationship between a man and a woman is like!
No.
This is what I thought a relationship between a man and a woman was like.
Until I saw Yuhan.
When he smiled and spoke to me, my mind went completely blank. No — the only thought that came was that I needed to keep my libido in check. That seductive face, that decadent air, a body so well-built it showed through his white T-shirt in a way that could only be called beautiful. And if that had been all, maybe I could have managed — but then he smiled with his eyes, that sly little smirk, and not falling for it would have been the strange thing.
Vulgar as it sounds... just looking at his face made me feel like I might get wet.
The friend hanging laundry with me had already fallen in and couldn't pull herself together. Naturally, Yuhan and I ended up talking about all sorts of things. I could feel a gaze flying over from the bench, but... so what if I had a guy I was seeing? People talk to men in the course of living their lives. This wasn't cheating on my crush — it was perfectly healthy social interaction and communication.
But... if we'd been doing something that took real effort, maybe it would have been different. On a day this peaceful, in weather this bright, a man and a woman hanging laundry while chatting comfortably...
Didn't it look almost like... a married couple?
Having a fantasy like that about someone I'd met today for the first time — the self-loathing came on strong. How far was this going to go? Get a grip. Talking with Yuhan, I'd found that even if his face turned scary now and then, he was actually a genuinely gentle, good person. So what the hell was I doing?
I glanced to the side and saw Yuhan wearing the clearest, brightest smile. Those sharp eyes had softened into a gentle curve, and his irises caught the sunlight and shone. His humming drifted over on the breeze.
Honestly, I might fall for him. Would I ever meet a man like this again?
No. I already had him! The first crush I'd made since starting college!
I steeled myself. I wasn't the type to fall this fast. It was just that Yuhan was handsome. Women were a species that lost their minds the moment they saw a good-looking man. I'd just had a bad thought for a second. That was all.
...Then why had my gaze drifted slightly downward? I shouldn't have done that.
Yuhan's chest was damp with water from the laundry.
No, that was cheating. That was just too much.
"Huh?! Your nose is bleeding?!"
Yuhan grabbed my face with a startled look. That worried expression was for me. His chest filled my vision, right in front of my nose. I think my nosebleed got worse.
Ah. I don't even know anymore.
I'm just... so happy.
He said he comes every Sunday, didn't he.
...Next week, I'm coming alone.
What was that about. Had she been feeling unwell?
I thought back to the woman sitting on the bench, resting after her nosebleed. To look that happy even with blood running from her nose — she was a pretty strange person. They say you should choose your friends carefully... maybe I'd misread her. Smiling while bleeding was a little scary, honestly.
I was on my way home after working later than usual. I'd put in a full day, but honestly I still felt a strong pang of regret at leaving. This week had been so eventful that maybe I was just craving a place that could settle my heart even more than usual.
But I couldn't keep chasing comfort forever. Hadn't I just found a new goal — making my livestream a success? Time to go back. I had tomorrow's stream to prepare for, didn't I?
The subway home was relatively empty. Men in this world, I'd been told, sat with their legs pressed tightly together on the train. Apparently it was because spreading your legs might let the silhouette of "that" show through... honestly, until now, I hadn't understood it.
But after riding the subway this morning and again this evening, I was starting to get it.
I looked down at my "that."
Dick · Age 23 · Virgin
I'd been confident my other self was at least above the Korean male average. Becoming a Geum Taeyang had changed that, too. It was probably in the top one percent of Korean men now. I still jumped every time I took a shower.
Becoming a Geum Taeyang had changed my whole frame, so my pants already felt a little tight — and now that I'd grown a monster down there, there was a ridge showing through the fabric... Yeah, that's a filthy way of putting it.
I was sitting as demurely as a man of the Gender-Reversed World was supposed to, and I could still feel glances flicking my way. Other people's eyes were easier to sense than I'd expected. Had my intuition just gotten sharper?
Yeah. I think I've hit my limit.
Geum Taeyang instinct had been screaming at me for a while now to spread my legs and sit comfortably. Instinct aside, I hadn't been the type to sit with my knees together in the first place, had I? As long as I wasn't doing a full manspread, sitting reasonably was fine.
Honestly, even running it through the Reverse Filter, sitting with my legs squeezed together didn't make much sense. Unless you were packing something on my level, how much was even going to show? It felt different from spreading your legs in a skirt, anyway. I didn't get it. And I didn't want to care anymore.
The sense of liberation when I spread my legs. This was what made life worth living.
The gazes got stronger than before. There weren't even that many people in the car, but the few women who were there kept sneaking glances at me. Honestly... if I met their eyes dead-on and glared, they'd drop their gaze in an instant — only to look again a moment later.
I still had thirty minutes to go... Fine. Looking doesn't wear it out. Stare all you want. I'm going to sleep.
If they were going to drop me in a Gender-Reversed World, I ought to be able to handle at least this much.
The evening of my one-week anniversary in the Gender-Reversed World. I drifted into a light sleep, turning over tomorrow's stream in my mind. Falling asleep without worrying about anyone else's eyes felt strangely comfortable.