Sharing a Bed (2)
Maybe it was because summer was getting close.
Or maybe there was some scientific fact I just didn't know.
Or, failing that... maybe it simply hadn't been that long since Yuhan had used it?
When you shower with hot water and the bathroom fills with steam, you can switch on the exhaust fan and clear most of it out. Whether he forgot or just didn't know, Yuhan had walked straight out of a bathroom overflowing with warm humidity—which was why I was now standing inside one still packed with his heat.
While I'd been next to him just now, that familiar scent—different from this morning—had kept drifting over, and pretending I didn't notice had already been hard enough. Now that same scent clung to the damp air wrapping around me. Covering me. Even the slightest inhale and it came rushing in like mad.
Damn it. Was I just sexually frustrated?
That didn't feel quite right, though...
Before. Back when Junhyuk had been constantly coming in and out of my house. That was when I'd properly understood what sexual frustration felt like. I'd never been the type with a particularly high sex drive for a woman, so it had never really been a problem before then. But "not high for a woman" wasn't the same as "none at all." You couldn't exactly masturbate with your boyfriend in the house, and we hadn't been the kind of couple that moved things along quickly. Holding it in back then had been pretty hard. Not unbearable—but it had been a pain.
Anyway, judging my current state, this was clearly a completely different feeling from that. It wasn't the misery of not being able to get off. It was like filthy desire exploding up from inside my heart.
If sexual desire was something that simply happened to a woman whether she wanted it or not—this... this was excitement my own heart was actively pushing through. Desires I'd never even imagined in my entire life, surging in like a tidal wave.
That towel sitting at the very top of the used-towel basket, the only one that was wet. The shower puff still carrying the last person's use. Every droplet scattered across the tub. The glittering gold hair visible in the drain. All of it reminding me that I'd changed a little from who I used to be.
Fuck. Fucking hell. You horny bitch. Why is your hand going down. Why did you even pick that towel up.
You think I'm going to lose to something as cheap as lust no matter the situation? I've lived with the pride of being one of Korea's elites. I don't want to lose to a pathetic urge like this. I can't. This is something I can deal with later, when I'm alone.
Calm down. Please.
Deep breath. A little water on my face and I'll snap out of it.
Hoo—
Why did this even start all of a sudden. It's been happening out of nowhere for a while now, and I can see it getting worse. It's definitely a stress problem. I started acting weird around the time I took a break from streaming. If I can just work the stress out somehow, everything will be fine.
What did I used to do to relieve stress... wait, have I even ever been this stressed before? Something fun. That should be enough, right? So what did I enjoy the most? Streaming and games are everyday things, and besides those I don't really have hobbies.
When I hung out with Junhyuk? Is that it? Yeah. We fought over a difference of opinion not long ago, but Yuhan said arguments between lovers are common, and Junhyuk is the person I've been closest to for the longest time. Eighteen years. He used to live in the apartment below us when we were kids. The kind of friend I was always stuck to. I'll get in touch with him sometime tomorrow. Taking a day off streaming isn't a big deal, right? Yuhan said that much would be fine.
Come to think of it, how was today? Laughing and talking nonstop. Finding weird little things we both liked and chatting about them. Eating the delicious food Yuhan made. Having a cozy conversation with him after his shower.
Was it fun?
No. If it had been fun—if it had actually relieved my stress—this situation wouldn't have happened...!
When I was with Yuhan, I wasn't having fun.
That's probably it.
...Probably.
Why is she acting like that all of a sudden?
She walked into the bedroom with this grim, determined look, saw me, then went flustered and started fussing. Was it because I'd been hugging her pillow? This was the most comfortable bed I'd ever been in, so I'd just done it without thinking. I'd already washed, so it wasn't like I was dirty.
Hmm. Was she just thrown off by the fact of sharing a bed with another guy? That didn't track—we'd already settled that earlier. She'd nodded and gone to the bathroom, so I'd taken that as a yes. Plus this bed. I didn't know if she'd bought it intending to sleep with her boyfriend, but it was pretty huge. If we kept a reasonable distance, it didn't even look like we'd touch.
I didn't really know. What was done was done, and if it was hard to undo, I'd already decided I'd just roll with it. If I went out to the sofa trying to reverse this... I'd probably have to give up on sleeping tonight. We'd just start another debate over who had to take the couch.
Anyway, I was exhausted and I just wanted to sleep. If I didn't react, that was a win for me. Leaving the homeowner behind and falling asleep first felt rude, so I'd stayed awake this long, but I was done.
"Haaawn... Come on in. You must be tired too."
When I said that, Ari turned off the bedroom light and shuffled over, looking awkward. Of all the women I'd seen in this gender-reversed world, Ari felt the most like the women from my old one. Not that I'd seen that many women in this world, though.
"Come in a little farther."
"This is enough..."
"What if you fall off?"
"Then I fall off... This is fine for me."
Aigoo. Have you ever seen a more frustrating woman. Does she actually get treated like a pushover out there? I thought she had a sharp, no-nonsense personality. Is she just someone who can't stop yielding? Some kind of good-girl syndrome?
"Do you... do this outside too?"
"D-do what?!"
"Just giving in for no reason."
"...With Junhyuk I..."
"Huh?!"
Because I was the one who actually accepted her kindness and was grateful for it. Other people might try to take advantage of that kind of goodwill, so be careful out there—that was what I meant. The word choice might have been a little off, but she was smart. She probably got it.
I squeezed out the last of my strength and pulled her arm toward me. Ari, who'd been lying facing the wall, was drawn in by my arm. She rolled halfway over, and her eyes met mine.
"I really am grateful. You don't have to go that far, though."
"Uh... that's..."
"Pffh... Good night, Ari. Sweet dreams."
With that, I rolled over the other way. Even so, sleeping face-to-face would clearly be bad for my mental health...
Well. A fun day ended as fatigue pulled my eyelids shut.
I woke to the faint cry of a bird, farther away than usual. Sunlight the blackout curtains couldn't fully block was scattering a faint glow through the room.
Haaawn—
I yawned at the leftover drowsiness and rolled my eyes to a ceiling I'd never seen before. While I was still groggy and trying to figure it out, a voice from beside me gave me the answer.
"Yuhan... did you sleep well?"
"...Ah, yeah. Slept great, thanks to you."
But when I rubbed my eyes and turned, there was a corpse lying next to me.
What. What's wrong with her?
"You didn't sleep?!"
"A little. I slept a little. For some reason my mind was just... clear even at night..."
"Did I snore?"
"No! It wasn't that!"
She looked pretty rough... Honestly the only possible cause was me, so my conscience kept needling me into pressing her, but she insisted over and over it wasn't my fault. She said she'd slept a little, but that was unmistakably the face of someone who'd pulled an all-nighter.
Wasn't she going to drive me home. Well, I could go by myself; it wasn't a huge deal. Wait. I didn't have any money right now either.
"Uh... Ari."
"Mm?"
A voice dripping with exhaustion. You could feel how full of fatigue it was.
"You can't drive like that, can you?"
"...Ah."
She seemed embarrassed by the situation herself, going silent and just flushing red.
Hmm. I ran through every possibility, and borrowing money for the bus looked like the better option. We'd only known each other how long, and I was already borrowing money. It was a little bitter, but it couldn't be helped. Staying here until she woke up enough to drive me would be weird too, after I'd already slept over.
Anyway, when I brought it up, Ari kept insisting she should take me, but my firm refusal finally made her give in. You're going to drowsy-drive? Absolutely not. We spent a fair amount of time arguing over something this obvious. By then Ari's face looked like she was actually dying. That was definitely an all-nighter.
"Pffh! Do you even know what your face looks like right now? Don't wait for me to leave—just go to sleep."
"I can at least walk you to the front door..."
"Absolutely not. If you follow me, I'm never going home."
"What kind of..."
Ari kept trying to get out of bed looking like a zombie. I gently pressed her forehead with my hand and laid her back down. Then I slid that same hand down and covered her eyes.
"Go to sleep."
I already knew where the wallet was, and I'd checked where the clothes were, so I could just change and go. There was nothing left for Ari to help with. She just needed to sleep. She kept making weird noises, probably embarrassed by how this looked. Soon a regular breathing filled the room.
Mm. Good. There was actually another reason I'd wanted her asleep.
I quietly closed the bedroom door, went to the kitchen, and yesterday's dishes were still sitting there. I'd been the one who'd insisted on cooking instead of delivery. I couldn't leave the cleanup to Ari too. And crashing at someone else's place and then leaving the host with the mess looked bad. I still had a conscience, thank you very much.
I put on the rubber gloves and remembered how much Ari had enjoyed my cooking yesterday. By the time she woke up it'd be past lunch, and cooking for yourself was such a pain. While I'd been prepping dinner yesterday, I'd seen enough in the fridge to make a serving of fried rice. It might have been overdoing it, but it wasn't hard and it wasn't a bad thing.
...For some reason I thought of that old folktale about the snail bride who secretly does all the housework.
Damn. Whatever. Sometimes you just have to go for it! It's not like I'm committing a crime! The saying that what's good is good has always been true, and it'll be true today too.
Probably.
Cooking. Dishes. Folding the clothes I'd borrowed neatly. Then heading home along the bus route I'd looked up in advance.
Man. Once I got home it felt like I hadn't even done that much, but my body was weirdly tired. Still, just sitting around doing nothing felt off.
Analyzing other streamers' broadcasts. Something I did pretty much every day, and it didn't take much effort. Right now, that was the perfect job.
The moment I finished that thought, I sat in the chair and stared at the monitor for a long time. I think my phone was buzzing like crazy in the middle of it.
Not sure.